15: How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself

True freedom is fulfilling and it is not about getting whatever you want. Freedom is about being fully and authentically self-expressed. Often our identities are created based on how others define us and not who we truly are. We may become imprisoned by other people’s opinions.

When we have been suppressed or restricted, we do not feel free and may rebel with self-sabotaging behavior. This may lead to reactive and unnecessary risks that do not serve us.  Some risks, however, are intuitive and proactive. These types of risk can lead us to necessary growth.

Today’s caller, Jessica, doesn’t understand why she isn’t doing the things she should be doing. She relies on other people’s expectations and judgments and doesn’t feel worthy or deserving of her dreams.

She is dealing with issues of her own self-worth while trying to live up to society’s outcome addicted focus.

When we realize it is all about truth and love, we bring ourselves into alignment with our core values. It is then we can appreciate that our raw, authentic self is absolutely perfect.

* Can you list the top 5 core values that are the compass for your life? You should be clear about what they are. If you need help, the process to find them is detailed in my book, Expectation Hangover.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you engaging in any rebellious or sabotaging behavior?
• Do you start to freak out when you get what you want?
• Do you feel free or suppressed and constricted?
• Have you taken risks in life or do you play it safe?
• Do you know what you should be doing, but take actions contrary to your goal?

Jessica’s Question:

Jessica wants to know why she makes the “wrong” decisions when she knows what the right decision should be, and why she sabotages herself while trying to attain her goals.

Jessica’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

• She has a war going on in her brain
• She grew up with very strict rules
• She doesn’t take risks
• She doesn’t feel free
• She always did the right thing even if she didn’t want to
• She has difficulty breaking away from her ex-husband’s criticism
• She wants to set a good example for her son

How to get over it and on with it:

• Find a way for your inner rebel to be satiated
• Give yourself permission to go after what you want
• Acknowledge who you are apart from what you’ve been told
• Stop carrying around old stories
• Honor your heartfelt desires

Tools and Takeaways:

• Write about your inner rebel
  • Describe your inner rebel
  • How does it act?
  • What behaviors does it engage in?
• Write your definition of freedom
• Write down ways you may be restricting yourself
• Write down ways you could be authentically self-expressed
• What is one tangible action step you can take toward being more authentically self-expressed?

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover 

The Big Leap

@christinhassler