40: Healing Shame and Knowing You Are Lovable - No Matter What

This episode is about liberating yourself from any kind of shame and the secrets and judgments that go along with it. When we feel ashamed of something we keep it in the dark and that is why shame is so toxic because it leads to keeping things hidden, keeping things where they are tainted by judgment. Shame often stands as the guard at the gate to vulnerability. The incredible, painful feeling of shame is based on the misunderstanding of a perceived flaw that we believe must stay hidden. The way to get through shame is by stepping into vulnerability and revealing what we are terrified of being found out for. We all want to know that we are loved even if we have these dark, scary, shameful feelings and thoughts. Today’s caller Sara is taking a huge step toward vulnerability. Sara displays remarkable courage by sharing her secret so openly. I sense a lot of you will relate to having secrets or things you are ashamed of or like Sara, an STD that you feel taints you in some way.  To heal shame, we not only have to do our inner work  but we must also have the courage to bring what we judge as dark or tainted into the light to talk about it. We don’t have to shout out what we are ashamed of from the rooftops, but it’s important that we do not live with secrets. Being raw and real in front of others is an important part of healing any expectation hangover. We cannot talk ourselves out of trauma and shame. We have to feel our way through it. We have to go back to those inner places that got hurt, with compassion and the willingness to feel the feelings we never really got to feel. It’s an important part of the healing process. We can’t get #overitandonwithit by just thinking about it. We have to go back and treat the wound. The more you heal core wounds, bring shame into the light, forgive and reframe how you see yourself, the more you will shift in how you are seen. The universe brings things into our awareness to help us heal not to punish us. If we can reframe how we look at them even the terrible things can be blessings. Listen in and be part of the conversation that breaks down shame. And, I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. I also invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail [e-mail] for information on how to join any of my events or business programs.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you carrying around a secret? Do you have an STD, an illness or situation that negatively impacts your dating life? If you are experiencing shame, are you ready and willing to be vulnerable?  Are you harboring anger or resentment against anyone or anything which is preventing you from feeling the liberation and love that is your essence?    Sara's Question: Sara is having difficulty finding her self-worth in relationships when they begin to get intimate.   Sara's Key Insights and Aha’s: The more judgment she places on herself will lead to judgment from others She tries to overcompensate in other areas of her life Her masculine and feminine energies may be out of balance She is bringing her shame into the light by sharing She attracts the kind of love she reveals She can be compassionate with herself and love herself unconditionally   How to get over it and on with it: Realize she is not damaged goods and she is not tainted She should do some forgiveness work around her mistrust Be mindful of the story she tells herself about having an STD She can go back to her 24-year-old self and provide her solace If she heals herself on the spiritual level it can help her on the physical level Have a ‘cut the cord’ ceremony to release her anger towards the other person   Reminders and Takeaways: Vulnerability - What secrets do you have that you have kept in the dark that need to be brought into the light? If you do have herpes or a different STD, find people to talk to about it so you don’t feel alone. Do emotional work for yourself. Write a letter to your younger self who dealt with the things which make you feel shameful. If you are carrying around a secret and have no one to talk to about it, find a professional or a support group to talk to. Don’t keep it inside. Look at where you are compensating because of something you judge about yourself.    Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.   Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [e-mail] [e-mail]