Insecurity can be painful and it blinds us from seeing who we truly are. We are not born insecure, we become that way. It’s a feeling we have based on the beliefs we accumulate when people are critical of us or we feel judged in some way. The problem is, we live in a world where most people are pretty hard on themselves and it leaks into people being hard on other people. People who have snapped at you or criticized you aren’t bad people, they are probably just very critical of themselves.
The bottom line is when we are able to clean out our insides we act differently on the outside. Confidence doesn’t necessarily come from doing things, it’s more about coming into self-acceptance by dropping our internal critical voice and truly liking ourselves just as we are right now. You don’t have to be perfect before you can accept yourself and you cannot make your self-love conditional. You are the one person you need unconditional love from.
Today’s caller Lily is taking a huge step toward building her confidence. Her father has been critical of her and his critical voice became her internal critical voice. She paired his criticism up with his love and now she thinks the way to get love is to criticize herself.
Often, the things we think are protecting us are the things that cause us the most suffering. So much about building confidence is about what you stop doing rather than what you start doing. Take a learning-oriented approach to life. Look at what you are attracting without self-blame or thinking you did something wrong. Things are not your fault. They are there to help you stop the voice of judgment and your internal critic.
Coach's Tip - Getting over self-criticism is liberating. It is a very important part of being a coach, a light worker or just a loving human being. When we are confident about who we are and we are showing up with our hearts open in full authenticity and when the voice of the inner critic is silenced by our unconditional love, our hearts become open to others and we show up as a more confident and more loving person.
The more you accept yourself from where you are right now, the more you can approach growth and change and evolution from a place of love rather than from a place of judgment. Remember, whatever we can do for another we can do for ourselves.
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Lily is having a hard time believing in herself and finding her own value.
Lily's Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Assignments and Takeaways:
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