Anger. We all feel it at some point or another. It's a natural human emotion and expression. However the way we deal with our anger often is very unnatural. We suppress it, numb it, try to escape it or let it consume us so much so that it can make us sick and/or ruin our relationships. In this episode I talk about how to release anger in a healthy way and walk you through the process of writing an f*** you letter.
This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s caller, Matthew, has childhood trauma that is affecting his adult behaviors. He wants to continue his relationship with Jade but struggles with self-worth and trust. This is the second of three conversations. In next week’s call, Christine speaks with Matthew and Jade during the couple’s session. Listen to Part One with Jade.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode408]
Most of the time people don’t act out intentionally to hurt other people, they’re acting out because they’re asking for help, even if it doesn’t seem like it. When we have chronic trauma it is very hard for us to be aware of how it is affecting our behavior.
When we look at behavior, especially something like unfaithfulness or cheating, if we just look at the behavior we can get angry. Angry at ourselves and angry at the person. We may call it unforgivable, and maybe it is. But when we look at what is underneath the behavior, what’s really driving the behavior, it can give us a different perspective and move us into compassion and ultimately forgiveness.
Compassion and forgiveness offer hope that a relationship can be healed.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. Apply by July 10th to get the early bird discount.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you struggle with self-worth issues?
Have you ever been unfaithful or have you been in a relationship where someone has betrayed you, lied to you, or been unfaithful to you?
Did you grow up in a home where there was abuse and chaos and you never really felt worthy or loved or safe?
Are you on a personal discovery journey and you’re clear that you’re changing things but the people around you may not believe you and that can be frustrating?
Matthew’s Question:
Matthew struggles with self-worth and trust issues. He would like guidance on how to find internal validation and create a safe space for Jade.
Matthew’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He lied, manipulated, and cheated during the relationship but, that’s not who he wants to be.
He feels Jade is having trouble trusting him again.
He has trouble trusting Jade.
He wants to heal his past traumas.
He wants to feel loved, cared for, trusted, and secure in his relationship.
He feels his needs can be met.
He is on a self-discovery journey.
He has always felt he was insignificant and had to fight for love.
He has witnessed infidelity and abuse in his life.
He is working on forgiving himself.
He seeks external validation, mostly from women.
He is seeking out ways to bring joy into his life.
He is becoming aware of the energy he shares with women.
He has an anxious attachment style in his relationships.
He is in awe of who Jade is and sees potential in their relationship.
He loves Jade but he feels he is under attack.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Find ways to feel expressed, worthy, and validated.
Discover what being a man means to him.
Talk to an outside resource about his childhood wounding.
Breathe deeply to calm himself when he feels defensive.
Have compassion for himself and the things he feels shame about.
Assignment:
Write out the agreements he needs to make in the new version of this relationship.
Write down the needs he would like to have met in a relationship.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Dr. Will Cole, health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow, top functional medicine practitioner, and New York Times bestselling author has dedicated his career to teaching people to apply skepticism to nutritional trends and instead, pay closer attention to their own intuition.
His new book, GUT FEELINGS, demystifies the gut-brain connection and provides a framework to repair the relationship between what you eat and how you feel.
After over a decade as a functional medicine expert, Dr. Cole discerned that shame can cause gut inflammation and sabotage wellness through what he’s named “Shameflammation.” When you send signals to your brain that you are overwhelmed, overworked, or overtired, your body reacts. Shameflammation can be the cause of chronic health conditions such as autoimmune disorders, depression, IBS, and more.
This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s caller, Jade, has recently been brought back together with someone she loves but whom she left because he betrayed her. This session is the first of three conversations. In next week’s call, Christine speaks with Jade’s partner.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode407]
When we are betrayed and we are cheated on, of course, we feel anger and hurt, it was an awful thing to have happened, and we get to be mad and angry at the other person. But if we hold on to those things for too long then we’re the ones who continue to hurt ourselves.
For many people, infidelity or any kind of betrayal is a deal breaker and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes there are so many other things leading up to the betrayal or infidelity that, of course, do not excuse it, but also contribute to why there might be an opening for forgiveness and an opportunity to rebuild the relationship from a fresh start. When it comes to infidelity or betrayal, it’s not a black-and-white topic.
Forgiveness is a process; it doesn’t happen overnight and it is not something we can do just with our mind. We need to do it with our hearts and our somatic body. We need to move through those emotions of anger, sadness, hurt, and shame to get to a place of — “How do I really feel about this situation, and is my heart open to repair?”
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or have you been cheated on?
What do you define as betrayal?
Have you gotten clear inside your mind, inside your heart, and with your partner on what is a betrayal and what the agreements are in your relationship?
If you have let someone back into your life after betrayal, have you been able to trust again or have you always been looking over your shoulder?
Have you always lived with a sense of really not getting your needs met?
Jade’s Question:
Jade is having trouble navigating trust in a rekindled relationship that ended through betrayal and infidelity. She would like guidance on how to move past the betrayal to build a new relationship.
Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas:
After one year, her relationship ended with betrayal.
Both she and her partner are doing work to rekindle the relationship.
She is doing inner work to recognize when she is triggered.
She loves her partner and recognizes the humanness in the betrayal.
She fears self-betrayal by letting him back into her life.
She knows letting him back into her life will be challenging.
She doesn’t know if she can ever trust him again.
There was dishonesty in her past relationships.
She felt not enough in her childhood home and didn’t feel safe.
Her mother did not validate or reassure her.
She hasn’t felt safe in her relationships.
She is hyper-vigilant.
She is leaning into the discomfort of the situation.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Put prevention plans and agreements in place to start with a blank slate to create safety for herself in the relationship.
Know that whatever happens, she is going to be okay.
Find a place to process her feelings with someone else besides her partner.
Do not worry about other people’s guilt and shame.
Release her fear and regulate her nervous system.
Assignment:
Write about trust and what it means to her.
Write out the agreements that need to be made to move forward in the relationship.
Sponsor:
Sensate — is an infrasound resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Jenny Eversole is the founder of Stylespace.com a virtual styling platform to elevate your style with expert stylists. After nearly a decade running her own fashion label, she learned how personal style can make a big difference in one's confidence, happiness and overall success. Jenny founded Style Space for people to discover their best style and to look, feel, and BE their best.
This call is about setting boundaries and taking care of your own needs. Today’s caller, Caitlyn, has an expectation hangover about her engagement planning process. She is excited about her wedding, but her family and friends don’t seem to be. We cover a lot of ground and we go really deep in this episode.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode406]
Being a caretaker can be a survival skill. Survival needs can be the need to feel loved, valued, and like we belong. When one of our patterns is tied to those needs, it can be hard to release. Consciously, we may know it’s not healthy for us to be a caretaker and that we should set boundaries but unconsciously, there may be a part of us that wonders who will love us and how we will fit into your family if we stop caretaking others.
When our bodies are working hard to hold all of our suppressed emotions together it needs another outlet for release. Our third chakra, our energy center, is tied to personal empowerment. If we don’t have boundaries and allow other people to suck our energy, things will shift within the body to compensate. We can manifest a physical ailment when keeping emotional issues bottled up or by not feeling empowered.
Join in for the live group coaching call on June 22, 2003, at 5 pm PST / 8 pm EST on self-love. It’s only $20 and you will get live access or if you can’t make it live, it will be recorded and mailed to you so you can listen at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to save your seat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there a current expectation hangover upsetting you and reminding you of something that happened in the past?
Do you relate to being a caretaker in your life? Are you afraid to stop taking care of others because you fear losing love or validation?
Is it challenging for you to set boundaries? Do you say yes to things when you really mean no?
Do you over-compromise and sacrifice your own needs because it is easier than upsetting people?
Is there a prolonged physical condition you are dealing with that cannot be resolved?
Caitlyn’s Question:
Caitlyn wants to know why she is having so many expectation hangovers while she is planning her wedding.
Caitlyn’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She wants more support from friends and family about her wedding.
She is trying to get out of the caretaker role in her family.
She has always been a planner.
She feels tired, disappointed, and hurt during the wedding planning process.
She stepped into the caretaker role in her family as a teenager.
She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at thirteen.
She taught people how to treat her.
She is manifesting her physical condition.
She gives away her power by always taking care of others.
She puts herself last.
Emotions were not expressed in her family.
Her sister is also planning a wedding.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Put herself first and not worry about other people’s upset.
Allow herself to feel her emotions.
Connect and talk to her younger self.
Say thank you to her illness for sending her a message.
Start writing from her heart with release writing.
Have self-compassion and know it is okay to be seen.
Talk to her sister about the things that matter to her.
Forgive herself for buying into the understanding that being a caretaker is a way to get love.
Takeaways:
If you are dealing with any type of expectation hangover, go back in time and ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?”
Do the “empty chair” process at home.
Let things go through journaling and release writing.
Set and stand by your boundaries with people and let them be upset.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about leaning into femininity and recognizing self-worth. Today’s caller, Lana, has childhood wounding that makes her wish she looked a different way. She would like guidance on how to be more feminine, have a healthier body image, and stop feeling jealous.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode405]
Many women have mothers who did not have a healthy body image. And, often as children, we take that on. But, there is so much more than how we look. If we focus on how we look and compare ourselves to other people, we miss out on the incredible gifts that we are here to enjoy in this lifetime.
We are constantly being programmed with what is “beautiful.” We all have different ways in which the feminine expresses through us. It is essential for us to change the way society frames beauty for the future, for women, and for little girls. It is changing, but we have a long way to go.
And, jealousy is a waste of energy. It is often a positive projection. When we look at someone who is “attractive,” what we are really seeing is their confidence or the way they feel comfortable in their body. The next time you feel jealous, think about how you would rather be using that valuable, precious energy. Because jealousy kills our self-worth, sense of spirit, femininity, and relationships. It is no one else’s job to make us feel secure in a relationship.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you deal with jealousy?
Do you think that if you looked differently that your life would be better?
Did you grow up with a mother or a parent who didn’t have a good body image and they passed that on to you?
Do you know what being in your feminine and femininity means?
Lana’s Question:
Lana would like tools to boost her body image and overcome jealous feelings in her relationship.
Lana’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She deals with extreme jealousy but trusts her boyfriend.
She has been in her current relationship for five years.
She has low self-confidence.
She doesn’t feel feminine.
She compares herself with other people.
She’s been hurt by relationships from her youth.
Her mother didn’t have a healthy body image.
She is focused on looking a certain way.
She is creative, loving, and has a big heart.
Her soul wants acceptance for who she is.
She puts a lot of energy into thinking she should look different.
She wants to enjoy her life.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Be compassionate with her feelings when she is triggered.
Begin studying what it means to be in her feminine power.
Instead of using her energy on jealousy and comparison, use it to enhance her creativity and joy.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about embracing our gifts and making a living. Today’s caller, Janelle, has lost the motivation to make a living by expressing her gifts. She would like guidance on how to reignite her drive. Christine offers her practical tips about shifting her limiting beliefs about money, and separating her survival needs from what brings her joy.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode404]
Our gifts do not have to translate into a career. Our gifts are there for us to enjoy them. They don’t necessarily have to be the thing that makes us money. It is completely possible to have a job you like that isn’t your passion. We all have gifts and some of them translate into a lucrative career and sometimes they don’t. Give yourself permission to explore your gifts without the pressure of needing to make money at it. Many people feel like a failure if they can not make a sustainable income doing what they love but as long as they are expressing what they love there is no failure.
It’s important not to marry gifts and purpose with survival.
At some point in our lives, we are asked to look at what we have done to meet our survival needs and consider what we have to do to be more strategic. When we have a “Watch, I’ll show you” energy, it can push us but it doesn’t generate a lot of safety and abundance because we are constantly pulled back by our old beliefs.
A caterpillar works hard to become a butterfly. It’s a metamorphosis that needs to happen. It completely transforms and transmutes things. When we are in the chrysalis moments, we need to ask ourselves what needs to transform.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you doing something you love but not making the kind of money you love?
Do you think you can make money and have enough to live doing what you love?
Were your creativity, expression, and natural gifts encouraged as a child? Or, were you told you could never make a living at it?
Do you have a good relationship with money?
Janelle’s Question:
Janelle has lost her motivation to continue her dancing career and is looking for guidance on how to make a living following her passion.
Janelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She knows her spiritual purpose.
She is at a crossroads.
She no longer feels excited about her career or art form.
She is a professional dancer and actor.
She expected to be more financially secure by now.
The pandemic shifted her momentum.
She is adaptable and independent.
She was told being an artist would be a struggle.
She was driven to succeed to prove to others that she could.
She has completed the personal mastery course.
She feels called back to her passion and desire.
She has the tools but doesn’t know how to use them.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Shift her limiting beliefs about money.
Do the “temper tantrum” technique and give her little girl a voice.
Strategically consider her next steps and where she wants to go.
Takeaways:
Check out these Coaches Corner episodes with Jade Luna & Kate Northrup.
Consider where you are. Is it time to take some risks and share your gifts with the world?
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Jade also consults with people privately. He usually presents a few seminars each year at various locations world wide. He is the author of Asterian Astrology and has been one of the most successful Astrologers in the world and has maintained a high level practice for over 18 years.
This episode is about taking risks or making changes when you don’t feel safe or secure on some level. Today’s caller, Julie, feels stressed about making money because she is not doing something she is passionate about. Christine offers her guidance on how to shift her perspective into making an intentional transition.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode403]
One of my pet peeves of the personal development industry is the implied pressure to just make changes, take leaps, or have courage. And, while it is important to be able to make changes and to be able to take leaps, when you feel not safe on some level, it is going to be challenging.
It’s always a blend of not staying in something that is familiar and “safe” but not what you want to be doing for so long that you get accustomed to feeling safe but not feeling alive, Not really feeling like you’re doing what you’re passionate about. Because the years will go by and your dream will quickly fade.
However, you don’t want to just drop everything and make a drastic change when you don’t feel safe. When it comes to safety, we are humans who have basic needs. We have the need for love. We have the need for feeling that our physical needs are met also.
There is a part of us that if we’re not doing what we love or what we really desire, it can be difficult to make money at it because if we’re really being called to something else, and we’re not listening to it, often we’ll have a sabotaging part that will come up.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you a people-pleaser and make decisions based on what you think other people want from you versus what you truly want from yourself?
Are you making choices or doing things that are breeding resentment, maybe in your marriage, a friendship, in business, or with your parents?
Do you feel unsafe and unstable in some way and you are doing something just for the money?
Do you want to make a change but you feel like you just can’t because you’re not financially “stable” enough?
Julie’s Question:
Julie is looking for guidance about personal finances.
Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She and her husband feel stressed about money.
She is self-employed in her small business.
She started working with an IFS therapist.
She consumes a lot of information about her small business.
She is a people-pleaser.
She feels pressure from her husband to make more money.
She likes helping people.
She tires of doing what other people think she should do.
She felt love from her parents was conditional.
She judges herself for not doing what she wants to do.
She has a love/hate relationship with money.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Create a self-love-healing plan and an action plan.
Approach her work from a different perspective.
Identify where her triggers originate.
Create safety in her system.
Love herself through it.
Check out the upcoming Women’s Retreat.
Takeaways:
What are the steps, both internally and externally, you need to take to make an intentional transition?
Get your applications in to join Christine at her Signature Retreat.
Sponsor:
Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about feeling safe in our bodies by regulating the nervous system. Today’s caller, Nicole, struggles to change her body weight and feels she lacks motivation and follow-through to do so. She asks for practical tips on how to shift it and create peace and love within herself.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode402]
Nervous system regulation is bringing awareness to our state of being. Meaning, are we in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal? Both states can be a trauma response. Trauma, simply defined, is too much, too fast, too soon, or too little for too long.
Hyperarousal means we are anxious, constantly bracing ourselves, staying busy and distracted to avoid pain, or we are nervous, vigilant, and possibly aggressive. Hypoarousal means we can be depressed, or we may lack motivation. We can even go into apathy or indifference.
Whether it is hyper or hypo, it means we are functioning with an unregulated nervous system. It is hard for people in an unregulated state to be present. A regulated nervous system is when we feel safe inside our body. Yet, it doesn’t mean we’re in a meditative state and doesn’t mean we are a Zen master.
For those who grew up in an unsafe or chaotic house, your baseline is not going to be regulated. You can do all the emotional processing in the world to move the trauma and do inner child work but you have to practice a nervous system reset multiple times a day.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel busy all the time and there don’t seem to be enough hours in a day?
Have you been wanting to release weight but you just can’t seem to let it go?
Do you know the benefits of self-love and self-care but you can’t seem to do them?
Did you grow up in a chaotic household and you long for peace and calm in your life?
Nicole’s Question:
She struggles with prioritizing herself, practicing self-love, and having self-worth issues. She wants to lose weight but doesn’t understand why she cannot stay motivated to do so.
Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She attended the Be the Queen program.
Her father didn’t value overweight people.
Her mother was self-critical.
She tries to eat healthily and has a gym membership.
She loves being outside, dancing, and being with her dog.
She is finishing her Master’s degree.
She finds little time to do the things she loves.
Her nervous system baseline is hyper-aroused.
She longed for peace and calm in her chaotic childhood home.
She focuses on losing weight.
She tells herself she will do the things she loves when she loses weight.
She is a people-pleaser.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Break the pattern of being in a hyper-aroused state.
Recalibrate her nervous system with hourly breaks and resets.
Check out Style Space and use the promo code Christine10.
Create peace and calm in her home and body.
Practice transitions and be conscious about her next move.
Practice saying no to create space for herself.
Takeaways:
Find online content about nervous system regulation.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]
As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.
An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.
Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.
When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there someone that you’ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can’t seem to let them go?
Did you have a parent that wasn’t there for you in the way that you truly desired?
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?
Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn’t get to be a kid?
Matthais’s Question:
He had a painful breakup that he can’t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.
Matthais’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He hasn’t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.
He is having difficulty connecting with new people.
He was very much in love.
The breakup was abrupt.
His ex triggered something deep inside of him.
He has some wounding in his past about his looks.
His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.
He has an avoidant attachment style.
His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.
His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother’s life.
He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.
He hasn’t experienced true intimacy.
He felt his dad didn’t want him and his mother parentified him.
He is attracted to controlling women.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.
When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn’t a healthy love and that real love is safe.
Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.
Feel into self-love.
Takeaways:
Read the book Attached or dive into the Coaches Corner episodes on attachment styles.
Sponsor:
Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Emily is the founder of Ziva and has taught the Ziva Technique to over 40,000 people. Her best-selling book, Stress Less, Accomplish More, debuted at #7 out of all books on Amazon and has been translated into 12 languages. In 2021, she launched zivaKIDS, the first meditation course of its kind for kids ages 4-14.
A formerly stressed Broadway performer who was going gray at 27, Emily discovered a powerful practice that cured her insomnia and improved her health on the first day. The Ziva Technique is a powerful combination of mindfulness, meditation and manifesting designed to help you get better at life, not meditation.
You can join her for a FREE embodiment and manifestation event on May 17th at christinehassler.com/emily
This episode is about pausing and not deciding. Today’s caller, Lydia, has been experiencing massive changes in her life over the past year. She is questioning whether or not to get married. She wants guidance about how she can relieve the pressure of making a choice and how to know what is right for her. She finds that sometimes not making a choice is the best choice.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode400]
There’s nothing wrong with questioning. There is always a purpose in it. When we’re in a place of doubt or questioning, it’s good to explore it. When there’s so much change happening, it can put us in more of a fight-or-flight survival-based response and we come from the emotionally reactive part of our brain. Or it can put our priorities and our values front and center to make us question anything that is not aligned.
When we are experiencing a lot of change or grief, it takes a while to find our footing. In times of transition and change, major decisions can be tricky. The part of us that likes to control and to know things, can have a hard time when we go back and forth about big decisions.
If your life is steady right now; if you’re not going through grief or a big change, but you are finding it difficult to make a choice, you might just be scared of change. You might just need to make a choice. But, if your life has a lot of chaos in it or there are a lot of changes and uncertainty about making another big choice, that’s when you can take time to pause and let what is in alignment with you rise to the surface.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat . There is still time to get the early bird discount.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there something you’re trying to decide, or choose about, like a relationship, or whether to leave a job and you just can’t get clarity or, you could talk yourself into either direction?
Are you grieving? Did you just lose someone that was important to you and it’s clouding your ability to choose?
Did you go through a breakup or a job loss where you felt a sense of rejection and your self-confidence took a hit?
Do you like to control? Do you like to have answers and being in that in-between of not making a choice can be a little wobbly for you?
Lydia’s Question:
Many things in her life are changing. She is grieving the loss of her mother and having doubts about getting married. She would like guidance on how to move forward with confidence.
Lydia’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is grieving the loss of her mother.
She is going through a job transition.
She is planning her wedding and a move.
She is questioning her decision to get married.
She is judging her fiance and feels guilty about it.
As an adult, she had to distance herself from her mother.
Her job transition left her feeling rejected.
She feels resistance when she tries to make a choice.
She doesn’t have safety in her nervous system.
She is concerned about disappointing people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Pause, give herself some grace, and wait to make a choice about her relationship.
Allow herself to be in the unknown as much as possible.
Work on establishing safety in her nervous system.
Surrender and take off the pressure to make a choice.
Sponsor:
Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
More info about the retreat here:
This episode is about going back to move forward. Today’s caller, Samm, missed out on some developmental learnings in childhood. She wants to empower others but is still not sure she can fully empower herself. If you feel that you don’t have clarity about something, or feel you can’t take the next step forward, it might be because of past trauma.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode399]
We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. Remember, compassion is different than scapegoating. If we blame everything on our childhood and everything is our parent’s fault, that is being the victim. That is scapegoating. It’s very different from compassion.
Compassion is understanding that we never got to that developmental stage as a child. So, it is harder for us to do it as adults. We need to have patience and compassion with ourselves. We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. It’s necessary for us to go back and give our inner child what they didn’t have and then move forward.
To expect ourselves to feel safe, to put ourselves out there, as a coach for example, when we didn’t have safety as a child is like expecting a one-year-old to do algebra. It's just completely unrealistic. It is not developmentally possible.
Please be kind to yourself. Look at what you did not get in childhood that may have impacted you and not from the perspective of being damaged or broken. We have the parents we have to learn what we need to learn in this lifetime.
Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year in September 2023. Christine co-founded Elementum Coaching to assist coaches and would-be coaches with the skills needed to build their businesses. Attend the free webinar for more information on May 15, 2023. To take advantage of early bird pricing and get more information about the upcoming Coach on Fire workshop go to https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com/coach-on-fire-workshop.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel like you’re unclear about something or do you lack clarity in some way?
Did you have a childhood where you did not feel safe?
Do you often feel disconnected from your own inner child?
Is there something you want to do but you keep telling yourself that you’re just stuck and you can’t move forward?
Samm’s Question:
Samm seeks clarity and would like guidance on how to create a safe place without feeling paralyzed to act on it.
Samm’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is a coach.
She holds herself back when expressing herself.
When she feels like putting her heart into something, she gets paralyzed and scared.
Her parents were addicts. She chose a different path.
She didn’t feel safe as a child.
She doubts she can fully support herself or others.
She has been in survival mode for most of her life.
She has a freeze response as part of her nervous system wiring.
She feels she is not enough.
As a child, she yearned to feel like she was important and that she mattered.
She wanted to be held and know everything would be OK.
She would like to build a group container with her clients.
She wants to help empower others.
She internalizes her sadness and has difficulty getting mad.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion for where she’s come from.
Work with herself with patience and love.
Connect with the motherly part of her.
Allow herself to get angry.
Recognize when she is in a trauma response and make her inner child feel safe.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — is good-looking clean cooking. Caraway products are beautiful, easy to clean and use, and non-toxic. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off on their full suite of products, including their new food storage sets. Be sure to use OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Natalie Lue is a writer, speaker, podcaster, artist, and founder of one of the longest running self-help blogs in the world, Baggage Reclaim and The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. She just released a new book, The Joy of Saying No, which highlights her six-step plan to help readers find their “no” so they can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with their values and authentic self.
This episode is about healing past trauma without reliving it. Today’s caller, Suzy, knows there is trauma in her past but fears she must relive it to heal it. This conversation is helpful if you know there are things in your past you haven’t dealt with and don’t know where to start or have fears about addressing them.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode398]
When we experience trauma, we disassociate. We have to do it. It doesn’t make us weak. It doesn’t make us not vulnerable. And, it doesn’t make us not emotionally intelligent. It is what we do to survive. We need to have compassion for our disassociation because it is a coping strategy and it’s the only way we can survive trauma.
There comes a time when all the dissociation starts to add up, and it may make us feel dead inside. It is important that we do not go back and relive our trauma. We can use current-day triggers to ask — What is this triggering inside me? What is this reminding me of? Then, give ourselves the permission to feel and express all the feelings we didn’t get to express, state our needs, and make our requests. That is how we heal. That’s how we repair not by reliving the trauma.
Riding a current trigger or feeling back in time to see where we end up is one of the most useful ways to heal. It’s about giving ourselves a voice, giving ourselves the freedom to express ourselves, giving ourselves compassion, and nurturing ourselves to meet the needs that didn’t get met at that time. It’s not about reliving our experiences.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have trouble accessing feelings from your past? You can talk about your past but there’s no emotion there.
Are you finding you do have emotion in your current day situations and you don’t quite know what to do with those triggers?
Were you emotionally abandoned by your parents? Maybe they were physically there but they didn’t really meet your emotional needs.
Do you have trouble accessing your inner child?
Suzy’s Question:
Suzy knows there are things in her past she has not dealt with but she doesn’t know where to start or how to address them.
Suzy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is seeing a therapist.
Her past is affecting her current relationships.
She feels abandoned by her husband.
She feels sad and lonely.
She fears reliving her past trauma.
As a child, her physical needs were met but not her emotional needs.
She has tried to share her feelings with her mother.
She feels hopeless.
She has never felt safe.
She is surprised by the wise words from her inner child.
She is capable of holding herself through her feelings.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Commit to continue to talk with her inner child.
Recognize her triggers as an opportunity to check in with her inner child.
Write or send herself a message starting with “I learned…, I feel…, what I am going to do moving forward is…”.
Get pictures of herself from different ages and see which she connects more deeply with.
Be gentle with herself as she maneuvers the healing process.
Takeaways:
If you are afraid to deal with your past, find a qualified practitioner.
Check in with your inner child whenever you feel triggered.
Come to the Signature Retreat in October.
Listen to the previously recorded 3-day Inner Child Workshop.
Be gentle and patient with yourself.
Sponsor:
Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about a conflict between what our inner child wants and what our adult self needs. Today’s caller, Cindy, is in a relationship that she knows she needs to leave but she feels frozen. She is looking for guidance on how to move forward and take action. This can be applied to anything whether it is a relationship, a job, or a pattern. There are some great tidbits about why we don't shift.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode397]
When we know there is an action we need to take but we just can't seem to do it we can analyze it, process it, and have awareness about it but we may still feel frozen and unable to take action.
Freeze is a trauma response. It doesn't matter how much we know what we “should” do when we are in a trauma response it all gets overridden with survival patterns. Our inner child believes that we will heal a wound by being with someone similar to the person who prompted our trauma.
One of the best ways that you can make a change in your life is to do something different to get out of your comfort zone but to do it with a lot of love.
For empathetic or people with co-dependent threads, love bombing is like a drug. Whether someone's a diagnosed narcissist or they have narcissistic tendencies, love bombing is not about the person receiving the love bomb. It's about control. It's not love.
So, choose yourself. Legitimately and authentically love yourself out of the situation.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their own consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13-15 in San Diego, CA. Early bird pricing ends soon so to sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation, relationship, friendship, or work situation where you know you need to make a change but you just can't seem to do it?
Do you know that some of your choices are coming from your inner child but can't seem to make different choices?
Do you often let fear stop you from doing something you need to do?
Are you frustrated with yourself because you know better but you just keep wondering why you're not doing better?
Cindy’s Question:
Cindy is in a toxic marriage. She wants to end the relationship and get a divorce but she feels stuck and is not sure how to move forward.
Cindy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is finding it difficult to make a decision.
She struggles with shame and anger about not leaving.
She feels frozen.
She feels her partner and her father are similar.
Her father had an undiagnosed mental problem.
Her partner love bombed her at the beginning of her relationship.
She knows the relationship is not good for her.
She feels her partner destroyed her life.
She knows she has choices to make.
She is a people pleaser.
She feels financially tied to the relationship.
Her partner plays on her core wounds.
She found it easier to get out of her first marriage.
She will keep herself away from men that come with red flags.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Talk to her inner child about what love truly is.
Assure her inner child that she will take care of her.
Attend Christine’s Signature Retreat.
Make a decision by May 1, 2023.
Sponsor:
Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any filter.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
My friend Brooke Nichol joins me to talk about how to build a business by being great at relationships with people. Brooke is a registered nurse and the owner of Saving Face in Austin, TX. Her specialty is relationships and keeping clients looking natural and the best version of themselves. She has organically grown to two locations, becoming the most sought out feel good destination in Austin.
She has an extensive background and training from world renowned plastic surgeons and experts in the field of aesthetics.
She was named top 100 injector in the US in 2018. She is a national trainer for Allergan and was named top 10 lip expert in 2020. Brooke serves on Advisory Boards for Allergan and Revance.
Brooke is a true entrepreneur who wears many hats. She is mama to two beautiful children, Knox (5), Miller (8). She created Post Love Skincare and will soon launch Saving Face Academy. There is much growth for Saving Face in the future and Brooke is quite certain that goodness will bring about more goodness.