If you ever compare yourself to anyone else, this episode is for you! Learn the difference between healthy and toxic comparison and how to form closer connections when comparison is gone.

Melissa Ambrosini is the bestselling author of Comparisonitis, Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, and the Audible Original PurposeFULL as well as the winner of ‘The Best eBooks Of All Time’ as voted by Book Depository. 

Melissa is the host of #1 rated podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show, where she shares her wisdom and interviews with the biggest thought leaders and experts in the world to help her audience unlock their full potential and live their dream life. 

When Melissa isn’t writing books and recording her podcast she is speaking on stages, teaching and creating online programs, meditations and life changing live events.

With a deep commitment to empowering others to become the best version of themselves, Melissa believes that awakening is possible for everyone. She strives to inspire others to reclaim their power, step into their truth, live with intention, and move in the direction of their dreams.

This episode is about making empowered decisions and changes with integrity. Today’s caller, Anne, is questioning whether or not she should leave her 25-year marriage. She feels she has tried to communicate her needs. We work through how she is communicating and whether or not she is being vulnerable enough to make an empowered decision.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode311]

Often, in masculine-feminine dynamics, it requires the feminine dropping into a deep vulnerability with no victim, no blame, no anger, no reason, just an open, heart-baring, soul truth that ignites the masculine to look within so it can open up.

When we are too much in hopelessness-helpless, when we are too much in victim, the only answer seems to be to get out of a situation because we don’t feel empowered.

One of the ways we get empowered is to look at our side of things and then we communicate vulnerably, because we are not empowered when we communicate emotionally, reactively, or with blame or neediness.

And remember, vulnerability is different than a victimy emotional reaction. It has a different frequency and people can hear us when we are vulnerable. They can’t hear us when we are emotional or blaming them. It puts their defenses up. They can’t hear the truth and intimacy of what we are saying when they are defensive.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Are you torn about what to do in a relationship? Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? Do you tend to look at what someone else is doing wrong and all the ways that they’re not meeting your needs and maybe don’t look quite enough at how you’re perpetuating it?
• Are you aware of what your needs are? Are you good at communicating your needs?
• Do you feel in your gut that you just want to do something but you just can’t take the action?

Anne’s Question:

Anne is struggling with the decision to stay in her marriage.

Anne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been married for 25 years and has four children with her husband.
• She feels she and her husband have grown apart.
• Her husband says he wants to make the marriage work.
• Her husband’s job and commitments took a lot of his time.
• She asked him to take more time with her and the children.
• She collected evidence of the ways he wasn’t showing up for the marriage.
• She doesn’t know if she still loves him.
• Fear may be driving her choice.
• There is some part of her that may be shut down.
• She wants to be loved by him.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Continue to have vulnerable conversations with her husband.
• Drop into her feminine vulnerability.
• Consider where she may have walls up around her heart.
• Use “I” language, not “you” language.
• Write out her fears, desires, and insecurities and read them to her husband.

Takeaways:

• If there is something you are looking at that you think is wrong and you just need to get out, consider where the decision is coming from. Are you empowered? Have you been vulnerable? Have you looked inside yourself to see if you are mad or blaming? Do you feel like a victim and feel like the only decision is to leave?

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about taking the time to explore life and relationships. Today’s caller, Marley, is putting a lot of pressure on her current relationship. She future-forecasts instead of considering what the relationship may be able to teach her. We delve into how she can be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode310]

Often, we go into relationships wondering if the other person is the one, so much so that we miss out on what we can learn from the other person. It is important to let your early relationships be a discovery process and explore instead of collecting evidence about what may be wrong with the other person if they are THE one, or how to make every relationship the relationship of your dreams.

Every relationship is a growth opportunity. It is a misstep to base relationships on their longevity potential. Many times, we get into a relationship, and right out of the gate, we put pressure on it by wondering if the other person could be the one to marry or have children with instead of considering what the other person can teach us, what mirror they may be holding up, what parental patterns, wounds, or issues are they triggering? What could you be attracted to that is also a healing opportunity?

Enjoy where you are. Be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.

Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Byron Katie on  — Loving What Is.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• When you are in a new relationship do you jump to — Is this the one? — and start to analyze it all out?
• Did you grow up in a home where there wasn’t a lot of emotional availability and you panic when you don’t have that in a partnership or friendship?
• Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure things out and not enough time creating and exploring and allowing things just to be?
• Are you more caught up in judging and changing someone else than looking at how you can meet your own needs?

Marley’s Question:

Marley is struggling with her ability to let little things go and accept her partner for where he is.

Marley’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is aware and open with her emotions.
• Her boyfriend may not understand himself emotionally.
• She is an old soul and emotionally mature.
• She is putting a lot of pressure on the relationship.
• She and her boyfriend had an intense connection immediately.
• There was inconsistency in her childhood.
• She believed she had to fix her family.
• She feels pressure to be in a relationship.
• Her boyfriend is committed to her.
• She feels intimidated by his commitment.
• She feels she is one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship at all times.
• She is collecting evidence against her boyfriend.
• She doesn’t feel heard or seen by her boyfriend at times.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Explore herself within her relationship.
• Stop overthinking, or overanalyzing her relationship.
• Be curious about her relationship instead of managing it.
• Communicate her needs in an empowered way.
• Approach her boyfriend from a vulnerable place.

Takeaways:

• Read or reread 20 Something, 20 Everything, and 20 Something Manifesto.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I am thrilled to Byron Katie whom I respect and adore so much on the show this week! 

This episode is about discerning between the patterns we can change and which are a part of us. Today’s caller, Bree, has patterns coming up when it comes to dating and finding a partner. We discuss how she can bring forth different, more feminine, parts of herself in place of her patterns. When it comes to dating, we get far more accurate information from our bodies, heart, and intuition than we do from evaluation.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode309]

At the beginning of dating, there is so much uncertainty. We don’t really know the person and we don’t know where the relationship will go. There is a lot of excitement, but there is also a lot of uncertainty. Uncertainty can be triggering for some, especially if they had instability in their childhood. Part of how the mind and psyche try to get certainty or control is through evaluation, analysis, and by trying to see into the future.

We all have an operating system. A lot of it gets programmed by our childhood, our life, our beliefs, and everything that happens in our environment and society. Then, there is just how we’re wired, our personality, our soul journey, etc. It is more important to learn to live with our wiring and find the gift within it than it is to change it.

Some things about ourselves are appropriate to change and heal but there are some things that it is best to just accept. Learning to inspire a different part of ourselves in certain situations may be the key to getting what we need.

Join me August 18, 2021, at 5 p.m. Pacific for another group coaching call. This call will focus on all things inner child. The cost is only $20 and if you cannot make it live, it will be recorded. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to sign up.

Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Dr. Richard Schwatrz doing parts work with me here — Internal Family Systems.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Do you notice that sometimes when you’re in an unfamiliar situation you do things like ask a question to go to places in your head to try to get some kind of control?
• Did you grow up feeling safe in a stable household?
• If you are female and you orientate to being a heterosexual female when it comes to dating do you feel like you can really slip into your feminine energy? Or, if you’re in a job that requires you to be in your masculine energy is it difficult for you to make the transition?
• Are you trying to change things about yourself that are part of your wiring?

Bree’s Question:

Bree feels she is ready for a long-term relationship and would like the tools to assist her in minimizing her projections when dating.

Bree’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is ready to find a long-term partner.
• She is looking for someone who appreciates a rural lifestyle.
• She had a volatile and unstable childhood.
• Her parents were emotionally unavailable.
• Her little girl is looking for the stability she never had.
• She sees the pattern of her previous relationships.
• She felt judged and would like the freedom to be herself.
• She uses evaluation as a skill in her job.
• She is a professional photographer and previously a dance instructor.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Get out of her head and into her heart.
• Help her little girl feel safe.
• Limit her evaluations and increase her curiosity and magnetism in dating.
• Create a physical anchor and write a letter to celebrate her evaluator self.
• Be aware her masculine part is hyper-developed.
• Discover things that drop her into her feminine energy.
• Move her body in a feminine way daily.

Takeaways:

• Look at the patterns in your life without making them wrong or bad and determine how much of them are how you are wired.
• Learn what parts of yourself that need to step back and which need to come forward.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

You are going to learn so much from this episode!! And get to listen to a live demo of Dr Schwartz doing parts work with me.  Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There he discovered that family therapy alone did not achieve full symptom relief and in asking patients why, he learned that they were plagued by what they called “parts.” From these explorations with parts work, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model was born in the early 1980s.
 
IFS is now evidence-based and has become a widely-used form of psychotherapy, particularly with trauma. It provides a non-pathologizing, optimistic, and empowering perspective and a practical and effective set of techniques for working with individuals, couples, families, and more recently, corporations and classrooms.
 
In 2013 Schwartz left the Chicago area and now lives in Brookline, MA where he is on the faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

This episode is about grieving parents and moving through loss. Today’s caller, Tania, is a new mom who is caring for her aging father. She is struggling with making decisions that are best for everyone involved. We talk through the guilt that is influencing her decisions and how she can make self-honoring choices that are the best for everyone involved.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode308]

When it comes to making choices for someone we love it can feel hard not to let guilt or obligation be involved. When we allow guilt and obligation into our decision-making we aren’t making the choices that are truly in the highest good for everyone concerned.

Guilt and shame prevent us from being able to honor our feelings and from navigating the many different emotions, perspectives, and thoughts of being human and going through life-changing experiences, and dealing with family members and people who are sick or difficult. It is OK to choose something that may feel selfish but is self-honoring and in the best interest of everyone involved.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach when making big decisions like what to do with an aging parent. You have to tune in and make a decision from love, not guilt about what is best for everyone involved.

When we hang on to someone, it can create an energetic obligation for them to stay longer. There are two deaths we have to grieve for our parents. The physical death and the death of the ideal. When we allow ourselves to grieve, our heart breaks open so healing can begin.

Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.

We are opening up enrollment for the March 2022 session of our Elementum Coaching Institute. This early-bird pricing opportunity gives your $2,500 off tuition. Our first class sold out in two weeks, so secure your spot today.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Do you like to have control? Would you rather have control than massive uncertainty? Do you do better in the known rather than the unknown?
• Do you deal with guilt if you’re not doing what you think you’re supposed to be doing or taking care of people in the way that you’re supposed to?
• Have you lost a parent or are you on the brink of losing a parent?
• Do you struggle with what’s the right thing to do when it comes to you caring for your parents?

Tania’s Question:

Tania is feeling anxious about how she will manage caring for her father and managing her life.

Tania’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• After an accident, her 80-year-old father can no longer take care of himself.
• Her mother passed 13 years ago.
• She and her brother are caring for their father.
• She has a baby and a full-time job.
• She had to take medical time off from work.
• She feels guilty and is starting to grieve for her father.
• She is frightened when she thinks of her father’s passing.
• She holds on to an image of what she thought her future would be.
• She is finding the role reversal difficult.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Realize it is okay to be feeling what she is feeling.
• Allow herself to start letting go and grieve her father.
• Release her attachment to what she thinks “should” be.
• Find a way to get outside help for her father.
• Give energetic permission to her father to transition when it is his time.
• Her body and nervous system have been in overdrive.

Takeaways:

• Don’t wait to grieve until someone dies. Allow yourself to have the feelings and start the process before a loved one transitions.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.