You are going to love this episode with Britt Frank who is a therapist, teacher, speaker, and trauma specialist who is committed to dismantling the mental health myths that keep us feeling STUCK and SICK. We talk about how to heal trauma, myths the wellness industry perpetuates, why you are NOT broken and so many other juicy topics!

Brit's work focuses on empowering people to understand the inner mechanisms of their brains and bodies. When we know how things work, the capacity for CHOICE is restored and life can and does change. Whether she’s leading a workshop, teaching a class, or working individually with private clients, Britt’s goal is to educate, empower, and equip people to transform even their most persistent and long-standing patterns of thinking and doing.

Britt is also the author of the upcoming book The Science of Stuck—available March 15^th wherever books are sold. It’s a research-based tool kit for moving past what's holding you back—in life, in love, and in work.

Learn more here: www.thegreenhousekc.com

This episode is about the dangers of sweeping things under the rug in relationships. Today’s caller, Angela, is looking for clarity about why she is frustrated and triggered in her family relationships. We discuss ways she can speak her truth with love, use her voice, and stand in her power in her relationships and her life. She brushes things under the rug. If you identify with being a people pleaser, someone who prefers to avoid conflict, or shrug things off when they happen but internalize it later this is a great session for you.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode333]

When we don’t stand in our power in our lives, we can’t stand in our power in relationships. Standing in our power can also be said as standing in our empowerment. Sometimes the word power can sound oppressive as if we are not being compassionate, or being selfish. But that is not really what standing in our empowerment means. It’s about being in our truth.

If your truth upsets someone, it is not your responsibility as long as you are not blaming them and are taking responsibility for your part, and communicating your thoughts in the most loving way you possibly can. Sometimes speaking our truth can hurt others but if it is done with honesty and love it can lead to growth or growth of a relationship. There is a way to deliver truth and love together. If you are delivering something that may be hard for someone to hear, do it with love.

Standing in our empowerment also means not time traveling and being able to regulate our nervous system. There were times as children when we were disempowered or when we didn’t have a voice that led to a pattern of disempowerment in our adulthood. When we are in our power, we are in the present, we are taking care of our inner child. Our nervous system isn’t activated. We aren’t in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

And, for HSPs or internalizers, big feelings and big reactivity can be scary. When big feelings come at us, they rattle our nervous system. HSPs often have intuitive gifts growing up but internalizing stuff and repressing relationship issues as adults can suppress intuitive gifts. The nervous system doesn’t feel safe. We can’t choose what we want to suppress and expect our intuitive gifts to open up and be expressed.

When you suppress anything you suppress everything.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, I will have a webinar, so be on the lookout for an email from me.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you consistently triggered in your relationships and wonder why you are having the same argument over and over?
• Did you grow up in a home where your needs were not met? Maybe you couldn’t speak up for yourself or didn’t feel empowered.
• Are you someone who is great at confrontation or do you avoid conflict?
• When you are in a situation of reactivity or frustration comes at you, do you fight, flight, freeze, or fawn or do you respond in a regulated way?

Angela’s Question:

Angela is triggered by situations in her family and struggling in her relationships. She would like guidance on how to build harmony in her home.

Angela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is in a 10-year relationship with her partner.
• She has a blended family.
• She is doing personal development work around what in her past may be triggering her.
• She wants to build harmony in her home.
• She was invalidated when she was younger.
• She had to care for her younger brother when her step-father passed.
• She gets triggered quickly.
• Her family has had to leave three different houses.
• Her partner is quick to anger.
• She believes a lot of the issues are about power dynamics.
• She believes men can’t handle their anger.
• There is a power struggle in her relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• To stand in her healthy feminine and learn how to not personalize what confronts her.
• Don’t time travel, stay in her adult self, and stay calm while her partner is reacting or explosive.
• Allow little Angela to stand up for herself and have a voice.
• Tell her partner how his actions affect her and maybe listen to this episode together.
• Bring things out into the open. No more sweeping stuff under the rug.

Takeaways:

• Get out of the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Don’t time travel in highly reactive situations so you can respond as an adult and be in your power.
• Try to have a conversation with your partner in a calm place to remind them that you agreed not to talk to each other in that way.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

So many of us are trapped in a never-ending to-do list, looking for the next solution to make us more efficient. But often what we’re left with is feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, burnt out and alone. Madeleine Dore is a writer and interviewer who explores how we can broaden the definition of a day well spent, through regular life experiments and events to examine how creativity isn’t just something we do, but how we approach our lives. Madeleine spent five years looking for the secret to productivity, only to find there isn’t one. Instead, she reveals, we’re being set up to fail. Her new book, I Didn’t Do The Thing Today, encourages us to say no to more time management techniques and yes to the joyful messiness and unpredictability of life

 Dore has been asking creative thinkers how they navigate their days on her popular blog Extraordinary Routines and podcast Routines & Ruts. She regularly conducts life experiments and hosts events to examine how creativity isn’t just something we do, but how we approach our lives.

This episode is about making self-honoring choices that empower us. Today’s caller, Jade, wants to break the cycle of being in broken and toxic relationships. We work through helping her connect the dots of needing validation from her current relationships to being disempowered by her mother when she was a child and guidance on how she can break the cycle.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode332]

On-and-off-again relationships are a huge red flag. Some relationships need a break where both people can take time apart and work on themselves individually. When they come back together they decide to work through future conflicts together or that the relationship is not working and dissolve it. But, an on-again-off-again relationship demonstrates that the issues in the relationship are not being dealt with. It is a ping-ponging cycle of neither partner changing. If you are in an on-again-off-again cycle I invite you to turn it off for good.

If you are in a toxic or on-again-off-again relationship, think about the consistent feelings that come up, ride those feelings back in time, ask those feelings what they are reminding you of, and then deal with it.

When we think about connecting the dots of our current challenges to our past it is not always obvious. Often, when we have a “decent” upbringing we overlook the challenges because there isn’t a major trauma that sticks out. Not feeling good enough for a parent and constantly feeling like you need to do what they need you to do, or become some version of yourself they approve of, is a big hurt.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a pattern of being in on-again-off-again relationships?
• Did you grow up with a parent who was hard on you? Did you hear the phrase “I’m really disappointed in you” a lot?
• When you do try to end toxic relationships, do you feel so guilty and worried about upsetting the other person that you don’t break up or maintain your boundaries?
• Do you feel empowered in your life and specifically in relationships? Do you find yourself consumed by the fear of rejection?

Jade’s Question:

Jade feels anxiety about her pattern of entering toxic relationships. She wants to know how it connects to her past and guidance on how to heal her inner child.

Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been in a cycle of broken/toxic relationships.
• She tries to adjust herself to the other person.
• She feels anxious, ashamed, and angry with unpredictable people.
• Her mother made her feel not good enough and ashamed if she didn’t meet her mother’s standards.
• She is seeking validation and acceptance in a relationship.
• She didn’t have a chance to build a relationship with her mother until she was an adult.
• Her mother disempowered her by not allowing her to make her own decisions.
• She attracts people who make her feel that she is not enough.
• Her mother forced dancing on her and she wasn’t able to make her own decisions.
• She is afraid to lose love and validation.
• She takes on responsibilities that are not hers.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• End her relationship without any guilt.
• Explain to her partner’s daughter why she is breaking up.
• Tell herself she is not responsible for making sure everyone else is okay.
• Hold off on dating for a while.
• Investigate healing her mother wound.
• Acknowledge herself for stepping into self-honoring choices and empowerment.

Takeaways:

• You are not responsible for how other people feel.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about healing wounds, feminine or masculine. Today’s caller, Emily, wants to heal her sister wound. She has struggled with feeling judged or rejected by other women and fears being vulnerable with them. She would like guidance on how to make new female connections without being anxious. Anyone who may have wounds from their past when it comes to belonging will benefit from listening to this session.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode331]

When we are teased, bullied, or have a strict, oppressive, or critical parent we develop an inner critic. Our inner critic can be much worse to us than the original offender was. Because we think if we are harder on ourselves than they were to us we will be more equipped to handle the adversity and pain. We believe it will hurt less when others do it. But, when we have a fierce inner critic it is impossible to be authentically ourselves.

When it comes to making friends and being vulnerable we have to dim down the voice of our inner critic. Because our inner critic creates fear and doubt within ourselves and puts up walls, masks, and facades. But, when we show up authentic and honest we are lovable. We fit right in.

Remember, childhood wounds are not something we heal in a few days. Part of the healing is to become aware of our patterns and practice transforming them.

We heal the sister wound by getting honest and vulnerable with our sisters.

Listeners of this show are invited to attend a free training session from Steven Kessler. His The Secret to Better Relationships: Let the Insight of 5 Personality Patterns will show you how to create thriving relationships. To register for the Wednesday, January 19th session at 11 am PST or 2 pm EST, go to ChristineHassler.com/Steven.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a wound when it comes to belonging and making friends?
• If you identify as a woman, do you have a sister wound and find it hard to make friends with other women?
• Did you grow up in a family with a parent or step-parent that was super critical of you and now you have a worse inner critic?
• Is it often hard for you to be vulnerable and to feel seen? Do you second guess yourself when it comes to interactions with other people?

Emily’s Question:

Emily struggles with vulnerability, judgment, and rejection and would like guidance on how to heal her sister wound.

Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels anxiety when making new connections or strengthening existing connections.
• She gets stuck in her head a lot.
• She fears being judged, rejected, and vulnerable.
• She attended the Inner Child workshop.
• She wants authentic relationships.
• Her inner critic keeps her from being authentic.
• At age 7, her parents divorced.
• Her mom had a 15-year relationship with someone who was critical of her.
• She felt her mom didn’t protect her.
• She feels anger toward women.
• She does not feel a sense of belonging with other women but she wants to be part of the group.
• She has competing intentions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Journal about what she learned about women and what she thinks relationships with women could be.
• When interacting with women, keep herself present.
• When with a woman, or a group of women, internally remind herself that the past is the past. She is in the present and no one is judging her.
• Console her inner child and provide her with the protection she didn’t get from her mother.
• Initiate a friendship with a woman she can be vulnerable with.
• Talk to her inner critic in compassionate ways.

Takeaways:

• Practice working with your inner critic to come across more authentically.
• Explore the inner feminine wound by completing these sentences in a journal:

“My beliefs about women are …”

           “What I learned about female relationships as an adolescent is …”

            “Female friendships are …”

                       “When I think about being friends with women …”

• It is time to find your soul sisters and brothers. Find friends that are family.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Teri Cochrane is the founder of the Global Sustainable Health Institute® and an international thought leader in longevity. Through her decades of clinical work, Teri has developed The Cochrane Method®, a future-facing, multisystem health and longevity model. This model examines the intersection of genetic expression due to pathogenic and environmental causes, energy, and her clients’ unique personal blueprint. Teri specializes in solutions to complex health conditions and serves world class athletes. She is the author of the Amazon best-selling new release book, The Wildatarian Diet: Living As Nature Intended.

This episode is about having a pattern of needing to be in a relationship and feeling like something is missing if you don’t have a person. Today’s caller, Lee, has a lot of awareness, but something is missing, and that is being able to access and release his anger. We work through how to release his anger, grieve his childhood, and step into his power.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode330]

If we grow up in a household with a lot of anger, we think all anger is that way. Yet, anger itself is not bad. It is what we do with anger that can be harmful to ourselves or others. Anger projected onto others through words, yelling, abuse, or violation is unhealthy and dark. Anger directed inward such as being hard on yourself, having a bad inner critic, or self-harming is also unhealthy anger. Yet, anger itself is a natural human emotion.

If we get our anger out in a safe way we show up more grounded and more present. We become calmer. Remember, we never want to direct our anger at someone and never inward onto ourselves. We want to get a pillow and let our anger out to allow the parts of us that are angry a chance to heal.

Releasing anger is an important way we become empowered. Often, what makes us needy is that we haven’t found our fierceness or our voice and we are always looking for somebody else to make us feel a certain way. But, when we can get our anger out and step into our power we stop looking to others to fill a void.

If you missed my Release 2021 Ritual Coaches Corner make sure to do it before doing the Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual.

Enrollment for the Elementum Coaching Institute is open. Become a master coach upon graduation from the 2022 program.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like something is missing if you are not in a relationship?
• Do you tend to attract people with an avoidant attachment style?
• Did you grow up with one or both parents that were either neglectful or abusive?
• Did you feel unwanted as a child and are consistently trying to love yourself but you can’t seem to let the unloved feelings go?

Lee’s Question:

Lee always feels that something is missing in his life. He feels he is drawn to people too quickly.

Lee’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He strives to work on his physical and mental health.
• He feels something is missing in his life.
• Being with another person makes him feel safe.
• He uses relationships to fill a void.
• He has an anxious attachment style.
• He was neglected and abused in childhood.
• His father tore the family apart.
• He felt unwanted and not good enough as a child.
• He does things to self-soothe.
• He represses his anger and turns it inward.
• He outsources his self-worth to other people.
• He is needy in relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion for himself.
• Allow his inner child to fully grieve.
• Let his anger out to release his emotions.
• Examine the conscious and subconscious vows he made to not be like his father.
• Step into his masculinity and power.

Takeaways:

• Do the Anger Release exercise to move the energy of anger out.
• Are there any conscious or unconscious vows or oaths you made to never be like someone? If so, you may be denying a part of your expression and it is likely holding you back from authenticity.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine leads you through part two of her annual new year’s ritual and guides you through a meditation / visualization to consciously call in 2022.

You can access the breathwork and meditation series Stef and Christine created and get a holiday discount using code HOLIDAY at https://christinehassler.com/breathwork/