Whitney Goodman is the radically honest psychotherapist behind the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit and owner of the Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami. She helps individuals and couples heal past wounds and create the life they’ve always wanted. In TOXIC POSITIVITY, Whitney offers a powerful guide to owning our emotions—even the difficult ones—in order to show up authentically in the world.

Learn more about Whitney and her book here: https://sitwithwhit.com/

This episode is about letting go. Today’s caller, Hannah, went into shock after the loss of her mother and is feeling panic and anxiety. We talk through how she has never really allowed herself to grieve. Letting go is one of those things that sound good, right? But when it comes to doing, it can be difficult, especially when it comes to letting go of a dream, person, relationship, or chapter of our lives.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode337]

It is a big deal to lose anyone we love, especially when we lose a parent before we thought we would. Many of us know that once our parents age into their 80s and 90s, and their health starts to deteriorate, it can be an easier transition for us because we see them suffering and we want them to be in a better place. But when we lose someone suddenly, it can be shocking.

There are a lot of traumatic emotions around an unexpected death. It is physiological energy that needs an outlet. Often, the energy manifests itself as panic and anxiety. Panic and sadness serve a purpose and many times extreme emotions are a cry for help. The person who needs to answer the cry out is us. It is an alert that we need to learn to parent ourselves.

Grief sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes we feel we need to go through it quickly or do it in a certain order, or we worry we could get stuck in it. But, grief is more than sadness. It is about honoring the love, reminiscing, and appreciating how much we loved the person or thing we grieve.

If you haven't already done my Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual, and Release 2021 Ritual. They are available as Coaches corner episodes.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you have a loss of some kind that you haven’t fully processed or grieved?
• Do you know what healthy grieving looks like?
• Do you find yourself dealing with panic and anxiety and would like to shift it?
• If you did have a loss, are you holding some anger toward God or the universe and are having a hard time reconnecting to your spirituality?

Hannah’s Question:

Hannah has been dealing with panic and anxiety since her mother’s death last year. She would like guidance on how to handle what may be a traumatic experience in the future.

Hannah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her mother died due to COVID-19.
• She has developed PTSD over her mother’s death.
• Her husband is deploying to the military this year.
• She feels as if she is on auto-pilot.
• She felt solely responsible for the planning of her mother’s funeral.
• She is afraid to grieve because she doesn’t know how it will affect her.
• She is going to therapy.
• She experienced family trauma during her youth. She felt sad but people didn’t notice.
• She and her mother shared a mutual passion for spirituality.
• She feels anger toward the universe for taking her mother from her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Read The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise.
• Allow herself to fully experience grief by considering it as honoring how much she loved her mother.
• Trust herself to feel to heal.
• Share her vulnerability with her husband.
• Express her anger with God and lean into her spirituality.
• When she is triggered, regulate her nervous system by using techniques to bring her into the present.

Takeaways:

• Are there any areas in your life where you have moved through a loss or transition and you didn’t allow yourself to grieve?
• Let your emotions out when you feel angry toward God or the universe.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Today I am joined by one of my dearest friends and someone who inspires me on the regular with her integrity, creativity, and depth of love. Danielle LaPorte is a member of Oprah’s Super Soul 100, and former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC. She’s the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, White Hot Truth and The Desire Map, which has sold over 300,000 copies.  

She’s the creator of the Heart Centered Facilitator Program and Membership with 400+ leaders doing Heart Centered conversation circles and workshops in over 30 countries. Her podcast, With Love, Danielle often ranks in iTunes’ Wellness Top 10 with over 1 million downloads. DanielleLaPorte.com was named “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, and has over 5 million visitors per month. Her charity of choice is Ally Global: helping survivors of human trafficking to rebuild their lives. She lives in Vancouver, BC. Find her on Facebook or Instagram @daniellelaporte.

This episode is transforming nervous habits and meeting unmet needs. Today’s caller, Morgan, has a big part of herself that she wants to change. Her needs in childhood were unmet by her mother and she created a nervous behavior as a coping strategy. If you bite your nails, pick your skin around your fingers, pull apart split ends, or any other nervous habit you would like to transform, this episode will help.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode336]

Understanding the why behind a behavior doesn’t make it go away. We need to remember that a nervous behavior is a physiological manifestation of an emotion. It is an alarm system that alerts us that a need that wasn’t met in childhood is still not being met. When we have a nervous habit, it is telling us that we are trying to calm or suppress something.

Needs, especially in childhood, are real and important. If certain needs aren’t met at certain stages in life, it hinders who we are as adults. It doesn’t break us but it does impact us. There is a strong developmental need to feel nurtured, nourished, and to feel a calming presence. When we are children our nervous system is developing or imprinting.

Needs that are not met in childhood haunt us as adults. Any primary need we didn’t get met in childhood will continue into adulthood. Over time, we develop coping strategies to try to handle the anxiety around that unmet need. If we don’t get our needs met, our coping strategies come with little alarm systems that alert us that we need attention.

Anything is healable. The first step of any transformation is acceptance.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a nervous habit you would like to break free from?
• Do you have shame around that habit?
• Did you grow up in a house with a parent or parents who had a lot of anxiety?
• Do you believe you can shift something or do you want to continue carrying around the story that you can’t?

Morgan’s Question:

Since childhood, Morgan has had a nervous habit of picking at her skin. She would like guidance on how to manage her anxiety in a healthy way.

Morgan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She’s had a spiritual awakening recently.
• She grew up in a stable home.
• Her mother has an anxious personality and body image issues.
• She worried about her mother’s anxiety.
• She started picking at her skin because she wasn’t having her needs met.
• Her mother had conditions around giving love.
• She felt she had to earn love from her mother.
• She didn’t feel nurtured as a child.
• She doesn’t fully understand why she picks her skin.
• She feels shame around her habit.
• She doesn’t know what she needs for herself or who she is.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• When she begins picking her skin, stop and ask herself how she can nurture and nourish herself at the moment.
• Read Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power and Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance.
• Acknowledge that she loves her mother but there were needs her mother didn’t meet.
• Look at her skin and scars and have compassion for herself.
• Believe she can shift her behavior.
• Grieve her mother wound, do anger release, and let the resentment out.

Takeaways:

• Think about the needs you did not have met as a child and consider how you can give them to yourself now.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Thema Bryantis a clinical psychologist and president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms.

Her new book 

HOMECOMING: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self is road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life.  

Learn more here: https://drthema.com/

This episode is about loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that challenge us. Today’s caller, Odeta, struggles with her attachment to wanting to change a critical part of herself. The judgment and attachment are what is preventing her from being able to shift it. Any part of ourselves we judge or shame or anything we attach ourselves to shifting just holds on stronger.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode335]

Self-love is not a state of being where we are in complete unconditional love with ourselves all the time or we love all parts of ourselves all the time or we never get triggered. Maybe there are some people on the planet who live that way, but they are few and far between. No matter how much work we do, we are still human. We still have parts that maybe we don’t like very much; maybe our inner critic comes up. Self-love is the same to me as self-assurance. It is radical self-acceptance. It is accepting all parts of us, even the ones we want to change.

For all coaches or anyone in the helping field, it is important for us to be honest about where we are. Walking the talk isn’t about being perfect. Walking the talk isn’t about having it all together, that is more about wearing a mask. Walking the talk is about owning that we have areas where we are doing well and the areas where we recognize that we are still human and that we are still learning. To be an effective coach, therapist, or practitioner, you don’t have to arrive at some magic place. It is more about having the training, the experience, the intention, and the skills to hold space for people as they go through things you have been walking through too.

Take the expectation off of yourself that you have to be perfect. Stay human.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 10, 2022. It begins mid-March. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you intend and strive for self-love but you can’t seem to get there?
• Do you have a nasty inner critic or inner judge that gets in your way?
• Is it hard for you to love and accept certain parts of yourself but are dead set on getting them to change?

Odeta’s Question:

Odeta has done a lot of personal development work but fear and judgment of her ability to self-love are holding her back from being her best self.

Odeta’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She can be paralyzed by anxiety.
• She is a coach, yoga instructor, and breathwork facilitator.
• She is an inspiration to her clients but is critical of herself.
• She feels she is learning the same lessons over and over.
• She is an overachiever and then burns herself out.
• She has done a lot of personal development work.
• She feels like an imposter and wants to show up differently.
• She feels like her inner critic is an enemy.
• She was bullied and body shamed as a teenager and didn’t understand why.
• She grew up in an immigrant family.
• She tried to be perfect at everything to better belong.
• Part of her is stuck in her adolescence.
• She feels resistant to shifting.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Accept that she wants to shift certain parts of herself without being attached to it.
• Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems.
• Begin a dialogue with her 12-year-old self and remind her that she is safe.
• Realize her inner child is trying to protect her and is not her enemy.

Takeaways:

• Any aspect of you that you don’t like, that you want to change, has a positive intention. Until you can fulfill that positive intention in another way it is going to hang on.
• The essence of self-love is loving and accepting all parts of ourselves.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about shared values and looking at the part we play in the relationship. Today’s caller, Sarah, feels she is at the end of her rope in her relationship and is not sure if she should stay in it or go. The discussion revolves around the different circumstances in her relationship and what we get to is that there is just not enough information yet. If you find yourself at a choice point in your life and are struggling with what to do, either you need more time, or you know the right path and you are resisting taking it.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode334]

Many people ask if they should stay or go. Whether it is a relationship, job, or city it can be very difficult to make a decision. If the answer isn’t clear, it means one of two things, either the answer is clear but we don’t like it so we try to make it work. Or, we just don’t have enough clarity about it. In which case, it may not be the right time to make a yes-or-no decision.

For a relationship to be successful, there needs to be a level of growth and connection, a level of satisfaction, and the freedom to be ourselves in what we create together. Those are just a fraction of the things that define success in relationships.

In a relationship, we must have shared values. At least three or four of our values must be mirrored by our partner. If you don’t have shared values, what is the compass? What is your North Star?

What truly brings two people together if not their shared values?

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, there is a free webinar; to sign up visit ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/go-pro-masterclass.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a situation where you are doubting whether you should end it or keep going?
• Do you feel like you are in a relationship where you feel you are focused on growth and you want your partner to be but they don’t value it as much as you do?
• Do you show up more controlling in a relationship?
• Do you have communication breakdowns and issues in your relationships?

Sarah’s Question:

Sarah is having communication issues in her relationship and feels that she is at the end of her rope when it comes to the conflict. She wants guidance on whether or not she should stay or go.

Sarah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She thinks her partner is a great guy.
• She has communication issues in her relationship.
• The couple had been in counseling but had to quit.
• She gave her partner an ultimatum about getting counseling.
• She has learned to express her needs.
• She values growth and personal development.
• She could be in a Journeymate relationship.
• When she wants to talk things out he gets triggered.
• They have been together for six years.
• She is intentional about her life.
• She feels as if she has to take care of everything and is doing all the work on the relationship.
• She perceived women to be weak when she was younger.
• She feels at the end of her rope.
• She wants to find balance in her life and get out of her head.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Acknowledge her partner and thank him for his efforts toward therapy.
• Ask her partner if he wants similar things from their relationship.
• If she does end the relationship, she needs to own 50% of what is happening and see what lessons can be gleaned from it.
• Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems.
• Start focusing on the family dynamics she grew up with.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a relationship, consider what values you and your partner share.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.