Over It And On With It

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

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CC: Reair: How to Thrive as an Empath with Dr. Judith Orloff 0

Jun 25, 2022

Dr. Judith Orloff is a New York Times bestselling author, psychiatrist and is on the UCLA psychiatric clinical faculty. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating empaths and sensitive people in her Los Angeles based private practice.

Judith Orloff MD asserts that we are keepers of an innate intuitive intelligence so perceptive that it can tell us how to heal — and prevent — illness. Yet intuition and spirituality are the very aspects of our wisdom usually disenfranchised from traditional health care.

Dr. Orloff’s latest book “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” (Sounds True, 2017) is an invaluable resource to help sensitive people of all kinds develop healthy coping mechanisms in our high-stimulus world without experiencing compassion fatigue or burnout. Empaths can then fully embody their gifts of intuition, creativity, and compassion.

Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured all over the world in various media outlets. You can learn more about at www.drjudithorloff.com.

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EP 354: How Not to Be Afraid of Another Heartbreak with Gabriella 0

Jun 22, 2022

This episode is about how to get over heartbreak and open ourselves up to love again. Today’s caller, Gabriella, went through a recent breakup and wants guidance on how she can trust herself to not have her heart broken again. We never want to enter any situation hoping that what happened in the past doesn’t happen again. We discuss ways she can release her fears and open up to love to have a tender experience.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode354]

When we have a heartbreak, we tend to look at how we can prevent it in the future, but that is a limiting way to look at it. Instead, we can consider how we can leverage the heartbreak and heartache to open our hearts up even more.

After a breakup, ask yourself proactive questions such as:

What did you learn from the relationship?
Who do you want to be, in a relationship?
What do you need in a relationship?
What are the red flags you may have overlooked?
How did you show up in the relationship that you don't want to duplicate?
What values do you have?

We learn to trust ourselves by taking care of ourselves. If you feel you need an extra layer of support so you don’t fall into the same hole twice, allow yourself a misstep or two. If trusting yourself is hard, take steps to make it easier. Take baby steps.

If you are nervous about making the same mistake twice or opening your heart again, think about the action steps you need to put in place so that you feel safer. When it comes to love, it is risky sometimes. We cannot prevent getting hurt. Love is tender but the risk is worth it. The reward of opening your heart and finding an aligned partnership or friendship is worth any risk.

If you feel that something is missing in your life you may be focusing too much on what’s missing and not paying enough attention or gratitude to what you have.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you going through a breakup or maybe haven’t gotten over one from your past?
Do you not trust yourself when it comes to making the right decision when it comes to your next relationship?
Are you romanticizing your past relationship or are you a hopeless romantic?
What do you believe the purpose of a romantic relationship is?

Gabriella’s Question:

Gabriella would like guidance on how to listen to her intuition, trust herself, and keep her heart open to a new relationship.

Gabriella’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She was in an intense relationship that ended recently.
She believed her past partner was THE one.
She is afraid of future heartbreak.
She was blindsided and deeply hurt.
She is in the beginning stages of her life.
She became more self-aware and grew because of the breakup.
She is a bit of a hopeless romantic.
She had an inner child abandonment wound.
She does inner child work and it helps.
She is aware of her anxious attachment style.
She doesn’t trust herself completely.
She fears leaving people behind as she grows.
She took some months away from dating.
She loves being in love and partnership.
She is in the middle of a career change.
The ending of the relationship has been a catalyst for her breakthroughs.
She understands that she is not in control and to go into new things with an open heart and open eyes.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Write a letter, something tangible, to herself about her red flags and share it with someone she trusts and ask them to hold her accountable.
Make dating a discovery process about herself and the other person.
Be grateful for the experience, do the healing, and move forward.

Takeaways:

If you are going through a breakup or transition, consider the questions you are asking yourself and challenge yourself. Are they productive questions? Are they getting you anywhere?
If you relate to being a hopeless romantic, take off your rose-colored glasses. Redefine what your definition of romance is.
Remember, we may outgrow certain people. But it opens us up to meet people who are more aligned and more in the right vibration.
Write out a plan of all the things you learned and the red flags you ignored.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 157: Trust Yourself, Stop Caring What Others Think and Feel your Feelings with Steve 0

Jun 18, 2022

The heart of this coaching session is about self-compassion. Steve has been in his masculine and repressing his pain for much of his life. Another level of his pain is surfacing and that’s because his unconscious knows he is ready to deal with it. If you are at a point in your life where you feel like you have done a lot of personal growth work but pain is resurfacing in your life you do not want to miss this episode.

It takes a lot of energy to repress pain. And, that’s why it feels hard to move forward in our lives, it feels hard to get a career off the ground, or to connect in relationships because we are unconsciously suppressing a lot of pain.

Pain wants to come up and out. Our bodies don’t want to hold terrible memories or trauma inside. Our unconscious mind wants to let it go. So, it continues to make us feel uncomfortable until we deal with it. Not just mentally, but emotionally as well.

It may be difficult to go back and to feel the pain of your childhood but you are feeling it anyway, 24/7 — it is just repressed. It is healthier to go into it and feel it fully with self-compassion so it can come up and out.

When pain doesn’t have a way to express with compassion, it sits inside you dormant and continues to drive your choices and behaviors.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you feel like you have hit a point where things were going well but old stuff started to come up?
If you are a man, do you have difficulty feeling vulnerable? Do you judge it as weakness?
Is vulnerability awkward for you? Maybe, it’s OK for others to be vulnerable but it’s hard for you?
Do you trust yourself? Do you trust your decisions? Do you feel safe with your pain?
Do you find yourself jumping to forgiveness too quickly? Are you able to mentally understand and justify things that have happened in your life but you notice the pain is still there?

Steve’s Question:

Steve is struggling with worrying about what other people think of him for what he believes to be the first time in his life.

Steve’s Key Insights and Ahas:

He’s always had to prove himself.
He has tried to be different his entire life.
He joined a gang as a teenager.
He hasn’t forgiven himself for betraying himself.
His experience built loyalty.
He is able to relate to many different types of people.
He has a warrior spirit.
His girlfriend was murdered.
He didn’t have a relationship with his father.
He is in the process of up-leveling.
He wants to eliminate his pain completely.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

He needs to quit judging himself and create a space to be vulnerable.
He needs to trust himself more.
He needs to spend time feeling his feelings.
He needs to do the emotional section of Expectation Hangover.
He should write down what being a loving father to himself looks like.

Sponsors:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Watch Christine Hassler on YouTube — Hit Subscribe!

Christine’s Personal Mastery Course

Expectation Hangover

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine’s Books

EP 353: Clearing Blocks Around Decision-making with Kathy 0

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — If you want to be a guest on this show.

Download this Episode

Jun 15, 2022

This episode is about understanding why we have uncertainty when making decisions. Today’s caller, Kathy, wants to know how to make a decision about something important to her. She is hesitating and feels that it has been a pattern throughout her life. We discuss what in her past may have caused her hesitancy and how to clear the blocks she has around making decisions.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode353]

When we feel we don't know what to do, or we don’t feel like making a decision at the moment, it actually is a decision. Oftentimes, we beat ourselves up when we feel we should decide something and we become frustrated that we can’t decide. Our pause, and the not knowing, is the window of time we need to get clarity.

Many of us agonize over making a decision about whether it will be right or wrong. We may feel panic when a certain subject comes up. And, when panic comes up, it is often because of that unspoken fear.

But, whenever we have trouble making decisions it usually means we don’t trust our inner wisdom. If we trusted ourselves fully, we wouldn’t agonize over the decision-making process. Everyone to some degree agonizes over decisions from time to time, especially big decisions.

It may be that we resist making a decision about marriage and/or children because our family of origin wounds are still raw. Our inner child may not be ready to get into that trauma again. We may think it is our present-day self that is feeling the resistance or lack of excitement, but it is our inner child that is feeling it.

If your head is making your decisions, you will make decisions from a place of fear. If you make decisions from the heart, it is the heart’s job to make decisions from love. The head keeps us safe. But when we play it too safe, we block love and we don’t get to see what is possible.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Is there a conversation, question, or thought that brings up panic or anxiety for you?
Do you want something in your life but are scared of it?
As a child, did you have a lot of opportunities to make decisions, or were your decisions made for you? Were you sheltered or protected?
Do you trust yourself to make a choice and to deal with the consequences?

Kathy’s Question:

Kathy feels she may be making some decisions out of fear and would like guidance about how to trust in her decision-making process.

Kathy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

When conversations concerning marriage and children come about she is resisting talking about them.
She doesn’t trust her decision-making process.
She was sheltered as a child. She didn’t have to work through big issues.
She may have a rigid personality pattern.
She has made decisions on a whim.
She has a fierce inner critic.
She is worried about making the wrong decision.
Her parents respected and loved each other.
She is clear that she wants a family.
She and her partner come from different backgrounds.
She worries about the compromises she may have to make in the future.
She fears her partner is not being honest about where he wants to live.
She may be withholding information from her partner about how she feels.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Listen to the Coaches Corner with Steven Kessler about the Five Personality Patterns.
Turn her concerns into curiosity.
Be okay with not knowing what to do.
Speak with her partner about her true feelings.
Don’t focus on what may go wrong when she makes a decision.
Let her head and heart work together. Open your heart to possibilities.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 100: How to Find Yourself When You Feel Isolated and Lack Self-Esteem with Judy 0

Jun 11, 2022

This episode is about being your authentic self and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation, and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband, and herself, about her needs.

Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically, or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection to ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.

Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you, and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?

Many of us think people pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you, and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.

It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first, by making self-honoring choices. People pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people pleasing is draining.

Drop the people pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices and get out there and find your tribe!

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?

Judy’s Question:

Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.

Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has been continuously moving for a year.
Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
She always puts other people first.
She has a hard time saying no.
She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
She should lean more into authenticity and less into people pleasing.
She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.

Takeaways:

If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day, and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Queen’s Code, by Alison A. Armstrong

Understand Men PAX Program by Alison Armstrong

David Deida

Download this Episode

EP 352: How to Have a Healthy Relationship with a Family Member Who Isn’t Doing the Work with Dominique 0

Jun 8, 2022

This episode is about embodying the personal development work we do. Today’s caller, Dominique, would like to have a relationship with her sister. There is a lot of family history and many things have happened between them. She wants a closer relationship but her sister is not doing the work. We discuss ways she can not take things personally and how she can be the change she wants to see.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode352]

When we are learning about ourselves and digging up old wounds, going back to the source is intense. Everything can feel amplified and we tend to be more sensitive to triggers, especially around our family. Personal development is not an overnight process and we need to look at triggers as opportunities for growth.

When we constantly want people to be different, we are constantly disappointed and triggered. We waste time and energy that we could be spending doing our own work. We create the possibility of people being different when we are different. When we are the change we want to see. It is the best advertisement for anyone to want a different relationship with us.

When we say yes to being any kind of facilitator, coach, or therapist any time we work with people’s emotions and their past, all of our stuff comes forward. We have to show up in a way that is embodied to help others. You can read all the books and read all the theories but until you do the work and embody it, how are you going to help people?

Mark October 7‒9, 2022 on your calendar as I am called to facilitate another Women’s Signature Retreat! It will be in Austin, Texas. More details to follow.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a dynamic where you want a more vulnerable, deeper connection but the other person isn’t?
Do you continue to be triggered in certain family situations or a relationship dynamic?
Does someone make you feel rejected, judged, or dismissed?
Are you doing the work and feel as if you had made progress but then, when with your family, you get triggered?

Dominique’s Question:

Dominique gets triggered by her sister. She would like to share a deeper connection with her but is not sure how to get there.

Dominique’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is in grad school to become a therapist.
She has faced her childhood trauma and the toxic dynamic within her family.
She has been a people-pleaser.
She had a psychological and spiritual awakening.
She is the middle child in an immigrant family.
Her younger sister patronizes her and disrespects her.
She craves attention and love from her sister.
She has more awareness than her sister.
Her inner child gets defensive and she retreats inside herself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Accept that her sister’s soul may not be ready to do the deep work.
Do not take her sister’s actions personally and honor her boundaries.
Ask her sister for clarity about the things she says while maintaining a high vibration.
Set an intention to find her soul sisters.
Let her sister see her be loving and embodying the change she would like to see.
Be gentle with herself during this process.
Perform a ritual to ground herself before meeting with her family.
Remove expectations of herself and others and accept where everyone is.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Guest on The Optimal Body Podcast: Calling in the One with Christine Hassler 0

Jun 4, 2022

Guest on The Optimal Body Podcast: Calling in the One with Christine Hassler

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EP 351: Can a Relationship Work with Religious Differences? With Demi and James 0

Jun 1, 2022

This episode is about taking the pressure off of a decision. Today’s callers, Demi and James, have different religions but both value faith. They have both drawn in someone who challenges their rigidity in their belief systems. They would like guidance on whether or not their differences can be overcome. We work through that it is possible to understand another person’s belief system without making it wrong and that we can believe different things and still love each other.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode351]

The purpose of a relationship isn’t to get married at a certain time or to have a certain number of kids. Remember, everything in life is for our growth and evolution and to move us out of judgment and fear and more into love.

In relationships, we are not always going to agree. It’s important that we have differences in relationships because we don’t want to marry ourselves. But, our differences can’t be extreme. We can differ in personality and preferences. For example, we don't have to be compatible in terms of liking the same music but we do need to have the same values.

We can believe different things but we can still love each other. If you zoom out of all the guidelines and beliefs of all religions, what it all comes down to is love. Whatever God or religion you believe in, it is about love.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you ever been or are you in a situation where you may have to compromise about a value that is important to you?
Have you ever broken up or not dated someone because they don’t subscribe to the same political ideology or they are not of the same religion? Or, have you written someone off because you consider those things a dealbreaker?
Are you in a relationship where you had potential deal breakers but you’ve found your way through or are you in a relationship now where you wonder if something is a dealbreaker?

Demi and James’s Question:

Demi and James have different religious beliefs and would like to know if it will become an issue that cannot be overcome.

Demi and James’s Key Insights and Ahas:

They are taking a break from their relationship.
They are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome the differences.
James questions his beliefs.
James is finding it difficult to overcome the religious differences.
They get stuck when it comes to how to raise their children.
Demi believes being Jewish is not something you can walk away from.
There are some aspects of Christianity that seem unhealthy to Demi.
Demi admires James for his faith.
James is hurt because he feels as if his Christian identity is the enemy.
This is the best relationship Demi has ever been in.
They have a hard time defining boundaries.
They have mutual respect.
Demi is afraid to wait for a year because of her age.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Look at the relationship through the eyes of love.
Date for a year to figure out how they work as a couple without deciding whether or not the relationship is long-term.
If they do work after a year, seek out a counselor who specializes in blended faiths.
Talk about their values and dreams they can get excited about together.

Takeaway:

If you are trying to make a big decision about something, where are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Maybe it’s not time to make a decision.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services