This episode is about healing wounds, feminine or masculine. Today’s caller, Emily, wants to heal her sister wound. She has struggled with feeling judged or rejected by other women and fears being vulnerable with them. She would like guidance on how to make new female connections without being anxious. Anyone who may have wounds from their past when it comes to belonging will benefit from listening to this session.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode331]

When we are teased, bullied, or have a strict, oppressive, or critical parent we develop an inner critic. Our inner critic can be much worse to us than the original offender was. Because we think if we are harder on ourselves than they were to us we will be more equipped to handle the adversity and pain. We believe it will hurt less when others do it. But, when we have a fierce inner critic it is impossible to be authentically ourselves.

When it comes to making friends and being vulnerable we have to dim down the voice of our inner critic. Because our inner critic creates fear and doubt within ourselves and puts up walls, masks, and facades. But, when we show up authentic and honest we are lovable. We fit right in.

Remember, childhood wounds are not something we heal in a few days. Part of the healing is to become aware of our patterns and practice transforming them.

We heal the sister wound by getting honest and vulnerable with our sisters.

Listeners of this show are invited to attend a free training session from Steven Kessler. His The Secret to Better Relationships: Let the Insight of 5 Personality Patterns will show you how to create thriving relationships. To register for the Wednesday, January 19th session at 11 am PST or 2 pm EST, go to ChristineHassler.com/Steven.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a wound when it comes to belonging and making friends?
• If you identify as a woman, do you have a sister wound and find it hard to make friends with other women?
• Did you grow up in a family with a parent or step-parent that was super critical of you and now you have a worse inner critic?
• Is it often hard for you to be vulnerable and to feel seen? Do you second guess yourself when it comes to interactions with other people?

Emily’s Question:

Emily struggles with vulnerability, judgment, and rejection and would like guidance on how to heal her sister wound.

Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels anxiety when making new connections or strengthening existing connections.
• She gets stuck in her head a lot.
• She fears being judged, rejected, and vulnerable.
• She attended the Inner Child workshop.
• She wants authentic relationships.
• Her inner critic keeps her from being authentic.
• At age 7, her parents divorced.
• Her mom had a 15-year relationship with someone who was critical of her.
• She felt her mom didn’t protect her.
• She feels anger toward women.
• She does not feel a sense of belonging with other women but she wants to be part of the group.
• She has competing intentions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Journal about what she learned about women and what she thinks relationships with women could be.
• When interacting with women, keep herself present.
• When with a woman, or a group of women, internally remind herself that the past is the past. She is in the present and no one is judging her.
• Console her inner child and provide her with the protection she didn’t get from her mother.
• Initiate a friendship with a woman she can be vulnerable with.
• Talk to her inner critic in compassionate ways.

Takeaways:

• Practice working with your inner critic to come across more authentically.
• Explore the inner feminine wound by completing these sentences in a journal:

“My beliefs about women are …”

           “What I learned about female relationships as an adolescent is …”

            “Female friendships are …”

                       “When I think about being friends with women …”

• It is time to find your soul sisters and brothers. Find friends that are family.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Teri Cochrane is the founder of the Global Sustainable Health Institute® and an international thought leader in longevity. Through her decades of clinical work, Teri has developed The Cochrane Method®, a future-facing, multisystem health and longevity model. This model examines the intersection of genetic expression due to pathogenic and environmental causes, energy, and her clients’ unique personal blueprint. Teri specializes in solutions to complex health conditions and serves world class athletes. She is the author of the Amazon best-selling new release book, The Wildatarian Diet: Living As Nature Intended.

This episode is about having a pattern of needing to be in a relationship and feeling like something is missing if you don’t have a person. Today’s caller, Lee, has a lot of awareness, but something is missing, and that is being able to access and release his anger. We work through how to release his anger, grieve his childhood, and step into his power.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode330]

If we grow up in a household with a lot of anger, we think all anger is that way. Yet, anger itself is not bad. It is what we do with anger that can be harmful to ourselves or others. Anger projected onto others through words, yelling, abuse, or violation is unhealthy and dark. Anger directed inward such as being hard on yourself, having a bad inner critic, or self-harming is also unhealthy anger. Yet, anger itself is a natural human emotion.

If we get our anger out in a safe way we show up more grounded and more present. We become calmer. Remember, we never want to direct our anger at someone and never inward onto ourselves. We want to get a pillow and let our anger out to allow the parts of us that are angry a chance to heal.

Releasing anger is an important way we become empowered. Often, what makes us needy is that we haven’t found our fierceness or our voice and we are always looking for somebody else to make us feel a certain way. But, when we can get our anger out and step into our power we stop looking to others to fill a void.

If you missed my Release 2021 Ritual Coaches Corner make sure to do it before doing the Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual.

Enrollment for the Elementum Coaching Institute is open. Become a master coach upon graduation from the 2022 program.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like something is missing if you are not in a relationship?
• Do you tend to attract people with an avoidant attachment style?
• Did you grow up with one or both parents that were either neglectful or abusive?
• Did you feel unwanted as a child and are consistently trying to love yourself but you can’t seem to let the unloved feelings go?

Lee’s Question:

Lee always feels that something is missing in his life. He feels he is drawn to people too quickly.

Lee’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He strives to work on his physical and mental health.
• He feels something is missing in his life.
• Being with another person makes him feel safe.
• He uses relationships to fill a void.
• He has an anxious attachment style.
• He was neglected and abused in childhood.
• His father tore the family apart.
• He felt unwanted and not good enough as a child.
• He does things to self-soothe.
• He represses his anger and turns it inward.
• He outsources his self-worth to other people.
• He is needy in relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion for himself.
• Allow his inner child to fully grieve.
• Let his anger out to release his emotions.
• Examine the conscious and subconscious vows he made to not be like his father.
• Step into his masculinity and power.

Takeaways:

• Do the Anger Release exercise to move the energy of anger out.
• Are there any conscious or unconscious vows or oaths you made to never be like someone? If so, you may be denying a part of your expression and it is likely holding you back from authenticity.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine leads you through part two of her annual new year’s ritual and guides you through a meditation / visualization to consciously call in 2022.

You can access the breathwork and meditation series Stef and Christine created and get a holiday discount using code HOLIDAY at https://christinehassler.com/breathwork/

This episode is about discerning intuition from fear-based thoughts. Today’s caller, Tamy, doubts herself and uses constant learning as a compensatory strategy when she may not have fully integrated the information she has already gathered. If you have ever wondered if your feelings are fear-based or truly your intuition, or struggle with self-doubt, this is a great session to tune into.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode329]

We often try to compensate for our self-doubts by people-pleasing, caretaking, obsessing about how we look, or being on a constant train of achieving or learning. Too much learning can be compensation for where we feel self-doubt.

You can be in radical self-acceptance or confidence, and still know there are things you are practicing and integrating.

When we truly listen to our intuition and when we are on track with our personal development work, we stay aligned. We won’t get on an ego-driven path. Ego-based success and compensatory success are houses of cards. And, that is what we fear because we can start to feel like a fraud. We feel as if we could lose everything. If you listen to your intuition, you will stay on a path of success that is sustainable.

Start paying more attention to how your intuition works. Start with little things. Intuition comes in more clearly when we are not distracted. The less we distract ourselves with thoughts of self-worth, validation, and acceptance the more space our intuition has to present itself.

If you missed my Release 2021 Ritual Coaches Corner make sure to do it before doing the Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual available this week.

We have a holiday gift for you this January. Get $30 off of our Breathwork and Guided Meditation series. Use promo code ‘holiday’ at christinehassler.com/breathwork.

The Early Bird discount for the Elementum Coaching Institute ends December 31, 2021, so get your application in.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you sometimes wonder if the information you’re getting or if the thoughts you are having are your intuition or fear?
• Are you addicted to learning, always believing there is more you need to learn?
• Do you doubt yourself or struggle with self-acceptance?
• Do you have a fear of success; not just failure, but a bit of fear of success?

Tamy’s Question:

Tamy wants to know how to recognize and trust her intuition and get rid of self-doubt.

Tamy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is an intuitive person.
• She fears taking action.
• She has developed ways to rely on herself.
• She judges herself and doubts her abilities.
• She feels she doesn’t know enough.
• She has higher standards for herself than she does for others.
• She has been chronically learning without leaving time for integration.
• She fears success.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Listen to her intuition and consider where she is being guided next.
• Consider how her thoughts make her feel. If it makes her feel fear it is not her intuition.
• Respond to the guidance she gets.

Takeaways:

• Journal about what would happen if you are successful. Start with ‘If I am successful then…’ and see what comes up for you.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Welcome to my annual two-part ritual to complete this year and step forward into the next with intention!  In this episode, I guide you through a step-by-step process to complete 2021 with awareness and intention and let it go! And stay tuned for next week's episode where I offer you a process to receive 2022. I record these fresh every year so be sure to tune in even if you are familiar with the process :)

This episode is about prioritizing ourselves and our children. Today’s caller, Aprisa, is a single mother who looks to others to get her needs met. She had a traumatic childhood and has not yet healed her inner child wounding. We also discuss depression and how highly-sensitive people have more proclivity to depression because feeling big emotions can feel scary.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode328]

With single parents, the rightful roles of parent and child can get a little murky.

It is important not to hide our emotions from our children. It is okay for them to see us sad or angry but we want to make sure they know it is not their responsibility. Sadness doesn't last forever but it is important to feel it because when we hold down our emotions they get stuck. 

What often happens with people who are depressed is that they don't know what to do with their big feelings. They end up being distant, irritable, or sad. When what they need to get at is their anger, rage, grief, shame, and other big feelings. Oftentimes, when someone is diagnosed with depression it is important to look at the root cause and what else could be going on. And, many times the diagnosis of depression can be limiting. 

When we suppress our feelings and are not connected with our inner child we can collapse into the subconscious programming, patterning, and time travel when we are triggered.

Be on the lookout for my soon-to-be-released Year in Review episode and join me in releasing 2021 and calling in 2022.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you an introvert or a highly sensitive person who has a proclivity to depression, especially when you suppress emotions?
• Have you found yourself parentifying a spouse or partner? Or, are you spousifying your child? 

Aprisa’s Question:

Aprisa is triggered by her traumatic past and doesn’t feel her needs are being met in her current relationship.

Aprisa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is a single mother.
• She has abandonment trauma from her past.
• She just moved to a new continent with her son.
• She is currently in a relationship and puts her boyfriend before herself and her son.
• She has been clinically diagnosed with depression.
• She feels her needs are not being met.
• She wants to feel peace and not be triggered.
• She has big emotions and doesn't know how to explain them.
• She looks to her partner to heal her inner child.
• She gets triggered and emotionally falls back on her subconscious programming. 
• She is passing on her anxious attachment style to her son.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reduce the burden on her son by reframing how she explains her depression to him.
• Create a secure attachment to her son to bring her closer to her inner child.
• Acknowledge her big feelings and realize she is not doing anything wrong.
• Connect to her inner child and love and parent herself with love and compassion.
• Resist the addiction to codependency.
• Prioritize herself and her son.

Takeaways:

• Listen to my Coaches Corner #286 — Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf.
• Remember, you have the power to transform and heal, no one else can do it for you.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about making self-honoring choices without feeling selfish. Today’s caller, Pooja, has a beautiful relationship with her parents but is torn between pursuing her dream of being a life coach and staying in the U.S. or moving home to be closer to her aging parents who miss her. This episode will help you to get out of limbo and make decisions that feel selfish.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode327]

We want to make choices that are aligned with us versus a “should.” Choices made from “should” create a higher likelihood of resentment. We either end up resenting the people who pulled us to make the choice or we resent ourselves for making the choice because we feel like we betrayed and abandoned ourselves, which is never a good situation.

Whenever you feel the pull of both duty and desire, ask yourself what the most self-honoring choice is, because when we make the most self-honoring choice we are less likely to feel resentment later. We show up more authentically in our relationships when we make choices that are self-honoring.

Choose something, start to take steps forward, and then if you need to choose something else, you can.

If you are considering becoming a great coach, the $2,500 early bird discount for enrollment in ElementumCoachingInstitute.com ends on December 31, 2021. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com if you have specific questions.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you struggling with a decision or choice, or have you been in limbo and it is causing you a lot of anxiety?
• Are you often torn between what you want to do and duty, obligation, or love you feel for your family that is pulling you in a different direction?
• Do you live far away from your parents or your family and feel a pull to be closer to them but also pull to stay where you are because you love it?
• When you make a choice that feels self-honoring does it feel selfish to you?

Pooja’s Question:

Pooja is transitioning careers and is not yet ready to return to India to be with her aging parents. She would like guidance on whether to return or to follow her dream.

Pooja’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She moved to the U.S. with the intention of returning home after a work assignment.
• She and her husband have been in the U.S. since 2013.
• She is going through a career transition.
• Her parents may expect her and her husband to return to India.
• Her dream is to be a life coach.
• She is torn between duty, obligation, and love.
• She hasn’t had a heart-to-heart conversation with her parents about her dream.
• Her values are aligned with her parents’ values.
• Her parents have given her freedom in her life and have never asked her for anything.
• Her parents are aging but healthy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Make a decision without expectations or “shoulds.”
• Have a conversation with her parents about her dreams and goals.
• Commit to a decision and know that she can change it if she feels a nudge from her intuition.
• Keep in contact with her parents via video.

Takeaways:

• If you are struggling with a decision/choice, remember you are not locked in. Empower yourself by getting out of limbo.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is incredibly educational when it comes to our attachment styles.  I talk with licensed psychotherapist Ellen Boeder about how attachment styles are formed, how they impact our adult relationships, and what we can do to heal them so we can have more secure attachments.

A little more about Ellen . . . She has been a therapist since 2003.  She has a strong background in yoga and meditation, and her graduate training in Transpersonal Psychology also deeply inform her work.  Since getting married 12 years ago, and becoming a mother to two children, Ellen transitioned from working primarily with women to focusing on couples.  Ellen is trained in PACT, a therapeutic modality for couples founded by Stan Tatkin, PsyD., that synthesizes attachment theory, neuroscience, and affect regulation models to support couples in creating an enduring and nourishing relationship through secure functioning.

In addition to maintaining a part time private practice, Ellen is on faculty for the Relationship School—a business founded by her husband Jayson Gaddis that provides in depth relationship education for anyone who wants to learn, as well as training for relationship coaches. 

This episode is about setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth. Today’s caller, Nicole, grew up in an unhealthy family dynamic. Her grandmother didn’t accept her family and tried to split them up. She wants to be at peace with the situation but has not yet dealt with her anger. During the holidays, if you are the one who is breaking generational patterns, you may be called selfish or righteous. It can be a difficult place to be put in. But, I encourage you to stand in your truth.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode326]

So many families use guilt and obligation to get people to do things. If you don’t play into it then you may be told you are uncaring or disappointing. But, remember, guilt and obligation are not love. Just because you say no or have a boundary does not mean you do not love your family; it just means you are not playing into the unhealthy family dynamic.

Love itself is unconditional. You can love your family and have compassion for them but relationships are not unconditional. You wouldn’t stay in a relationship if the person lied, cheated, or took your money. And, just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t give them the right to have a relationship with you if they are violating certain boundaries. We can all have loving boundaries and have compassion for people but not tolerate their behavior. I don’t believe that just because someone has had a hard life and has been hurt, that they should have a get-out-of-jail-free card to mistreat other people.

We don’t have to let that into our lives. Just because someone has had a hard life it doesn’t give them the right to make our life hard.

Considering becoming a coach? Take a moment to listen to my Coaches Corner episode #312 with Alexi Parnos, co-founder of ElementumCoachingInstitute.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel guilty if you shut certain people, especially family members, out of your life? Are you carrying around anger or resentment about how you’ve been treated by your family?
• Are you mad at your parents for not sticking up for you inside of their family?
• If you are a parent, what do you want to teach your child about family dynamics?

Nicole’s Question:

Nicole is considering cutting her father’s family out of her life and would like guidance on how to navigate through an unhealthy family dynamic.

Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her father’s family tried to split her parents up.
• She wants to cut her father’s family out of her life.
• Her grandmother wants to form a relationship with her daughter.
• She is holding onto hurt and anger.
• She wants to be at peace with the situation.
• She hasn’t recognized the impact the situation has had on her.
• She played a therapist for her mother as a child.
• Her father was afraid to stand up for his own family.
• Her grandmother sends passive-aggressive notes.
• She gets triggered by her grandmother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Process her emotions to move into forgiveness.
• Do the Empty Chair process and have a conversation with little Nicole about what she needs and give her a voice.
• Mother her inner child.
• Let herself release her anger or write an FU letter.
• Set boundaries and open her heart.

Takeaways:

• Get honest with yourself about unhealthy family dynamics.
• Will this be the year you speak your truth? Will you have a care-frontation conversation about what is going on? Or will this be another year of people-pleasing, swallowing your feelings, and having guilt and obligation, or just avoiding your family altogether?

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about healing sexual blocks in relationships. Today’s callers, Adam & Reanna, want to heal past trauma and have a healthy sex life together. I guide them through an exploration process. This session is useful even if there is no trauma in your past; It is an intimate process that brings couples closer together. And, because in many ways sex is something still taboo to talk about, and often shamed, I want to normalize the conversation. 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode325]

Many times, we think men are the ones who want more sex but it's not gender, sexual identity, or sexual orientation specific. It is life-experience specific. Our experiences impact our sex life. There isn’t a childhood trauma that doesn't impact our sex life, even if there is no sexual abuse. Any kind of childhood trauma impacts our emotional, mental, financial, and sex life.

We often forget about intimacy and what a turn-on intimacy can be, even when we are dating. Our bodies talk to us. Especially as women, if we do not feel safe in our emotional body, our physical body will give us signs. And, many of the blocks in couples’ sex lives arise because they aren't reaching the levels of deeper emotional intimacy.

Having healthy sexuality is more than just having a good sex life. It is about feeling comfortable in your body, enjoying the sensual experiences of life, and knowing what your turn-ons are. When it comes to sex many of us consider the performance and pleasing the other person versus what feels good. 

Healthy sex is about feeling alive and vital and creative. We don't need a partner to have great sexuality and a great sex life. Sexuality and sex is about more than the physical act. It is an energetic experience. 

Get my free 2-part Sacred Union process at ChristineHassler.com/SacredUnion. If you are in a relationship or you are your own beloved this is a great process to increase intimate connection in your life.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have sexual trauma or any other type of trauma that shows up in relationships?
• Is sex hard for you? Do you mentally want to be able to do it but when it comes to the physical act your body just shuts down and you experience trauma triggers?
• Are you someone who may have an overactive sex drive, sexual compulsion, sexual addiction, or do you look to sex to fill a void?
• Does your sex life in your relationship feel stagnant or that it needs some improvement or do you feel stuck?

Adam & Reanna’s Question:

Adam & Reanna have sexual issues affecting their relationship. They would like guidance on how to have a healthy emotional and physical relationship together.

Reanna’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her mother didn’t talk with her about sex.
• She had a teacher be physically inappropriate with her.
• She was in a long-term relationship with a controlling person.
• She has trauma, shame, domestic violence, and PTSD in her life.
• She wants to do the work to have a healthy relationship with Adam.

Adam’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He is frustrated because he wants to help Reanna heal.
• He wants Reanna to want to have sex with him.
• He sometimes thinks he is addicted to sex.
• He does not always feel worthy. He relies on physical intimacy to replace emotional intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Continue counseling and somatic therapy.
• Slowly and gently explore each other. Take baby steps to intimacy.
• Practice communicating their needs during the exploration process.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about breaking a pattern. Today’s caller, Aimee, wants to end a relationship but keeps going back for more. She has a lot of awareness about why it isn’t healthy but she hasn’t taken the action to end it for good. We work through how she can find clarity and commit to her truth.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode324]

When we don’t feel integrated, when all of our parts are not working in harmony, or we have parts of ourselves we have abandoned, we can feel fragmented, off-balance, and lost. If you ever feel lost, ask yourself — what parts of me have I lost versus why am I lost or why do I feel lost? — then, think about what parts of yourself you need to bring back in and integrate.

We can get caught in a bind and judgmental of ourselves when our adult brain, our conscious mind is like — this is a terrible situation. Why am I here? We can’t seem to get out of it or we get out of the situation and we go back for more. It is because the subconscious is looking for an unmet need.

Healing comes when we give ourselves what we need, take action, and keep our promises to ourselves. Remember, feeling relief is an indicator that we are on our way to the truth.

Do you want to call in a healthy relationship and break patterns when it comes to dating and men? To start your journey and create an epic relationship, on November 30th, Stefanos and I will facilitate our last Be the Queen program for a while. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen to apply.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there a situation you are in, a behavior you repeat, or a relationship you know needs to end but you just can’t seem to get out of it?
• Do you find yourself calling something love or calling a relationship healthy or calling a situation okay but it isn’t? It is just familiar.
• Are you confusing true love and safety with familiarity and certainty?
• Are you abandoning your inner child by continuing to put yourself in situations that aren’t for your highest good?

Aimee’s Question:

Aimee doesn’t know how to end her relationship of 11 years. She keeps going back and putting her needs aside.

Aimee’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her relationship is not loving, it is familiar.
• Her relationship doesn’t meet her needs.
• She feels disconnected and lost.
• As a child, she felt she had to earn her mother’s love.
• She has chronic trauma and doesn’t feel safe.
• She is ready to break her pattern of going back but feels guilty.
• She knows she will never be loved by her mother the way she wants.
• She doesn’t want to be in this relationship.
• She cannot tend to her inner child if she goes back to the unhealthy relationship.
• She finds it hard to get out of her head.
• She is scared to show her true self.
• It is time for her to receive.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Let her inner child grieve the pain for the love she didn’t get from her mother.
• Connect and commit to her inner child.
• Leave the relationship and get professional support.
• Stay committed and strong when she feels guilty.
• Write a letter or record the promises she is making to herself.

Takeaways:

• If you have a pattern you can’t seem to quit, ask yourself if it is what you think it is.
• If you need help connecting to your inner child, listen to the Inner Child Workshop at ChristineHassler.com/InnerChild.

Sponsor:

STORYWORTH — is an online service that offers a unique gift. Storyworth helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about opening ourselves up to opportunity by courageously embracing change. Today’s caller, Marilyn, just turned 50 and feels lost in life and with no clear direction for her future. She has been playing it safe and fears making changes in her life. We discuss how she can listen to her intuition to be open to the opportunities that may come from shaking up her life.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode323]

Many of us have put up a wall to protect ourselves and as long as we are more invested in protecting ourselves from getting hurt, we are not going to be open to living into our full potential and achieving our heart’s desire. Because that protective wall keeps us from being hurt and blocks out the amazing possibilities that can come from having an open heart.

And, often, the older we get, the harder it can be to make changes in our lives. Because we become comfortable and complacent. Some people are happy with complacency. They are content in a rinse-and-repeat life, comfort zones, and doing the same things. It is totally fine that they find meaning in other things. But we grow when we put ourselves through challenges and in new situations. So, no matter what your age, instead of settling and giving up on new experiences, make some changes.

Are you a woman looking to call in your beloved? Do you put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship? To start your journey, on November 30th, Stefanos and I will facilitate our last Be the Queen program for a while. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen to apply.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you more comfortable playing it safe even if it means you don’t love your life? Do you consider yourself risk-averse unless you weigh all the options and it seems like a smart thing to do?
• Do you feel disconnected from the way you were as a child? Maybe you were brave,  creative, or outgoing as a child and as you’ve gotten older you’ve wondered where that person went?
• When you think about making a change do you focus too much on all things that could go wrong versus what could go right?

Marilyn’s Question:

Marilyn feels lost and doesn’t have a clear path of what she wants for her future.

Marilyn’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is single and finds it easy to be alone.
• She thought she would meet someone more quickly.
• She feels lost and has a wall up.
• She is conservative in her actions to protect herself.
• She has done the inner child workshop.
• She has been with the same company for 20 years.
• She is considering relocating and finding a new position.
• She was a brave child.
• She is focusing on what could go wrong instead of opportunity.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Make a change. Shake her life up a little bit.
• Tap into her warrior woman.
• Consider what could be great about making a change.
• Do the empty chair process with her inner child.

Takeaways:

• Choose change or let life bring change to you.
• Take some risks.
• Start paying attention to things that could go right instead of what could go wrong.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about realizing control is just a protective behavior. Today’s caller, Beck, wants to feel safe and worthy of love without feeling the need to calculate and devise a plan to control the outcome of a situation. We work through ways she can express her emotions and voice her truth to meet her needs.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode322]

We all have, at some level, an addiction to control. We have different relationships with it and it is hard for us to completely be in uncertainty, non-attachment, and surrender. The more personal development work we do, the more we are able to step into those things but it is naturally human to have those kinds of controlling pieces come up.

Often, what we consider as controlling is a part of us that doesn’t feel safe. And, that part is trying to protect us. I also believe semantics and words are very important. No one wants to be called controlling.

It is hard to get leverage and to do the work we need to do on ourselves when we use a word that has a lot of judgment on top of it. Instead of thinking of your behaviors as controlling, think of them as protective behaviors. It feels better and makes it easier to understand, accept, and shift them.

Are you a woman looking to call in a man? Do you put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship? To start your journey, join our free live call on November 11th, and then on November 30th Stefanos and I will facilitate our last Be the Queen program for a while. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen to apply.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you find yourself fighting for control or manipulating situations to make yourself feel safe?
• Are you someone who holds your thoughts and emotions in for a long time?
• How are you asking for what you need?
• Think about your childhood and the times you got in trouble, or the times you were told you were naughty, or when you did something wrong, did you collapse the “I did something wrong” to mean “I am wrong”? Do you have an old childhood belief that because you did something bad or wrong it means you were wrong or unlovable?

Beck’s Question:

Beck wants to explore her relationship with control and guidance on how to work through it to support herself in her relationship.

Beck’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She’s been doing inner work.
• She fears being perceived as a controlling person.
• She manipulates situations to get what she wants.
• She experiences expectation hangovers.
• She controls things to protect herself.
• Her parents loved her, but it felt conditional when she did something wrong.
• She is afraid of losing love.
• She is sensitive and has big feelings.
• As a child, she couldn’t separate her actions being wrong from her being wrong.
• She creates distance in her partnership when she doesn’t show her true emotion.
• She doesn’t always know what she needs.
• Her partner struggles to handle her emotions.
• She tests people to see if they love her.
• She outsources getting her needs met.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Communicate her truth when she feels it.
• Ask for what she needs, consistently.
• Know she can make mistakes and still be worthy of love.
• Sprinkle the release of her emotions out when they arise, not to let the floodgates open after keeping them inside.

Takeaways:

• Realize that you can make mistakes and still be worthy of love.
• Look at where you are not speaking your truth.
• Emotions are better let out than kept in.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE — Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Thirdlove obsesses over every stitch. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about mothering the inner child and connecting to the little one inside. Today’s caller, Nyikia, is working to give herself the love and compassion she didn’t get as a child but is having difficulty connecting with her inner child. We work through that connection and a daily practice she can use to nurture herself and her little one.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode321]

We are often good at giving others what we need to give ourselves the most. This is where we can fall into traps in relationships. Whether it’s romantic relationships, work relationships, or friendships, we can be loving, compassionate, loyal, and show up for others but the person we need to do that for is our inner child and ourselves.

We can’t go back in a time machine and change our parents or live a different childhood. But, remember, the mind doesn’t know the difference between a well-imagined thought and current reality. So, we can give ourselves the childhood we never had by being a mother or father to our inner child.

Join Us for a Special Master Class, “Calling Him In Masterclass”. Learn How to Attract a Man Who Is Your True Match So You Can Experience the Epic Soul Mate Love You Desire Nov. 4th at 5:00 PM PST. Sign up here:  https://christinehassler.com/lovemasterclass.  

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you have a mother or father who didn’t fall into the traditional role? Maybe, your mom wasn’t nurturing or your father was absent or not protective and you have a hard time connecting with that inner parent?
• Are you good at loving others and taking care of others but not so great at taking care of yourself?
• Have you done a lot of self-work in the last several years or months, but feel in some areas, especially with the inner child, you don’t know what to do or you are not making progress?

Nyikia’s Question:

Nyikia is looking to heal and move past childhood issues but is finding it difficult to connect to her inner child.

Nyikia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She grew up with only her mother as a caregiver.
• Her mother was emotionally and verbally abusive.
• Her father was absent, for the most part.
• She has an adopted brother.
• She is doing personal development work to connect with her inner child.
• She has avoidant strategies and distracts herself.
• She wants to acknowledge her inner child.
• She longed for feeling safe when she was a child.
• Her IQ has been rewarded more than her EQ.
• She often shuts down her emotional releases.
• It is easy for her to find compassion for others but not for herself.
• Her inner child doesn’t feel worthy of nurturing.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Check-in with a picture of her as a child once a day.
• Tell her inner child how worthy she is of nurturing and love. 

Takeaways:

• Check-in daily with your inner child and have a conversation.
• Re-visit the recording of the Inner Child Workshop at ChristineHassler.com/innerchild.
• Consider what you didn’t get as a child and how you can give it to yourself.

Sponsor:

STORYWORTH — is an online service that helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about obsessive thinking and anxiety. Today’s caller, Megan, wants to know why she obsesses over things such as decisions, relationships, and her body image. She would like guidance on how to shift her patterns but feels she may always have anxiety. We dial back the clock to discover why she adopted it as a coping strategy and work through how she can empower herself so her anxiety can be an alarm instead of a constraint.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode320]

One of the best things the mind does to deal with anxiety in the body is to obsess because it is a distraction and keeps us from feeling the physiological discomfort in the body. Anxiety is energy that is fast buzzing energy. This frenetic energy is in our minds and our nervous systems. It can be really overwhelming so we develop ways to do something with it or to turn it into something. When we obsess over things and think about things over and over and over again, it’s the way the mind is trying to deal with all that frenetic energy.

Obsessive thinking is a coping strategy. If we look at those patterns as alarm systems, have compassion for ourselves, and understand there is nothing wrong with us, it is easier to shift patterns like anxiety and obsessive thinking that are not serving us.

The hardest things to change about ourselves are the things that are protecting us. The patterns cling to us because they believe they are helping us like they had in our childhood.

If you are a woman looking for a man and put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship, the holidays can be challenging. In late November, join Stefanos and me for our Be the Queen program. This upcoming event is the last live event until at least next year. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen for more information. Sign up early and get access to the Bonus Call on 11/11/21.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are there things in your life you obsess about or just can’t stop thinking about?
• Do you obsess about your body, what people are thinking about you, or your dating experiences?
• Did you grow up with an anxious parent?
• Do you doubt your self-worth?
• Do you fear you will never be able to change the patterns you don’t like or judge yourself over?

Megan’s Question:

Megan has a pattern of obsessing over things in her life and would like guidance on how to shift her obsessive thinking and to become more empowered.

Megan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She obsesses over body image issues, men, and romantic relationships.
• She feels her anxiety is robbing her sense of inner peace.
• She has done personal development work.
• She believes she has always had anxiety.
• Her mother was hard to predict and inconsistent.
• She gets frustrated trying to shift her patterns.
• She fears she will always have anxiety.
• She doesn’t speak up for herself or set self-honoring boundaries.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Be compassionate and make friends with her obsessions.
• Make a list of the things she is certain of and has control over in her life.
• Surrender and accept that her anxiety is trying to protect her from getting hurt.
• Focus on meeting her needs and speaking her truth by empowering herself.
• Listen to the Coaches Corner How to Navigate, Resolve, and Prevent Conflict with Jayson Gaddis.

Takeaways:

• When you feel anxiety, consider the highest purpose of your obsessiveness. How is it serving you?
• Do not put a label on yourself. Empower yourself to react to things differently.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

My guest today talks to us about what attention really is, how to focus it (and stop a wandering mind), and leverage our minds to not only bring us success, but peace. Dr. Amishi Jha is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami. She serves as the Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative, which she co-founded in 2010. She received her Ph.D. from the University of California–Davis and postdoctoral training at the Brain Imaging and Analysis Center at Duke University. Dr. Jha’s work has been featured at NATO, the World Economic Forum, and The Pentagon. She has received coverage in The New York Times, NPR, TIME, Forbes and more. She is the author of the new book Peak Mind which we talk about in this episode.

This episode is about overcoming not-enoughness and meeting our own needs to be secure in relationships. Today’s caller, Boston, has a protective pattern from his childhood that shows up as jealousy. It is blocking him from feeling secure in his relationship. He is working to shift his jealous feelings and is asking for guidance to understand the origin of his feelings and heal his anxious attachment style.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode319]

We are human. We are going to have patterns and we are going to have programming. There will be feelings that come up. There may be anxiety, OCD, insecurities, jealousy, co-dependence, people-pleasing, etc. It is not who you are. I say it again, it is not who you are.

Just because you have jealousy doesn’t mean you are a jealous person. Just because a pattern comes up for you, jealousy, or anything else you want to shift, it doesn’t mean you are that pattern. It is so important that whenever we are working to shift something, we accept it. The more we judge and shame ourselves, the more it sticks and the harder it is to change. So, if you are trying hard to change things about yourself, do not make yourself miserable. Being aware and accepting your patterns is the path forward.

Often, we make things more complicated than they need to be. Our primary desire is to feel safe, seen, heard, and loved. The more we get it from within ourselves the more we get it from others. The more we can acknowledge the tender parts inside of us the less we need external validation.

If you are a woman looking for a man and put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship, the holidays can be challenging. So, starting late November or early December, join Stefanos and me for our Be the Queen program. This upcoming event is the last event until next year. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen for more information.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you struggle with jealousy in your relationship even if there is no reason for it?
• Do you judge yourself for getting jealous?
• Did you grow up feeling like you fit into society, your family, or your peer group? Did you look or feel different, like you were not good enough?
• How are you at meeting your own needs?

Boston’s Question:

Boston has a pattern of exhibiting jealousy in his relationships. He would like guidance on how to heal his triggers.

Boston’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He recently started his personal development journey.
• He puts his jealous behavior on to his partner.
• He judges himself for his jealous tendencies.
• He is mentally working through his patterns to interrupt them.
• He has an anxious attachment style.
• He is looking for reassurance in his relationship.
• He grew up in an area where people were discriminatory.
• He had very little emotional connection with his parents.
• His parents argued a lot in his childhood.
• He didn’t feel good enough as a child.
• He was jealous of other families and the love he thought they shared.
• He moved to a new country at a very young age.
• He developed tough skin to protect himself.
• His partner is patient and understanding.
• He has old hurts and insecurity.
• His fear of losing his family is preventing him from enjoying it.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Understand his jealousy is trying to protect him.
• Be compassionate with himself when he is triggered.
• Remind himself he is enough.
• Talk to his younger self about what he needs and reassure himself.
• Ask his partner to work with him on his inner child work.
• Embrace and enjoy the life he has created.

Takeaways:

• For a refresher on healing your inner child, listen to the Inner Child Workshop.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.