A must-listen for both men and women! Traver Boehm joins Christine to talk about why so many men are emotionally unavailable or displaying unhealthy masculinity and how to shift it. Traver is inspiring millions of men to shift their experience of masculinity by combining the Primal Masculine with the Divine Masculine.  He is an author, speaker, and founder of the ManUncivilized Movement, as well as a former Strength & Conditioning coach, a CrossFit gym owner, an MMA fighter, a bodyguard, an acupuncturist, and a surfer.  (Check out his amazing TEDx talk by clicking here.)

Website: www.manuncivilized.com

Instagram: @traverboehm

This call is about developing authentic relationships by being authentic. Today’s caller, Kylie, is individuating and is trying to figure out how to have a grown-up relationship with her mother. This call is useful for those of you who are wondering how to have an adult relationship with your parents and break free of the patterns that were set up in childhood.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode268]

When we become an adult, we start to step into sovereignty. Our parents, or caregivers, raised us and they were our authority figure. We were dependent on them. As children, we couldn’t care for ourselves and were not supposed to. We were subjected to whatever patterns our parents imprinted upon us. Since as children we are sponges, we absorbed many of the way they did things, the way they feel their emotions, and the way they relate.  We learned as children to adapt to those behaviors and be whoever we think we need to be, to be safe, to be loved, and protected.

Then, as adults, as we step into sovereignty and we are not dependent on our parents, and we are dependent on ourselves, we have to consider the relational dynamic that was set up when we were dependent and had no sovereignty, no power.

The patterns that were set up your parental dynamic, either with one or both of your parents when they were set up, you had no choice in the matter. Today, you do. Do you still want to keep playing out the patterns that were imposed and imprinted on you as a child, now that you are an adult? Or, do you want to individuate and have a healthy adult relationship with your parents?

If so, it may involve upsetting them. The other person being upset is often a side effect of setting boundaries. You cannot wait until you are sure the other person will not be upset to do it.

To create a vision for a relationship that requires another person who is not doing their work can leave you with a massive expectation hangover. I have a guided talk in the Calm app.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you walk on eggshells or have anxiety when it comes to one or both of your parents or anyone in your life?
• Do you often feel yourself contorting into what you think someone wants you to be so you avoid upsetting them?
• Do you feel like you are growing at a faster rate than your parents? Or, have outgrown your parents and you’re not sure how to have a relationship with them?
• Are you authentic and sovereign in your relationships or do you tend to give your power away?

Kylie’s Question:

Kylie wants guidance on how to develop a more authentic relationship with her mother.

Kylie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She rarely speaks with her mother even though they live close.
• Her parents divorced when she was six.
• She decided she does not want to follow her mother’s path.
• There is some co-dependent patterning.
• She is careful about how she communicates with her mother.
• She does not want to disappoint her mother.
• She is in tune with her body and working on her personal development.
• She embraces intimacy with others.
• She gives her mom a lot of power while disempowering herself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Be careful not to take the caretaking role with her mother.
• Be unapologetically herself.
• Let it be OK that her mother gets upset.
• Ask her boyfriend to call her out when she rolls back into her previous patterns.

Takeaways:

• Stop editing yourself in relationships, especially the ones closest to you. It is okay to rock the boat.
• No hiding, no avoiding. Embrace “carefrontations” and speak your truth.
• Do not parent your parents.
• Ask yourself why you chose your parents.
• Look at the ways you are not sovereign. Where are you giving your power away?

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about seeking an external change to fill an internal void. Today’s caller, Leigh, wants to make a career change because she is not fulfilled by her current career. But her career switch is not the priority, it is about healing and breaking patterns. This call is important for any of you who feel stuck, who want to make a change, especially a career change, but are not doing it.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode267]

Practical decisions are often fear-influenced decisions. Fear-influenced decisions are not wrong. We feel we have to make decisions that give us more certainty. But, we sacrifice a lot of our beliefs, our magic, and our dreams when we do. As human beings, we learn through contrast, so it is OK to make fear-influenced decisions.

There are a lot of reasons why we do not make the changes we want to make. It can come back to childhood wounding and it can also be because we don’t have the right foundation.

We often seek out relationships or careers to give us what we didn’t get in childhood. For example, you might be seeking out someone in a relationship who makes you feel safe. Or, you may be seeking out a career to make you feel self-expressed and free. Many of our quests for fulfillment are a call for healing. But, remember, we never want to use something external to fill an internal void.

Empaths are sponges. We soak up a lot of information. One of the tendencies of empaths is that we take too much of other people’s guidance. We take on people’s feelings and accept what people tell us we should do. If you are an empath, think about that, feel into that. Do you allow other people to tell you who you are and what you should do, versus trusting your own discernment?

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel a call to do something different but can’t seem to make the change?
• Did you grow up feeling like you had the attention you desired and deserved or are you starved for attention and emotional expression?
• Are you in a relationship where you feel fully supported?
• Are you afraid to speak your needs and go after your dream?

Leigh’s Question:

Leigh wants to make a career change and would like guidance about how to follow her dreams.

Leigh’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is interested in a career in personal development or healing arts.
• She is currently a lawyer but not passionate about her work.
• She has two children under five.
• She loves deep conversations.
• She needs financial security.
• People always question what her heart desires.
• She felt alone and not heard as a child.
• She wants to follow her heart.
• She is an empathetic, feelings-based person.
• Her husband doesn’t understand why she needs a change.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Prioritize herself and her marriage.
• Talk with a coach or therapist where she can feel heard and supported.
• Get into the habit of expressing her emotions.
• Express herself in her marriage.

Takeaways:

• Get a consistent, habitual form of support in a therapeutic environment.
• Remember, there is divine timing for everything.
• If you feel you are not moving forward in the direction you want, it doesn't mean you’re not moving forward. You may have to re-route your path.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

In this quickie episode Christine shares tips for how to get out of limbo and make a choice so that you can move forward. If you are struggling over a decision, don't miss this one!

This call is about eliminating the imprints put on us by other people. Today’s caller, Rory, has childhood wounding from her father’s verbal abuse and her mother’s lack of support. She feels stuck in her life but she is just in a loop of patterns she created to cope with not getting what she needed as a child. 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode266]

Whatever parent’s love we crave most or whichever parent we felt the most distant from is usually who we tend to find a relationship with or we model ourselves after. And, that is what we are always chasing as an adult.

We want our parents to be proud of us but especially our fathers. Knowing your dad is proud of you is massive. We want to know our mom loves us unconditionally and dad is really proud of us. It helps our self-esteem.

If you are someone who feels stuck, realize you are not stuck. You are just caught in a loop based on your imprints and your patterns and your wounding. You have to find an exit route. And, often the exit route is what you did not get as a child that you need to give yourself.

People are often good at giving others what they are horrible about giving to themselves. You may be nurturing and compassionate towards others but hard on yourself. Or, patient with others but completely impatient with yourself. Anything we give in overflow to others is what we need to give ourselves.

What are you giving that you’re not receiving?

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you keep trying but things just aren’t happening?
• Do you consistently start things but don’t finish them?
• Did you grow up in a household where both parents were really hard on you? Did you feel like nothing you ever did was right?
• Are you excellent at giving others compassion, acceptance, and understanding but not so great about giving it to yourself?

Rory’s Question:

Rory feels she has hit a wall and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t finish things she starts.

Rory’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She grew up with a lack of love.
• As a child, she was told she was different, sensitive, and that she would fail.
• She wonders what the point of her life is.
• She has a pattern of quitting.
• She has recurring disturbing dreams about her father and sister.
• She didn’t get any completion energy from her father.
• She internalized her father’s voice.
• She attaches negative connotations to journaling.
• She feels pressure to do a lot of things.
• She doesn’t speak to herself with compassion.
• She has a fierce inner critic.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Nourish herself with the things she didn’t get.
• Bring more healthy masculine energy into life.
• Reduce the amount of doing and be compassionate with herself.
• Realize external things won’t take the place of her passions.
• Write out and record what she wishes her mother would have said and listen to it several times a day.
• Listen to this episode again to reflect on how she is talking to herself.

Takeaways:

• What loop are you in and what are the imprints and patterns that have you in a loop? How can you find an exit route?
• What did you always want from your father or mother but didn’t get and start giving it to yourself?
• Listen to the voices in your head and to the ones that are mean, the ones that push you, the ones that don’t accept you say, "Who is this, who is this?" and separate yourself from those voices.

Sponsor:

ShipStation — The solution for online businesses and individuals who want to ship things without leaving home. ShipStation software tracks all of your shipments in one easy-to-use interface. Try ShipStation for free for 60-days by using the offer code 'OVERIT'. ShipStation helps your business grow and thrive.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Omar is a gifted Storyteller, Public Speaker, and Life Coach specializing in Addiction Recovery and Emotional Healing work. He’s the host of the incredibly popular SHAIR Recovery podcast. He delivers a powerful message of overcoming drug addiction and an inspirational 16-year journey of recovery.  Omar is a successful self-made entrepreneur, is married to his soul mate, and lives in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Costa Rica. He has transformed his life through recovery, personal development, and coaching and now he helps people all over the world transform their lives.

Listen and learn more:

https://theshairpodcast.com/
https://omarpinto.com/

This call is about treating ourselves with compassion, encouragement, and unconditional love when we have a mother wound. Today’s caller, Megan, believes people avoid her because she has too many problems. What we uncover during our session is that she has created a false independence because it is how she copes with having a neglectful mother.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode265]

When we don’t have anyone holding us, we hold things inside.

The difference between being a victim with friends and being vulnerable is being a victim is always complaining about the same thing, never empowering yourself, and never doing anything differently. Being vulnerable is sharing what’s in your heart, and taking responsibility. It’s when you are not looking for a solution, not always complaining about the same thing but just having an open heart and being intentional about how you choose to shift it, even if it’s just being more compassionate with yourself. Victims don’t make too many friends unless they just hang out with other victims and they can all throw pity parties together. This doesn’t mean to not be vulnerable. You can be vulnerable without going into victim consciousness.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like you are too much for people? Do you feel you lose friendships or people avoid you because your life is hard and you think that you are just too much?
• What events in your childhood are keeping you stuck?
• Do you have an attitude that nothing works out and things are hard?
• Did you have a mother who was not there for you or who neglected you, or who you were not enough for?

Megan’s Question:

Megan feels she is too intense or too much for other people and would like guidance on how to break free of the pattern.

Megan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• People pull away or avoid her.
• She had three near-death experiences as a child.
• Her parents divorced.
• She feels isolated.
• She struggles with low self-worth.
• Her mother was neglectful in many forms.
• She is mothering herself the way she was mothered.
• She attracts emotionally unavailable people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Nourish her relationship with herself.
• Separate from her struggles to connect more deeply with herself.
• Communicate with an advisor or good friend.

Takeaways:

• Do the hand exercise and give it a voice.
• Consider what you think of when you think of a “mother” and write out a list of the qualities that make an amazing, loving mother and integrate those qualities into your life.
• Work on being vulnerable and intimate with your friends.

Sponsor:

Jenni Kayne — If you love clothes that are both stylish and super comfortable with a dash of refined simplicity, you will love Jenni Kayne. Having comfortable cozy items is essential at any time of year. Use the code ‘OVERIT’ for 20% off at checkout!

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about how fear of commitment may truly be fear of loss. Today’s caller, Rachel, is collecting evidence about why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship because it will be too much work even though she says she would like to have a relationship. We talk about how the losses she experienced as a child may be coloring her perception of what a relationship will be like and how interdependent relationships can help us heal.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode264]

People who felt very alone as children will lead a solitary life and think that it’s what they want because they want to avoid a wound about being lonely as a child. They stay in that energetic and continue living a lonely, solitary life because they don’t know any different. It keeps the old wound from coming up. It may not make a lot of logical sense but if you are someone who lives a solitary or lonely life, and you believe that you are an introvert and you like it better, is it really true? Or, is loneliness a wound from your childhood you are perpetuating in your adulthood?

When we don’t have stability or structure in our life or childhood, things become overwhelming as an adult. It’s because there is still a traumatized child running the show. This is why having a lot going on, for someone who moved around a lot, had a parent that died, or didn’t have someone there to provide structure and stability, is hard. Just a few things can seem overwhelming.

Until we do healing work, our perception is influenced by past wounding because we expect to see what we have seen in the past.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you not getting into a relationship because you don’t want one or because you are scared?
• Do you have a history of loss? Has loss been a major teacher for you?
• Are you afraid that if anyone gets too close, you will lose them?
• Do you spend a lot of time alone and think that you like that better?
• Do you believe your inner child wounding could actually be healed in a relationship? Do you avoid relationships because you’re afraid you’re going to get hurt?

Rachel’s Question:

Rachel has experienced multiple losses and would like guidance on how to approach relationships in her life.

Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She believes a relationship would be a lot of work.
• Her mother passed when she was seven.
• She was separated from her family members when her mother passed.
• She was adopted at 14 by a family friend.
• She may be looking for a caretaker in a relationship.
• She wants a relationship but is not sure it will fit her life.
• She would like a relationship with someone she can count on.
• She is craving a nurturing partner.
• She leads a solitary life and feels safer hiding herself.
• She has a lot of love to give.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Stop letting the loss she experienced define her.
• Open her heart to herself, other people, or an animal.
• Consider if she makes decisions from her heart or fear.
• Watch or read things that model a nurturing love.

Takeaways:

• Know that the thing that has been the primary teacher in your life does not have to be a consistent lesson.
• For any decision you are dealing with, ask yourself if you are making the choice from fear or from your heart.
• Connect to your mothering, nurturing energy, whether you are male or female.
• If you are someone who deals with loneliness, give love to yourself and others.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Meera Lee Patel is a self-taught artist and the author of Start Where You Are, Made Out of Stars, and My Friend Fear, and—most recently—Create Your Own Calm. She creates work to inspire and encourage others to connect with themselves, each other, and the world around them.

In this episode we talk about how you can incorporate art and creativity into your wellness routine and meditation practice.

Learn more about Meera here: https://meeralee.com/

This call is about effectively communicating your needs to break unhealthy patterns in relationships. Today’s caller, Julie, is aware of the unhealthy patterns in her relationships but is uncertain why the patterns aren’t shifting. The amazing thing about relationships, romantic or friendship, is that they can provide healing ground for inner child wounding if we feel safe enough to do it.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode263]

We all have masculine and feminine energy within us, no matter how we identify. Often, the way we present in life is not our core essence. Masculine energy likes to feel respected. It’s on the top of the priority list for men. And, for the female-identifying people that doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be respected but for the feminine essence it is a lot more about feeling safe and respect is part of that. It is about feeling safe physically, feeling safe emotionally, and feeling safe sexually.

Masculine and feminine energy is something Stefanos and I teach a lot. It’s another avenue of personal development we can learn about and in relationships, especially intimate relationships, it’s really important to have polarity, otherwise, you either kind of go into roommate mode or you have a lot of arguments.

When healing a romantic relationship there are two key aspects. The inner child piece and the polarity piece. It is hard to get the polarity piece in place when the inner child piece isn’t in place. So how the inner child piece helps with the polarity piece is as children we are more in touch with our core essence, either feminine or masculine, and it’s because of inner child wounding that those masks get put on. The more we give ourselves what we need inside ourselves the more we give the little one inside of us what we didn’t get as children.

Remember inner child work in a relationship is meeting our needs, parenting ourselves in the way that we didn’t get, and then communicating our needs in a non-attacking, non-passive-aggressive, non-manipulative way to our partners.

It’s a lot to be human, be a parent, and be in a relationship, but when we understand our inner child, understand how to parent, and understand polarity it becomes a little less overwhelming and a little easier.

Level 2 of the Virtual Inner Child Workshop will be held on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Level2 to sign up or visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have patterns that keep showing up in your life, or your relationships, and no matter what you do you just can’t seem to shake them?
• Were you raised in a home where you had to parent your parents and you had to be both the mother and the father?
• Do you tend to parent your children in a way that is opposite to how you were parented but when it comes to your own relationship with your inner child you’re still parenting yourself the way you were parented?
• Do you relate to feeling like things are going well but you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop so you can’t really enjoy the good happening in your life?

Julie’s Question:

Julie has grown a lot with personal development work but she can’t seem to shake the patterns of waiting for something to go wrong.

Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She separated herself from an abusive marriage.
• She looks for things to go wrong.
• Her mother is bi-polar.
• She is currently in a romantic relationship.
• Her partner speaks another language.
• She didn’t have a close relationship with her father.
• She adopted a protective strategy.
• She is in Personal Mastery.
• Her mother criticized her.
• She fears being disappointed and hurt.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Use her relationship as a healing container.
• Work with her inner child, little Julie.
• Give love and encouragement in place of self-judgment.
• Step into her feminine.
• Talk with her partner about getting her needs met.
• Be gentle with herself.

Takeaways:

• Ask yourself, ‘what did I need most in childhood that I didn’t get?’ and give it to yourself. Make it a priority to give yourself whatever it is.
• If you want to learn more about the masculine-feminine dynamic, I like the book, Intimate Communion by David Deida. If you want to try it on Audible you can go to Audibletrial.com/overitandonwithit to get a discount.
• If you’re in a relationship, think of how you can meet the needs of your inner child and then communicate those needs to your partner in a non-passive-aggressive, non-attacking, or non-manipulative way.
• Do the inner child work. Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about coming to terms with leaving an abusive past behind. Today’s caller, Julie, grew up in an abusive home and struggles with how much responsibility she has to stay involved in the family dynamic of her family of origin. We discuss body memories and what she is experiencing at a soul level. Until we parent our inner child the way it needs to be parented, that part of us continues to hook into the past to try to get our needs met.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode262]

Whatever your story is, there’s no reason to carry around shame or judgment of it and there is no reason to over-identify with it. If you think because of your past you have to have an awful life, or you will never become what you want to become, or use it as a scapegoat or excuse, you don’t. Your story is part of your life. It is something that has formed you but it doesn’t have to limit you. And, there’s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed about it. Your story is your story, that’s it.

The body is often the language of the subconscious mind. And, with emotions, our body can be stuck in time because it remembers a trauma that happened. Many of our emotions are coming from the subconscious level, especially the programmed emotions. Those are the ones we have been feeling since we were a child, based on things that happened or things we were told. Emotions that we feel over and over again that are pervasive and repetitive are emotional addictions. Oftentimes, right before we break an addiction, cravings for the experience get stronger.

It’s hard to break karma and step into massive soul lessons because we know we are breaking free of something major we have been hanging on to for lifetimes.

Level 2 of the Virtual Inner Child Workshop will be held on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Level2 to sign up or visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you know the difference between your actual feelings or feelings that have just been a programmed response?
• Are you estranged from a family member or do you feel it may be healthy not to be in contact with a certain family member or a friend?
• Do you feel guilty or ashamed by your parents and do things out of obligation?
• Do you want to break free of the wounding of childhood and create a new kind of healthy family moving forward?

Julie’s Question:

Julie would like guidance on how to discern her programmed feelings from her actual feelings.

Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She grew up in an abusive home.
• She could never do anything right.
• She will be adopting a baby and doesn’t want to repeat the cycle.
• She feels as if she can’t escape her past.
• She doesn’t speak with her mother.
• She feels debilitated but is ready to purge the feelings.
• She feels ready to be a mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reach out to a somatic therapist who is trauma-informed.
• Look at how far she has come and acknowledge herself for it.
• Forgive herself for the self-imposed blame.
• Emancipate herself from being controlled and betrayed.

Takeaways:

• Do the inner child work. Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Sponsor:

ShipStation — The solution for online businesses and individuals who want to ship things without leaving home. ShipStation software tracks all of your shipments in one easy-to-use interface. Try ShipStation for free for 60-days by using the offer code 'OVERIT'. ShipStation helps your business grow and thrive.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about being able to meet your own needs. Today’s caller, Melissa, had a challenging childhood and is being triggered in her current relationship. She would like guidance on how to communicate her needs to her partner. We work through how her triggers are serving her and the expression of a need versus the expectation of a need to be filled by someone else.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode261]

We often choose spouses and relationship partners who help us heal unmet needs and wounds from our parents.

As humans, on a metaphysical, even spiritual level, we need other people. And, we need people to meet certain needs. And, when we learn how to meet our needs ourselves we get better at communicating healthy needs to others.

We live in an interdependent world, yet we are sovereign beings. This means we must take an inside-out approach. First, we have to be independent in fulfilling our own needs internally and not project them on others. When we understand how to communicate our needs, not from a needy place but a place of bonding in our relationships, we can then connect and express with others toward interdependence.

There is the difference between being needy, or trying to get someone else to fill a need, and clearly expressing our needs to another person in a way that we can teach them how to meet it.

If you missed the Virtual Inner Child Workshop Level 1, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• As a child, did you ever feel abandoned or neglected?
• Do you get triggered in your relationships when you feel someone else is not meeting your needs or showing up the way you like them to?
• Do you have a pattern of reaching out to others to get your needs met?
• Can you say without a shadow of a doubt you know how to meet your own needs?

Melissa’s Question:

Melissa doesn't completely understand her needs and feelings. She wants guidance on how to recognize her boundaries and give herself what she needs when she is triggered.

Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She wants to understand her feelings and needs.
• She projects her abandonment wounds on to her husband.
• She is aware of her abandonment wounding.
• She was left alone while her parents comforted her younger brother.
• She never felt supported by her parents.
• She is triggered by her husband’s attention to his work.
• She attended the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1.
• She reached out to her mother but was disappointed by her response.
• She wants to establish a connection with her mother.
• She feels overburdened with managing her emotions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do the empty chair process from Expectation Hangover.
• Write her mother a letter she does not intend to send.
• Use her triggers to discover how she can meet her own needs.

Takeaways:

• Think about the things you want from other people and make a list of your unmet needs and see how you may not be doing those things for yourself.
• Learn how to communicate your needs to people in your life.
• Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Sponsor:

Jenni Kayne — If you love clothes that are both stylish and super comfortable with a dash of refined simplicity, you will love Jenni Kayne. Make getting dressed the easiest part of your routine with Jenni Kayne’s modern essentials. Use the code ‘OVERIT’ for 20% off at checkout!

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine gives you ten very do-able tips for how to increase your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health during these intense times. When there is so much division and uncertainty in the external world, it is critically important to create calm in your internal world.

To join us for the Inner Child Workshops, go to www.christinehassler.com/innerchildbundle

This call is about maintaining boundaries when dealing with anger or rage. Today’s caller, Dana, is in a difficult situation. Her husband rages out at her and her children, but she loves him and wants the relationship to work. We work through ways she can maintain her boundaries and ways she can show up in the relationship to create a cohesive healing environment.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode260]

First, if you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.

Anyone who has been abused and then becomes abusive has a great deal of shame. One thing we know to be true is that love is incredibly healing. And, often when someone is in an environment where they do not feel judged, their protective behaviors begin to fade. Creating a loving, non-judgmental, feminine space for the person may help them heal.

Remember, feminine energy is not weak or submissive. We don’t just tolerate whatever happens to keep the peace and love everything. Feminine energy is fiercely loving and compassionate. It’s the combination of compassion and nurturing that holds space and is non-judgmental but also the protective mama bear.

If you missed the Inner Child workshop, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, which begins Sept. 25th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild.

This is a trying time emotionally, mentally, and financially, so in October, I am giving away $5,000 in personal development grant money. Ten people will receive $500 to invest in themselves. We are also enrolling angels who would like to make a financial contribution to someone else’s personal development, go to ChristineHassler.com/grant to get more information. I will announce the grant recipients on an Instagram Live.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you living with, or have you ever lived with someone who had rages, or explosive bouts of anger?
• How are you at expressing your anger? Are you honest about it to do it in a healthy way, or do you internalize it, then it leaks out through judgment to criticism or irritability either at yourself or others?
• Do you feel you have worked on yourself but can’t believe you are still dealing with an issue you’ve been working on in therapy for years?
• Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when it comes to expressing your needs? How do you do it?

Dana’s Question:

Dana would like guidance on how to hold boundaries when it comes to dealing with her husband’s anger.

Dana’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her husband rages out.
• She has tried different ways to keep peace in the house.
• She feels overburdened with responsibility.
• She has empathy for her husband.
• Her husband had a traumatic childhood.
• She has done a lot of therapy around her relationship with her mother.
• She loves her husband and wants to make their relationship work.
• She has difficulty holding her boundaries.
• She has a high tolerance for being treated poorly.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Create a feminine, loving, non-judgmental, shame-free space for her husband.
• Make an agreement with her closest friend to assist her in leaving if things get worse.
• Consult with a professional together with her husband.
• Maintain firm boundaries when it comes to rage.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse, get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.
• If you are in any type of relationship and you know you want to stay in it, look at your end of it. How can you show up to create a more cohesive, healing environment for the other person?
• Be aware of your self-abuser, especially if you have had abuse in your life, a lot of times we internalize it. Consider listening to the Inner Child workshop.
• Allow yourself to feel your feelings and allow yourself to communicate with vulnerability.

Sponsor:

Rothy’s — Get your new favorite stylish, comfortable, versatile shoes made from eco-friendly material, including repurposed plastic water bottles and marine plastics from Rothy’s. They are the softest shoes you will ever put on your feet. Check out the newest colors and latest styles from Rothy’s by using this link Rothys.com/over.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about transforming shame, celebrating your gifts, and sharing them with others. Today’s caller, Melissa, is building a health coaching business and wants to embrace her purpose whole-heartedly but is holding back her light because of self-judgment and shame. We discuss things she can do to focus her energy on getting the things she wants from life as she serves others with her personal experience.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode259]

Many people feel physical shame in some way. It can cause us to wear masks and deprive us of joy and self-expression. And, usually the thing we are most self-conscious about people don't even notice or think about as much as we do. If they do notice, they often don’t evaluate us because of it. I’ve never formed an opinion on someone because of their physical characteristics, and honestly, if someone does form an opinion about you because of something completely superficial, do you really want that person in your life?

Why are you fighting for approval from people you don’t really like? We give our power away when we seek the approval of others.

We can be too judgmental of other people, mostly because we are too judgmental of ourselves. If you want to put yourself out there in whatever way you feel called to do it, please do. You are needed. We need more people who have the consciousness of light and love being loud in the world. Too many people have loud voices that shouldn’t have a microphone. So, get your voice out there.

Stop letting fear of rejection and fear of judgment hold you back. Not everyone is going to like you and it is okay. You’re depriving the people who do resonate with you the connection and service you have to offer. Think about the magic you can create by not avoiding the people that may not like you or reject you and focus on compassionately serving others.

Stop falling into the avoidance trap and step into your love and light.

Are you ready to take your personal development to the next level and invest in yourself? Would an ally and a guide be helpful to you during this time? If so, I have two one-on-one coaching spots available. This type of deep work has incredible ripple effects in all areas of your life. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information.

This is a trying time emotionally, mentally, and financially, so in August, I am giving away $5,000 in personal development grant money. Ten people will receive $500 to invest in themselves. Go to ChristineHassler.com/grant to fill out the application. I will announce the grant recipients on an Instagram Live.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you think that you have to be perfect or at a certain point before you really go after your dreams and what you want?
• Do you carry around shame?
• Do you feel a calling to do something, be it starting a business, applying for a new job, or dating again but are scared to do it because you’re afraid of judgment?
• Has shame robbed you of feeling a sense of belonging? Are you tired of letting shame rob you of what you deeply desire?

Melissa’s Question:

Melissa has a hard time speaking up and would like guidance on how to heal the shame she feels to gain the confidence to put herself out there.

Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She lacks self-confidence.
• She attended the inner child workshop.
• She is building a coaching business.
• She lacked confidence because of a physical trait.
• She feels people may judge her.
• Shame disempowers her.
• She outsources her self-worth.
• She has a limiting belief that she isn’t enough.
• She numbed herself because she felt different from her peers.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Allow herself to be seen without the expectation of perfection.
• Do things that promote living into her purpose and her mission.
• Inspire others with her personal journey.
• Accept herself fully for who she is.

Takeaways:

• Take actions every day that move you into the vibration of who you want to be and what you want to do.
• Turn your shame into compassion and service. Use it to feel compassion for others who are feeling shame.
• Stop giving others power over you. Step into your love and light and make your voice heard.
• Live into your highest truth.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about recognizing the value of your unique gifts. Today’s caller, Tracy, believes she has difficulty being vulnerable and thinks it is holding her business back. But, as we explore her childhood experience, we discover that she is playing out old programming, feeling like she didn’t matter as the youngest sibling in her family. Her fear of rejection may be keeping her from getting what she wants.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode258]

There are parts of us that are just us or the things that make us unique. We may not be as vulnerable as the next person, as funny as the next person, or as creative or outspoken or extroverted as other people are. When we measure ourselves against others it can make us feel like something is wrong with us. 

It can create blind spots or judgments of things we have taken on from society. And one of the things so many of us, especially in this world of personal development, have taken on is the expectation that we need to be vulnerable

to be fully seen.

Vulnerability needs to be earned. Vulnerability is incredible and necessary, however, it’s not something we just give away. It’s OK that it has to be earned. It makes it more authentic.

August 28–30, we are offering a Virtual Inner Child Workshop. This event is for those ready to do deep, internal work. Visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com. If you can’t attend the workshop in its entirety, you will have online access to it for 30 days. A portion of the proceeds from this event will be donated to rescue organizations.

This is a trying time emotionally, mentally, and financially, so in August, I am giving away $5,000 in personal development grant money. Ten people will receive $500 to invest in themselves. Go to ChristineHassler.com/grant to fill out the application. I will announce the grant recipients on an Instagram Live.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a hard time putting yourself out there when it comes to business, dating, or making friends?
• Do you have a hard time being vulnerable? Are you slow to warm to people or does it take a while for people to get in?
• As a child, did you grow up feeling like you were in the shadow of someone else? Were you a younger sibling who always felt behind in some way or just something that made you feel not enough?
• Are you trying to change something in your present but you can’t make the change?

Tracy’s Question:

Tracy feels stuck and would like guidance on tapping into her vulnerability to take more risks.

Tracy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She keeps people at a distance.
• She would like the confidence to take more risks.
• She fears rejection.
• She felt disregarded by her family.
• Her family is critical and envious of her decisions.
• Her negative self-talk comes from not feeling good enough.
• She is triggered more often as an adult than she was as a child.
• She perpetuates the idea that she doesn’t matter.
• She doesn’t take compliments well.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Change the programming that creates her self-talk.
• Know that she matters.
• Reassure her little girl of her value.
• Reach out and offer to share her gifts with people.

Takeaways:

• Join the Inner Child Workshop.
• Know you have the ability to reparent yourself.
• Write down your limiting beliefs and question why you believe them.
• If you are a coach who wants to build their business, hire a coach, or participate in a program.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about healing trauma that comes from being sexualized as a child. Recent events have triggered today’s caller, Bianca, who was traumatized by her parents as a child. And, even though she was subjected to pitiful parenting, she still wants to love and protect them. We discuss the importance of making her healing a priority and how nothing that happened was her fault.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode257]

People who have been abused, especially by people they love and trust, are usually not quick to jump to anger. They may minimize the evilness of the actions.

So, when we are working with people who have been victims in any way, we have to have compassion for the side of them that loves and wants to protect their abusers. It often takes some time for them to get to anger and to take action because it is a deep and confusing entanglement for the victim.

We have to put ourselves in the victim’s shoes and realize they love these people. We cannot expect them to have the same reaction as we do. They cannot get to the anger and disgust right away because they don’t see their abusers as awful people. If the abusers are their parents, they may still be trying to get love from them.

If you have endured trauma and are ready to heal, know that it is not something you can navigate alone just by listening to a podcast, doing an online workshop, or reading some books about it. It is important to find a trauma-informed therapist.

August 28–30, we are offering another Virtual Inner Child Workshop. This event is for those ready to do deep, internal work. Visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com. If you can’t attend the workshop in its entirety you will have online access to it for 30 days. A portion of the proceeds from this event will be donated to rescue organizations.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Were you raised in what you know or think was an abusive environment but since you have no to very little memories you doubt it or even minimize it?
• Do you have sexual anxiety? Is it hard for you to feel relaxed when it comes to sex or even someone being affectionate, touching you? Do you dissociate from your body? Do you wonder if it’s because something not so right happened to you when you were a kid?
• Has there been someone in your life you love a lot, like a parent who’s also hurt you, and so it’s hard for you to face the pain because you love the person that hurt you and you want to protect them?
• Did what I shared about human trafficking rattle you? Are you feeling called to be involved to save the children from these horrific acts?

Bianca’s Question:

Bianca feels sexual anxiety and would like guidance on how to start healing.

Bianca’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her parents groomed and sexualized her.
• Her father physically abused her.
• She has very few memories of her childhood.
• A recent event triggered her memories.
• She has a high tolerance for hurt.
• She wants to help her parents, not hurt them.
• She hasn’t found a compassionate therapist who makes her feel safe.
• She has a gentle side and a warrior side.
• She still loves her parents but may not be able to forgive them.
• She feels uncomfortable when her significant other is physically affectionate.
• Her body doesn’t know the difference between pain and pleasure.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Find a professional therapist to work with.
• Understand that nothing that happened was her fault.
• Make herself a priority, not her parents.
• Know that there is a way to heal.
• Follow the stories of other survivors.
• Find allies to help her heal.

Takeaways:

• If you are a victim in any way of mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse, get help. Trauma is not something that heals on its own. It’s not like a cut on your hand that just scabs over. Professional help is a requirement.
• If you were activated by this episode and you want to get involved here are three resources, OurRescue.org, SharedHope.org, and DestinyRescue.org.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Cory Allen is an author, podcast host, meditation teacher, and audio engineer.  He is passionate about how to live better using principles of mindfulness, neuroscience, and philosophy.

We discuss Cory’s journey to meditation and how it is an effective tool for adding coherence, awareness, and compassion to life.

You can learn more from Cory through his book, Now is the Way, and his online meditation course called Release Into Now. He is excellent at teaching people how to meditate with clear and concise methods.

Connect with Cory here: http://www.cory-allen.com/