This episode is about how to respond with curiosity to people who are not respecting you. Today’s caller, Mica, is looking for guidance on how they can change their response to become more empowered when it comes to people not using the preferred pronouns they have asked them to use. This call opens our awareness to non-binary individuals who like to be called they and them and not the traditional pronouns we may be used to and about how growing up in a restrictive environment impacts us as adults.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode387]

Identity, be it race, gender, or age, when we take it all out of the equation, all we are is love. Every single one of us is love. Often, it takes people who don’t fit into a mold to teach those who do fit in more of a mold that nothing matters but who someone’s essence is. Who we are as humans on this planet is just love and that’s it. That is what we all are here to learn.

What scares most of us about conflict is that we think we have to be confrontational. If we don’t attack we think our only other option is to retreat or we feel we either have to charge ahead or collapse. That is a very common dynamic. The goal is to respond to people that aren’t respecting you with curiosity versus confrontation.

Curiosity is powerful. It is one of the most underused responses and ways to be. When we approach people with curiosity, they are able to hear. It allows us to make direct requests of them from a place of vulnerability and authenticity.

The more we accept ourselves for who we are, the less oppression we face. It’s not that there isn’t oppression or people who don’t respect who we are. But, when we can really come into full self-acceptance, we can teach people how to treat us and respect us. We also aren’t letting our own nervous system get dysregulated due to someone else’s ignorance or stubbornness.

Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? If so, join Christine and Stefanos for a free masterclass on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14th, 2023 at 7:30 CST. Join live or get the recording at christinehassler.com/lovemasterclass.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you made requests of other individuals and they’re just not listening or they are not honoring your requests?

• When you are in times of conflict, do you have the tendency to either attack or retreat? Do you want to find a more empowered way to respond?

• Did you grow up in an oppressive household and you did anything you could to try to fit in?

• Do you want to feel a sense of freedom to be yourself and not care what anybody else thinks and move into a place of radical self-acceptance and be free?

Mica’s Question:

Mica has felt friction when establishing the pronouns they prefer and would like guidance on how to deal with conflict.

Mica’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• They came out as non-binary.
• They find it stressful when people push back on them.
• They read tarot cards.
• They are an aspiring life coach.
• Their biological father was a tyrant in their life.
• They had to have a defensive posture.
• They feel unseen and unheard.
• They have been non-binary since childhood but tried to identify as female.
• They have had to prove who they are throughout their life.
• They know they are here to teach people how to love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Approach conflicts with curiosity.
• Allow their nervous system to feel that people are safe.
• Know that they are allowed to ask for what they want and need.
• Feel confident in who they are, no matter what pronouns others use.
• Recognize when they are triggered and navigate their way through it differently.
• Radically accept themselves as love.
• Apologize to their younger self and free the part of them that felt stifled.

Takeaways:

• Move into self-acceptance and work with your rebel part and tell it that it is free. Tell it there is nothing to prove and it doesn’t have to fight.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and to improve well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions. It tones the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about breaking bad dating patterns. Today’s caller, Amber, is aware that she has a pattern of dating men with issues, but she is unsure how to shift it. She asks for guidance about why she continually calls in the same type of person and how she can change it. No matter what your relationship status, this call will help you to closely connect to your inner child to shift current-day issues.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode386]

Very few people in their childhood experience pure unconditional love. Most people have to come up with strategies to feel loved and they often never do feel love unconditionally. As a child, if our parents aren’t okay, we are not okay.

We all speak a language of love that often is not love. As children, it was the only way we knew to survive because we all need love and we all need to feel connected to our caretaker. We may think it is love but it is the only way we know how to relate.

We can drive ourselves crazy trying to deal with present-day issues, or trying to change something in the present but unless we find the root cause it is really hard to shift things. It is akin to having a chronic health problem. We try to find a functional medicine doctor to help us get to the root cause of our issue. If we don’t, we are just throwing medication and treatments at the symptoms. We never just want to treat the symptoms. We want to treat the root cause of our issues.

If you are in a relationship you know is not working or is not healthy. Get out of it and look for the root cause. Focus on being a partner and parent to yourself. Until we re-parent ourselves, we play out the patterns of our unmet needs. Until we become a great partner to ourselves we are not going to have the conscious partnership we truly desire.

Are you ready to find love and call in your person? If so, join the next Group Coaching Call on February 7th, 2023 at 7:30 pm CST. For only $20, Christine and Stefanos are providing live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to sign up.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you have a parent that you had to parent or a parent that did not meet your needs?
• Do you have a pattern of rescuing people in relationships or do you call in partners that have a lot of issues?
• Do you want a conscious healthy relationship but you just don’t know how to shift the pattern that you are in?
• Do you know how to mother or father your inner child?

Amber’s Question:

Amber has a pattern of dating partners with issues. She would like guidance on how to shift it to have a healthy, conscious relationship.

Amber’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her mother was emotionally unavailable.
• As a child, she felt she had to take on a parental role.
• She has been seeing a therapist.
• She is drawn to men she can nurture and protect.
• She dates men for a few months and then breaks up with them.
• She finds it hard to nurture her inner child.
• She feels that she does not deserve love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Realize her dating patterns stem from her unmet childhood needs.
• Create a list of red flags and when those flags emerge in a new relationship, break up with the person.
• Mother herself so she does not feel the need to mother others.
• Understand that her mother was hurt and didn’t have the opportunity to heal herself.
• Connect with her inner child to help her feel love.
• Take a year off from dating.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — offers fabulous looking clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about getting over an unwanted breakup and so much more. Today’s caller, Nicole, was surprised when her husband of two years asked for a divorce citing different communication styles. She would like guidance on how to get over the breakup and how to use what she is learning about herself to heal her triggers.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode385]

When we grow up with the feeling of struggle, or we feel our parents struggle, we can’t just be kids. We can’t completely relax. So, in our adult relationships, we look for relief.

Other people can help us heal and can be amazing sources of support but no one can save us from ourselves. We can rely on people to hold space for us and they can be amazing support systems. But if we are always looking to someone else to fill a void, save us, help us, or end our struggles, then we never really embody the knowing that we can fill that void, or deal with that struggle ourselves. It is super empowering to know we can do that ourselves and know we don’t need to rely on someone else for love, stability, or safety.

The answers are never outside of ourselves. They are always found within.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you going through a change that you didn’t want and you’re having a hard time with it? Did you grow up struggling or was your family struggling, particularly your parents, and you find yourself struggling in life?
• Are you afraid you manifested “bad” things in life?
• Do you ever become someone that you’re not in order to get love?

Nicole’s Question:

Nicole feels she manifested her divorce and would like guidance on how to get over it.

Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She was shocked when her ex-husband of two years asked for a divorce.
• She feels she may have manifested the situation.
• She fears she may have sabotaged her relationship.
• Her childhood was filled with struggle and strife.
• She suppressed her true nature in the relationship.
• She feels that her ex is perfect and met every item on her checklist.
• She projected children into their future.
• She truly enjoyed the relationship.
• She feels the need to be her fiery self in a relationship.
• She has had to conform at other times in her life.
• She did everything she could to save her marriage.
• She doubts her abilities and doesn’t feel deserving.
• She feels that struggling has value and is a normal part of life.
• She put her ex-husband on a pedestal.
• She will go into learning mode, not victim mode.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Manage her reactivity and how she communicates her feelings.
• Feel joy, stability, and comfort within herself.
• Work with a coach, or counselor, to keep her on the healing path.
• Use her experience as a lesson to heal her triggers.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and to improve well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions. It tones the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about navigating a different path than your family. Today’s caller, George, grew up in a healthy family environment but always felt he was on a different spiritual path than the rest of his family. He asks for guidance about accepting differences and for practices to heal his inner child. If you are a generational pattern breaker, or if you are choosing a different path than the one your family is on, this episode offers guidance for you too.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode384]

For many generational pattern breakers, we are conflicted between our soul path and our family lineage. We are born knowing we are on a different path. We all come into life with our level of consciousness, the beliefs we adhere to, and our soul path. It may be difficult to understand when all the other members of a family are committed to something we may not be committed to. We have the family we are born into and then we find our soul family.

When we choose something different, it can feel terrifying to break out of the family norm. One of our survival needs is wired to our nervous system and the part of our nervous system that is connected to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn is belonging. When we sever any type of tie to family, even if we can logically understand it, it still wakes up our need for belonging. It can bring up feelings of guilt or shame.

We believe that our family should be the ones who know us best but sometimes they are not. And, that is okay. It doesn’t mean we can’t love them or have a relationship with them, it just means that we find our soul family in other places.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like the outsider in your family or the generational pattern breaker?
• Have you made a choice your family doesn’t approve of?
• Is your family trying to fix you, trying to convince you to come back to their religion, business, or hometown?
• Do you feel like your own flesh and blood doesn’t really understand you?

George’s Question:

George wants to know how to navigate and set boundaries within the relationship he has with his family.

George’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He was raised in a Christian household yet his current spiritual path differs.
• He feels distant from his family.
• He wants his family to accept him for who he is.
• He asked his family to respect his spiritual journey.
• He had a healthy upbringing but felt misunderstood.
• He feels like an outsider for leaving the rural community that his family lives and worships in.
• He realizes he is living his life for himself and not his family.
• He is having a difficult time accepting that there are issues they will not be able to connect on.
• For a long time, he associated spirituality with the Christian religion.
• He is currently experiencing a higher level of spiritual growth.
• In some ways, he has always felt different and unique in his family.
• His inner child is reluctant to let his feelings go.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Know that the connection he wants with his family may not be possible.
• Understand no spiritual path is better, they are just different.
• Have a conversation with his inner child who didn’t feel understood and have compassion and love for himself.
• Enjoy his relationship with his family without talking about religion or spirituality.
• Practice dominant handwriting, the empty chair process, or journaling when talking with his inner child.
• Allow his spiritual practice to lead him through his experience.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, improving well-being, and increasing high-quality sleep. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions. It tones the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about a pattern of withdrawal and doing deep work when you are not resourced. Today’s caller, Linet, is a sleep-deprived new mother who finds it difficult to express her emotions with her partner. When her partner expresses his feelings she feels judged. Christine guides Linet through ways she can use her current situation to heal the pains of the past and lean into love.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode383]

Oftentimes, when we are dealing with lower hormones, we can’t rely on biology. We need psychology and we need to use our heart. It is not the time to do deep work and bring up painful experiences from our past when we are sleep-deprived, hormonally challenged, or adjusting to major life changes.

If you are currently under-resourced it is not the time to dig deep into core wounding. Doing so can reactivate the trauma because you don’t have enough resources to hold you through the process. But, it could be the time to break patterns and choose more into experiences you wish you had as a child.

When it comes to pattern breaks it takes a commitment. Whether you are finding a way for your child or your inner child we have got to find a way to break a pattern. Patterns are patterns for a reason and breaking a pattern is a choice.

If we keep doing the same thing we keep getting the same results.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a pattern of withdrawing or related to the avoidant attachment style?
• Do you get angry at yourself or others but underneath you are just sad?
• When your partner comes to you being vulnerable, do you feel as if you have done something wrong? When they make a request of you, do you judge them or judge yourself?
• Do you want to break a pattern in your parenting? Would you like to be a different parent than the way you were parented?

Linet’s Question:

Linet would like to express her concerns without sounding critical or judgmental and learn how to eliminate roadblocks in her relationships.

Linet’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has problems expressing her emotions.
• She feels angry, frustrated, and distant often.
• When her husband shares his emotions, she feels judged.
• Her relationship is 1.5 years old.
• She is a new mother and recently lost her libido during postpartum.
• She is hard on herself and has expectation hangovers.
• She isn’t sleeping well.
• She has had to hold it all together throughout her life.
• Intimacy frightens her.
• Her mother didn’t make her feel safe to share her emotions.
• She finds it easy to connect and nurture her daughter.
• When she withdraws, she wants to be loved.
• She is ready to break patterns.
• This is her first relationship that has lasted more than three months.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion for herself during major changes in her life.
• Practice leaning into love when she wants to withdraw.
• Avoid doing deep work until she is fully resourced.
• When she wants to withdraw, ask for a hug instead.
• Give little Linet the hugs she needs.

Sponsor:

Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Layla Martin is a thought leader in the ever-emerging worlds of sexual wellness, Tantra, erotic empowerment, and personal development.

As founder of the VITA™ Method, she’s been certifying professionals in a Tantric approach to Love, Sex, and Relationships for over 7 years and has taught over 12,000 paid clients.

For 20 years, Layla traveled the world as a devoted student of Tantra, training with the most high-level teachers of this powerful tradition. She studied human sexuality, neuroscience, and biology at Stanford University, and immersed herself in the energetic traditions of Taoism and early witchcraft.

Along the way, she personally curated a dynamic, holistic system from over 10,000 hours of practice that blends ancient traditions with modern techniques. The VITA™ Method is proven to help heal trauma, release limiting beliefs, and awaken life-changing levels of pleasure.

You can learn more about her VITA certification program at christinehassler.com/layla

This is the second part of my annual ritual to complete this year and step forward into 2023 with intention! In this episode, I guide you through a receiving process and meditation to start 2023 with steps to get clear about what you want to call in. Be sure to listen to the 2022 release episode to prepare you to receive freely.

We are $30 off on our breathwork and meditation series. Go to ChristineHassler.com/breathwork and use the promo code HOLIDAY.

And, January 10th is the first virtual group coaching night of 2023! Go to ChristineHassler.com/group.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — is good looking, clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. It has a naturally slick ceramic surface and comes in cookware and bakeware sets. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout.

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Welcome to my annual two-part ritual to complete this year and step forward into the next with intention! In this episode, I guide you through a step-by-step process to complete 2022 with awareness and intention and let it go! And stay tuned for next week.

This episode is about getting past the fear and pain of rejection. Today’s caller, Lisa, is triggered when she feels not chosen or rejected by others and would like to know why. Christine connects some powerful dots that may help you connect some dots in your life.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode381]

Sometimes we adopt the behavior of a parent we empathize with or a parent we felt sad for. So, when we realize we are tender about something, first, we need to take 100% responsibility for it. Then look at what we need to heal and recognize we need to have self-love and self-care to work with our wounding.

Repetitive triggers or sets of feelings that keep coming up over and over again are pointing us toward healing. Like our bodies letting us know we are sick by getting a fever or runny nose. Our repetitive triggers let us know there is an unresolved wound that needs healing.

Two important things to remember:

When our pain, experience, or our trigger feeling doesn’t really match the reality of what is going on, it always means we are time traveling. It means we always are being reminded of people — usually from our childhood — when our current reaction really doesn’t match the circumstances. Rejection is painful but a lot of times we are not being rejected.

And, we can’t just do our inner work and then tolerate behavior that isn’t great. A lot of people fall into the trap of believing it is their wounding and not letting others take responsibility for their actions. As we heal, we learn to ask for what we need, speak our truth, and authentically self-express.

Check out Christine’s Reflect and Release 2022 podcast and the Call in the New Year podcast being released the first week of January.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you notice that you almost overreact when you feel rejected or your experience often doesn’t match the reality of what’s going on?
• When you feel left out or when you feel not chosen, does it just bring up terrible sadness for you?
• Do you constantly need reassurance that you are chosen, you are loved, and liked?
• Did your parents go through a divorce when you were a child and it is still impacting you today, and possibly impacting your fear of rejection?

Lisa’s Question:

Lisa would like guidance on how to overcome her fear of rejection.

Lisa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is triggered when she feels not chosen or left out.
• Her reactions aren’t in-line with what is happening.
• Previous relationships may be triggering her.
• Her parents divorced when she was six.
• She told her dad she wanted to live with her mom.
• Her sense of belonging was rattled.
• She has a sensitivity to rejection.
• She is never sure what is her fear or what is an infraction.
• She tests her partner.
• She modeled her father after not being chosen.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• When she feels triggered, ask herself what her inner child needs, then provide it.
• Ask her partner and friends to support her.
• Have a conversation with her partner about the things she would like.
• Do the Inner Child Workshop.

Takeaways:

• Look at where your pain around rejection may link to a sense of not belonging and how you can give your inner child now what it needed then.

• Consider how you can help heal your fear of rejection by making clear requests of others.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Ramit Sethi is the NYT best selling author of I Will Teach You To Be Rich and host of the I Will Teach You To Be Rich Podcast where he speaks directly with couples about how to build a better relationship with money and with each other.

This episode is about honoring lost loved ones and loving our way through grief. Today’s caller, Kate, is a young woman who is grieving the loss of her mother. Christine offers comfort and ways she can feel joy alongside the tears by doing things in a way that honors the beautiful memories of her mother.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode380]

In this crazy ride of a life, there are times of unbelievable joy, heart-bursting gratitude, and sometimes heart-wrenching grief. These are all aspects of love. Yet, none of us live forever, and we are all going to lose people we love.

Loss is one of the hardest things we encounter in the human experience. We don’t get out of this world without suffering. But, if we see grief and loss as part of love and we can see our grief as an expression of love, then it helps us have the courage to actually feel our way through it.

It is helpful to be honest about our feelings and not worry about drowning in them but rather be intentional about welcoming our feelings and know that we have a life preserver and will not drown. We are more likely to drown in feelings we suppress than in feelings we allow.

The beautiful and difficult thing about the human experience is that we feel deeply, especially if we’ve shifted ourselves out of patterns of suppression, distraction, repression, and numbing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you lost someone or something recently and you are afraid to dive into your grief because you don’t know how deep it will go?
• Do you have a parent that is on the other side and you’d like to cultivate a relationship with them or do things in their honor?
• Are you saving things or not doing things in your life and grief could be an inspiration to do them?
• Are you willing to open your heart fully to love even if that means losing?

Kate’s Question:

As the holidays approach, Kate is grieving over the loss of her mother. She is searching for guidance on how to handle her grief.

Kate’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her mother passed away after a battle with cancer.
• She is in her early 20s.
• She and her mother bonded over gardening.
• People are offering condolences and advice on how to get over her grief.
• She is an only child.
• Her mother wants her to be happy.
• She finds solace in her partner and her puppy.
• She finds it beneficial to talk with her therapist.
• Her mother taught her about kindness and love.
• She finds it difficult to reach out for support from her family.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Know that her mother will forever be in her heart.
• Live and do things in a way that will honor her mother, like making her favorite tea.
• Find joy in her memories and find joy alongside the tears and the loss.
• She is doing a great job of taking care of herself.
• Reach out to family members for support.

Sponsor:

Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about making the changes we know we need to make. Today’s caller, Toni, has done personal development work but still feels stuck in her relationship. Christine explores the possibility that Toni knows the changes she needs to make but is letting the fear of change hold her back from taking action.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode379]

Remember not to judge progress by external shifts. While external shifts are important it takes time for things to shift. Often, the season we are in is the awareness or the processing. We need to work our way up to making a change. But, eventually, we do have to make the change. Because awareness isn’t enough.

Integration and true transformation only happen when we change behavior. It doesn’t matter how much processing we do or how much information we have. The process of true transformation requires making big changes.

In life, if we could just connect the dots and things would change, life would be easy. It doesn’t work that way, for things to change we often have to take bold action.

Often, we know the changes we need to make but we don’t want to make them.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a situation you know needs to change but you just are terrified of making the change? Have you done all the work but still feel stuck?
• Do you relate to being a people pleaser and a caregiver and you feel great in the role of taking care of others but no one’s taking care of you?

Toni’s Question:

Toni is feeling stuck in her relationship and is looking for guidance on how to make a change.

Toni’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She does personal development work but something isn’t shifting.
• Her five-year relationship is issue-based.
• Her partner may be emotionally unavailable.
• She feels her relationship may not go the distance.
• She had instability in her childhood.
• She wanted safety and security from her father but didn’t receive them.
• She cared for her father during his alcoholism until his passing.
• She is a caretaker in all of her relationships.
• Awareness has become her safety and security.
• The only way she has gotten love is by taking care of others.
• When she gets overwhelmed she shuts down.
• She is afraid to leave her relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Acknowledge and celebrate shifts she has experienced.
• Make some big, scary changes.
• Leave the relationship.
• Stop using fear to not make a change.
• Get support through a coach, therapist, accountability partner, or friend.

Takeaways:

• Where are you stuck because you aren’t taking a step forward?

Sponsor:

Organifi — is ready to help you stay healthy and to get the nutrients you need during the holidays! The body needs both macro and micronutrients for optimal health. Organifi’s Gold includes a turmeric blend. To get 20% off orders for yourself or as gifts use the promo code 'OVERIT’ at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

It's the holiday season which means you may be around some people that push your buttons. One of the best ways to avoid getting too many buttons pushed is setting healthy boundaries.

But what exactly are healthy boundaries? When do we set them? And how do we do it in a way that is loving?

These are the questions I answer in today's episode.

This episode is about healing our traumas while raising children. Today’s caller, Nicole, says her children and home responsibilities are triggering her trauma. She is constantly in survival mode. She asks for guidance on how to relieve her anxiety and overwhelm. Christine offers tips for how to set healthy boundaries and regulate her nervous system.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode378]

Often, there are places inside of us that are still unhealed and that are still tender. We have managed those tender parts but haven’t ever transformed. It’s a huge distinction between what brings peace and contentment in life and what just gets us through the day. So many of us have had a painful past that we have learned to manage or sweep under the rug, or we’ve distracted ourselves with work or taking care of others and haven’t really, truly taken care of ourselves.

Our past trauma, past issues, and challenges are not forefront every day but we aren’t living to our fullest potential. The deepest level of contentment that we can access is limited because so much of our energy is spent on managing what we’ve never truly transformed. To get to where we want to go in life, we have to transform and that requires healing on deeper levels. There is nothing that can catalyze that like having children.

Children often bring forward the things that we have swept under the rug. They force us to look at ourselves. They trigger us. They are the perfect teachers because we love them so much and we don’t want to pass on our pain and trauma to them. We want to transform. but we don’t know how because our inner child is still wounded; we haven’t healed our traumas from our childhoods.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a parent and do you sometimes question your parenting?
• Do you have unresolved trauma from your childhood and has being a parent activated it, or if you’re not a parent, do you know you have unresolved trauma from your childhood and you’re not sure what to do with it?
• Do you just feel too busy, or that there is too much going on in your life to deal with any of your trauma or do any healing?

Nicole’s Question:

Nicole is triggered by her child and would like guidance navigating her parenting journey while healing her trauma.

Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has food insecurity issues.
• She has child abuse, neglect, and abandonment traumas from her childhood.
• She isn’t in contact with her family.
• She feels she has to run the family and home by herself.
• She feels stuck in her relationship.
• Her nervous system is deregulated and in survival mode.
• She feels anxious and overwhelmed.
• She is unpredictable and inconsistent based on her trauma.
• She feels she doesn’t deserve her daughter.
• Her daughter was abused by someone close.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Make time for herself to heal her trauma.
• Regulate her nervous system daily by humming and taking deep breaths.
• Make a place for her daughter to have a temper tantrum.
• Be present with her daughter.

Takeaways:

• What are the things you can do daily to regulate your nervous system?

Sponsor:

STORYWORTH — During the holidays you are bound to hear lots of stories from loved ones. Documenting those stories can be challenging. Storyworth helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. After a year, Storyworth compiles your family’s stories in an exquisite hardbound keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Athena Grace is now nearly nine months old and I'm finally ready to share the story of her birth. It was the most empowering and intense experience of my life and I'm deeply grateful to have delivered her at home. Stef joins me for the episode as he was o

This episode is about being open to opportunities by eliminating the walls we have up. Today’s caller, Rich, feels blocked in building his coaching practice but the session is not so much about building his coaching practice but about him becoming his own best client because his biggest blocks are his own beliefs and unresolved hurts.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode377]

We are told many things in our lives. Some of those things are not always positive. We tend to take on criticism much more than the compliments and acknowledgments we were given. Especially if that criticism came from a parent or any authority figure. Those criticisms from our past repeat like a broken record in our heads and impact our future. So, instead of living the life we want, we keep listening to the old story.

Whose voice is in your head that you have adopted as your own? It is time to give that voice back and not allow it to define you.

How we do anything is how we do everything. Many times we try to change our external circumstances thinking that a new job or new relationship will change the patterns and programming of things we don’t like. But, if how we do anything is how we do everything, then we just apply the same patterning and programming to the next thing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you suffering because you cannot identify your purpose?
• Is there a person in your life who is struggling to find their purpose? Do you push them to find their purpose or try to find it for them?
• Do you feel worthy and deserving inside? And, how does your self-confidence, or lack thereof, impact your results?
• Is someone else’s voice inside your head? Do you need to banish it?

Rich’s Question:

Rich would like to know how to get over his fear and anxiety to follow through with his goal of becoming a coach. He wants to overcome his limiting beliefs from his past, which may be blocking his future success.

Rich’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He was providing his coaching services for free.
• He feels friends and family are expecting more of him.
• He is getting married soon.
• He suffers from social anxiety and has a hard time focusing.
• He meditates and exercises to deal with his anxiety.
• He has a mission to make an emotional impact on people’s lives.
• He was criticized as a child by his stepfather.
• He struggles with self-worth and fears failure.
• He is a sensitive creative.
• He has done work around self-compassion.
• He is not sure of the source of his resistance.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do emotional healing and forgive himself for buying into the misunderstanding that he is not worthy.
• Realize the way he is treating himself is how his stepfather treated him.
• Treat himself like he treats his clients.
• Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover to release his anger.
• Consider what makes him authentic and worthy.
• Design a program for himself and become his best client.

Takeaways:

• Write down your limiting beliefs and figure out who owns the voice.
• Move into compassion for anyone who programmed your thoughts.
• Write a letter to give an unwelcome belief back to the person who gave it to you.
• Be honest about the emotional walls you have put up and be committed to taking them down.
• Set up two chairs and carry out your own therapy session.

Sponsor:

Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to get an Air Doctor today go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This is the final episode of a three-part couples coaching series with Claire and Jimmy together. In today’s call, Christine asks both Claire and Jimmy how they can acknowledge and appreciate each other more while empowering them to take responsibility for their childhood wounds and how they are playing out in their relationship.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode376]

If you are in a relationship and you find yourself continuing to loop on the same argument over and over again, dig a little deeper to discover what is underneath it. Figure out where you may not be taking responsibility for your stuff and whether you are expecting your partner to heal it. Also, ask yourself where you may not be compassionate for their stuff and where you may be missing the ways they show up for you, and how you can appreciate it more.

It is not our job in a relationship to heal our partner’s wounds but it is our responsibility as a loving, conscious partner to understand and empathize with them. It’s not to tolerate toxic behavior but to adjust our behavior and our request to show we are empathetic and understanding of who our partner is.

The process of relationship is to continue to work on ourselves, work out our own triggers, and move toward our partner. Every relationship takes comprise. Love is a verb, not just the words.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship and you keep looping on the same argument over and over again?
• Do you have a sense that the argument, the disagreement, or the trigger you’re having could be linked to a deeper issue?
• Are you willing to compromise in your relationship or do you just want it your way?
• Are you ignoring the ways your partner does love you and does show up for you because it is not exactly the way you want it?

Claire & Jimmy’s Question:

Claire & Jimmy together.

Claire & Jimmy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Claire triggers Jimmy to put his walls up and he shuts down.
• Jimmy’s version of being committed doesn’t match up with Claire’s.
• Claire is yearning to have Jimmy all-in, in the relationship.
• Intimacy is scary for Jimmy.
• They are helping each other heal.
• Claire is scared she can’t get her needs met in their relationship.
• They both realize they need to make some changes.
• Jimmy is sensitive to disappointing people and timid about the level of commitment Claire wants.
• They have a coffee date, meditate together, and relax in the hot tub at night.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Claire can acknowledge all the things Jimmy is doing right.
• Every night, Jimmy can tell Claire why he loves her.
• Claire can give Jimmy time to feel safer in the relationship.
• Show a greater level of empathy and understanding to each other.
• Jimmy can talk to Claire with the kindness and compassion he shows his daughters.
• Claire can have compassion for Jimmy as he is trying to figure things out.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — is good looking, clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. It has a naturally slick ceramic surface and comes in cookware and bakeware sets. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, Post-Traumatic Growth and grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her uncurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too. 

This episode is the second of a three-part couples coaching series. Christine coaches Claire and Jimmy separately, and then together in Part 3. In today’s call, with Jimmy, she explores the things from his childhood that may make commitment a bit hard for him.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode375]

It is okay if we have conflict. It is okay if plans need to be rearranged. It is okay if you unintentionally disappoint someone. There is a difference between promising someone you will be somewhere and not showing up versus having to renegotiate an agreement.

It is reframing conflict into clarification. Because not every situation, conversation, or engagement with someone that we think is going to be stressful is. If we go in thinking something is going to be confrontational, that the other person is going to be upset, or that it is not going to go well, we limit the possibilities. But if we go in seeking clarification, or as a renegotiation of a commitment, then it becomes an entirely different conversation.

When we find a safe space on our own, we don’t necessarily default to an avoidant attachment style, although it can happen. What we default to is that it is safer on our own. Intimacy or really committing to making plans is challenging. If we add in that we don’t want to disappoint anyone as a sort of reason or even a subconscious excuse not to make plans, not to get closer, then we have a great wall of protection built around us. It can prevent us from going to deeper levels of intimacy with others.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you sometimes commitment-phobic?
• Do you love the idea of plans but when it comes to making them, it’s hard, or wish your partner would make plans and you don’t understand why they don’t?
• Do you relate to being a lone wolf and find it hard to be in relationship because you sometimes do better on your own? And, although you want love, commitment, and relationship, at the same time you don’t want to disappoint anyone?
• Do you not do things for fear of disappointing people but then you end up disappointing them anyway?

Jimmy’s Question:

Jimmy wonders if there isn’t more at play when he and Claire struggle with planning things together.

Jimmy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• When he gets pressed or pushed he feels blocked and withdraws.
• He is worried his responsibilities hinder him from showing up responsibly.
• He fears letting Claire down.
• He is taking steps to adjust his work calendar.
• His schedule to see his children is fluid.
• It is important that he shows up responsibly for work.
• His father wasn’t present for him in childhood.
• He wants to show up for his daughters.
• He has a pattern of avoiding conflict.
• He wants harmony in his life.
• At 14, he helped parent his siblings and worked outside of the home.
• He didn’t have anyone looking out for him growing up.
• He enjoys being committed but not committed.
• He likes to be spontaneous.
• He can see why Claire feels the way she does.
• He is scared of intimacy.
• His identity, confidence, and worth are tied to his work.
• He has an opportunity for intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reframe how he thinks about conflict.
• Think about renegotiating plans as clarifying conversations.
• Ask 14-year-old Jimmy what he is scared of.
• Consider what kind of relationship he desires.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.