EP 247: I Feel Like a Failure with Alex

This call is about self-compassion and empowerment. Today’s caller, Alex, judges herself for not being where she feels she ‘should’ be in life and for not breaking free from a toxic relationship. She wants guidance on how to move forward but must first work through her unresolved wounding. No one makes significant changes by beating themselves up. True transformation and true change come from love.

 

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode247]

 

When we judge ourselves as a failure we continue to feel like a failure because adding judgment only creates more self-loathing and it lowers our self-worth. It’s important to know that at any given moment we are doing the best we can at the time.

 

 It’s not an excuse not to do better. It is like Maya Angelou says ‘the first time you didn’t know any better, the second time you know better, so do better.’ We always have the opportunity. There is always another time. The amazing thing about life is that as time keeps going on we are consistently presented with additional opportunities to do better. But, if you look back and only see yourself as a failure you’re not going to have the confidence and self-love you need to actually do better the next time you will just keep repeating the same ‘failure.’

 

It is important that we feel empowered so we don’t give our power away to others or exert our power over others.

 

Take a deep dive into how to understand your attachment style and heal your inner child in our three-day virtual Inner Child Workshop on June 5th–7th. Stefanos and I will hold space for both the healthy masculine and feminine. If you can’t join us live, it will be recorded. ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like you’re failing at life and not where you should be?
• Do you have an alcoholic or addict parent and maybe did you have another parent that you were close to — maybe even a little too close?
• Is it hard for you to break free of toxic relationships or situations even though you know that they are not healthy for you?

 

Alex’s Question:

Alex is tired of feeling like a victim and would like clarity on how to move forward in her life.

 

Alex’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She walked away from a toxic relationship but keeps in contact with him.
• She is looking for a new job.
• She feels like a failure and has hit rock bottom.
• Her father is an alcoholic and a workaholic.
• Her father didn’t pay much attention to her.
• She lost touch with herself at a young age.
• She feels alone.
• She didn’t find value in therapy.
• She is very close to her mother and doesn’t want to disappoint her.
• She carries around shame.
• She wants to learn to love herself.
• She is love-starved.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Research codependence and work to break free of her codependent patterns.
• Focus on self-compassion and empowerment.
• Remind herself daily that she is enough and she doesn’t need anyone else’s approval.
• Believe that she can take care of herself and meet her own needs.
• Consider getting a coach or therapist to guide her.
• Reparent herself and speak to herself in a more loving way.
• Investigate her spiritual life more.

 

Takeaways:

• Join us for the virtual Inner Child Workshop on June 5th–7th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild.
• Look where you might have codependent patterns. Do some online research or check out Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie.
• Make a list of all your perceived failures or mistakes and reframe them. For every single one, I want you to write down at least three things you learn from them to start to see your failures and mistakes from a different perspective.
• Do something that fills your cup. Do something that makes you feel safe and nurtured, something that calms that inner child.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

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