EP 250: Stop Pleasing and Start Speaking Up with Rhonda

This call is about realizing the freedom of being your authentic self and setting boundaries. Today’s caller, Rhonda, is used to putting other people first but she wants deeper, more authentic relationships. She feels stuck in the limiting beliefs and fears of her childhood. We work through her gift of discernment and how she can give her authentic self an outlet. It’s a perfect conversation for what is going on collectively right now.

 

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode250]

 

To some degree, I think we are people pleasers or at least invested in making sure other people like us a large percentage of the time. But, more and more, we’re living in a world where that simply doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because it stifles our authentic expression and it also doesn’t work because we have too many people pleasers and not enough changemakers. How can we create a better world if we are afraid of upsetting other people?

 

A great leader cares more about the truth then people's feelings. It’s not a permission slip to be a jerk, however sometimes the truth does hurt, and that’s okay. We have to be willing to receive the truth, allow it to sting a little bit but then go, all right what can I learn. And, we have to be willing to give the truth and be okay if people are upset with us. It’s okay, their upset is their responsibility. Your responsibility is to speak the truth with love. We need people who see injustices and call them out.

 

If you are feeling stuck, reframe it. You are not stuck. You are waking up. You may be in a bit of uncertainty because you are breaking free of old patterns but you are not stuck!

 

Are you being called to lead, love, or make a difference? Join me and Stefanos for our Love Amplified retreat in Austin, Sept 24-27. This retreat is all about the love of self, love of others, and love of your higher power. There will be workshops, breathwork, and partner breakouts. Come, share, and grow. Get more information at ChristineHassler.com/retreat.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a people pleaser? Are you often more concerned with being liked and having people be okay than you are with actually speaking your truth?
• Did you grow up in a home where you had to take care of your parents and parent them so they were happy and your own needs weren’t met?
• If you are a parent, are you able to be Mama or Papa Bear to your child but often have trouble giving yourself that same fierce love?
• Do you have the gift of discernment but you often don’t speak up and use your gift to be able to see the truth? And, are you willing to make the truth more important than the need to be liked?

 

Rhonda’s Question:

Rhonda feels stuck in people-pleasing mode. She wants deeper relationships where she can truly be seen.

 

Rhonda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She doesn’t feel lovable or let people love her.
• She is driven to please other people.
• She feels tired and wants to regain her energy.
• In her childhood, she felt the need to make peace between her parents.
• She is waking up from a limiting belief about her worthiness.
• She wants to be her authentic self.
• She is passionate about her children.
• She supported her son through his cancer treatments.
• She feels powerful and strong.
• She is going through marriage therapy.
• She is aware when other people take advantage.
• She doesn’t want to hurt people.
• She has the gift of discernment.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Let go of the belief that she is stuck.
• Connect with her inner child and provide the unconditional love, trust, and validation she is seeking through people-pleasing.
• Use her gift of discernment and access the part of herself that is committed to love, life, and connection.
• Discover things she is passionate about.
• Speak up for her wants and needs with truth and love.
• Give her authentic self an outlet.
• Speak with her husband about her love for him.

 

Takeaways:

• Speak the truth.
• Look at your relationships — where do you need to set boundaries or reinforce them?
• Find the fierce warrior inside of you and give support to the little boy or a little girl inside of you.
• For help finding your voice, check out my Love Amplified retreat.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

[e-mail]

[e-mail] — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.