EP 254: Stop Feeling Like You Are Always Getting it Wrong with Tanya

This call is about reconnecting with an inner child. Today’s caller, Tanya, grew up in an unstable environment and, as a result, second-guesses the choices she makes. She invites people into her life in an effort to get the love she never received as a child but the relationships play out much like her childhood, chaotic and uncertain. We discuss the ways she can reconnect with herself through vulnerability and gratitude.

 

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode254]

 

When you are dating, making friends, or when you are just out in the world, you want authenticity. You don’t want to go on a date with someone or be in a business meeting with someone who is inauthentic. Who wants that? We can expect authenticity. We want someone to be real and we want them to tell us the truth but we have to earn a person’s vulnerability.

 

When someone is vulnerable with us it should feel like actual true intimacy, not like we are special or we are getting an inside look. Be mindful of that. Don’t get seduced by faux vulnerability. There is a lot of seductive vulnerability and fake vulnerability in the world. We can expect and should expect authenticity from people but we must earn their vulnerability.

 

Seductive vulnerability is if you are new in meeting someone or dating someone and they start being super vulnerable, like telling you their deepest darkest secrets and opening up without a lot of trust built between you. It may make you feel special but it is more seductive vulnerability than true vulnerability. True vulnerability comes when you feel safe with another person and you feel seen.

 

The last weekend of August, we are offering another Virtual Inner Child Workshop. This event is for those ready to do deep, internal work. The early bird discount of $100 off is available until July 31st. Visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email [e-mail]. If you can’t attend the workshop in its entirety you will have access to it for 30-days.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• What happens when you feel out of control? Do you blame others then blame yourself? What do you do to try to get control back?
• Do you have a feeling like you’re always doing it wrong, constantly questioning yourself, or constantly feeling like when something goes wrong it’s your fault?
• Did you grow up in a home where you had a lot of uncertainty?
• How do you feel about intimacy and true vulnerability? Are you vulnerable in your relationships and have true intimacy with others? Or, are there still some patterns that prevent you from true vulnerability and intimacy?
• Have you ever been seduced by someone else’s faux vulnerability?

 

Tanya’s Question:

Tanya questions herself and her choices and is asking for guidance about being vulnerable.

 

Tanya’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She blames herself and always feels wrong.
• There was a lot of uncertainty in her home growing up.
• She has done a lot of inner child work.
• She has a history of dating the wrong people.
• Her mother’s moods controlled her young life.
• She evaluates other people as above or below her.
• She evaluates herself through a systematic approach.
• She constantly tried to figure out how to get her mother’s love.
• She put up a wall to protect herself.
• She is seeking connection.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Realize she is not wrong.
• Learn how to be in a relationship with feelings and vulnerability.
• Give up dating for a while and work on being in friendships.
• Be mindful of the difference between authentic vulnerability and charm.
• Do deep inner child work and reconnect with herself.
• Recognize the full-body yeses in her life.

 

Takeaways:

• Join us in August for the Inner Child Workshop.
• Look at, especially if you're dating and have relationships, at how you are playing out unresolved wounding with either mom or dad in those relationships.
• Research vulnerability. Brené Brown is a great resource for vulnerability.
• If you are blaming yourself for something because it’s giving you a false sense of control, be aware of what you are doing and make a list of all the things you are certain of, and then follow that up with a list of all the things you’re grateful for.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

[e-mail]

[e-mail] — For information on any of my services.

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