EP 261: What To Do When Others Aren’t Meeting Your Needs with Melissa

This call is about being able to meet your own needs. Today’s caller, Melissa, had a challenging childhood and is being triggered in her current relationship. She would like guidance on how to communicate her needs to her partner. We work through how her triggers are serving her and the expression of a need versus the expectation of a need to be filled by someone else.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode261]

 

We often choose spouses and relationship partners who help us heal unmet needs and wounds from our parents.

 

As humans, on a metaphysical, even spiritual level, we need other people. And, we need people to meet certain needs. And, when we learn how to meet our needs ourselves we get better at communicating healthy needs to others.

 

We live in an interdependent world, yet we are sovereign beings. This means we must take an inside-out approach. First, we have to be independent in fulfilling our own needs internally and not project them on others. When we understand how to communicate our needs, not from a needy place but a place of bonding in our relationships, we can then connect and express with others toward interdependence.

 

There is the difference between being needy, or trying to get someone else to fill a need, and clearly expressing our needs to another person in a way that we can teach them how to meet it.

 

If you missed the Virtual Inner Child Workshop Level 1, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• As a child, did you ever feel abandoned or neglected?
• Do you get triggered in your relationships when you feel someone else is not meeting your needs or showing up the way you like them to?
• Do you have a pattern of reaching out to others to get your needs met?
• Can you say without a shadow of a doubt you know how to meet your own needs?

 

Melissa’s Question:

Melissa doesn't completely understand her needs and feelings. She wants guidance on how to recognize her boundaries and give herself what she needs when she is triggered.

 

Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She wants to understand her feelings and needs.
• She projects her abandonment wounds on to her husband.
• She is aware of her abandonment wounding.
• She was left alone while her parents comforted her younger brother.
• She never felt supported by her parents.
• She is triggered by her husband’s attention to his work.
• She attended the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1.
• She reached out to her mother but was disappointed by her response.
• She wants to establish a connection with her mother.
• She feels overburdened with managing her emotions.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do the empty chair process from Expectation Hangover.
• Write her mother a letter she does not intend to send.
• Use her triggers to discover how she can meet her own needs.

 

Takeaways:

• Think about the things you want from other people and make a list of your unmet needs and see how you may not be doing those things for yourself.
• Learn how to communicate your needs to people in your life.
• Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

 

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

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