This episode is about setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth. Today’s caller, Nicole, grew up in an unhealthy family dynamic. Her grandmother didn’t accept her family and tried to split them up. She wants to be at peace with the situation but has not yet dealt with her anger. During the holidays, if you are the one who is breaking generational patterns, you may be called selfish or righteous. It can be a difficult place to be put in. But, I encourage you to stand in your truth.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode326]
So many families use guilt and obligation to get people to do things. If you don’t play into it then you may be told you are uncaring or disappointing. But, remember, guilt and obligation are not love. Just because you say no or have a boundary does not mean you do not love your family; it just means you are not playing into the unhealthy family dynamic.
Love itself is unconditional. You can love your family and have compassion for them but relationships are not unconditional. You wouldn’t stay in a relationship if the person lied, cheated, or took your money. And, just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t give them the right to have a relationship with you if they are violating certain boundaries. We can all have loving boundaries and have compassion for people but not tolerate their behavior. I don’t believe that just because someone has had a hard life and has been hurt, that they should have a get-out-of-jail-free card to mistreat other people.
We don’t have to let that into our lives. Just because someone has had a hard life it doesn’t give them the right to make our life hard.
Considering becoming a coach? Take a moment to listen to my Coaches Corner episode #312 with Alexi Parnos, co-founder of ElementumCoachingInstitute.com.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Nicole’s Question:
Nicole is considering cutting her father’s family out of her life and would like guidance on how to navigate through an unhealthy family dynamic.
Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Takeaways:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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