Info

Over It And On With It

Christine Hassler provides you with practical tools and spiritual principles to help you overcome whatever obstacles might be holding you back. Each episode, Christine coaches callers live on the air offering them inspiration and guidance to heal their past, change their present and create what they really want. Topics include: relationships, career, health, transitions, finances, life purpose, spirituality and whatever else callers have questions about. Christine coaches "regular people" on problems – and opportunities - we all face. It's a show that reminds you that you are not alone, while also teaching things you can implement in your own life.
RSS Feed Subscribe in Apple Podcasts
Over It And On With It
2024
February
January


2023
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2022
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2021
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2020
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2019
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2018
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2015
December
November
October


Categories

All Episodes
Archives
Categories
Now displaying: Page 1
May 17, 2023

This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]

 

As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.

 

An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.

 

Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.

 

When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there someone that you’ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can’t seem to let them go?

  • Did you have a parent that wasn’t there for you in the way that you truly desired?

  • Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?

  • Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn’t get to be a kid?

 

Matthais’s Question:

He had a painful breakup that he can’t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.

 

Matthais’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He hasn’t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.

  • He is having difficulty connecting with new people.

  • He was very much in love.

  • The breakup was abrupt.

  • His ex triggered something deep inside of him.

  • He has some wounding in his past about his looks.

  • His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.

  • He has an avoidant attachment style.

  • His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.

  • His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother’s life.

  • He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.

  • He hasn’t experienced true intimacy.

  • He felt his dad didn’t want him and his mother parentified him.

  • He is attracted to controlling women.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.

  • When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn’t a healthy love and that real love is safe.

  • Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.

  • Feel into self-love.

 

Takeaways:

 

Sponsor:

Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier.

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

 

0 Comments
Adding comments is not available at this time.