This episode is about releasing addictive patterns by remembering the love within us. Today’s caller, Linda, recently ended an on-again-off-again two-year relationship. She questions which wounds are causing her patterns. We discuss her soul’s journey, how she is not broken, and how she can help herself feel safe, seen, and loved.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode300]

It is often unresolved issues from our past hurts, wounds, and things that were hard to go through that impacted our beliefs, attachment style, trauma response, and psyche. However, it is important not to see ourselves as wounded or broken. Personal development is best addressed as a learning opportunity, not from a fix-it mindset.

When we don’t have a great model for love and when we feel worthless, relationships, even unhealthy ones, are going to be addictive. Because, often, we confuse love for something familiar.

Even if you are an addict or have been in the past it doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. Just the fact you’re listening to this show and this kind of information, means you are a seeker. You want out of the addiction, patterns, bad relationships, and the scarcity mentality. It can be frustrating if you feel you have a long way to go but acknowledge the wisdom of your soul for at least getting you to where you are now.

You will get farther if you continue to be proud of yourself for where you are.

If you have been wanting to join my Personal Mastery Course but just haven’t done it yet, now is a great time to sign up. On July 8, 2021, there will be a one-day event including personal coaching from me. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to join. The call will be recorded if you cannot make it live.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Are you still in a relationship or not quite over a relationship you were in and out of, that on some level you know wasn’t good for you but you just can't seem to let go?
• Did you have an absentee parent or parents or caregivers who didn’t give you the security and safety every child truly deserves?
• Are you learning how to love yourself and think that maybe you have forgotten?
• Are you trying to figure out what wound in your life is creating some of the undesirable events?

Linda’s Question:

Linda has been in an on-and-off relationship and would like to know which childhood wound is creating this pattern.

Linda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She recently ended an on-and-off two-year relationship.
• She feels she lost herself in the relationship but is attached and addicted to it.
• She was critical of herself as a child.
• Her parents divorced when she was three and she lived with her grandparents.
• She was bullied for many years as a child.
• She feels safe hiding and not being seen.
• She would like to feel loved.
• She goes back to the relationship because of shared interests.
• She wants to spend time on her own and remember how to love herself.
• She has feelings of abandonment and rejection.
• She needs to feel seen and that someone is there for her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• She needs to remember how much she loves herself.
• Write a list of all the things that did not work in the relationship and read it when she feels like reaching out to him.
• Write a list of the amazing things about herself and read it every day.
• Turn up the voice of her inner parent to feel safe, seen, and loved.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a relationship you feel attached or addicted to and you continually justify it in your head, take off your rose-colored glasses and ask yourself if you have a high tolerance for putting up with crap.
• Focus on falling back in love with yourself.

Sponsor:

STORYWORTH — is an online service that helps your Dad, Grandfather, father-in-law, and every father figure in your life share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give your Dad a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about radical self-acceptance. Today’s caller, Sylvie, has had therapy, done tons of personal development work, and speaks with her inner child but still feels blocked. We discuss ways she can reframe her perception of what her awareness is bringing up and how she can fully accept and love herself and her human experience.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode299]

When we have something we criticize, don’t like, or want to change and the way we relate to it is with judgment and shame and guilt, it amplifies it because all of our fears are seeking to be loved. We have the need to be seen and to be loved.

When it comes to the parts of ourselves that we judge and shame just pushing through our response to it, our freeze pattern, can re-traumatize us and reinforce wounds. So, instead of pushing through it, bring love to it.

We continue to get “negative” or undesirable experiences, not because we are being tested or the universe wants to punish us, but because our soul is always seeking to evolve. It is looking for a new way to respond to the circumstances. Circumstances don’t just stop when we have an awareness about something. When we have an awareness and we know why we are drawing certain things into our lives, we work through it, and then the same thing comes to us again because we need to practice integrating it.

If you missed our juicy group call on love, sex, and intimacy last week go to Christinehassler.com/group-coaching-replays to download it and check out all previous calls for only $20.

Join us for our Relationship Course on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipcourse. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other’s needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome.

Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, “Your Heart, Your Life,” I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use the promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Have you done all the work but feel like things just are not changing?
• Do you freeze or just feel bolted down when it comes to putting yourself out there and making a request when selling your business?
• Did you grow up in a home where you weren’t nurtured and loved, especially when you made mistakes?
• Do you have a very critical judgmental voice inside your head? When you fail or make a mistake do you experience shame and guilt?

Sylvie’s Question:

Sylvie fears rejection. She has done personal development work but still feels blocked.

Sylvie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been working to heal her traumatic childhood.
• She has a critical inner judgment.
• She is proud of her personal transformation.
• She talks with her inner child.
• She feels she is on the cusp of a breakthrough.
• She feels she is not reaching her potential.
• She is an empath and sees the world differently.
• She puts a lot of pressure on herself.
• She is starting her personal chef business but is hesitant to talk about it to others.
• She didn’t feel safe and nurtured as a child.
• She needs to feed herself the love she feeds to others.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Move into acceptance and move out of “fix and heal.”
• Ask what her triggers want her to know.
• Consider the worst-case scenario and play it out in her mind.
• Connect and tap into the big “why” of what she is doing.
• Regulate herself when she feels the “freeze.”

Takeaways:

• When you are in a trauma response such as worry or freeze think about the worst-case scenario and play it out.
• Bring unconditional love and acceptance to your undesirable feelings.
• Take an inventory of the personal growth information you are consuming. If something makes you feel shame or somehow inadequate, stop ingesting it.
• Listen to Episode 297 where I describe how to regulate the nervous system.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about how to get your needs met in an intimate relationship. Today’s caller, Shaun, is looking for guidance on how to re-open his heart and rekindle the warmth for his partner whom he loves. We discuss strategies for getting beyond the hurts and moving toward understanding and compassion. We often love the way we need to be loved instead of loving a person the way they need to be loved.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode298]

As much as we want love and connection in a relationship, the thing we want even more is not to get hurt or lose our power. Often, we put more energy into avoiding what we don’t want than creating the relationship we do want because that’s what we need to do to survive.

Our intimate relationships are often the very fertile ground where we work out any issues from childhood we haven’t quite resolved. If we were criticized a lot in childhood, it can come up in a relationship. If we were anxious or didn’t feel safe, that is going to come up. If there was cheating within our parent’s relationship, that is going to come up. Jealousy, abandonment, all the things we felt as children tend to come up in romantic relationships because romantic relationships are our adult family.

Remember, our relationship with our primary family is the intimate relationship that forms the foundation for all future intimate relationships.

Whenever we are in an argument, or rut, or tension with our partner, the most important thing that we can do is get to a level of understanding and compassion with ourselves and our partner to understand what the need is that is not being met inside of ourselves. We discover the unmet need that is triggering us and making the situation hard. Then, we look at our needs and then at our partner’s needs and take responsibility for communicating the needs in a clear, specific, non-blaming way.

It is important to be clear with our partners about how we need to be loved.

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other’s needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome.

I’ve partnered with Hiitide, which is an online book club and micro-course to help you apply principles from my book, Expectation Hangover, to your daily life. Turn the book into action. Get 28-days of easily digestible prompts and exercises delivered to your phone. A live Q&A session with me is included. The project launches July 1, 2021. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bookclub to learn more. Podcast listeners get 25% off by using the code 'Hangover25' at checkout.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Do you feel like your heart is not open to your partner?
• Do you feel like there are things that happen in your relationship you can’t forgive, can’t shift, or can’t get over?
• Are there issues from your childhood that may be playing out in your relationship?
• Are you in a dynamic of being avoidant and it produces anxiety in your partner, or vice-a-versa?

Shaun’s Question:

Shaun would like guidance on how to re-open his heart to his partner.

Shaun’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He has been in his relationship for nearly five years.
• He doesn’t feel the closeness he once felt.
• He loves his partner.
• Both partners get triggered during arguments.
• He was bullied as a child and felt attacked.
• His dad wasn’t around as much as he would have liked.
• His parent’s marriage was passionless.
• The dynamic in his partner’s family was competitive.
• He tends to dissociate during arguments.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Ask his partner what she needs.
• Set his partner up to win.
• Attend our upcoming relationship retreat.
• Have a ‘needs’ conversation with his partner.
• Get specific about how he wants his needs met.
• Make his relationship his top priority.

Takeaways:

• When triggered in a relationship, consider what needs are not being met. 
• Make your current or future relationship a priority.
• Join us for our relationship retreat June 11-13, 2021.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about regulating the nervous system and dealing with past pains. Today’s caller, Lara, is looking for guidance on how to cultivate a sense of safety and security. We work through a body practice to regulate her nervous system and bring her into calm.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode297]

Feeling safety and security isn’t a mental thing. They have to be felt in the body. When we feel safe and secure, the nervous system relaxes, the body gets out of our survival brain and it comes into a rest-and-digest stage where the nervous system can regulate.

With a dysregulated nervous system you cannot shift it by talking, analyzing, or awareness. It becomes frustrating because you can see your anxiety and you understand why it is there and explain your reasons for having anxiety. But, just being able to explain something doesn’t change it. The healing or the fixing of it becomes another obsession. What it comes down to is the creation of safety and security. We are always trying to get back to feeling safe and secure.

The human body and the nervous system are very resilient, as is the human spirit, but we cannot shift and change when we think we are broken. We need to have compassion for ourselves and one of our most valuable inner resources is our ability to ask for help.

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.

Tuesday, June 1 at 5 pm (PT) I will host another group coaching call for only $20. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/group.

Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, “Your Heart, Your Life,” I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use the promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Do you constantly feel anxious or deal with obsessive thoughts?
• Have you outsourced your worth or your sense of safety? Are you looking for it in your achievements, a relationship, or even your appearance?
• Do you crave to be in a relationship, then when you get in them, they’re not healthy?
• Do you have trouble regulating your nervous system and bringing yourself into a calm?

Lara’s Question:

Lara would like to know how she can cultivate a sense of trust and safety and guidance on how to stop filling her void with external things or men.

Lara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She does not feel worthy or good enough.
• She struggles with binge eating.
• She tries to outsource her worth through her appearance, men, or achievements.
• She has had manic episodes.
• She craves being in relationships and wants to be saved.
• She over-analyzes everything she does.
• She feels stuck.
• She has a sharp mind and a lot of self-awareness.
• She grew up with inconsistency and chaos in her childhood.
• Her mother was not there for her as a child.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Recognize when her nervous system is dysregulated and greet it with compassion.
• Put her hands on her belly and chest and then breathe deep and make a “VUUU” sound.
• Hold a stuffed animal and rock back and forth to soothe herself.
• Give herself the parenting and the developmental stages she didn’t get.
• Go to the people and sources that give her motherly love.

Takeaways:

• Consider the indicators when you go into survival mode then recognize and accept them.
• Have compassion for yourself.
• Move into a source of regulation such as breathing, holding a stuffed animal, rocking, etc.
• Stop trying to shift a dysregulated nervous system with your mind.
• Remember, nothing is broken or wrong about you.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about having difficult conversations with our parents. Today’s caller, Max, is trying to avoid being triggered when he speaks to his father. We discuss how Max can ease the impact on his inner child and not experience an expectation hangover.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode296]

If a parent or someone we love opens the door to have a conversation we want to run right through and share everything we have been wanting to say for the last 20 years. The other person may feel bombarded and not be ready to hear everything we have to say in one conversation.

If you are offered an open door with someone who has been closed for a very long time, do not rush through it thinking it is a green light to speak about everything you have been holding in for decades. Sometimes we need triggering events to create momentum and shifts in a relationship. It is better to approach the situation slowly.

*Coaches — this is where you want to be mindful with your clients. For someone who has a triggering relationship, if they have an opportunity like that you want to support them and guide them through walking through the door slowly. Coach them toward taking baby steps so they don’t end up with a massive expectation hangover.

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.

Consider/Ask Yourself

• Do you have patterns of escapism?
• Is there a parent whose love you are seeking? Do you seek out their love in unhealthy ways?
• Have you always felt like one or both of your parents don’t understand you?
• Do you feel so different from your family you don’t know if you will ever fit in?

Max’s Question:

Max would like advice on how to keep himself grounded when he speaks with his father.

Max’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He was disloyal in his relationship.
• He knew avoidance issues were a pattern throughout his life.
• Love and sex are separate for him.
• He is the oldest of six children.
• His childhood family was emotionally suppressive.
• His father struggled with alcohol abuse and infidelity.
• His biological mother abandoned him.
• He then escaped to Mother’s house later in life.
• He does a lot of personal growth work.
• He has opposing views from his family about current events.
• He wants a compassionate embrace from his father.
• He wants to escape when he feels overwhelmed.
• He is learning to set boundaries.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Set an intention of having his father get to know him better.
• Figure out what little Max needs.
• Approach his relationships slowly, in a way that does not shock his inner child.

Takeaways:

• If you are going to have a conversation with someone who has opened a door, write out some questions or comments. Go into those kinds of conversations prepared so your nervous system doesn’t go into overdrive. 
• When making a big decision, check in with your inner child and do not push yourself. Taking baby steps can be powerful.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE — Ladies, when was the last time you treated yourself to a perfectly fitted new bra or loungewear? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you are someone who prides themselves on "being strong" and not great at asking for support, this episode is for you!. Elayne Fluker is the author of the new book, Get Over "I Got It" (HarperCollins Leadership) -- is the host of the Support is Sexy podcast featuring interviews with more than 500 diverse women entrepreneurs, and founder of SiS.Academy -- an online learning platform for Black Women entrepreneurs.

This episode is about healing trauma. Today’s caller, Anne, is a musician who wants to expand her creative expression but feels blocked due to the sexual abuse she experienced. She has done a lot of personal development work but still has difficulty fully expressing herself. She wants guidance on how to navigate through her trauma to heal it.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode295]

Trauma impacts and/or injures the nervous system. When a person experiences extreme trauma the brain goes into survival, which means fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The brain is always on the lookout for danger and it is exhausting. That is why we experience fear and anxiety.

I can’t label what “extreme” is because two people can have the same situation happen to them and one person may register in their nervous system as not that big of a deal, but another person with the same circumstances can register it as a really big deal.

When we are healing trauma it is not about reliving it. It is about providing space for somatic emotional release and working with a person to regulate their nervous system. It is about coming out of the survival brain and moving back into the “rest and digest” part of the nervous system, moving from the sympathetic nervous system which is on alert, and into the parasympathetic nervous system.

The personal development/self-help world can be misleading, perhaps even damaging, for people that have experienced extensive trauma like rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, racial trauma, etc. Often, there’s an expectation or ethos in the personal development industry that you just need to shift your mindset about something and find the lesson of it. Or, that challenging experiences make you stronger or you can meditate your way through anything. It leaves a lot of people feeling like they are failing at personal development.

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.

Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, "Your Heart, Your Life" I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.

Anne’s Question:

Anne has been trying to heal trauma from sexual abuse and rape and would like guidance on how to navigate through it to shift it.

Anne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She experienced sexual abuse.
• She is a musician.
• She has depression and feels blocked.
• She feels she cannot fully express herself.
• She has done energy work and spoken to counselors.
• She has done the temper tantrum technique.
• She is having a biologically correct response to what is happening.
• She has had bad experiences with the medical system.
• She trusts her intuition but not her decision-making process.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Give herself grace and understanding.
• Trust that she still has her innocence, expression, femininity, and sexuality.
• Acknowledge the progress she has made.
• Work with a trauma-trained therapist to help her regulate her nervous system.
• Nurture her creativeness and passion.
• Do not push through her fear.
• Have faith and trust her intuition to align with the right person to help.
• Realize she has been through a high level of trauma and she deserves a high level of support.

Takeaways:

• Look at the things you have bought into in the personal development world. Are there things that feel more motivational? Could they be hurting more than helping?
• Is it time to normalize the biologically correct behavior you're experiencing to find the right specialist to help you with it?
• Consider where you have trust issues. Find something to put your trust into even if it is your intuition.
• Be open to receiving support. Put it out there verbally and energetically.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses, take the Sensitivity Quiz and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSPs in Business Group is designed to support and empower sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs.JulieBjelland.com

This episode is about holding space for our partners. Today’s caller, Brandon, would like guidance on how to be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence. It is a lovely conversation about integration and holding space when you get to a place where you feel wonderful, but your partner isn’t quite there.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode294]

When someone comes to us and vents, there is a desire to want to fix whatever it is. The masculine tends to want to fix. The feminine tends to want to take it on and over-empathize into sympathy or go into a caretaker role. We all have masculine and feminine energetics inside of us.

Underneath any upset is an unmet need. When we can find the need in an argument or a trigger inside ourselves, we can begin to deal with the true trigger. When we are trying to ease the trigger with talk or action, it usually doesn’t work because we are not reaching the unmet need.

Remember, everyone is on their own path. When one person gets to a place of feeling evolved like they’ve “got it” in some ways they want the other person to join them. And, wanting someone you care about to grow and evolve is great. However, judgment can creep in. When we grow and we have awareness we can get on a spiritual or personal growth soapbox. It can be unconscious, or subtle, but the other person can feel judged. The other person can feel pressure.

When you get triggered, ask yourself if your masculine comes out or your feminine. Or, can you be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence, where the masculine part of you welcomes it, holds space, and asks it what it needs and the feminine part has massive compassion and nurtures you?

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a phase of your relationship where it’s time to integrate some of the things you’ve learned?
• Do you feel like you or your partner may be a little “ahead” in your personal development and integration? Does one partner get frustrated because the other is not as far along?
• Do you feel polarity in your relationship? As in, one of you holds a strong feminine pull and one of you holds a strong masculine pull. Are you possibly in your unhealthy masculine or feminine expressions?

Brandon’s Question:

Brandon would like assistance with integrating some learnings into his relationship.

Brandon’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He has been married for five years.
• He has a daughter.
• His relationship has been through some “speedbumps.”
• He was abandoned at 13.
• He has done personal development work.
• He feels supported, loved, and compassion from his wife.
• He is learning more about the feminine dynamic.
• He is new to setting boundaries.
• They tried having a polyamorous relationship.
• He feels oneness with God.
• He is growing into feminine, within his masculine role.
• He is in a beautiful place emotionally and spiritually.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Focus on how to make his wife feel safe.
• Be a masculine container without attachment to a shift or change.
• Don’t judge his wife for being at a different vibration.
• Ask his wife what she needs when she vents.
• He needs to be consistent in his actions.
• Do the Sacred Union process together with his wife.

Takeaways:

• Look at the masculine/feminine relationship inside of yourself.
• Pay attention to whether you want to fix others or yourself and see if you can back off the fixing and be in a place of unconditional love and acceptance.
• Join us for our powerful virtual Relationship Retreat, June 11‒13, 2021. 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show 

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about loving your big feelings and emotions. Today’s caller, Beth, wants to feel comfortable in her skin. In her childhood home, her gift of being an empath became a liability. Whoever is the most open, the most sensitive one in a family often absorbs everyone else's feelings. Beth would like guidance on how to keep her heart open but not feel overwhelmed by her feelings.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode293]

In today's world, it's often hard to keep our hearts open. So many people are numb, or shut down from feeling, or are scared to feel the “negative” feelings like sadness and anger, or have built walls and around their hearts and wear masks every day. When we are empathic and live among people who suppress, we feel it all.

Oftentimes, what makes an empath’s heart hurt is feeling sympathy or sorry. It is feeling someone else's pain and suffering so much so that we feel bad for them. It is a judgment. When we are in sympathy we are judging.

The truth is none of us want to be blissfully ignorant. Ignorance really isn’t bliss. We may think it is and think back to a time when maybe we weren’t so awake and aware and romanticize it, thinking maybe it was better, but it really isn’t. We are here to evolve. We are here to awaken. And although it comes with many challenges, going back into being asleep is not an option.

Feelings are part of our life force and tears are not bad. Celebrate yourself.

Join us for our Love and Relationship Group Coaching Call on April 22 at 5 pm Central. It will be recorded if you can’t make it. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. It’s $20. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a soft-hearted person or do you tend to cry about a lot of things?
• Have you ever been told you're “too sensitive”?
• Do you downplay challenges or trauma from childhood and think your childhood wasn’t that bad?

Beth’s Question:

Beth would like guidance on how to be more self-aware.

Beth’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She’s become more aware from doing personal development work.
• She thinks peace might be unattainable for her.
• She is not comfortable in her skin and feels like a sham.
• She is a single mom.
• She is very emotional and sometimes wishes she was not.
• She carries shame about being soft-hearted.
• She cries easily.
• She was a middle child who felt alone.
• People tell her she is too emotional.
• She has the gift of being an empath.
• She attended the Inner Child Workshop.
• No one encouraged her emotional intelligence.
• She was teased as a kid.
• She had temper tantrums at home.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Stop judging herself for how she feels.
• Welcome her feelings when they arise.
• Do not hold other people’s feelings.
• Do not feel sympathy for others.
• Meditate and ask for spiritual assistance.

Takeaways:

• Release, rather than recycle your feelings.
• Parent your sensitive, beautiful inner child.
• Get the anger out. Download the anger release process at ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
• Join in on this week's Group Coaching Call.

Sponsor:

Organifi — is an organic superfood powdered tea that makes quality, trusted nutrition convenient and delicious. Shift your nutritional intake in a simple way. For 20% off your order, go to Organifi.com/overit and use the code “OVERIT” at checkout to receive 20% off all products.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about calming an anxious or hypervigilant mind. Today’s caller, Demi, has a pattern of obsessive-compulsive thinking, anxiety, and a worst-case scenario mindset. She would like guidance on how to calm her mind and be more compassionate with herself. It is a very human trait to worry and have anxiety, especially for people who grew up in a chaotic home.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode292]

One of the ways we can deal with hypervigilance or anxiety is by witnessing it. It is important we do our best not to make it wrong and accept it. The moment we realize it is not us, the moment we recognize it as OCD, our inner critic, or when we can name it, it gives us a sense of control. It makes it feel as if it is not a runaway train. That’s how we begin to calm down.

The pattern of not being able to relax but also feeling like you are not doing enough is caused by the emotion underneath the hypervigilance we don’t want to feel. And, with hypervigilance comes increased sensitivity. Increased sensitivity usually means more connection to intuition, compassion, and empathy.

People who grew up in a chaotic home may have a hard time relaxing because often, that was the calm before the storm. Having an emotional release with no judgment is an important part of working with this.

If you know someone who isn’t able to calm down or “just not think” about something it is important to have sensitivity and compassion for them because it can be maddening for the person dealing with anxiety or OCD to be told to calm down when the pattern is playing out.

Join us for our Love and Relationship Group Coaching Call on April 22 at 5 pm Central. It will be recorded if you can’t make it. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. It’s $20. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things.

Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to get on the early bird list for our upcoming Relationship Retreat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you tend to have an overactive brain?
• Do you struggle with indecision and a pattern of you feel like you can never do enough?
• Do you deal with FOMO or “shoulding” all over yourself?
• Do you have a strong intuition but either don’t listen to it or question yourself?

Demi’s Question:

Demi has struggled with overthinking and FOMO since her teen years and would like guidance on how to calm herself.

Demi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels like she is not doing enough.
• Her mind gets loud, and she overanalyzes everything.
• She suffers from anxiety.
• There was instability in her childhood home.
• Her parents had a chaotic relationship.
• She recently started therapy.
• She has studied Somatic therapy.
• She loves herself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Become aware of her inner critic and accept it with compassion.
• Forgive herself for being hard on herself.
• Practice release writing.
• Realize she is not her thoughts.
• Get out of her mind by shaking her body or breathing to move her energy around.

Takeaways:

• If you have people in your life who tell you to calm down or to not think about something, do your best to have boundaries about it.
• The moment you notice a pattern starting, separate yourself from it. Don’t judge it. Notice it, then love it and accept it.
• Use physical calming techniques to move the energy around in the body.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE — What if you could remove the hassle of bra shopping and find the most comfortable, perfect fitting bra or loungewear in minutes? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about letting go of patterns and relationships that no longer serve you. Today’s caller, Barbara, has a pattern of staying in things long after they are dead, long after the signs say something is no longer in alignment with her life, or it is depleting her life in some way. The pattern of trying to breathe new life into something already dead is a waste of a precious life force. If you can relate to holding on to things for too long or staying in relationships after their expiration date has expired, this episode is for you.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode291]

Being able to nurture and be empathetic and feel what others are going through is a gift. Gifts usually come with a learning opportunity. The gift of being incredibly caring and empathic comes with the learning opportunity of boundaries, of not loving or caring for another so much that we lose sight of ourselves.

If you want to step into your gifts as a healer, empath, teacher, or true caregiver without depleting yourself, for your gifts to flourish you have to break the pattern of giving to dead ends. Break the pattern of giving so much you deplete yourself of your energy, self-care, self-worth, and self-love. Break the cycle of giving to dead ends, nourish your gifts, and use them in a way they can be fully received.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a natural nurturer, or caretaker so much so that it often depletes your self-care?
• Is it hard for you to leave situations or relationships or let go of expectations for your life?
• Do you keep trying to make something work when you know deep down it probably will not?
• Do you feel like a doormat and as if your needs come last?
• When you set boundaries to take care of yourself, does it cause you guilt and concern about how the other person is doing more than how you are doing?

Barbara’s Question:

Barbara is questioning staying in her current relationship.

Barbara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her boyfriend is in the hospital after threatening to kill her.
• She doesn’t know the mental status of her boyfriend.
• She doesn’t feel it is in her highest good to stay in her relationship.
• She is in therapy.
• Her boyfriend’s family is giving her the cold shoulder.
• She hasn’t had her needs met in her relationships.
• She is a natural empath.
• She works in a nursing home.
• She has a good friend she can heal with.
• She doesn’t want to get into another relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Take care of herself as she cares for others.
• Step away from this relationship.
• Be aware that her self-worth is not based on how she takes care of others.
• No more sacrificing herself.
• Self-care is her number one priority.
• Join the next Inner Child workshop with her friend.
• Make a list of all of the reasons this relationship is not a fit for her.

Takeaways:

• What are the warning signs you have gotten in your life about a person or situation that wasn’t truly aligned and you ignored them?
• Look at your patterns of people-pleasing and overgiving and know your self-worth and value do not come from helping others.
• If you are in a helping profession, make sure you take quality time to take care of yourself and fill your own cup.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Stef (Christine's husband) is back on the podcast to talk with me about the common challenges we see couples face and how to overcome them.  We will also be hosting a virtual relationship retreat in June, go to www.christinehassler.com/relationshipsupport to get on the early bird list for discounts and details. 

This episode is about loving our inner child and making them feel safe. Today’s caller, Mikaela, has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety stemming from the chaos that surrounded her in her childhood home. She wants to feel safe and be seen. This call is great support for any of you who feel fear even if it isn’t reasonable for a situation. Or, those of you who are confused about how to connect to your inner child.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode290]

For parents or anybody who wants to be a parent, it is very important you continue to parent, or start to parent your inner child when you have children. When someone who had a difficult childhood has a child, they become a great parent to their child. Much better than the parents they had. But it can activate their inner child because their inner child wants to know why they are not receiving the same love and attention from them. Our inner children can act up and act out.

Parenting our inner child does not take anything away from our children. It actually gives to them because our children are unconsciously learning from us all the time. When we are parenting ourselves well, they feel that. And, in return, we are a better parent to them. We are not triggered as much by our children when we are parenting our inner child.

Remember, we do not want to be anxious about our anxiety. We do not want to be scared about our fear. Because when we are anxious about our fear and anxiety it becomes worse.

If you would like to move unconscious stuff and move it into a vibration where you can attract different things into your life, listen to our special breathwork and meditation series. Save $30 on the eight guided sessions when you use the code “breathe” at ChristineHassler.com/breathwork.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you ever have a big fear that comes up but it does not quite match the situation?
• When fear overcomes you, is it hard to calm down and break free from it?
• Did you grow up in a house full of chaos where you didn’t feel safe?
• Did you or do you ever just want to hide and be invisible?

Mikaela’s Question:

Mikaela has feelings of inadequacy and fear. She would like guidance on how to become calm and free herself of those feelings.

Mikaela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• There was a lot of chaos in her childhood home.
• Her father was an abusive alcoholic.
• She tried to make herself invisible.
• She has tremendous fear.
• No one ever recognized how scared she was.
• She wanted someone to comfort her and make her feel safe.
• She feels grief for herself as a child.
• She compares herself to others.
• She feels robbed of her childhood.
• She is self-conscious.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Connect to her inner child to make her feel seen and safe.
• Visualize her adult self removing her inner child from the chaos.
• Acknowledge and honor her grief.
• Forgive herself for any misunderstandings.

Takeaways:

• If you have consistent levels of fear or anxiety that don’t match a situation, it is an alarm bell being activated or triggered. Instead of trying to calm yourself, experiment with following the feeling in a soft, loving way.
• Doing inner child work doesn’t mean we re-experience and relive traumatic events. It means we grieve with the little one who is activated and let them express while being compassionate with them.
• Invite your inner child to live in the present with you, not the past.
• Get access to Inner Child Workshop recordings by emailing Jill@christinehassler.com.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine answers two listener questions. The first is around the fear of abandonment....what causes is, how it shows up in life, and how to heal it. The second question is regarding how to be with friends going through a hard time without being "life coachy" with them.   Also you can take the love block quiz Christine mentioned to find out what fear hold you back here: https://stefanossifandos.com/love-block-quiz/

This episode is about how to shift personality patterns. Today’s caller, Nikhi, is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and how to ask for what she wants. She has completed two Inner Child Workshops and is ready to work through the resistance she feels as she begins to shift her patterns.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode289]

Doing personal growth work, especially inner child work, doesn’t mean that boom, all of a sudden you’re healed. It takes time. The patterns we develop, the coping strategies, the results from our wounding have been there for many years. It takes time for something to move from awareness to integration.

The enduring pattern develops around age three because our need at that age is expression, to be able to express our feelings, to be able to express who we are, and to feel like it’s safe to be ourselves. If we lived in a family where emotional expression wasn’t encouraged, or we were to be seen, not heard, or we were told what to do, we had to figure out what to do just to not piss anybody off, we end up often with something called the enduring pattern. The enduring pattern is when we think we will just hold it all together or hold it all inside because it’s not safe to express or speak our truth.

There are two parts to speaking up for yourself. Part one is speaking your needs and part two, continuing to speak up when you are met with criticism, gas-lighting, or feeling squashed.

Get on the interest list for our next couple’s Relationship Retreat. It is a live, 3-day virtual retreat coming up in June. Christinehassler.com/relationshipsupport 

Listen to past group coaching calls, ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays, and listen to Coaches Corner with Erica Alaura for important energy cleansing work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you get overwhelmed easily but yet have trouble asking for help?
• Does your reaction to something, like your level of a reaction, sometimes not match the reality of the situation?
• Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a fierce inner critic?
• Do you internalize your feelings?
• Is it difficult for you to ask for support?

Nikhi’s Question:

Nikhi is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and ask for what she needs from an empowered place.

Nikhi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels disempowered.
• She doesn’t ask for what she needs and then feels shame about it.
• She feels triggered and angry when her husband reminds her of things.
• She is an empath.
• She didn’t feel seen or heard as a child.
• She internalizes things that happen to her.
• She has completed two Inner Child Workshops.
• She has an anxious attachment style and an enduring personality pattern.
• She gets overwhelmed easily.
• She was not allowed to express anger as a child.
• She struggles with structure.
• Her subtle inner critic comes out as a sinking feeling.
• She wants to find an accountability partner.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Speak up and share her emotions.
• Practice feeling and expressing her feelings.
• Do 10-minutes of Release Writing or record thoughts on her phone daily.
• Write a letter to her inner parent to re-read when she feels resistance.

Takeaways:

• Discipline yourself with love and gentleness.
• Don’t put too much on your plate.

Sponsor:

ShipStation — Do you have an online business and want to ship things without micromanaging the process. ShipStation software tracks all of your shipments in one easy-to-use interface. Over and On With It listeners can try ShipStation for free for 60-days by using the offer code 'OVERIT'. Go to ShipStation.com and click on the microphone at the top of the page to let Shipstation help your business grow and thrive.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about honoring emotions with compassion and acceptance. Today’s caller, Olivia, is going through a unique situation. She is feeling confused by her emotions and would like guidance on how to feel her feelings without going into “victim” and how to grieve after a loss.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode288]

It is normal for emotions to be confusing. We live in a mental, logical, linear-based world where we want certainty. We want things to make sense. But life isn’t linear, there aren’t five steps to make every sense of everything. Life is messy. It’s complicated. It’s a journey. Especially when it comes to emotions, we don’t want to try to manage them, understand them, or know why. We just need to learn how to feel and move through them. But, often, our mind gets in the way. This is the biggest reason so many people deal with repression, suppression, depression and then have to distract themselves or develop addictions. It’s because we don’t know how to be with our emotions.

Most of the time, when we are crying or feeling we are analyzing it. Maybe not allowing ourselves to be in the emotion and ride the waves. One wave could have twenty different feelings in it. It is about letting yourself go with compassion.

If you want to evolve and be free of some of the stuff that is weighing you down, you have to feel. We only get lost in our feelings when we judge them or when we go into “victim.”

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. ChristineHassler.com/innerchild — March 19–21, 2021. Listen to past group coaching calls at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you often feel confused about your feelings?
• Do you feel guilty about feeling the way you feel?
• Do you put other people’s needs above yours, making their feelings and tending to their feelings and their concerns more of a priority?
• Do you feel overwhelmed with a current emotion? Are you scared if you go into it you will lose yourself?
• Are you going through a loss of any kind? A loss of a person you love, a pet, job, a dream?

Olivia’s Question:

Olivia has had major heartbreak and loss and is confused about how to feel.

Olivia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She ended a long-term relationship and then her ex married quickly after.
• Her ex passed away tragically within a year of their breakup.
• She feels stuck in her emotions.
• She feels confused and guilty about being upset.
• She looks to other people about how to feel.
• She didn’t attend his funeral.
• She is a people pleaser and puts others first.
• She can fall into “victim” and judge herself.
• She buries her anger.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Give herself permission to feel all of her feelings.
• Allow herself to grieve.
• Honor what she is feeling with compassion.
• Realize she may never get an apology.
• Perform a personal memorial service for her ex.
• Dig up her anger to release it with the Anger Release technique.
• Practice the Empty Chair process from Personal Mastery.

Takeaways:

• Practice riding the waves with compassion for yourself and others.
• Allow emotions to be confusing. You don’t need to understand them mentally. The body and heart understand emotions, not your mind.
• Consider joining us for the Inner Child workshop on March 19–21.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE — What if you could remove the hassle of bra shopping and find the most comfortable, perfect fitting bra or loungewear in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.