This episode is about feeling safe in our bodies by regulating the nervous system. Today’s caller, Nicole, struggles to change her body weight and feels she lacks motivation and follow-through to do so. She asks for practical tips on how to shift it and create peace and love within herself.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode402]
Nervous system regulation is bringing awareness to our state of being. Meaning, are we in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal? Both states can be a trauma response. Trauma, simply defined, is too much, too fast, too soon, or too little for too long.
Hyperarousal means we are anxious, constantly bracing ourselves, staying busy and distracted to avoid pain, or we are nervous, vigilant, and possibly aggressive. Hypoarousal means we can be depressed, or we may lack motivation. We can even go into apathy or indifference.
Whether it is hyper or hypo, it means we are functioning with an unregulated nervous system. It is hard for people in an unregulated state to be present. A regulated nervous system is when we feel safe inside our body. Yet, it doesn’t mean we’re in a meditative state and doesn’t mean we are a Zen master.
For those who grew up in an unsafe or chaotic house, your baseline is not going to be regulated. You can do all the emotional processing in the world to move the trauma and do inner child work but you have to practice a nervous system reset multiple times a day.
Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year with a comprehensive 7-month program starting in September 2023. This program is for coaches of all skill levels. Apply to become a certified coach and get a 3-month business bonus at https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel busy all the time and there don’t seem to be enough hours in a day?
Have you been wanting to release weight but you just can’t seem to let it go?
Do you know the benefits of self-love and self-care but you can’t seem to do them?
Did you grow up in a chaotic household and you long for peace and calm in your life?
Nicole’s Question:
She struggles with prioritizing herself, practicing self-love, and having self-worth issues. She wants to lose weight but doesn’t understand why she cannot stay motivated to do so.
Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She attended the Be the Queen program.
Her father didn’t value overweight people.
Her mother was self-critical.
She tries to eat healthily and has a gym membership.
She loves being outside, dancing, and being with her dog.
She is finishing her Master’s degree.
She finds little time to do the things she loves.
Her nervous system baseline is hyper-aroused.
She longed for peace and calm in her chaotic childhood home.
She focuses on losing weight.
She tells herself she will do the things she loves when she loses weight.
She is a people-pleaser.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Break the pattern of being in a hyper-aroused state.
Recalibrate her nervous system with hourly breaks and resets.
Check out Style Space and use the promo code Christine10.
Create peace and calm in her home and body.
Practice transitions and be conscious about her next move.
Practice saying no to create space for herself.
Takeaways:
Find online content about nervous system regulation.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]
As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.
An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.
Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.
When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there someone that you’ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can’t seem to let them go?
Did you have a parent that wasn’t there for you in the way that you truly desired?
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?
Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn’t get to be a kid?
Matthais’s Question:
He had a painful breakup that he can’t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.
Matthais’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He hasn’t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.
He is having difficulty connecting with new people.
He was very much in love.
The breakup was abrupt.
His ex triggered something deep inside of him.
He has some wounding in his past about his looks.
His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.
He has an avoidant attachment style.
His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.
His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother’s life.
He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.
He hasn’t experienced true intimacy.
He felt his dad didn’t want him and his mother parentified him.
He is attracted to controlling women.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.
When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn’t a healthy love and that real love is safe.
Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.
Feel into self-love.
Takeaways:
Read the book Attached or dive into the Coaches Corner episodes on attachment styles.
Sponsor:
Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Emily is the founder of Ziva and has taught the Ziva Technique to over 40,000 people. Her best-selling book, Stress Less, Accomplish More, debuted at #7 out of all books on Amazon and has been translated into 12 languages. In 2021, she launched zivaKIDS, the first meditation course of its kind for kids ages 4-14.
A formerly stressed Broadway performer who was going gray at 27, Emily discovered a powerful practice that cured her insomnia and improved her health on the first day. The Ziva Technique is a powerful combination of mindfulness, meditation and manifesting designed to help you get better at life, not meditation.
You can join her for a FREE embodiment and manifestation event on May 17th at christinehassler.com/emily
This episode is about pausing and not deciding. Today’s caller, Lydia, has been experiencing massive changes in her life over the past year. She is questioning whether or not to get married. She wants guidance about how she can relieve the pressure of making a choice and how to know what is right for her. She finds that sometimes not making a choice is the best choice.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode400]
There’s nothing wrong with questioning. There is always a purpose in it. When we’re in a place of doubt or questioning, it’s good to explore it. When there’s so much change happening, it can put us in more of a fight-or-flight survival-based response and we come from the emotionally reactive part of our brain. Or it can put our priorities and our values front and center to make us question anything that is not aligned.
When we are experiencing a lot of change or grief, it takes a while to find our footing. In times of transition and change, major decisions can be tricky. The part of us that likes to control and to know things, can have a hard time when we go back and forth about big decisions.
If your life is steady right now; if you’re not going through grief or a big change, but you are finding it difficult to make a choice, you might just be scared of change. You might just need to make a choice. But, if your life has a lot of chaos in it or there are a lot of changes and uncertainty about making another big choice, that’s when you can take time to pause and let what is in alignment with you rise to the surface.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat . There is still time to get the early bird discount.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there something you’re trying to decide, or choose about, like a relationship, or whether to leave a job and you just can’t get clarity or, you could talk yourself into either direction?
Are you grieving? Did you just lose someone that was important to you and it’s clouding your ability to choose?
Did you go through a breakup or a job loss where you felt a sense of rejection and your self-confidence took a hit?
Do you like to control? Do you like to have answers and being in that in-between of not making a choice can be a little wobbly for you?
Lydia’s Question:
Many things in her life are changing. She is grieving the loss of her mother and having doubts about getting married. She would like guidance on how to move forward with confidence.
Lydia’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is grieving the loss of her mother.
She is going through a job transition.
She is planning her wedding and a move.
She is questioning her decision to get married.
She is judging her fiance and feels guilty about it.
As an adult, she had to distance herself from her mother.
Her job transition left her feeling rejected.
She feels resistance when she tries to make a choice.
She doesn’t have safety in her nervous system.
She is concerned about disappointing people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Pause, give herself some grace, and wait to make a choice about her relationship.
Allow herself to be in the unknown as much as possible.
Work on establishing safety in her nervous system.
Surrender and take off the pressure to make a choice.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
More info about the retreat here:
This episode is about going back to move forward. Today’s caller, Samm, missed out on some developmental learnings in childhood. She wants to empower others but is still not sure she can fully empower herself. If you feel that you don’t have clarity about something, or feel you can’t take the next step forward, it might be because of past trauma.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode399]
We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. Remember, compassion is different than scapegoating. If we blame everything on our childhood and everything is our parent’s fault, that is being the victim. That is scapegoating. It’s very different from compassion.
Compassion is understanding that we never got to that developmental stage as a child. So, it is harder for us to do it as adults. We need to have patience and compassion with ourselves. We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. It’s necessary for us to go back and give our inner child what they didn’t have and then move forward.
To expect ourselves to feel safe, to put ourselves out there, as a coach for example, when we didn’t have safety as a child is like expecting a one-year-old to do algebra. It's just completely unrealistic. It is not developmentally possible.
Please be kind to yourself. Look at what you did not get in childhood that may have impacted you and not from the perspective of being damaged or broken. We have the parents we have to learn what we need to learn in this lifetime.
Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year in September 2023. Christine co-founded Elementum Coaching to assist coaches and would-be coaches with the skills needed to build their businesses. Attend the free webinar for more information on May 15, 2023. To take advantage of early bird pricing and get more information about the upcoming Coach on Fire workshop go to https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com/coach-on-fire-workshop.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel like you’re unclear about something or do you lack clarity in some way?
Did you have a childhood where you did not feel safe?
Do you often feel disconnected from your own inner child?
Is there something you want to do but you keep telling yourself that you’re just stuck and you can’t move forward?
Samm’s Question:
Samm seeks clarity and would like guidance on how to create a safe place without feeling paralyzed to act on it.
Samm’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is a coach.
She holds herself back when expressing herself.
When she feels like putting her heart into something, she gets paralyzed and scared.
Her parents were addicts. She chose a different path.
She didn’t feel safe as a child.
She doubts she can fully support herself or others.
She has been in survival mode for most of her life.
She has a freeze response as part of her nervous system wiring.
She feels she is not enough.
As a child, she yearned to feel like she was important and that she mattered.
She wanted to be held and know everything would be OK.
She would like to build a group container with her clients.
She wants to help empower others.
She internalizes her sadness and has difficulty getting mad.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion for where she’s come from.
Work with herself with patience and love.
Connect with the motherly part of her.
Allow herself to get angry.
Recognize when she is in a trauma response and make her inner child feel safe.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Natalie Lue is a writer, speaker, podcaster, artist, and founder of one of the longest running self-help blogs in the world, Baggage Reclaim and The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. She just released a new book, The Joy of Saying No, which highlights her six-step plan to help readers find their “no” so they can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with their values and authentic self.
This episode is about healing past trauma without reliving it. Today’s caller, Suzy, knows there is trauma in her past but fears she must relive it to heal it. This conversation is helpful if you know there are things in your past you haven’t dealt with and don’t know where to start or have fears about addressing them.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode398]
When we experience trauma, we disassociate. We have to do it. It doesn’t make us weak. It doesn’t make us not vulnerable. And, it doesn’t make us not emotionally intelligent. It is what we do to survive. We need to have compassion for our disassociation because it is a coping strategy and it’s the only way we can survive trauma.
There comes a time when all the dissociation starts to add up, and it may make us feel dead inside. It is important that we do not go back and relive our trauma. We can use current-day triggers to ask — What is this triggering inside me? What is this reminding me of? Then, give ourselves the permission to feel and express all the feelings we didn’t get to express, state our needs, and make our requests. That is how we heal. That’s how we repair not by reliving the trauma.
Riding a current trigger or feeling back in time to see where we end up is one of the most useful ways to heal. It’s about giving ourselves a voice, giving ourselves the freedom to express ourselves, giving ourselves compassion, and nurturing ourselves to meet the needs that didn’t get met at that time. It’s not about reliving our experiences.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have trouble accessing feelings from your past? You can talk about your past but there’s no emotion there.
Are you finding you do have emotion in your current day situations and you don’t quite know what to do with those triggers?
Were you emotionally abandoned by your parents? Maybe they were physically there but they didn’t really meet your emotional needs.
Do you have trouble accessing your inner child?
Suzy’s Question:
Suzy knows there are things in her past she has not dealt with but she doesn’t know where to start or how to address them.
Suzy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is seeing a therapist.
Her past is affecting her current relationships.
She feels abandoned by her husband.
She feels sad and lonely.
She fears reliving her past trauma.
As a child, her physical needs were met but not her emotional needs.
She has tried to share her feelings with her mother.
She feels hopeless.
She has never felt safe.
She is surprised by the wise words from her inner child.
She is capable of holding herself through her feelings.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Commit to continue to talk with her inner child.
Recognize her triggers as an opportunity to check in with her inner child.
Write or send herself a message starting with “I learned…, I feel…, what I am going to do moving forward is…”.
Get pictures of herself from different ages and see which she connects more deeply with.
Be gentle with herself as she maneuvers the healing process.
Takeaways:
If you are afraid to deal with your past, find a qualified practitioner.
Check in with your inner child whenever you feel triggered.
Come to the Signature Retreat in October.
Listen to the previously recorded 3-day Inner Child Workshop.
Be gentle and patient with yourself.
Sponsor:
Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about a conflict between what our inner child wants and what our adult self needs. Today’s caller, Cindy, is in a relationship that she knows she needs to leave but she feels frozen. She is looking for guidance on how to move forward and take action. This can be applied to anything whether it is a relationship, a job, or a pattern. There are some great tidbits about why we don't shift.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode397]
When we know there is an action we need to take but we just can't seem to do it we can analyze it, process it, and have awareness about it but we may still feel frozen and unable to take action.
Freeze is a trauma response. It doesn't matter how much we know what we “should” do when we are in a trauma response it all gets overridden with survival patterns. Our inner child believes that we will heal a wound by being with someone similar to the person who prompted our trauma.
One of the best ways that you can make a change in your life is to do something different to get out of your comfort zone but to do it with a lot of love.
For empathetic or people with co-dependent threads, love bombing is like a drug. Whether someone's a diagnosed narcissist or they have narcissistic tendencies, love bombing is not about the person receiving the love bomb. It's about control. It's not love.
So, choose yourself. Legitimately and authentically love yourself out of the situation.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their own consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13-15 in San Diego, CA. Early bird pricing ends soon so to sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation, relationship, friendship, or work situation where you know you need to make a change but you just can't seem to do it?
Do you know that some of your choices are coming from your inner child but can't seem to make different choices?
Do you often let fear stop you from doing something you need to do?
Are you frustrated with yourself because you know better but you just keep wondering why you're not doing better?
Cindy’s Question:
Cindy is in a toxic marriage. She wants to end the relationship and get a divorce but she feels stuck and is not sure how to move forward.
Cindy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is finding it difficult to make a decision.
She struggles with shame and anger about not leaving.
She feels frozen.
She feels her partner and her father are similar.
Her father had an undiagnosed mental problem.
Her partner love bombed her at the beginning of her relationship.
She knows the relationship is not good for her.
She feels her partner destroyed her life.
She knows she has choices to make.
She is a people pleaser.
She feels financially tied to the relationship.
Her partner plays on her core wounds.
She found it easier to get out of her first marriage.
She will keep herself away from men that come with red flags.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Talk to her inner child about what love truly is.
Assure her inner child that she will take care of her.
Attend Christine’s Signature Retreat.
Make a decision by May 1, 2023.
Sponsor:
Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any filter.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
My friend Brooke Nichol joins me to talk about how to build a business by being great at relationships with people. Brooke is a registered nurse and the owner of Saving Face in Austin, TX. Her specialty is relationships and keeping clients looking natural and the best version of themselves. She has organically grown to two locations, becoming the most sought out feel good destination in Austin.
She has an extensive background and training from world renowned plastic surgeons and experts in the field of aesthetics.
She was named top 100 injector in the US in 2018. She is a national trainer for Allergan and was named top 10 lip expert in 2020. Brooke serves on Advisory Boards for Allergan and Revance.
Brooke is a true entrepreneur who wears many hats. She is mama to two beautiful children, Knox (5), Miller (8). She created Post Love Skincare and will soon launch Saving Face Academy. There is much growth for Saving Face in the future and Brooke is quite certain that goodness will bring about more goodness.
This episode is about healing anxiety, unworthiness, and shame. Today’s caller, Matt, recently came clean about some secrets about his past with his partner. He sabotaged his relationship but would like to date again, fully able to love and commit. Any listeners who felt instability in their childhood will benefit from this conversation.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode396]
Often, the people who are most free-spirited are the adults who as children wanted stability and didn’t have it. They’ve never known stability so they have to fall in love with freedom or fall in love with not having accountability.
If you were adopted, didn’t have time with your mother, or something happened, it doesn’t mean you are doomed for life. Give yourself the dignity of your process. Give yourself the compassion, TLC, mothering, and nurturing you didn’t receive. Having compassion for yourself and an understanding of why you are the way you are is important.
Adoption is a beautiful thing. There are so many people who have had much better lives because they’ve been adopted versus if they had stayed with their biological parents. And people who choose to give their child up for adoption because they know another family could give them a better life are angels in so many ways. Adoption can create a beautiful life for someone.
And if you do meditation, or a personal practice with the intention of fixing something, remember nothing heals in judgment. Go into modalities to feel, to heal, and to allow what is there, not try to get rid of it. Because nothing heals when we think we are broken.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Did you grow up feeling a sense of not belonging? Perhaps you were adopted, you were a different race or culture and you had that feeling of where do I fit?
Do you deal with a sense of anxiety?
Do you ever feel a sense of unworthiness?
Have you shown up in relationships, friendships, or any aspects of your life that you haven’t been proud of or that you have shame about?
Have you held secrets and told lies?
Matt’s Question:
Matt wants to start dating again but would like guidance on how to heal from his deep childhood wounding.
Matt’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He moved into a van to pursue a new life.
He felt isolated after three months.
He kept his trauma a secret.
He was sexually abused.
He was adopted by parents of a different race.
He used drugs and alcohol to cope with his trauma.
He is on a self-awareness journey.
He opened up to his partner and they broke up.
He cheated on his partner during their time together.
He joined a 12-step program.
He is struggling with rejection and failure.
He doesn’t truly trust himself.
He has always felt like an outcast in many ways.
He hasn’t been able to love and commit in past relationships.
He knows he is loved and wanted but often forgets.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Use meditation and breathwork to rebirth himself and remove judgmental thoughts.
Have compassion for his journey.
Know that he deserves to be loved and accepted.
Find a practitioner to help him love his inner child.
Sponsor:
Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code “Overit” and get up to 35% off on selected models.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
If you want to truly understand the power of surrender and acceptance, don't miss this episode! KUTE BLACKSON is a beloved inspirational speaker and transformational teacher. He speaks at countless events he organizes around the world as well as at outside events including A-Fest, YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization), and EO (Entrepreneurs’ Organization). He is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, a select group of one hundred of the world’s foremost authorities in the personal development industry. Winner of the 2019 Unity New Thought Walden Award, Blackson is widely considered a next generation leader in the field of personal development. His mission is simple: To awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their true life’s purpose.
www.kuteblackson.com
This episode is about love and relationships. Today’s caller, Rocio, is in a pattern that is blocking her from calling in love. She would like guidance on how much of her dating is based on divine timing or if there are things she can do to date from a more empowered, emotionally available space.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode395]
A lot of times we think we are emotionally available because we want love and connection and we’ve done the work to make ourselves vulnerable. But, often, there is a hurt part of us that is a protective mechanism that makes us put a guard up so we are not completely emotionally available.
We are co-creators in our life. The spirit of the divine meets us at the point of action and intention. If we are not actively participating in getting what we desire, then we are not fully meeting the divine at the point of action and intention. If we have fear, it can block us. A lot of the time we spend avoiding love because we are afraid of rejection more than we are into opening ourselves up and putting ourselves out there.
When we have a parent that created an anxious attachment style, we draw in people who trigger that feeling inside of us because we are attempting to heal it. As children, we can’t advocate for ourselves as we can as adults.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you frustrated with dating and want to know how you can shift it?
Did you think everything was going well with the last person you dated and then it just didn’t work out? If you look back at it, did you miss some red flags?
Did you have a parent you craved more from and you can see how that wound impacts how you date?
Are you willing to be vulnerable, emotionally available, and honest about what works for you and what doesn’t?
Rocio’s Question:
Rocio would like guidance about how much she should trust timing and intuition to call in love.
Rocio’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has been meeting emotionally unavailable guys.
She fears rejection and being vulnerable.
Recently she thought she met someone and their energies aligned but there were inconsistencies.
She feels that she is putting herself out there and trusting her intuition.
There were inconsistencies in her relationship with her father.
She is not fully healed from an unmet need from her childhood.
She wants to call in a relationship.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
If triggered, call it out and stand up for herself right away.
Normalize being emotionally available and asking for what she wants.
Don’t let her fear of rejection stop her from speaking her truth.
Trust herself to express her needs.
Remember the guys she dates are not her father.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
McCall McPherson is a Physician Assistant, a thyroid-patient gone expert after suffering for years due to mismanagement of her own thyroid disorder. She is the founder of Modern Thyroid Clinic, a functional medicine practice in Austin, Texas specializing in complex thyroid disorders and a believer that with proper care and treatment there is no reason to still have thyroid symptoms.
Learn more about her practice here: https://www.modernthyroidclinic.com/
And her course for optimal thyroid function here: http://www.mccallmcpherson.com/#/courses/
This episode is about relationships. Today’s caller, Anthony, feels ready to call in love and fulfill his purpose but is unsure why he feels blocked. He would like guidance about how to move past the blocks and step into the life he desires.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode394]
If you are in your 20s, remember you have time. Be patient with yourself and be patient with the way life is going to unfold. Especially, those of you who are on a personal development path. There is a co-creation aspect to growth and there is a part of you, a higher-self part of you, that may keep you from some of the things your ego and mind want right now because how you are meant to evolve is more important.
Trust the unfolding of your life. Trust divine timing. And, try not to put pressure on yourself to get something by a certain age. Put intention into yourself to know yourself, love, accept, and be a good partner to yourself.
We all have places inside where we might feel a little insecure and it’s normal to feel like that. When we have had challenges we can wonder who will want us in that state. Our unmet needs come up when we are dating until we really work on it.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you wanting to call in a relationship but you don’t exactly know how?
Is there a part of you that is confident about what you have to offer but then a part of you wonders if someone will really love that one thing?
Did you have a super present parent, or did you have one or maybe both parents that weren’t so available and you may be looking for a relationship to fulfill that void?
Anthony’s Question:
Anthony wants to know how to find a committed relationship as well as walk fully into his purpose.
Anthony’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He is looking for someone to grow with.
He feels that something is missing.
He helps people take control of their health.
He’s never been in a relationship and feels like it is time.
He wants to be more emotionally secure.
He has trouble sleeping due to physical pain.
He had Lyme disease.
His father was emotionally unavailable.
He feels he can’t fully access love and compassion for himself.
He didn’t have a role model of emotional acceptance.
He has an unfulfilled childhood need.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion, love, and acceptance for himself.
Begin a meditation practice to get more in tune with his emotional self.
Do the things he loves to do.
Make it a priority to be the best father and partner to himself.
Sponsor:
Cured Nutrition — What a difference a good night’s sleep makes. And, CBN Nighttime Oil with sleep support properties makes a good night’s sleep possible. Other Cured products include RISE, and ZEN to balance out well-being. Go to CuredNutrition.com/OVERIT to get 20% off your entire order.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about when we just can’t seem to get back to feeling ourselves. Today’s caller, Monica, has been injured by trauma over the last several years. She feels stuck and can’t seem to recharge. She asks for guidance on how to get over it and on with it.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode393]
When we are not feeling like ourselves. It can be frightening. We need to remind ourselves that even though we don't feel like ourselves at the moment, we know who we are. When we have been through a lot of trauma, just because it’s over doesn’t mean it’s over.
Time does not heal all wounds when it comes to trauma. Our nervous system gets unregulated. We get depleted. Our brain gets all scrambled. We get put into survival mode, and it is hard to connect to creativity, to other people, and sometimes to spirituality. When we are completely depleted and in survival mode, there are things that happen in our brains that make it impossible to do it. But, at the same time, we have conditioning that tells us we should be able to get over things.
But, whether it is trauma or transition, there is an in-between state when we want to get back to how we used to be but oftentimes there is a newer version of ourselves post-trauma, post-transition, that we don’t know yet. That is a beautiful new version of ourselves. We need to give ourselves the grace, compassion, passion, support, and time to get there.
Christine is hosting her Signature Women’s Retreat on October 10‒13, 2023 in San Diego, CA. To take advantage of the early bird special and reserve your spot, go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you had a rough couple of years and even though the storms are over you still feel that you can’t get over it?
Are you in a place in life where you’re not really depressed but you’re just not yourself?
Have you been through a lot of trauma, or difficult times and you can’t seem to shake it? Have you ever considered that you may have PTSD?
Monica's Question:
Monica has had a difficult few years. She feels she has nothing left to give and wants to get over it and on with it.
Monica’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Several people in her life took their own lives.
She was in a motorcycle accident.
She owns her own business.
She goes from crisis mode to crisis mode.
She has been in survival mode for a long time.
She judges herself for not being able to move on.
She may have PTSD.
She self-isolates at times and needs to recharge.
She doesn’t understand why she feels the way she does.
She feels stuck.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Realize there is nothing wrong with her.
Look for a trauma-trained practitioner that can help with nervous system trauma, such as EMDR.
Do things that nourish her, like a massage, and replenish herself.
Takeaways:
If you are suffering from PTSD or PTSI, reach out for help. Recovery is not something you should do alone.
Sponsor:
Cured Nutrition — What a difference a good night’s sleep makes. And, CBN Nighttime Oil with sleep support properties makes a good night’s sleep possible. Other Cured products include RISE, and ZEN to balance out well-being. Go to CuredNutrition.com/OVERIT to get 20% off your entire order.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about busting through limiting beliefs to get down to love and truth. Today’s caller, Andrew, finds himself at a challenging crossroads in his marriage. He would like to know how to be supportive of his wife after her recent cancer diagnosis without becoming a doormat.
There are many common, limiting beliefs when it comes to love and romance. One belief is the success of a relationship is based on the time it lasts. So, if there is a breakup or divorce, the relationship was considered a failure. Or, if you love someone, you must love them unconditionally and stay with them, for better or for worse, no matter what. Another limiting belief is, the purpose of a romantic relationship is to find THE one who completes you.
Diagnoses can be an opportunity for deep healing and transformation. Sometimes, what is for the highest good is not always the easiest or most obvious choice. It basically comes down to love and truth. People in a relationship can be growing at different speeds, but still along the same path.
Remember, spirituality is not tolerating people treating us the way they want to treat us. Love and truth go together. Self-honoring choices are often for the highest good of all, and that is the ultimate high road. We can love, encourage, support, and be an example for people, but we cannot save anyone else, that is up to them.
Would you like to raise your wealth consciousness? Another Group Coaching Call is coming. In it, we talk about money and prosperity. It is only $20 to join in on Tues. March 21st, 2023 at 7:30 pm CST. Don’t worry if you cannot make it live, it will be recorded. I will include a guided meditation and group coaching questions. Go to christinehassler.com/group to sign up.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
What soul lessons are you currently learning from your relationship or relationship status?
Are you making your relationship with yourself or your higher power a priority?
Are any of your relationships at a point where you are growing in a different direction from each other?
Do you wonder if being there for someone else in a supportive way is putting your own needs at risk?
What is the difference between having a spiritual orientation to your relationship, and doing a spiritual bypass and becoming a bit of a doormat?
Andrew's Question:
Andrew’s relationship is experiencing trials and tribulations. He would like to know how to spiritually cope with his wife’s recent thyroid cancer diagnosis.
Andrew's Key Insights and Ahas:
His wife’s hormones have been elevated due to a thyroid problem.
He feels spirituality calling him.
It’s not his responsibility to save his wife.
He has recently started a spiritual practice.
He doesn’t believe his wife is a willing participant in the relationship.
His current lesson may not yet be resolved.
It is now up to him to re-parent himself.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Write his wife a letter to share what feels about her and how the diagnosis may be a wake-up call to stay committed to working on their relationship. Also, let her know he cannot do it alone.
Hug his wife every day.
Take 100% responsibility for his 50%.
Takeaways:
Look back at your romantic relationships to see what lessons you have learned. Write down how each partner has been a soul mate.
Nurture a relationship with a higher power.
Do something intentional and devotional every day for someone you care about.
If there is a difficult conversation you need to have, write a letter and either read the letter to the person or give it to them.
Sponsor:
Cured Nutrition — What a difference a good night’s sleep makes. And, CBN Nighttime Oil with sleep support properties makes a good night’s sleep possible. Other Cured products include RISE, and ZEN to balance out well-being. Go to CuredNutrition.com/OVERIT to get 20% off your entire order.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This is a very important conversation about how all of our devices both help and hinder our lives. Gloria Mark studies the impact of digital media on people's lives: their attention spans, multitasking, distraction, mood and behavior when they use their computers and smartphones. She also studies the future of work, and how remote work impacts how we use our devices. Dr Mark is Chancellor’s Professor ofInformatics at the University of California, Irvine and has been a visiting senior researcher at Microsoft Research since 2012. She received her PhD from Columbia University in psychology. She regularly publishes in the top conferences and journals in her field. She was inducted into the ACM SIGCHI Academy in 2017 recognizing leaders in the field of human-computer interaction. She has presented her work at SXSW and the AspenIdeas Festival, and her work has appeared in The New York Times, Wall StreetJournal, NPR, The Atlantic, the BBC, and many others.
This episode is about shifting your external world while making internal changes. Today’s caller, Jenn, has been through transformational changes and believes she is confused about her work as a relationship coach. Anyone who is on the growth path will relate to this call in some way.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode391]
As we uncover and heal our issues, either in relationships or in the physical, we shift our vibration. Our energetic selves change, which creates a shift in what we’re attracted to and what we attract. Dis-ease and/or toxic relationships are heavy in energetic weight. As we heal, clear, and forgive, it shifts our vibration and creates changes in our outside world. Some changes happen naturally and some just give us an unsettling feeling about something not being right.
As we shift consciousness, our identity shifts and as it does it can feel confusing because our external life is not congruent with our internal life.
Just because you don’t have clarity about something or something doesn’t feel as fulfilling as it used to, doesn’t mean you are confused. You are in a time of change and transformation. For something to transform, it must go through a period of chaos and uncertainty. Don’t rush to figure it out — allow it to be revealed.
Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? Find out more about the Be the Queen program, which began on February 28, 2023. It includes an in-person one-day retreat in San Diego on October 12, 2023, and the self-paced evergreen course at christinehassler.com/bethequeen or email Jill@christinehassler.com.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there some aspect of your life that doesn’t feel right, or just feels off?
Have you healed a relationship or physical issue that has catalyzed wanting to make changes in other aspects of your life?
Can you relate to being a chameleon to stay safe? Are you a people pleaser?
Are you scared of being vulnerable or being seen?
Jenn’s Question:
Jenn feels she has lost her inspiration and passion for her business. She wants to gain clarity about her coaching business.
Jenn’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She had a falling out with her mother.
She was physically ill.
She internalizes her mother’s issues.
She was a people pleaser and chameleon around her mother.
She has always been there for others.
Her relationship coaching feels shallow to her now.
She’s committed to getting out of her head.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Bring more of her own voice into her business.
Don’t underestimate the value she brings to her clients.
Consider the way the people she appreciates share their stories.
Share more of her emotional depths.
Takeaways:
Get Expectation Hangover if you don’t have it already, and in the spiritual section do the lesson quest exercise under the role of the seeker.
Take an inventory of your external life. Does it match your internal life?
How can you be more vulnerable and honest? Think of the ways you are a people pleaser or play small. How can you step into a deeper level of authenticity?
Where are you telling yourself you are confused when you are not? Can you allow yourself to be in uncertainty?
Resources:
Inner Circle Membership Community
@christinehassler on Instagram
Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life, by Christine Hassler