This coaching call is about giving ourselves the time to be where we are, even if we don’t like it. Today’s caller, Maria, has suffered recent losses. It is causing past grief to surface. She asks Christine for guidance on how to tone down her hyper-vigilance and move through the grief she is experiencing.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode427].
Many of us get our idea of what a mother is based on our mother, the media, or other things that are so far off from what a mother actually is. A mother is not a martyr, not someone who sacrifices everything, has no life, or no sense of herself. It is also not abandoning a child, either physically or emotionally, because she’s so caught up in her own trauma.
A mother is being a loving, nurturing model of what a healthy nervous system looks like, what nurturing looks like, what unconditional love looks like, what acceptance looks like, what boundaries look like, and what soothing looks like.
When we are in a phase in life where we are still working out subconscious patterns and wounding, it is impossible to see red flags. If you are beating yourself up for red flags you didn’t see in situations, especially partnerships, please forgive yourself. You had to be in those relationships to wake up! Remember, we are naturally attracted to our dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to people who remind us of the parents who didn’t give us what we wanted.
Please forgive yourself. You can see the red flags now because you have done work. You couldn’t see them before. Give yourself a break. Self-beat has no place in healing. Give yourself that mothering or parental nurturing love that you so deserve. Sometimes it is not time to do the “work.” The work is nurturing, regulating, and resourcing ourselves.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you recently gone through loss and grief that have triggered other loss or grief?
Are you in a phase of overwhelm by how much you feel you have to process?
Did you not have the childhood or the parent you deeply desired?
Have you ignored red flags in relationships only now, in hindsight, they are clear as day?
Maria’s Question:
Maria has experienced a lot of loss recently and is looking for guidance on how to move through the grief.
Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels emotionally malnourished.
Her recent pregnancy and relationship losses are bringing up past grief.
She feels unsafe and hyper-vigilant.
She feels challenged to express herself or to be joyful.
Her mother passed away three years ago.
Her mother was emotionally unavailable and detached.
She feels overwhelmed, and her sense of self is out of balance.
Memories of her childhood feelings are surfacing and mixing with her grief.
She wanted intimacy from her mother and her relationships.
She longs for connection.
She did not have the ability to discern red flags.
She is consciously single now.
She is a doula who has a deep connection to motherhood.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion and awareness for the season of life she is in now.
Know that her soul baby is holding space for her to be ready for a beautiful, healthy relationship.
Give herself the love and the nurturing she wanted from her parents.
Allow herself to be resourced.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Known as The Enlightened Entrepreneur, Elizabeth Canon champions a new approach to entrepreneurship for women—out of the pressure cooker and onto a path that is more sustainable, life-giving and prosperous.
Many years ago, Elizabeth became an entrepreneur for freedom, but a few years into running her company realized she felt trapped in the business she had created. On the outside, she was successful, but inside she was lacking a sense of deeper satisfaction.
This launched her on a self-directed journey where she invested the equivalent of a Harvard MBA in her own growth and personal discovery. Along the way she learned how to apply what she was finding to her business.
Now, as a Master Coach, Elizabeth helps other women step onto their own paths of enlightened entrepreneurship, so they can grow their businesses without sacrificing what matters most in their lives. Because when you do this, you create a level of success, a business—and a life, that is all your own.
This coaching call is about breaking the childhood patterns that show up in relationships. Today’s caller, Oliver, struggles to embody his power and set boundaries when he is triggered in relationships. He asks for guidance on how to break and grow beyond survival patterns.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode426].
Many of us can relate to being our current age but in certain situations, we act in a way that is sabotaging, embarrassing, or doesn’t get us what we want. Why do we act like this? Because there is often inner child wounding and programming at play.
Survival patterns are tricky to change and they can hang on for a long time because a large portion of them are subconscious. Often, we have to duplicate our parental family of origin situation to wake up and transform our survival patterns. It is a necessary part of evolution. It doesn’t matter how much awareness we have, we have to walk through a situation to heal it.
It is hard work and often thankless work when we are the pattern breakers in our family. If we don’t have role models at home, we have to add in new programming. Watching movies, reading books, writing it out, or spending time with others to gain examples of what healthy relationships look like is important.
There are things we heal, and then there are some things that take a bit more time. The evolution, the moving out of fear, judgment, beliefs, and pain into love, is ongoing. The next time you feel that you have dealt with something before, or have awareness about something, get more curious about it.
The work is never done. We are always learning and growing.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email you will be entered in a raffle to win a 30 min. coaching session with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you notice you have patterns in relationships that you don’t like and want to change?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy relationships modeled for you?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy parents or a healthy parent that raised you?
Are you someone that has done a lot of work and you know a lot of things, but you wish things were changing a little more?
Oliver’s Question:
Oliver struggles with a recurring pattern of sabotaging his relationships.
Oliver’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He is a recently divorced, single parent of two small children.
He is aware his pattern came from his mother.
His ex triggers his pattern and he freezes when confronted.
He gives his power away when confronted.
A portion of his development was stunted.
His mother was diagnosed as borderline and unpredictable.
He has done some inner child work but still has blind spots.
He is a therapist.
His feelings and emotions have been surfacing since his divorce.
He feels he holds power and has clear boundaries in other areas of his life.
His father is a public figure in his home country.
His mother physically beat the children.
He wanted his father to protect him against his mother.
It is difficult for him to show anger.
He can get stuck in self-analysis.
He is a generational pattern breaker.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Drop any expectation that this pattern is simple to change.
Center himself and reassure his inner child that he has matured and can take care of himself now.
Discover and write out what masculinity means to him and what healthy masculinity looks like in a relationship.
Get between his inner child and women with tendencies like his mother and separate himself from his inner child.
Tap into his protective “papa bear” energy and unleash his anger.
Listen to the Coaches Corner: Internal Family Systems podcast with Dr. Richard Schwartz.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
We are all leaders, no matter what our job is. And we all have leadership styles that may or may not be the most aligned or effective.
Dr. Kirstin Ferguson joins to discuss how we can lead others and ourselves from a place of love. She is a prominent leadership expert and a highly experienced business leader in her own right.
Beginning her career as an officer in the Royal Australian Air Force, Kirstin has held roles that have included CEO of an International consulting firm and was appointed acting chair and deputy chair of the Australia Broadcasting Corporation by the Australian Prime Minister. She holds a PhD in Leadership and is an adjunct professor at QUT business school.
This coaching call is about understanding the reason we may be doubting a relationship. Today’s caller, Sammie, has doubts about her relationship and is wondering if she should stay in it. Christine guides her to change her perception and look at the situation differently.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode425].
There are many people who would be better off by leaving relationships or situations, but they decide to stay. They only stick around because the devil they know is often better than the devil they don’t. They feel there is no risk in staying in the relationship because it is familiar.
Then, there are those who probably “should” hang in there a while longer, or stick it out to see what happens, but they run sooner.
We need to work on switching those things around so that when we know something is toxic or not for us, we can make a conscious decision to leave. Or, when we are not totally sure, we see some great things about a relationship, but there is also a part of us that wants to run because the intimacy feels scary. But that is the point in a relationship when it could offer us great learning and healing if we could just stick it out.
Is your pattern to stick it out too long or to run too soon? If you are sticking it out too long, maybe it is time to go. If you are running too soon, maybe it is time to stay. Be honest with yourself when you are looking for a reason to get out of a relationship.
Christine is considering making some changes to the show and she wants your feedback. Go to christinehassler.com/survey to answer questions about the podcast and if you include your name and email you will be entered in a raffle to win a 30 min. coaching session with Christine!
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation, relationship, or friendship, and you are questioning whether you are in it for the “right” reasons?
Are you in a friendship or relationship and think you should end it because you don’t want to lead the person on or you don’t want to hurt feelings?
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style? Are you the person in a relationship that when it gets too intimate or too close, you start to pull back?
Do you have a deep insecurity about something in your life and think you have to settle because of it?
Sammie’s Question:
Sammie questions if her current relationship is right for her based on her boyfriend’s physical disability.
Sammie’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels safe in her current relationship and believes it is a healthy one.
She questions how her boyfriend’s spinal cord injury will impact their future together.
She is unsure if the relationship will lead her into a caretaker role.
She does not have prior experience to guide her through her uncertainty.
She is hopeful about the future of the relationship.
She admires the relationship her boyfriend has with his ex.
She joined a support group for people in relationships with people who have spinal cord injuries.
She is asking legitimate questions.
She becomes critical in relationships.
She has never had a relationship with this level of stability.
She doesn’t believe she could have attracted someone so healthy.
She has a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
She is insecure about where she is in her life.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Be 100% honest with her boyfriend.
Practice self-acceptance.
Lean into the invitation to love and intimacy.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Sarah Jenks is an ordained Priestess in the 13 Moon Mystery School. Sarah thought she was destined to have an “in the box” life after going to a top college, working in advertising, and then creating a successful emotional eating company.
One day she walked into her therapist’s office where the remnants of a sacred circle from the night before were strewn on the living room floor. She had a full body “Remembering” of being in ceremony. Since that day she’s been devoted to her own sacred practice and Temple skills and has devoted her life to creating spaces for women to have their own remembering.
Sarah’s work is centered around integrating Sacred Feminine wisdom and ceremony into our everyday lives, so that we can create the most rich, sexy, fun and meaningful existence. She offers mentorship programs and sacred council around the body, marriage, motherhood, and work, and runs an incredible monthly membership community where women and non-binary people come together for moonly ceremonies, astrology oracles, and lessons on the nuts and bolts of what it means to have a Sacred Feminine life.
Links discussed in this episode:
This coaching call is about reframing a situation to help make a change. Today’s caller, Lori, is settling and staying in a situation that isn’t what she wants, deserves, or values, out of fear of making a change. Christine offers guidance about how she can raise the bar, work through old patterns, and have the life she deserves.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode424].
Part of breaking a pattern and stepping into worthiness is not perceiving something as uprooting, or upheaval but as raising the bar of what we will tolerate in life.
As children, we didn’t have the choice to choose for ourselves. So, trauma sits in our nervous system because we were never allowed to feel our feelings in a safe and compassionate way. The trauma is never expressed so it gets locked in and begins to form a pattern. We can’t heal something till it’s in our face and we can give ourselves the love, compassion, patience, and support that we didn’t have as a child.
Breaking a pattern isn’t just about making a change, it is about how we are with ourselves while we are making the change. The best way to learn and change a pattern is when we are smack dab in the middle of it but with a coach, or someone to help us break the pattern.
If you are in a situation where you are settling and you want to make a change and it seems daunting, reframe how you are looking at the situation. If you see the situation as Mt. Everest, it will seem like it is hard to overcome. But, look at the issue as a way to increase your life satisfaction, rather than settling for a life that is based on your patterning. It may be difficult to make the change, but perceptions and beliefs about anything dramatically influence how we experience it.
Are you ready to be coached by Christine? If you are, there are three one-on-one coaching opportunities available now. Go to ChristineHassler.com and click on the coaching tab or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation that isn’t ideal, maybe even unhealthy, but the devil you know is worse than the one you don’t?
When it comes to relationships, do you have trouble speaking your voice?
When it comes to making a change do you generally feel that it’s going to be hard and have trouble getting motivated or inspired to make the change?
Do you see yourself as a failure and shame yourself because things haven’t worked out and you compare yourself to other people who you deem or judge as successful?
Lori’s Question:
Lori recently discovered her partner was sending flirty messages to another woman and is unsure what to do about it.
Lori’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She recently bought a house with her partner of two years.
She found flirty text messages on her partner’s phone to another woman.
Her intuition is sending her messages.
She has trouble finding her voice to confront him about the texts.
Her partner was defensive and didn’t really acknowledge her pain.
It drains her to think about dismantling the relationship.
She feels like a failure.
She compares herself to others.
She doesn’t want to be in the relationship any longer.
She fears uprooting her life.
She doesn’t feel safe communicating in her relationship.
She doesn’t have compassion for her inner child when she sees herself as a failure.
She has an abandonment wound.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Know she doesn’t have to do it alone. Speak with a coach or therapist.
Be gentle and compassionate with herself while she goes through the process of changing her patterns.
Recognize she is healing a deep father wound.
Raise the bar on what she is able to accept for herself.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
My longtime friend and the #1 resource I recommend when it comes to shifting your relationship with money, Kate Northrup, joins me today for an insightful and inspiring conversation about money.
As an entrepreneur, bestselling author, and mother, Kate Northrup has built a multimedia digital platform called The Origin Company that reaches hundreds of thousands globally. She’s committed to supporting ambitious women to light up the world without burning themselves out. Kate teaches data and soul-driven time and energy management practices that result in saving time, making more money, and experiencing less stress. She’s the author of Money: A Love Story and Do Less and the creator of the Do Less Planner System. Kate’s work has been featured by Oprah Daily, The Today Show, Yahoo! Finance, Women’s Health, Glamour, The NY Times, Harvard Business Review, and more. She lives with her husband and their daughters in Miami.
You can access her FREE workshop “Plenty” which will help you Clear Your Money Blocks and Discover True Prosperity While Positively Impacting the World here: Christinehassler.com/relaxedmoney
This coaching call is about old triggers in new situations. Today’s caller, Manpreet, is dating someone new and would like guidance on how to keep old triggers out of her new relationship. She has done healing work and is drawing what she wants into her life, but is frustrated when old patterns reemerge.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode423].
When women suffer abuse at the hands of, for this example, men, we can project on all men that they’re scary. Women can feel scared to trust men because one man or several men hurt them. So, we want to separate the behavior from the gender, from the person, from the way they look, and know that it was someone else’s behavior and not all men behave like that.
Because there has to be a disconnection, or disassociation from our sexuality in order for us to survive abuse, we often open up physically or emotionally to people before we are ready as a way to get power over the situation.
As adults, we have the gift of being able to ask ourselves what we couldn’t do or say when we were little that we can do or say now. We can speak up. We can get out of a situation, we can fight back. We can take our power back.
Also, when we share vulnerability too soon we may get hurt and it might not be received in the way that we want because there hasn’t been enough rapport, trust, or time there. So in new relationships, or friendships especially intimate relationships, a lot can be triggered. That’s why it is so helpful to have a professional or trusted friend to bounce things off of and get some perspective. Then we can come into new relationships with honesty and the knowing that vulnerability comes later. It gives a relationship more of a chance.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
When something new comes into your life, do you sabotage it because old stuff comes up?
Did you grow up not feeling safe, specifically if you are female do you not feel safe around men?
Have you done the vulnerability vomit thing too early in a friendship or romantic relationship and it has backfired?
Do you feel that you can truly ask for what you need and that you are lovable?
Manpreet’s Question:
Manpreet would like to be more in her goddess energy and learn to be more open to receiving more in relationships.
Manpreet’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Men often show physical interest in her immediately.
She has drawn in someone who treats her with respect.
She overshares her insecurities with new people quickly.
The man she is interested in says he will walk away if she continues to worry about where the relationship is headed.
She panics in fear when thinking about whether he will accept her.
She finds it easier to use physical manipulation to get what she wants.
She attended the Be the Queen program.
She feels that masculine, or men have the power and she has no control over situations.
She was abused by male family members.
She projects her abusive uncle’s behavior onto other men.
She can speak up for what she wants now.
Deep down her fear is about whether she is lovable.
She is scared because someone wants to see her for who she really is.
She wonders if she is good enough.
The healing work she is doing is drawing in things she wants for herself.
She wants to have conversations from an empowered place, not a wounded place.
She knows her worth isn’t tied to anyone but herself.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Bring herself into the present moment to separate behaviors from gender.
Ask herself what she couldn’t say, be, or do when she was a little girl that she can be, say, or do now.
Talk with her coach about her feelings and how to process them.
Send voicemails or texts to herself, or a trusted friend first to get some perspective.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Shawn Stevenson is the author of the USA Today National bestseller Eat Smarter and the international bestselling book Sleep Smarter. He’s also creator of The Model Health Show, featured as the number #1 health podcast in the U.S. with millions of listener downloads each month. A graduate of the University of Missouri–St. Louis, Shawn studied business, biology, and nutritional science and became the cofounder of Advanced Integrative Health Alliance. Shawn has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, The New York Times, Muscle & Fitness, ABC News, ESPN, and many other major media outlets.
This coaching call is about making sense of our intuition. Today’s caller, Michaela, wants to drop fully into what she is feeling but is unsure whether her intuition is just a fear-based response to her past. She asks Christine for guidance on how to decipher her feelings and how to trust her intuition.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode422].
We all have the gift of intuition to varying degrees. Some people, who have more gifts, we might refer to as psychics or mediums. But we all have the gift and the ability to connect to our intuition. And often, when we open up our connection to our intuition, it can be confusing. We may get intuitive messages and not know exactly what to do with them.
The beautiful thing about surrender or letting go is that it does allow for what actually needs to come forward to happen. Surrendering and receiving can feel scary because we have to be still. When we’re not in motion, either mentally or physically, and stillness comes, it often can trigger a fear response. Because if you grew up with any kind of abuse or chaos you know that when things got quiet, or still it wasn’t always a good sign; the calm before the storm.
So, we keep ourselves moving to both avoid chaos and to avoid the feelings. Many of us have wounds and trauma that we’ve been carrying around for decades and if we keep ourselves busy and distracted enough then we don’t have to feel the pain. If we do surrender and allow ourselves to receive, then there’s an invitation to feel. And, often it isn’t the party we want to attend.
The beautiful thing about inner child work is that we have all these beautiful parts of us that come alive again and they become a great source of love.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel like your intuition is telling you something and you’re not exactly sure what it means or what to do with it?
Have you had a life of lots of doing and you feel this huge desire to just be, but at the same time it terrifies you?
Are you someone that is good at receiving or are you better at giving?
Are you willing to carve the time out for yourself and change behaviors to connect more deeply with your inner child so that you can feel safe in your body?
Michaela’s Question:
Michaela is being pulled to listen to her intuition but is confused about whether the message is coming from her intuition or is a fear-based response.
Michaela’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is an imposter syndrome and transformational coach.
She left the corporate world after 25 years.
She is feeling pulled to stop doing and to listen to her intuition.
She is strongly spiritual.
She has a global network of people as clients.
She invests money in personal development work.
She suffered from imposter syndrome in the past.
Her family pretended everything was okay, no matter what was happening.
She feels coaching is her calling.
She’s been married for 25 years.
She has a hidden life and doesn’t feel safe.
She had traumatic experiences in her childhood.
She sometimes wants to disappear.
She recently uncoupled from an intimate connection.
She is searching for parental safety.
She wants to feel supported and loved.
She finds it difficult to receive.
She doesn’t understand how people love her.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Delve deeply into healing inner child work.
Let go of her distractions to integrate the fragmented pieces of herself.
Trust her intuition and be curious about the messages.
Be curious and allow people’s love for her to model how to love her inner child.
Take action in response to her internal messaging rather than taking action to avoid her feelings.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Kimberlee's book and podcast, THE FISCAL FEMINIST, is a financial wake-up call for women in which she shares her personal and professional expertise to help women improve their financial health, money-proof their relationships and learn how to be intentional and strategic with their finances and careers.
Kimberlee has more than 25 years of finance, legal and corporate experience. She is currently a managing director and partner at the private wealth management firm The Bahnsen Group and a certified divorce financial analyst. But Kimberlee hasn't always been so confident with money.
After a long and contentious divorce that completely upended her life, Kimberlee found herself in the trenches where many of her clients and listeners currently are today. She wasn't prepared financially and was afraid for her and her children's future. Her mission is to ensure no other woman has to feel afraid like she did.
While many women feel overwhelmed today in a post-pandemic world, juggling careers, motherhood and a looming recession, Kimberlee believes every woman can improve her financial health no matter her age, economic or marital status.
This coaching call is about overcoming the fear of stepping out of our comfort zones. Today’s caller, Alana, has always played it safe by never stepping out of her comfort zone. She asks Christine for guidance about how to overcome the fear of taking the risks necessary to move into the life she wants.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode421].
It can be scary to move out of what is familiar. Our risk tolerance in our early 20s is much different than when we are older. When we have lived a little more life, we have seen enough to know that regret is far worse than risk. We can’t get time back and regret is very painful to live with.
We can recover from most risks, especially social media posts, going after clients, and putting ourselves “out there.” Some people may judge, or some people may not like it but we can recover from that. To be coming to the end of life and wondering why we didn’t go after what we wanted is far more painful than taking a risk and maybe having a few people say something not so nice. We’re not living our lives if we’re only doing things that we think will not be judged by other people.
When we move into a different career, especially the personal growth industry, there may be people who judge us. Let them. It’s okay. When we start looking at our own stuff, start speaking our truth, and start healing generational trauma, a lot of people judge us because their subconscious doesn’t want to look at their stuff. Instead of them taking personal responsibility and dealing with their stuff they choose to judge others. It is their defense strategy. The biggest thing to remember is not to take it personally. Allow your inner voice and the voices of the people who love and support you to be the voices you pay attention to.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you a coach who wants to start a coaching practice but you’re playing it safe despite your training, skills, and passion?
Have you had challenges in life that reinforce your desire to stay in your safety zone?
Are you willing to start making some bigger changes and start taking some risks?
Do you deal with imposter syndrome and would you like to let it go for good?
Alana’s Question:
Alana fears uncharted territory and would like guidance on how to transition from a structured career path into a less structured entrepreneurial coaching business.
Alana’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has worked in a structured career.
She is a certified life coach.
She finds it difficult to put herself out there.
She suffers from imposter syndrome.
She fears asking for payment for her services.
She believes she can get clients.
She fears she will change as a person.
Her mother passed away unexpectedly.
She lost a pregnancy.
She is comfortable with playing it safe.
She is hesitant to move forward into unfamiliar territory.
She has relied on external validation.
She wants to move into curiosity.
She is committed to reaching out to clients.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Shift the way she looks at safety.
Reassure herself that safety is internally resourced.
Honor her inner voice.
Remind herself that just because something is unfamiliar doesn’t mean it is unsafe.
Takeaway:
Stop letting the fear of what other people think stop you from going after what you want.
Push out of what is safe. If you only live in what is safe, you will never really live.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Ellen enjoys teaching and consulting on relationship topics, writing her blog on motherhood and relationships, is fascinated by nature, spirituality, human development, and studies a range of topics from yoga and meditation to evolutionary sociobiology. Ellen is also on faculty for the Relationship School—a business founded by her husband, Jayson Gaddis, that provides in depth relationship education and coaching training.
This coaching call is about being in a similar pattern when it comes to dating and relationships. Today’s caller, Trish, longs for a committed relationship but doesn’t understand why she has a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable people. She asks for guidance on how to choose the right person.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode420].
So many of our relationship challenges come from our parental issues from our childhood. Not all of them, but a lot of them. As children, we want to be loved, feel safe, and validated by our parents.
When we have a parent whom we don’t get everything we want, or need from, we settle for the best they can do, even though it’s not fully what we want. We often end up not being empowered in relationships. Because there’s still that little inner child part of us who believes that we should just take what we can get. But, every soul seeks to evolve.
Evolution is moving away from judgment, away from limiting beliefs, and into love. The only way we can move away from judgment and limiting beliefs is to have them right in our face so that they’re painful enough for us to look at. Isn’t life wonderful the way it works? So often the relationships we draw in are triggers and activators to look at the stuff from our childhood that we haven’t fully healed.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you someone who maybe has been married or has been in many relationships and you find yourself with the same outcome?
Did you grow up feeling like you wanted more from both or one of your parents and you never really got everything you wanted?
Are you grieving a recent breakup and blaming yourself or wondering what you did wrong?
Are you constantly working on yourself to try to attract a better relationship?
Trish’s Question:
Trish is frustrated that she chooses men who are emotionally unavailable or incapable of choosing or loving her.
Trish’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She’s done personal development work.
Her parents divorced when she was one year old.
She didn’t feel her father’s love.
She didn’t spend time with her father.
She knows she has a lot to offer a partner.
The men she chooses don’t recognize her value.
She can be guarded in relationships.
She longs for a committed relationship.
She doesn’t date a lot.
She doesn’t want to be alone.
She doesn’t show up empowered in the early stages of intimate relationships.
She doesn’t want to get hurt.
She ignores red or yellow flags early in relationships.
In her last relationship, she believed their core values were aligned.
She knows it is not her job to be a man’s savior.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Drop the belief that she has a bad picker.
Have clear conversations about what she wants early in a relationship.
Empower herself by not being a victim of her circumstances.
Give herself the time and space to heal.
Takeaway:
What choices and what states of being can you embody to step into empowerment?
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about the motherhood transition and finding your identity. Today’s caller, Julia, has children leaving the nest. She is unsure what comes next for her. She asks Christine for guidance about what she can do to discover who she is.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode419].
The earlier in life we have children the less time we have to work on our own inner child. Part of why we hang on to moments with our kids is because our inner child may not have had it. The more we have a connection to our own inner child and our sense of play and magic the less we need children around us to give us that. So much of what mothers miss from children is the sense of unconditional love and joy.
One of the things our culture is not great with is grief and letting it be okay that we are grieving. And, when we don’t complete a cycle with ritual and intention it still lingers. A part of us is always in the past. We always have nostalgia and it makes it harder to step into our next phase.
Often, we try to redo our childhood through parenthood. We’re trying to give our children the life that we didn’t have and it is beautiful that we want to do better. But what can happen is we become so involved in our child’s life and become so immersed in parenthood, particularly motherhood, that we neglect our own inner child.
It’s a delicate balance to mother others while mothering ourselves. Remember not to neglect your inner child by putting everything you have into your children. It is important we parent our inner child as well.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you at an age in life where you are trying to get excited about the next chapter but are having a hard time doing it?
Are you going through any kind of transition and you find it bittersweet?
Have you questioned your identity, not just from moving from motherhood to being an empty-nester?
Have you avoided dealing with your childhood by being a great parent or having a great life as an adult and you know it’s time to deal with your childhood?
Julia’s Question:
Julia feels she is in a phase in life where she doesn’t know what comes next for her. She asks for guidance about how to rediscover herself.
Julia’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She just sent her oldest off to college.
She has one child still at home.
She doesn’t want this motherhood phase to be over.
She worked and traveled before she had children.
She may not know herself as an adult woman.
She feels that possibly her best years have passed.
She is considering joining the Signature Retreat.
She wishes more people spoke about this motherhood transition.
She teaches Pilates.
She feels like she needs to get busy doing something.
She is grieving her childhood.
Her childhood was chaotic.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Recognize the things about motherhood that she won’t miss.
Find ways to enjoy today.
Join the Signature Retreat.
Take the opportunity to relax into her feminine energy.
Consider who she wants to be and what she wants to leave behind.
Take the space to nurture and heal her inner child.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
For the past 20 years, Lindsey Meehleis has worked in healthcare but found herself often in the shadows. In the shadows of the night helping women discover their own strength through psychedelic, transcendent experiences while they birth their babies in power at home. As well in the shadows of death as a Midwife who helps people cross the rainbow bridge. Her hands have touched the lives of many as they take their first and last breath. She has woven the stories of thousands of births throughout these 20 years. Trained traditionally and licensed through the Medical Board, she quickly learned that what is needed in the magic and mystery of birth and death can't be found in a book. She serves families from womb to tomb, like many medicine women have done throughout time, with a deep remembering that many of these witches were burned at the stake for their threat to the standard industrialized medical complex. She has witnessed a drastic shift in healthcare since 2020 and looks forward to co- creating a new future of what true medicine always was. She gets down to the nitty-gritty of LIFE and everything it brings and illustrates the power that we have within, showing that birth, life and death are pivotal rites of passage that deserve to be held in sacred deep reverence.
The essence of this coaching call is about healing a relationship with adult children. Today’s caller, Gail, is dealing with estrangement by her children since her marriage to their father broke up and her ex-husband passed away. She asks for guidance on how to find joy during a new chapter in her life and how she can reconnect with her children.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode418].
If you walk on eggshells, tiptoe around, or try to protect everyone else’s feelings, ask yourself if that is the most loving thing to do. Sometimes love can be messy and truth can be messy but walking on eggshells, pretending, and being a chameleon is not love.
Children need to know that their parents will fight for them and risk them being mad or pushing them away to have a relationship with them.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have any children that you’re estranged from or that you have a rocky relationship with and would like to repair it?
“Should” you be excited about things in your life but you’re having a hard time accessing joy?
Do you ever feel like you want to tell the truth about something but you can’t because you’re protecting someone else?
Gail’s Question:
Gail asks for guidance in getting back to joy while suffering from grief.
Gail’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Her husband died after three months of them separating.
It’s been five years since her husband’s death.
She believes her adult children are suffering.
She feels numb.
She completed the Over It and On With It online course.
She is engaged to be married.
She is slowly rebuilding her relationship with her four children.
She fears her new relationship could jeopardize her relationship with her children.
She wants to respect her children’s wants but it feels unjust to her.
There is a religious component to the family disruption.
She takes intentional steps to rekindle her family relationship.
She has an internal dilemma about being a mother and a woman.
She doesn’t trust her intuition.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Write each of her children a letter sharing her feelings.
Become the leader of her family and tell her children the truth.
Get guidance from a family therapist.
She deserves joy and happiness.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Ryan Mayer, certified ADDCA and ICF coach, is on a mission to empower others with ADHD toward their greatness. He has coached clients from 19 different countries and has nearly half a million followers on social media.
His Performance and Mindset Coaching helps others navigate through the storms in their lives caused by ADHD, making measurable progress on their most important goals.
Having ADHD himself, Ryan calls on personal experience to equip his clients - who may feel like they are constantly falling short at work and at home - with the strategies to step into the happier life that they deserve.
Ryan is happily married to his (amazing neurotypical) wife Andrea. They have three adorable children and live in Cleveland, OH (USA).
To get Ryan's 10 day course that is all text message based for 30% off go to https://market.authoritive.com/workthatworksforyouradhdand use "OnWithIt30" at checkout
The essence of this coaching call is about our protective patterns manifesting as nervous habits. Today’s caller, Jessica, picks her skin. She would like guidance about understanding her nervous habit and how to stop it. Christine sheds some light on why these kinds of habits exist and why wanting to get rid of them or making them wrong is exactly what not to do.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode417].
The origin of our nervous habits is a tender, scared, powerless part of us. When pain is inflicted upon us, either emotional, physical, sexual, or mental pain, and everything feels out of control, our ability to cause ourselves pain and being the one controlling the pain gives us a sense of power.
When we are in overwhelm of any kind, we can use our nervous habit as a soothing strategy. It sort of shuts down everything else and brings our focus to the habit so we don’t have to feel other things. We use it as a sense of control, as well as a soothing strategy. It is a useful strategy our subconscious creates to help us manage our pain.
Remember, our inner protector is protecting a very scared child who felt powerless and had pain inflicted on them. When we feel the urge to apply our protective strategies, AKA act out our nervous habits, the last thing we want to do is try to force them to go away because they will just try to do their job even stronger. We need to make a conscious effort to be aware of our habits and not judge or shame ourselves for them.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is almost upon us. To get a unique sneak peek of what to expect during the retreat, I am having a Grad Panel on September 6th. To attend or for a recording of the panel go to Christine.Hassler.com/panel or assist@christinehassler.com. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. And, to apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship. The course is almost full.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you have any nervous habits like skin-picking, nail-biting, pulling apart split ends, etc.?
Did you have pain inflicted upon you as a child and you felt you had no control?
Do you notice nervous habits emerge even in situations where you should feel safe?
Do you try to stop a habit by shaming yourself or making it wrong and you aren’t getting anywhere?
Jessica’s Question:
Jessica asks for guidance on how to break her nervous habit of skin-picking.
Jessica’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Her skin picking interferes with her being fully present.
She feels anxious when she picks her skin.
She is a high achiever.
She finds it difficult to break her habit.
Her habit soothes her.
Pain was inflicted upon her which left her feeling powerless.
She is in the early stages of pregnancy.
She wished she had an emotionally present, nurturing mother.
Her grandfather caused her distress as a child.
She feels she has to put everyone else first.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Let go of the shame and judgment she has about her nervous habit.
Have compassion for herself.
Sign up for the Inner Child Workshop.
Get herself into the present moment as much as possible.
If she has the urge to pick, go ahead and pick but do it consciously.
Take care not to go into the martyr-mother role.
Takeaways:
If you have a nervous habit let go of your shame and judgment around it.
Be patient and gentle with yourself and nourish your inner child.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
If you want a simple, effective way to increase the quality of your life don't miss this episode. I've upgraded my 40 day stop-start-modify plan to support you in implementing new habits to create more calm, health, joy and prosperity in your life.
The essence of this coaching call is what causes inspirational blocks and the unhealthy ways we try to motivate ourselves. Today’s caller, Jo, is asking for guidance about how to tap into her inspiration. The pandemic impacted her nervous system and left her lacking the motivation to live into her purpose.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode416].
Often, what inspires us is the stuff that makes us mad. It doesn’t mean we need to come out with anger at people. We need to move through the anger to find the fire and the passion that lies underneath. Then, we can step into the feminine power of discernment and discover our Warrior Woman. Which is a beautiful place to be. When we do this we allow ourselves to be pulled forward by a calling and a mission, versus looking for something external to motivate us.
Women, in general, are not great with our anger. It leaks out in certain ways but we are not great at tapping into our rage and anger and letting it out in a healthy way. This blocks us from our passion. And if we keep suppressing our emotions, rage, and anger we will feel depressed.
Plus, we tend to motivate ourselves by being hard on ourselves and looking at what we think is wrong and the changes we need to make. We believe if we make ourselves miserable enough then maybe we will be motivated to make a change. That is a strategy that doesn’t work or only works for the short term. It allows our inner critic to run the show and we burn ourselves out.
When we realize we are not doing anything wrong and that we are living our purpose because we are learning, growing, healing, and raising our consciousness, it releases the feeling of failure.
If you resonate with this podcast and Christine’s style of coaching, Elementum Coaching Institute is the coaching certification program for you. Even if you are not a coach, and want a personal transformation program to give you coaching skills you can use with your employees or peers, in relationships, or with children, you are encouraged to apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Enrollment closes September 1, 2023, and the course begins September 14th. This is the final course for 2023‒2024.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you feeling a lack of inspiration?
Do you feel you had a setback during the pandemic and you haven’t been able to come back from it?
Do you want to feel like you’re making an impact, that you matter, and what you’re doing in the world matters?
Are you someone who benefits from connection with other people? Are you an extrovert who isn’t connecting with people enough?
Jo’s Question:
Jo is asking about how to find inspiration and motivation for herself and her business in the here and now.
Jo’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She gave up her teaching job to write a novel and build a coaching business.
She moved in with her parents.
The pandemic impacted her nervous system.
She has difficulty spending a lot of time by herself.
She wants to do something meaningful.
She gets overwhelmed with business tasks.
She is trying to motivate herself by being hard on herself.
She wants to be inspired by life.
She has finished her novel.
She signed a lease on an office.
She is an extrovert.
She lived with depression for a long time.
She longs for freedom, transparency, and truth.
She sees her anger as a negative.
She started her business after she found self-compassion.
She is joining Elementum Coaching.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
When she feels trapped in the moment, consider what choices are available to her.
Put herself out there to get connection and support.
Tap into the fire beneath her anger and be motivated by her deep desire.
Start using her voice again.
Join the upcoming Signature Retreat, read Expectation Hangover, or visit ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
Takeaways:
Consider — Is there a part of you that wants to be free and believes that if you do what you want bad things will happen?
Get to know your anger, feel it, and understand it.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Elisha Tichelle is an alchemist of the nervous system for visionary leaders and heart-centered entrepreneurs. Following a 20-year career as a somatic researcher and professor, Elisha now supports her clients to expand their nervous systems so their work can make a greater impact in the world - without burning out. Elisha’s facilitation guides an expansion of nervous system regulation, moving people out of operating from positions of stress and overwhelm into embodied states of flow, connection, and mastery. Elisha is the ‘behind the scenes’ priestess to some of the world's most successful and well-known coaches. Through her training program ‘Evolution,’ she guides space holders, facilitators, and coaches into integrating nervous system work in their business and life.
This coaching call is about the difference between masculine energy and hypervigilance. Today’s caller, Jo, has been caring for her husband after a debilitating accident. She believes she is functioning only in her masculine energy and would like some balance, but her actions may be coming from a response to trauma she hasn’t fully processed. Christine offers guidance.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode415].
There is an unconscious, and sometimes conscious, expectation that masculine energy is supposed to be strong and be able to hold us. But, what masculine energy truly is, is taking initiative, moving in a linear way, being present, and holding for things. It is making quick decisions about things and being productive in certain ways.
Healthy masculine energy is NOT about being so busy and doing everything for everyone that we are depleted completely — That's being hyper-vigilant. Hypervigilance is a response to trauma that makes us feel out of control. Because no one chooses trauma. It is completely out of our control. When we are hypervigilant, we are looking for a way to feel in control again. We think if we do and control everything, we can prevent expectation hangovers or more trauma.
If you’re trying to shift more into your feminine energy when you’re in hypervigilance, good luck because in order for you to shift into your feminine energy, you have to feel safe and if you are in hypervigilance, you do not feel safe.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Has there been a drastic change in your life you haven’t had time to process because you have had to go right into action?
Do you often think you’re in your masculine when you are truly in hypervigilance?
Are you someone that is so used to doing, you often don’t even know how to be?
When it comes to surrender and accepting things, how are you with it? Can you let go or do you like to fight with reality?
Jo’s Question:
Jo is asking for guidance on how to prolong being in her feminine energy and relinquish her feelings of needing to be in control.
Jo’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Her husband was in a debilitating accident.
She feels she shifted into her masculine after her husband’s accident.
She likes being in her feminine but feels pulled out of it too often.
She wants to relieve her husband’s pain.
She does inner child work and meditation.
She has a tendency to be a people pleaser.
She has been a control freak in the past but wants to let go of it.
She hasn’t done trauma-release work.
Her father was strict and unpredictable.
She does everything for others.
She questions her self-worth.
She wants to cure her husband’s pain.
Her husband has accepted his physical condition.
She is grieving and hasn’t fully processed the incident.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Realize she is being hypervigilant, not in her masculine.
Find a somatic and trauma-release-work therapist.
Have compassion for herself.
Release her anger and trauma.
Recalibrate her nervous system.
Have conversations with her husband about creating polarity in their relationship.
Accept where her husband is in his healing process.
Takeaways:
Are you in your masculine energy or being hypervigilant?
Sponsor:
Milkify.me — is a concierge breast milk freeze-drying service for mothers who are breastfeeding or planning to breastfeed that transforms frozen milk into convenient pouches of powder that last for 3 years. To get $40 off your first order message @Milkify.me on Instagram or at Milkify.me and mention the code Christine.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
In your personal development journey, you may be asking "what's the point?" You are doing all this "work" and you are not seeing the changes in your life that you desire. In this CC I answer this question and give you reassurance to keep going.