Over It And On With It

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

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CC: Guest on Luke Storey Podcast: Find Your Soul Mission: Is your Passion Your Purpose? 0

Apr 9, 2022

When Luke Storey hosted me on his podcast, we went on a deep dive into everything from revealing personal insecurities to ego pitfalls to relationship attachment style.

This episode has tools to cultivate self-love, set boundaries, and maintain healthier relations with yourself and those you invite into your life.

You can learn more about Luke or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.lukestorey.com/

Inner Child Workshop

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EP 343: Stop Working on Yourself So Hard and Start Having Fun with Vicky 0

Apr 6, 2022

This episode is about giving yourself permission to have fun. Today’s caller, Vicky, hasn’t had fun in over a decade. She wants to but fears others will judge her for it. We work through what created the fear and how she can give herself a permission slip to express herself in joy without worrying about what others will think.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode343]

Often, what we are projecting when we feel people are judging us is that we are judging ourselves. We need to challenge ourselves and say — so what? — if we are judged. What is the worst thing that can happen?

As a child, it can be scary. We can feel ostracized from school, we can feel like we are not getting our parents’ love but as adults, if someone judges us we can let it be OK. It is one of the great things about being an adult. We can handle judgment differently. We choose how we react.

If we do get devastated by someone else’s judgment, it means our inner child is being triggered. If that happens we have to parent our inner child and give them permission to have fun.

If it has been a week since you have had fun, it’s time to have some. We can’t be serious all the time, especially when there is so much stress, uncertainty, and heaviness. Fun, joy, and play are important. No matter how old we get, we cannot forget to play.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you just been working on yourself but haven’t had fun in a long time?
Are you afraid to be expressive or fun because you are concerned you might be judged?
Do you fall into the trap of not wanting to pursue things because you feel you must be perfect before you can do it?
How often do you let your inner child come out and play?

Vicky’s Question:

Vicky has done a ton of personal development work but still doesn’t authentically feel as if she has connected to joy.

Vicky’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is frustrated that she still doesn’t feel connected.
She hasn’t had a lot of fun since her 20s.
She wants to experience joy.
She feels she has to work hard.
She fantasizes about being goofy.
She is afraid of judgment.
She is a life coach but doesn’t feel she deserves the title.
Her parents fought a lot in front of her.
She felt pressured to keep the peace in her childhood family home.
She doesn’t feel safe or seen.
She didn’t get to have enough fun as a child.
She gets caught up in “should be.”

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Be present, curious, and explorative in the moment.
Ask herself what she could do to make herself feel safe and seen.
Lean into being goofy and having fun.
Choose how she wants to respond when she feels not enough.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: Healing Grief, Depression and Trauma with Michael Gay 0

Apr 2, 2022

Michael Gay who is a therapist joins Christine to discuss how we deal and heal from trauma. He has his M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a focus in Transpersonal Psychology. Michael has worked in the field of counseling for the last 14 years as a guide, therapist, and trainer. He was a Wilderness Therapy guide for 6 years, leading and facilitating deep transformational work with teens, adults, and families in the mountains and high desert. He has also worked extensively in the field of addiction and recovery. He specializes in work with depression, groups, trauma, PTSD, grief, and families. In addition to his M.A., Michael completed a 3 year training at the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies, and continues to train at the Gestalt Equine Institute.

As a therapist and facilitator, Michael uses experiential and body based methods. Many approaches to therapy and inner work stay at the intellectual and cognitive level, which rarely or slowly affect deep structural change. Engaging in more experiential and embodied work seems to bring the shifts people were unable to find in mainstream therapy.

You can learn more about Michael or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.michaelgaycounseling.com/

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EP 342: We All Need to Be Heard with Jonathan 0

Mar 30, 2022

This episode is about the healing benefits of being heard and being reflective. Today’s caller, Jonathan, didn’t feel seen or heard as a child by his controlling parents. He has competing intentions and would like guidance on how to be more vulnerable and intimate in relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode342]

When in any type of relationship, especially a romantic relationship, if it is hard for you to express yourself or get things out or you feel interrupted or judged, utilize the talking stick (any object). Go to your partner and tell them you wish to communicate something and that you want to use the talking stick. When you are holding the talking stick you are the only one talking. When you feel complete you hand it to your partner. It is a great practice if you have a hard time getting things out. It offers a sense of permission for those who wish to be heard.

Oftentimes, we interrupt each other a lot. There may be one partner who is more assertive and the other partner may retract more. The talking stick is a great remedy for relationships with communication issues.

Another effective communication tool is reflective listening or perception checking. When we slow down communication it builds trust and safety with other people.

When you have the avoidant attachment style one of the best ways to heal it is in relationship, practicing intimacy.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you feel seen and heard as a child?
Did you spend a lot of time alone as a child? Do you still spend a lot of time alone today?
Do you trust love? When things get too intimate, too vulnerable, or too close do you want to bail but you long for love at the same time?

Jonathan’s Question:

Jonathan would like guidance on being intimate in close relationships with others and with himself.

Jonathan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

His dad was controlling.
He didn’t have friends over to play with as a child.
He knew at age seven that he couldn’t trust love.
He keeps intimate relationships at an arm’s length.
He wants to be seen without judgment in relationships.
He spent a lot of time alone in life.
His father offered transactional love.
He attracts women who are not in their healthy feminine who have similar traits to his mother.
He took a self-discovery journey.
He wants to be authentic but doesn’t find others who are authentic.
He has competing intentions.
People talk over him and interrupt him all the time.
He tried structured environments but they were not for him.
He feels unsafe and untethered.
He is enrolled in the Elementum Coaching Institute.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Lean more into his masculine energy.
Find people he can be authentic with and who listen to him.
Anchor himself into who he is, what he believes, and what he desires. Write it out until it becomes clear.
Embody his awareness.
Ground himself.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair EP: 118 Navigating the Mother-Daughter Relationship with Kristin 0

Mar 26, 2022

This episode is about self-honoring choices, ultimatums, and jealousy in mother-daughter relationships. Today’s caller, Kristin, is looking for guidance in how to proceed after her mother gave her an ultimatum. We also look at the compensatory strategies Kristin has adopted in an effort to deal with things from her childhood.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode118]

What is a self-honoring choice? A self-honoring choice is an honest choice rooted in truth that comes from love. Kristin felt she was always in competition with her mother. She became a perfectionist as a compensatory strategy because she felt that she could only receive love if she was perfect. Through her growth work, she is starting to make self-honoring choices for herself.

What are you passionate about? What you are passionate about is often a tie into our spiritual curriculum and our parents are part of that curriculum. Remember, we choose our parents as our teachers. When our parents don’t see us for who we truly are, it can seem cruel. But, part of our soul journey is to heal from past cruelty.

What do you long for from your parents?

Be sure to check out Coaches Corner. Last week I talked about ghosting and flaky behavior, the week before I interviewed Jill about selling skills and I even answer questions. So, if you have a question for me, email assist@ChristineHassler.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Is there someone in your life you are not speaking to or have a strained relationship with?
If you grew up with two parents, was one more challenging for you to get along with or close to?
Do you tend to be attracted, date or marry people you feel you must earn their love?
Do you know what self-honoring choices are? If so, do you make them regularly?

Kristin’s Question:

Kristin would like to know how to approach her mother about a recent ultimatum.

Kristin’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She was in an abusive relationship.
She made a self-honoring choice.
She was always in competition with her mother.
Her mother was passive aggressive.
She yearned for attention from her mother.
Her parents had a horrible relationship.
Her existence triggers her mother.
She chose her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

She should keep working on herself and stay strong to break the pattern of contorting herself to make her mother feel better.

She should realize her mom may not be able to face her issues.

She should continue making self-honoring choices.

Takeaways:

Where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying too much to please people?
And, where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying to be the bigger person vs. speaking your truth?
Why did you pick your parents and what are they here to teach you?
Let go of who you want your parents to be. Accept the fact that if your mother or father truly saw what they needed to see about themselves in order to give you the apology you crave, it might break them.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

EP 341: How to Communicate When You Feel Scared with Amanda 0

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

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Mar 23, 2022

This episode is about reducing a trauma response when communicating with people who matter to us. Today’s caller, Amanda, feels scared and goes into a trauma response when communicating with her partner. In her past, she felt disempowered in other relationships. She would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when communicating her needs.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode341]

When we have been through a challenging situation or trauma that goes deep into our subconscious mind, body, and nervous system, we feel we have no power or control. That is why it is so traumatic. The more we empower ourselves to have control, speak our needs, and make a request the more we tell our body and nervous system that we are safe.

Anytime we are in a trauma response we are time-traveling. Our physical body is in the present moment but our nervous system is in the past. Our brain has a hard time distinguishing whether we are in a safe place or are we in trauma. Maybe we had no voice, no power, and no dominion over our experience when the trauma occurred. But, the more we can set ourselves up at the beginning, the less likely we are to time-travel into the trauma response.

In a relationship, as much as we are sovereign beings and know that no one can heal us, it is also reasonable and healing in a relationship to know each other's wounds. We can be sensitive to other people’s wounds and do our part to help the other person grow. We are entitled to make requests when we are taking responsibility. We cannot ask someone else to change until we own our end and are doing the work. Only then can we make a request of someone else.

My Personal Mastery course takes you through how to transform and heal on an emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual level. It is also a community with monthly group coaching calls and an interactive Facebook page. ChristineHassler.com/mastery. Get $100 off the course with the promo code OVERIT.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have trouble speaking up for yourself or communicating your needs?
Do you often get angry and lash out because your needs aren’t being met and you are not communicating?
Do you have difficulty calming yourself down when you are in a trauma response?
Do you know what it means to regulate your nervous system when you are in a trauma response?

Amanda’s Question:

Amanda would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when it comes to communicating her needs to her partner.

Amanda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She gets triggered when communicating with her partner.
She sometimes abruptly leaves confrontation.
When standing her ground, she can feel angry.
She has done EMDR with her therapist.
Her partner has big energy.
She fears communicating her needs.
She felt powerless when her dad remarried.
She wants someone to stand up for her.
She has been in an abusive relationship.
She is committed to being vulnerable.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Move her energy by regulating her nervous system and getting herself into the present moment.
Name her feelings when she wants to communicate.
Remind herself she is a grown woman and her partner is not her stepmother.
Have a conversation with her partner about a flinch response.
Release the rage she feels toward her stepmother and ex through release writing and the temper tantrum technique.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair EP 33: The Pitfalls of People Pleasing 0

Mar 19, 2022

People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people’s needs before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up authentically. People pleasing can range in severity from caring about what people think to being a doormat. In my view, no degree of people pleasing is a good thing and being a complete doormat is dangerous. Think of a doormat after being used over and over. This is what happens to your spirit and your spark if you allow people to walk all over you. Your light starts to dim. You start to fade and you start to wear down.

The Importance of Connection When Going Through a Loss

We are not meant to grieve alone. One of the most healthy aspects of grieving is having support. You may find it hard to ask for help but you are giving another person a gift when you are vulnerable with them. Do not suffer in silence and solitude. The things that help the most are often the hardest to do. During difficult times, we need to do the hard things to get to the healing place we long for. Today’s caller Shaun called in for some guidance while going through his divorce. He may be putting himself last and has a habit of people pleasing which is making his divorce harder. Don’t lose sight of yourself during a loss. I encourage you to be honest with yourself about your people pleasing patterns. Coaches take note - I try to stay as clear and neutral as I possibly can, but during some calls, like this one, I slip from empathy to sympathy. I found myself being protective of Shaun and judgmental of the situation. I then moved back to neutrality which allowed me to guide Shaun appropriately.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you going through a loss right now and feel disconnected?

● Do you relate to being a people pleaser or a doormat?

● Are you concerned about what people think of you and often put others’ needs and opinions in front of your own?

● Is there someone in your life you need to draw some boundaries with?

● Do you have a solid support system of people or just one person you can turn to who will listen when you are going through something challenging?

Shaun’s Question: Shaun would like to know how to get un-stuck after being blindsided by a breakup from a 15-year marriage. He wants advice on how to move past the situation.

Shaun’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

● He has a pattern of taking care of others at his own expense.

● He may be losing his identity.

● He doesn’t have a social circle for support.

● He should reach out to new people and ask for help.

How to get over it and on with it:

● He should step into his power and his strength and put himself first.

● He should meet new people and join new groups.

● He has the opportunity to gain healthy friendships.

Tools and Takeaways:

● Be honest and look at the ways your people pleasing could be depleting you, blocking intimacy and potentially building resentment.

● Listen to this week’s Coaches Corner for additional tips.

● Reach out to people, ask for support or just ask them to listen.

● Write down one thing which will help you the most but may be hard for you to do.

Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

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EP 340: Addressing Relationship Anxiety with Gabby 0

Mar 16, 2022

This episode is about having anxiety about relationships. Today’s caller, Gabby, has a pattern of getting into relationships, but something always happens and they don’t work out. She would like guidance about how to reduce the amount of anxiety she feels about relationships. We work through her childhood wounding and discuss ways for her to meet her own needs and heal her inner child.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode340]

Oftentimes, the relationships we draw in reflect our primary wounding from our primary caregivers and our relationship with ourselves. When the people who are our everything can’t be everything to us in the ways we need it is devastating. It becomes an open wound that we carry around and identify in others. That is why it is so important to do family of origin healing and grieve our parents. It helps to bring our little one into the present day. It helps us to stop picking people who are like them.

We have relationships that trigger our childhood, but they are relationships for healing. They are not the relationships that go the distance. If they do last a long-time, they can be difficult because our wounds are constantly coming up. And, unless you and a partner are willing to work through those together the relationship will be frustrating.

When we heal our childhood wounds we can pick from our present-day self, our adult self, and we can choose someone who is more in alignment with where we want to go.

Know that every relationship challenge moves us closer to a healthy relationship.

Want to learn more about attachment styles? For just $20 you can hear a previous group call where I provide answers to questions at Group Coaching Replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have an avoidant attachment style?
Do you have anxiety when it comes to being in a relationship? Is there a part of you who thinks you are too broken or don’t know how to be in a relationship?
Do you have unrealistic expectations of what you think a relationship should or could be?
Do you feel you have done enough inner work to attract a healthy relationship based on your vision or values versus your past wounds?

Gabby’s Question:

Gabby has been going through long-term relationship anxiety and would like guidance on how to reduce it.

Gabby’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She cycles through romantic relationships.
She believes issues in her family are still at play in her relationships.
She feels she is going backward in this area of her life.
She is proud of her independence and her accomplishments.
She values love, family, and kindness.
She has a lot to give and deserves a lot.
She has done personal development work and therapy.
Her relationships have been growth opportunities.
Physical touch and words of affirmation are important to her.
Her father was very loving but also very closed off.
She worries about making the wrong decisions in relationships.
She is exhausted.
Her childhood was filled with confusion.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion for herself as she moves through this.
Consider how she can meet her own needs.
Hold off on dating until she grieves and heals her father-wound.
Check-in with herself daily with her hand on her heart and belly to see what she needs.
Remember she is not broken.

Takeaways:

Have massive compassion for yourself, your process, and your growth.
Look at where you are still hanging on to something from your past that makes you draw in people or experiences that are similar.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Blast from the Past - My Very First Episode 0

Mar 12, 2022

I thought it would be fun to re-air the VERY first episode I recorded in October of 2022. We have ALL come so far since then. Thank you for being part of this community as we learn and grow together.

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EP 339: Scared to Jump Back Into the Dating Scene with Christine 0

Mar 9, 2022

This episode is about shifting our protective patterns and taking risks. Today’s caller, Christine, lost her husband five years into their marriage. She wants to date again but is blocked by the fear of losing love again. We take a deep dive into the foundation of her fear and how she can choose to love again.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode339]

Love is risky. Loving is easily the riskiest thing we do, whether it is loving our partners, animals, friends, or children. Love is risky because if we lose it is devastating. Our hearts want to close because the risk is difficult but when we close our hearts we miss out on the opportunity to love more. There is no quota on how much we can love in our lifetime. Or, how many loves we can have. Love is infinite. To deprive ourselves of ever-expanding love is riskier than losing again.

Shame grows on the things we keep in the dark but when we speak and bring things into the light it allows us to be held with love and compassion. That is how we soften judgment and allow intimacy in again.

Diving deep is valuable. Anyone who says they are too damaged but is actively working on themselves isn’t damaged. We are only “damaged” if we go into victim and never do anything to pull ourselves out. The only way to get protective parts to shift is to let them know that you are going to work with them to protect yourself in a different way.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you had a loss in your life and you are hesitant to give something another try because you are afraid of another loss?
Do you judge yourself for having baggage, especially if you are single, and feel no one will want you?
Are you scared of losing a person, a dream, or does the fear of loss prevent you from going after your dreams?
Is there a judgment you hold against yourself that is blocking you that you haven’t forgiven yourself for?

Christine’s Question:

Christine would like to start dating and would like guidance on how to move past the resistance she feels towards it.

Christine’s Key Insights and Ahas:

Her husband died seven years ago. He was her only significant romantic relationship.
She is ready to start dating again but finds excuses why not to.
She feels stuck.
She doesn’t think someone will want her because of her baggage.
She is still grieving her husband.
She judges herself for things out of her control.
She has been through a lot at a young age.
Her desire to protect herself from loss is stronger than her desire to let someone new in.
She feels paralyzed by grief and fear.
She is actively working on opening up and loving again.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Get clear about her willingness to take a risk on love.
Forgive herself for her self-judgments.
Honor her past relationship in a way that doesn’t include blame or shame.
Acknowledge her fear, thank it for protecting her, and tell it she will be protecting herself in a different way.
Create a bigger fear.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Why you still feel stuck even though you've "done the work" with Bec Tait 0

Mar 5, 2022

My dear friend, Rebecca Tait, joins me for the second time on the show. Last year she gave us incredible insight about what was ahead for us in 2022. This year she drops some big time wisdom on why we may feel stuck or like things aren't changing even though we are doing the healing "work."

Bec is an intuitive coach who provides guidance to people who feel stuck or uncertain in various aspects of their life.

Learn more here: https://www.justaskbec.com/

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EP 338: How to Increase Your Self-worth with Samantha 0

Mar 2, 2022

This episode is about how to heal self-worth issues. Today’s caller, Samantha, was dismissed by her father and never feels worthy of anything in her life. She asks for guidance on how to heal, and to connect more deeply with her children. We discuss how she can release her self-judgment, replace it with compassion, and make it an opportunity to heal her inner child.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode338]

For the most part, anything that happens before the age of 12, makes us into the adults we are. If we don’t feel wanted by our parents, the people who are supposed to want us and love us, it creates a big core wound. When we have low self-worth we think we are a burden and we deprive people in our lives of showing up and giving to us.

If we commit to personal development, we have to let go of self-judgment. We will not transform and heal if we judge ourselves. Love and judgment can not be in the same place. We can love the part of ourselves that judges us because we know it is just trying to protect us, but if we are frustrated with ourselves, transformation won’t happen.

When judgment and frustration come up, know that it is our inner child calling out to us to meet their needs.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 2, 2022. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching tools and skills but also doing your own inner work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you struggle with self-worth?
Did you have a dismissive parent and felt you were in their way?
Do you have a lot of awareness but things are not changing?
As a parent, do you have trouble connecting to your children or your inner child?

Samantha’s Question:

Samantha has a core wound of not feeling worthy. She would like guidance on how to shift it and connect more intimately with her children.

Samantha’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She received answers from the people closest to her she didn’t expect to hear.
She has never felt worthy of anything.
She has done personal development work from a young age.
Her father was angry and dismissed her.
She wants to be unapologetically herself.
She is frustrated to have awareness but is unable to shift.
She judges herself for how she feels.
She feels like a robot and sensitive, yet she compartmentalizes her feelings.
She feels she puts a target on her back for someone to attack her negatively.
She suppresses her feelings.
She is being her dad to herself.
She finds it hard to connect with her daughter.
She didn’t feel protected by her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Replace her judgment and frustration with compassion.
Connect with her inner child and ask her what she needs.
Make a self-honoring choice to not see her father anymore.
Use her judgments as opportunities to parent her inner child.

Takeaways:

The last live inner child workshop is an evergreen program. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild to get the entire workshop. It is just like attending the live event and you can go through it at your own pace.
If you have a self-worth issue, ask people for what you need and let them show up for you.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman 0

Feb 26, 2022

Whitney Goodman is the radically honest psychotherapist behind the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit and owner of the Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami. She helps individuals and couples heal past wounds and create the life they’ve always wanted. In TOXIC POSITIVITY, Whitney offers a powerful guide to owning our emotions—even the difficult ones—in order to show up authentically in the world.

Learn more about Whitney and her book here: https://sitwithwhit.com/

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EP 337: Grief as an Expression of Love with Hannah 0

Feb 23, 2022

This episode is about letting go. Today’s caller, Hannah, went into shock after the loss of her mother and is feeling panic and anxiety. We talk through how she has never really allowed herself to grieve. Letting go is one of those things that sound good, right? But when it comes to doing, it can be difficult, especially when it comes to letting go of a dream, person, relationship, or chapter of our lives.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode337]

It is a big deal to lose anyone we love, especially when we lose a parent before we thought we would. Many of us know that once our parents age into their 80s and 90s, and their health starts to deteriorate, it can be an easier transition for us because we see them suffering and we want them to be in a better place. But when we lose someone suddenly, it can be shocking.

There are a lot of traumatic emotions around an unexpected death. It is physiological energy that needs an outlet. Often, the energy manifests itself as panic and anxiety. Panic and sadness serve a purpose and many times extreme emotions are a cry for help. The person who needs to answer the cry out is us. It is an alert that we need to learn to parent ourselves.

Grief sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes we feel we need to go through it quickly or do it in a certain order, or we worry we could get stuck in it. But, grief is more than sadness. It is about honoring the love, reminiscing, and appreciating how much we loved the person or thing we grieve.

If you haven't already done my Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual, and Release 2021 Ritual. They are available as Coaches corner episodes.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you have a loss of some kind that you haven’t fully processed or grieved?
Do you know what healthy grieving looks like?
Do you find yourself dealing with panic and anxiety and would like to shift it?
If you did have a loss, are you holding some anger toward God or the universe and are having a hard time reconnecting to your spirituality?

Hannah’s Question:

Hannah has been dealing with panic and anxiety since her mother’s death last year. She would like guidance on how to handle what may be a traumatic experience in the future.

Hannah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

Her mother died due to COVID-19.
She has developed PTSD over her mother’s death.
Her husband is deploying to the military this year.
She feels as if she is on auto-pilot.
She felt solely responsible for the planning of her mother’s funeral.
She is afraid to grieve because she doesn’t know how it will affect her.
She is going to therapy.
She experienced family trauma during her youth. She felt sad but people didn’t notice.
She and her mother shared a mutual passion for spirituality.
She feels anger toward the universe for taking her mother from her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Read The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise.
Allow herself to fully experience grief by considering it as honoring how much she loved her mother.
Trust herself to feel to heal.
Share her vulnerability with her husband.
Express her anger with God and lean into her spirituality.
When she is triggered, regulate her nervous system by using techniques to bring her into the present.

Takeaways:

Are there any areas in your life where you have moved through a loss or transition and you didn’t allow yourself to grieve?
Let your emotions out when you feel angry toward God or the universe.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Heart Centered Living with Danielle LaPorte 0

Feb 19, 2022

Today I am joined by one of my dearest friends and someone who inspires me on the regular with her integrity, creativity, and depth of love. Danielle LaPorte is a member of Oprah’s Super Soul 100, and former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC. She’s the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, White Hot Truth and The Desire Map, which has sold over 300,000 copies.

She’s the creator of the Heart Centered Facilitator Program and Membership with 400+ leaders doing Heart Centered conversation circles and workshops in over 30 countries. Her podcast, With Love, Danielle often ranks in iTunes’ Wellness Top 10 with over 1 million downloads. DanielleLaPorte.com was named “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, and has over 5 million visitors per month. Her charity of choice is Ally Global: helping survivors of human trafficking to rebuild their lives. She lives in Vancouver, BC. Find her on Facebook or Instagram @daniellelaporte.

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EP 336: Break Free of Nervous Habits with Morgan 0

Feb 16, 2022

This episode is transforming nervous habits and meeting unmet needs. Today’s caller, Morgan, has a big part of herself that she wants to change. Her needs in childhood were unmet by her mother and she created a nervous behavior as a coping strategy. If you bite your nails, pick your skin around your fingers, pull apart split ends, or any other nervous habit you would like to transform, this episode will help.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode336]

Understanding the why behind a behavior doesn’t make it go away. We need to remember that a nervous behavior is a physiological manifestation of an emotion. It is an alarm system that alerts us that a need that wasn’t met in childhood is still not being met. When we have a nervous habit, it is telling us that we are trying to calm or suppress something.

Needs, especially in childhood, are real and important. If certain needs aren’t met at certain stages in life, it hinders who we are as adults. It doesn’t break us but it does impact us. There is a strong developmental need to feel nurtured, nourished, and to feel a calming presence. When we are children our nervous system is developing or imprinting.

Needs that are not met in childhood haunt us as adults. Any primary need we didn’t get met in childhood will continue into adulthood. Over time, we develop coping strategies to try to handle the anxiety around that unmet need. If we don’t get our needs met, our coping strategies come with little alarm systems that alert us that we need attention.

Anything is healable. The first step of any transformation is acceptance.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have a nervous habit you would like to break free from?
Do you have shame around that habit?
Did you grow up in a house with a parent or parents who had a lot of anxiety?
Do you believe you can shift something or do you want to continue carrying around the story that you can’t?

Morgan’s Question:

Since childhood, Morgan has had a nervous habit of picking at her skin. She would like guidance on how to manage her anxiety in a healthy way.

Morgan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She’s had a spiritual awakening recently.
She grew up in a stable home.
Her mother has an anxious personality and body image issues.
She worried about her mother’s anxiety.
She started picking at her skin because she wasn’t having her needs met.
Her mother had conditions around giving love.
She felt she had to earn love from her mother.
She didn’t feel nurtured as a child.
She doesn’t fully understand why she picks her skin.
She feels shame around her habit.
She doesn’t know what she needs for herself or who she is.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

When she begins picking her skin, stop and ask herself how she can nurture and nourish herself at the moment.
Read Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power and Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance.
Acknowledge that she loves her mother but there were needs her mother didn’t meet.
Look at her skin and scars and have compassion for herself.
Believe she can shift her behavior.
Grieve her mother wound, do anger release, and let the resentment out.

Takeaways:

Think about the needs you did not have met as a child and consider how you can give them to yourself now.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Homecoming with Dr Thema Bryant 0

Feb 12, 2022

Dr. Thema Bryantis a clinical psychologist and president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms.

Her new book

HOMECOMING: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self is road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life.

Learn more here: https://drthema.com/

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EP 335: Love the Parts of Yourself You Don’t Like Very Much with Odeta 0

Feb 9, 2022

This episode is about loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that challenge us. Today’s caller, Odeta, struggles with her attachment to wanting to change a critical part of herself. The judgment and attachment are what is preventing her from being able to shift it. Any part of ourselves we judge or shame or anything we attach ourselves to shifting just holds on stronger.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode335]

Self-love is not a state of being where we are in complete unconditional love with ourselves all the time or we love all parts of ourselves all the time or we never get triggered. Maybe there are some people on the planet who live that way, but they are few and far between. No matter how much work we do, we are still human. We still have parts that maybe we don’t like very much; maybe our inner critic comes up. Self-love is the same to me as self-assurance. It is radical self-acceptance. It is accepting all parts of us, even the ones we want to change.

For all coaches or anyone in the helping field, it is important for us to be honest about where we are. Walking the talk isn’t about being perfect. Walking the talk isn’t about having it all together, that is more about wearing a mask. Walking the talk is about owning that we have areas where we are doing well and the areas where we recognize that we are still human and that we are still learning. To be an effective coach, therapist, or practitioner, you don’t have to arrive at some magic place. It is more about having the training, the experience, the intention, and the skills to hold space for people as they go through things you have been walking through too.

Take the expectation off of yourself that you have to be perfect. Stay human.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 10, 2022. It begins mid-March. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you intend and strive for self-love but you can’t seem to get there?
Do you have a nasty inner critic or inner judge that gets in your way?
Is it hard for you to love and accept certain parts of yourself but are dead set on getting them to change?

Odeta’s Question:

Odeta has done a lot of personal development work but fear and judgment of her ability to self-love are holding her back from being her best self.

Odeta’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She can be paralyzed by anxiety.
She is a coach, yoga instructor, and breathwork facilitator.
She is an inspiration to her clients but is critical of herself.
She feels she is learning the same lessons over and over.
She is an overachiever and then burns herself out.
She has done a lot of personal development work.
She feels like an imposter and wants to show up differently.
She feels like her inner critic is an enemy.
She was bullied and body shamed as a teenager and didn’t understand why.
She grew up in an immigrant family.
She tried to be perfect at everything to better belong.
Part of her is stuck in her adolescence.
She feels resistant to shifting.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Accept that she wants to shift certain parts of herself without being attached to it.
Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems.
Begin a dialogue with her 12-year-old self and remind her that she is safe.
Realize her inner child is trying to protect her and is not her enemy.

Takeaways:

Any aspect of you that you don’t like, that you want to change, has a positive intention. Until you can fulfill that positive intention in another way it is going to hang on.
The essence of self-love is loving and accepting all parts of ourselves.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: How to Tame and Leverage Your Mental Chatter with Ethan Kross 0

Feb 5, 2022

Do you want to learn more about that voice in your head? Then you'll love this episode. Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and the Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS EveningNews, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle,and NPR's Morning Edition.

He is the bestselling author of CHATTER: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

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EP 334: Should I Stay in My Relationship or Go? With Sarah 0

Feb 2, 2022

This episode is about shared values and looking at the part we play in the relationship. Today’s caller, Sarah, feels she is at the end of her rope in her relationship and is not sure if she should stay in it or go. The discussion revolves around the different circumstances in her relationship and what we get to is that there is just not enough information yet. If you find yourself at a choice point in your life and are struggling with what to do, either you need more time, or you know the right path and you are resisting taking it.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode334]

Many people ask if they should stay or go. Whether it is a relationship, job, or city it can be very difficult to make a decision. If the answer isn’t clear, it means one of two things, either the answer is clear but we don’t like it so we try to make it work. Or, we just don’t have enough clarity about it. In which case, it may not be the right time to make a yes-or-no decision.

For a relationship to be successful, there needs to be a level of growth and connection, a level of satisfaction, and the freedom to be ourselves in what we create together. Those are just a fraction of the things that define success in relationships.

In a relationship, we must have shared values. At least three or four of our values must be mirrored by our partner. If you don’t have shared values, what is the compass? What is your North Star?

What truly brings two people together if not their shared values?

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, there is a free webinar; to sign up visit ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/go-pro-masterclass.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a situation where you are doubting whether you should end it or keep going?
Do you feel like you are in a relationship where you feel you are focused on growth and you want your partner to be but they don’t value it as much as you do?
Do you show up more controlling in a relationship?
Do you have communication breakdowns and issues in your relationships?

Sarah’s Question:

Sarah is having communication issues in her relationship and feels that she is at the end of her rope when it comes to the conflict. She wants guidance on whether or not she should stay or go.

Sarah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She thinks her partner is a great guy.
She has communication issues in her relationship.
The couple had been in counseling but had to quit.
She gave her partner an ultimatum about getting counseling.
She has learned to express her needs.
She values growth and personal development.
She could be in a Journeymate relationship.
When she wants to talk things out he gets triggered.
They have been together for six years.
She is intentional about her life.
She feels as if she has to take care of everything and is doing all the work on the relationship.
She perceived women to be weak when she was younger.
She feels at the end of her rope.
She wants to find balance in her life and get out of her head.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Acknowledge her partner and thank him for his efforts toward therapy.
Ask her partner if he wants similar things from their relationship.
If she does end the relationship, she needs to own 50% of what is happening and see what lessons can be gleaned from it.
Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems.
Start focusing on the family dynamics she grew up with.

Takeaways:

If you are in a relationship, consider what values you and your partner share.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: The Science of Stuck with Brit Frank 0

Jan 29, 2022

You are going to love this episode with Britt Frank who is a therapist, teacher, speaker, and trauma specialist who is committed to dismantling the mental health myths that keep us feeling STUCK and SICK. We talk about how to heal trauma, myths the wellness industry perpetuates, why you are NOT broken and so many other juicy topics!

Brit's work focuses on empowering people to understand the inner mechanisms of their brains and bodies. When we know how things work, the capacity for CHOICE is restored and life can and does change. Whether she’s leading a workshop, teaching a class, or working individually with private clients, Britt’s goal is to educate, empower, and equip people to transform even their most persistent and long-standing patterns of thinking and doing.

Britt is also the author of the upcoming book The Science of Stuck—available March 15^th wherever books are sold. It’s a research-based tool kit for moving past what's holding you back—in life, in love, and in work.

Learn more here: www.thegreenhousekc.com

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EP 333: Why it is Dangerous to Brush Anything Under the Rug in Your Relationships with Angela 0

Jan 26, 2022

This episode is about the dangers of sweeping things under the rug in relationships. Today’s caller, Angela, is looking for clarity about why she is frustrated and triggered in her family relationships. We discuss ways she can speak her truth with love, use her voice, and stand in her power in her relationships and her life. She brushes things under the rug. If you identify with being a people pleaser, someone who prefers to avoid conflict, or shrug things off when they happen but internalize it later this is a great session for you.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode333]

When we don’t stand in our power in our lives, we can’t stand in our power in relationships. Standing in our power can also be said as standing in our empowerment. Sometimes the word power can sound oppressive as if we are not being compassionate, or being selfish. But that is not really what standing in our empowerment means. It’s about being in our truth.

If your truth upsets someone, it is not your responsibility as long as you are not blaming them and are taking responsibility for your part, and communicating your thoughts in the most loving way you possibly can. Sometimes speaking our truth can hurt others but if it is done with honesty and love it can lead to growth or growth of a relationship. There is a way to deliver truth and love together. If you are delivering something that may be hard for someone to hear, do it with love.

Standing in our empowerment also means not time traveling and being able to regulate our nervous system. There were times as children when we were disempowered or when we didn’t have a voice that led to a pattern of disempowerment in our adulthood. When we are in our power, we are in the present, we are taking care of our inner child. Our nervous system isn’t activated. We aren’t in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

And, for HSPs or internalizers, big feelings and big reactivity can be scary. When big feelings come at us, they rattle our nervous system. HSPs often have intuitive gifts growing up but internalizing stuff and repressing relationship issues as adults can suppress intuitive gifts. The nervous system doesn’t feel safe. We can’t choose what we want to suppress and expect our intuitive gifts to open up and be expressed.

When you suppress anything you suppress everything.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, I will have a webinar, so be on the lookout for an email from me.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you consistently triggered in your relationships and wonder why you are having the same argument over and over?
Did you grow up in a home where your needs were not met? Maybe you couldn’t speak up for yourself or didn’t feel empowered.
Are you someone who is great at confrontation or do you avoid conflict?
When you are in a situation of reactivity or frustration comes at you, do you fight, flight, freeze, or fawn or do you respond in a regulated way?

Angela’s Question:

Angela is triggered by situations in her family and struggling in her relationships. She would like guidance on how to build harmony in her home.

Angela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is in a 10-year relationship with her partner.
She has a blended family.
She is doing personal development work around what in her past may be triggering her.
She wants to build harmony in her home.
She was invalidated when she was younger.
She had to care for her younger brother when her step-father passed.
She gets triggered quickly.
Her family has had to leave three different houses.
Her partner is quick to anger.
She believes a lot of the issues are about power dynamics.
She believes men can’t handle their anger.
There is a power struggle in her relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

To stand in her healthy feminine and learn how to not personalize what confronts her.
Don’t time travel, stay in her adult self, and stay calm while her partner is reacting or explosive.
Allow little Angela to stand up for herself and have a voice.
Tell her partner how his actions affect her and maybe listen to this episode together.
Bring things out into the open. No more sweeping stuff under the rug.

Takeaways:

Get out of the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Don’t time travel in highly reactive situations so you can respond as an adult and be in your power.
Try to have a conversation with your partner in a calm place to remind them that you agreed not to talk to each other in that way.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services