I answer this question in this week’s Coaches Corner. This is an incredibly important episode to listen to so you can figure step into the Truth of Who You REALLY are.
Criticism seems to have the stickiness factor of super glue and compliments seem to be coated in oil. We allow hurtful things to play over and over in our heads like a broken record, especially when the recording came from a parent or an authority figure.
We create patterns out of the programming we receive when we are very young. These patterns stay with us throughout our lives until we reprogram ourselves. We can default to these patterns when dealing with situations and we tend to sabotage ourselves with fear instead of motivating ourselves with affirmations. We treat ourselves as others have treated us, instead of how we want to be treated.
If you have a vision to impact other people’s lives, make sure you have saved yourself and let down your own walls first. In order to be transparent, authentic and true, you should become your own best client. How you do anything is how you do everything.
Today’s conversation with Rich is a lesson in how not to be a victim. Rich has wanted to create a deep emotional impact in people’s lives for some time. He started his own coaching practice over a year ago, and is finding it difficult to deal with the pressure, from his family, to provide for his soon-to-be bride.
For a refresher on this topic, listen to my How to Drop Your Story Coaches Corner. I release my new Coaches Corner episodes every Saturday.
Online business owners: if you are looking to execute at your highest level, I am a believer and affiliate of Marie Forleo’s B-School. B-School is an 8-week video course, which teaches smart, effective online marketing strategies. If you sign up for the program through my personal link, CH B-School, in addition to the B-School program, I will assist you in the ability to remove your inner blocks with:
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Rich’s Question:
Rich would like to know how to get over his fear and anxiety to follow through with his goal of becoming a coach. He wants to overcome his limiting beliefs from his past, which may be blocking his future success.
Rich’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Breakup. There is not much that feels worse than heartache from ending a romantic relationship. Although it feels awful right now, trust that you will be okay. In this Coaches Corner, I guide you through the five things you can do immediately to ease the pain of your breakup and get to your breakthrough a lot sooner.
Have you ever had a massive, gut-wrenching, devastating, traumatic breakup that ended a relationship before you wanted the relationship to end? Did you follow it up by an all-consuming expectation hangover? If you are a human being, chances are you have.
Most people have at least one issue-based relationship. They attract people who trigger unresolved issues from their past. They value being in a relationship more than they value the lessons of the relationship and repeat the pattern over and over again. They treat being single like a disease, which needs to be cured immediately.
Relationships are an opportunity for us to grow. To find out a little more about whom we really are. When we consider how we feel about what we do instead of just the doing, we have a clearer picture of the qualities we embody.
If a relationship ended before you wanted it to, consider it a rite of passage. Embrace your feelings about it and then put a time limit on your heartbreak. Your heart can hurt but it should be full of unconditional love for yourself. Start falling back in love, but with yourself. Be kind and use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing.
Today’s conversation is with Monika who dares to dream and love in a big way. She moved to a foreign country and a 3 month trip turned into a 2 year stay after falling in love. The relationship ended in betrayal. Feeling her trust is forever broken, she has decided to toughen her heart and use the breakup as an excuse not to move forward with her life.
Remember on Saturdays I release my new Coaches Corner episodes. This week will be on “5 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup”. And if you want to hear about my history on the subject of love, you can listen to my first Over and On with It podcast.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Monika’s Question:
Monika went through an intense breakup in a foreign country. She feels her trust was crushed; she is now paralyzed by fear and is scared to take the next step forward in her life.
Monika’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
In this Coaches Corner I ask you to consider this question: Do you TRULY value yourself? Or…are you discounting yourself by undervaluing your gifts and settling for less than you deserve. Undervaluing yourself can look like underpricing services, not asking for what you’re worth at work, or staying in relationships that are only kinda sorta what you desire. This episode will encourage you to own your worth and stand in your value.
If you want to achieve lasting success you should be concentrating on the who, what and why of your business and let the how naturally unfold with time. Pursuing your business goals without a clear understanding of what makes you uniquely qualified to provide a service (your secret sauce) to a client doesn’t serve anyone. It only wastes time and energy until you have a clear vision.
So often new light workers and entrepreneurs have a list of how they are going to fix things, step 1 is this and step 2 is that, but coaching is not about fixing people. People embody all the inner resources they need to heal themselves. Coaching is about listening to them from a place of compassion and love. Becoming your own best client and focusing on what you are giving to others is your purpose.
Becoming an entrepreneur is not an easy task. Fear and uncertainty may be causing you to stall and create blocks when you really just need to start sharing your gift with the world. Your gift holds great value. It is your business to know your value and quit working for free.
Today’s caller, Robby wants to start his coaching business but his vision isn’t clear. He is putting off getting clients until certain things are in place. Fear and uncertainty are suppressing his own inner guidance and creating blocks. We work to uncover his secret sauce and his why.
A good follow up to this episode is my next Coaches Corner - Standing in your Value.
For all of you Mission Driven Entrepreneurs out there - I am an affiliate and a supporter of Marie Forleo’s B-School. B-School is an 8-week video course which teaches smart, effective online marketing strategies. If you sign up for the program through my personal link, CH B-School, I will gift you
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Robby ’s Question:
Robby is starting a coaching business. He believes becoming a coach will require him to be more extroverted. He is experiencing fear and uncertainty of moving forward and has created stalling techniques for himself.
Robby ’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
My hunch is you are carrying around something that is very heavy and causes you unnecessary suffering. This thing blocks you from the experiences and connections you desire. It weighs you down, holds you back and robs you of joy. What is this dreadful thing I am talking about? It is your story. And in this episode of Coaches Corner I give you tips on how to let it go!
If you were to write out your autobiography with the early chapters being on your past and the middle chapters representing the present, what would you change about your current story to get the ending (your future) to turn out just the way you want it to? Would you allow bitterness to leak into your later chapters or would you embrace forgiveness of yourself and those who may have hurt you?
It’s never too late to drop old belief systems and ‘un-program’ yourself. It’s never too late to change. Living as a victim means you do not want to take full responsibility for your life. Becoming the most authentic version of yourself will happen when you move through the process of forgiveness. It will set you free and allow you to live fully in the present.
Today’s caller, Miranda, needed her story to be heard free of judgment and from a place of compassion. She believed she needed to behave a certain way in order to receive love. Her compensatory strategy of being a caretaker, a rescuer, and a people pleaser was attracting toxic people into her life and not bringing her the love she desired.
People in your past can no longer be an excuse for why you don’t have what you want in your present.
If you enjoy this podcast please share on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Miranda’s Question:
Miranda is having trouble letting go of the past and finding forgiveness. She feels she has alienated everyone important in her life with her bitterness.
Miranda’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
Do you ever feel anxious? I suspect your answer is yes – you may even be experiencing it right now. You’re not alone. Here’s the good news: it is 100% possible to ease and actually eliminate anxiety or at the very least dramatically reduce it. I explain and give you lots of tips in this coaches corner.
The wonderful thing about pain and anxiety is that we have the power to free ourselves from it. Many of the overwhelming feelings we are having now are rooted somewhere in our past. Something devastating caused our young minds to create a program to follow, so we didn’t have to feel that way ever again.
As we grow, the ability to address our fears and overcome our ‘victim story’ becomes available to us. We are able to comfort our younger selves by self-parenting and through work that is healing. We also have the ability to acknowledge our need for protection, thank it for its service to us and move our energy to where we need it now. We can then replace our impulsive responses with our inner voice, which is guided by our intuition.
In between stimulus and response we have a choice and in that choice lies our freedom. – Viktor Frankl - Man’s search for meaning
Our caller, Nicole, is struggling to find her true intuition. She feels it may be lost to her or clouded over by her deep-seated anxiety. She has used her anxiety for many years to protect herself, but now realizes it is time to get over it and on with it so that she could enjoy a deeper life.
My next Retreat in July 2016 will fill up quickly, so if you want more information please contact Jill at jill@christinehassler.com
If you enjoy this podcast, please share on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Nicole’s Question:
Nicole has anxiety-driven panic attacks and lacks self-confidence. She longs to have a deeper life and become connected to the world.
Nicole’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
christine@christinehassler.com
jill@christinehassler.com to sign up for the Bali retreat
Do you find that you have taken on the expectation that you are supposed to be happy all the time? Sure, eternal happiness sounds awesome, yet this expectation that we “should” be able to be in a positive place all the time can be the very thing that eludes us from actually experiencing it. How? Well, when we pressure or force ourselves to be a certain way, which involves avoiding the reality of our current feelings, we engage in what is called “spiritual bypass.” Spiritual bypass is a process of attempting to high-vibe yourself out of what you perceive as a negative feeling instead of allowing yourself to feel it and heal it. Don’t get me wrong – joy, love and peace are our essence, but if you haven’t noticed we are all still human and have moments of where that is not exactly our experience. In this Coaches Corner I encourage you to accept the contrast of your human experience and offer tips for how to move through those not-so-happy moments.
Advertisements, movies and even fairy tales will tell you a product, money or a prince are all you need to live happily ever after. Sorry, that is not true. External things are not the key to a happy life.
Because happiness is an inside job, we are all capable of self-generating the feeling of happiness. If we move to acceptance , we will recognize that the source of our own happiness comes from within.
We ARE capable of living our lives contently. But first, we must examine what we are devoted to and look into the places in our lives where being grateful of what we already have can elevate us to acceptance. It is normal for humans to lead lives full of ebbs and flows.
Our caller, Jennifer, is putting pressure on herself to figure out her entire life even though she is only 24 years old. She has an expectation hangover about not being where she thinks she should be in her career. She is waiting for something external to bring her happiness and to spark her passion.
People with high expectations tend to not feel happy more often. Listen to this week’s Coaches Corner – Is it possible to be happy all the time? – for an in-depth look at the secret sauce to overcoming an expectation hangover.
My Bali Retreat, in September 2016, will fill up quickly so if you want more information please contact Jill at jill@christinehassler.com
If you enjoy this podcast please share it on social media and leave a rating or review on iTunes.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Jennifer’s Question:
Jennifer feels stuck. She tries new things but gives up on them easily. She wants to know when the spark will come to keep her from feeling lost and unhappy.
Jennifer’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
christine@christinehassler.com
jill@christinehassler.com to sign up for the Bali retreat
The New Year comes with the tradition of making resolutions, which are usually promises to do something “more, better, or different.” We vow to exercise more, get a better job, meditate regularly, fall in love, or find a different way to handle our stress. But does this really do us any good? Most of us start the New Year with the greatest of intentions, yet by March (or even by the second week in January) we may not find ourselves so resolved. We revert back to old patterns and beat ourselves up for not sticking to our resolutions. Could there be a way to ring in the year that serves us better? YES! And it has been my New Year ritual for the past ten years which I share in todays’ Coaching Corner. NOTE: you can do this process ANYTIME during the year because it is always a good time to consciously let go of what is not serving you so then you can intentionally co-create your dreams and desires.
Our physical body ages naturally with time, but our emotional development is much more complex. Our minds have the ability to leave situations unfinished – anticipating that a resolution will appear eventually. When this happens, we get stuck by reliving our hurts and challenges over and over again until we are mentally ready to deal with these emotions.
Becoming comfortable with our own vulnerability is how we heal this unfinished business. We can start by reassuring ourselves that it’s okay, it’s over, and it’s safe now. It’s okay to stop creating distractions that only serve to move us farther and farther away from the healing of our core wounds. Healing starts with self-love and it always comes back to our relationship with our self.
Today’s caller, Jenna, believes she is struggling with consistency issues. She quickly realizes that she may be manifesting physical health problems; and living the life of an overachiever to gain the attention and love she didn’t receive as a teenager.
Jenna is asking for help, which is a clear sign she is ready to get over it and on with it. A relationship that is free of judgement and filled with compassion, like the relationship with a coach, will help her to continue on her personal development journey and reinforce the relationship she needs to build with her younger self.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Jenna’s Question:
Jenna is struggling to get to the root of her consistency issues regarding her health and wellness and wants to know how to stay on track.
Jenna’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
christine@christinehassler.com
Happy New Year! This is a guided visualization and meditation that will support you in completing this year and consciously creating the next. In this twelve minute journey, I guide you through identifying the lessons and blessings from the last year so that you can clearly envision and begin creating what you’d like to experience in the coming year. This is especially great to listen to around the New Year but you can listen to it anytime of year to complete your past, focus on your present and create your future. Set some time aside to gift yourself with this process. Sending you love for a prosperous and joyful New Year.
This episode is about getting over what you didn’t get from a parent (or parents).
There is no manual for living. Sometimes we just need to ask for help from our spiritual guide and then direct all of our energy towards the life we truly desire. There will be times when we get frustrated and angry with ourselves and other people. It’s OK, it happens. We are all human, right?
Well, even our parents are human. Many of us have trouble accepting our parents as individuals outside of the role they play in our lives. We put our own expectations on them to try to fill the safety and security voids we perceived when we were separated from God during birth.
We often long for a love our parents are unable to give us. We need to recognize that just because they are older, it doesn’t mean their ability to love has changed. They love us in the best way they know how.
Today’s caller, Samantha uses self-criticism to protect herself from her pain. She is accustomed to holding herself to higher standards because she coaches others through their life journeys. She is still holding on to her childhood anger over not feeling loved and acknowledged by her father.
We work through her responsibility to re-parent herself, free herself through a spiritual practice and look at her father with compassionate eyes.
If you are a woman who is having difficulty processing your anger, read the Emotional section of my book, Expectation Hangover. Try the temper tantrum technique, it may sound silly, but it really works.
Time slots have opened up for coaching sessions in January. If you are interested in a one-on-one session with me, sign up here Coaching with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Samantha’s Question:
Samantha wants to know how to stop being hard on other people. She finds herself feeling and doing things she doesn’t feel comfortable with, but she doesn’t understand why.
Samantha’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
Liberate yourself at my Winter Retreat January 8-10th
True freedom is fulfilling and it is not about getting whatever you want. Freedom is about being fully and authentically self-expressed. Often our identities are created based on how others define us and not who we truly are. We may become imprisoned by other people’s opinions.
When we have been suppressed or restricted, we do not feel free and may rebel with self-sabotaging behavior. This may lead to reactive and unnecessary risks that do not serve us. Some risks, however, are intuitive and proactive. These types of risk can lead us to necessary growth.
Today’s caller, Jessica, doesn’t understand why she isn’t doing the things she should be doing. She relies on other people’s expectations and judgments and doesn’t feel worthy or deserving of her dreams.
She is dealing with issues of her own self-worth while trying to live up to society’s outcome addicted focus.
When we realize it is all about truth and love, we bring ourselves into alignment with our core values. It is then we can appreciate that our raw, authentic self is absolutely perfect.
* Can you list the top 5 core values that are the compass for your life? You should be clear about what they are. If you need help, the process to find them is detailed in my book, Expectation Hangover.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Jessica’s Question:
Jessica wants to know why she makes the “wrong” decisions when she knows what the right decision should be, and why she sabotages herself while trying to attain her goals.
Jessica’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
Happy Holidays!! This is a beautiful and sweet time of year, which can bring forward so many feelings and experiences. Some of you may be absolutely blissful – you love this season and are in a place of peace. Others of you may be really struggling this time of year. Perhaps you feel alone. Or family dynamics are challenging. And some may be feeling a mix of both. You have moments of peace and joy and other moments of loneliness, anxiety or even sadness. Wherever you are is okay. Please remove the expectation that your holidays are supposed to be any certain way – otherwise you will just keep waking up with an expectation hangover! My intention in sharing this meditation with you today is to remind you about what is most important not only this time of year but in every moment of every day, which is LOVE.
Regret. We’ve all felt it at some point. Some of you are feeling it right now and you are suffering because of it. Something did or did not happen the way you wanted. You did or didn’t do something the way you wished you would have. And you want more than anything to be able to rewind time and get a do-over. You’ve replayed scenarios over and over in your head thinking of all the things you could have done or said. You’re trapped in a shoulda/coulda/woulda perspective and it’s a miserable place to be, isn’t it? As much as you are aware that regret is a miserable place to hang out in, you cannot seem to be free of it. But I have good news: liberation from regret is 100% possible!! And it is essential to your well-being that you commit to letting go of regret. In this Coaches Corner, I explain how. Listen closely to this episode…or you’ll regret it! ;)
Seasons change and so do we. We all have expectations as to how our lives should be, what our family should think of us and how we will feel after making a big change.
When we cannot come to terms with the decisions we have made, we experience regret and consequently an Expectation Hangover. But regret is useless and we often beat ourselves up over nothing. We cannot move forward by living in regret.
What if instead of suffering from regret, we found peace and experienced connection by reprogramming our unconscious mind to fully accept the decisions we have made? What if instead of dwelling on the past, we fully opened ourselves to receiving all the gifts in the present?
In today’s call, Jenny is uncertain about her decision to move, in order to be closer to her family. She is having difficulty creating her new life, because she is stuck in her old one. She is also physically sick from the stress. She thinks geography may be a factor, but we discover she may need to stop pushing against the change and allow things to happen.
Taking a step back and seeing the impression her indecisiveness is leaving on her children, might be the key that helps Jenny to accept the decisions she has made and to move forward towards creating the story she wants to tell.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Jenny’s Question:
Jenny is making herself physically sick and tired, because she regrets moving a long distance to be closer to her family and would like to know how to get over it and on with it.
Jenny’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
○ The reasons why it was the best decision you could have made, given the information you had
○ The reasons why you feel safe and secure
○ The reasons why you can trust yourself
Resources:
Coaching Corner - Getting Over Regret
Courage. It’s a desirable quality to have and an empowering way to be. Our heroes and inspirational leaders are labeled courageous. We are told throughout our life to “be courageous,” but that isn’t always easy. In fact, courage is often one of the most difficult qualities to truly integrate. Why is being courageous not as easy to embody as the heroes make it look in the movies? There are two main reasons. First, being courageous means being willing to face fear and embrace uncertainty. YIKES! We don’t like being scared or not knowing what is ahead. Second, most of us do not truly understand what courage really means. In this coaches corner, Christine shares how to become more courageous and go after the things in life that scare us.
Absolute certainty is rare. If you are waiting to be absolutely certain before making a decision, you may find yourself spinning in confusion.
Today’s session is with Marie, who believes she is ready to make big changes in her life, but fear and unresolved issues from a recent break-up are keeping her from taking the first step. She is distracting herself by considering multiple changes at once and it’s depleting her energy.
When we fear something we create roadblocks for ourselves. Roadblocks can be waiting for certainty, attempting to move forward before dealing with issues from the past and talking a lot about what we want, but not taking the first steps to get to it.
Marie realizes she may be lingering on open issues from a past relationship. She needs closure before she is able to move forward, but she’s unsure of how to get past the breakup. We work through how Marie can use her inner wisdom to remove the residue from the past and pursue her career dreams with a clear mind.
When we accept change and allow it to happen, we discover our challenges are leading us somewhere.
Read the emotional and mental chapters of the treatment plan in my book, Expectation Hangover, to gain a deeper understanding on grieving and closure.
If you want to get unstuck join me on January 8th - 10th for my “for women only” Winter Retreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you waiting to do something until you are completely sure?
Are you attempting to make too many decisions at once and not making progress on any of them?
Are you a creative person who feels the need to do everything all at once?
Are you still wanting something from a previous relationship and are unable to move on until you get it?
Marie’s Question:
Marie feels she is in a rut and wants to make a big move, including getting over her last relationship. She is a motivated person but has a fear of moving forward.
Marie’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
Are you carrying around an unspoken question or assumption about something? Did someone do something or behave in a way that stumped (and possibly hurt) you but you haven’t had the guts to ask them about it? Are you being a wee bit wimpy when it comes to speaking your truth? I see so many people suffer under our own assumptions, pretend everything is fine, and take things personally rather than just having the chutzpha to be real, raw and vulnerable with another person. In today’s coaches corner I give you tips for mustering up the courage to take action and actually say what you need (and want) to say.
If you have ever dealt with the pain of rejection, this episode will help! Perhaps you’ve heard, “Rejection is God’s Protection” but the process of rejection feels pretty awful until we learn what it is really about. Our caller today, Alex, has courageously opened up to another person and shared her truth with them. But the other person did not reciprocate her feelings. She asks me how she can get over her heartbreak and rejection and get on with her life.
If you have ever felt the pain of rejection or find yourself in an avoidance trap, listen to the tips I give Alex at the end of our call. You can also find resources in my book, Expectation Hangover, to help heal yourself.
We also talk about speaking our truth - which takes takes courage. We ponder on how our message will be received; but if we believe in our truth, there is value in getting it out into the world.
When our truth needs to be told to another person and they don’t realize the outcome we are hoping for we often take it personally. We perceive their response as if something is wrong with us or we did something wrong.
Our fear of the possible rejection is an avoidance trap. An avoidance trap is spending our time and energy avoiding what we don’t want rather than working towards what we do want.
By understanding that we consistently attract experiences to help us heal our core wounds, we realize rejection doesn’t really exist. It is merely a projection of unowned, unseen qualities inside us.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
What are you construing perceived rejection to mean about you?
What was so attractive about the person or situation you feel didn’t choose you?
Is there someone you have feelings for but are too scared to tell them?
Has something upset you but you don’t have the guts to speak your truth?
Alex’s Question:
Alex wants to know how to best handle the heartbreak and rejection she is feeling after telling someone she loves them and finding out the feelings are not mutual.
Alex’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
How to get over it and on with it:
Tools and Takeaways:
Resources:
I love the week of Thanksgiving here in the U.S. because gratitude is on everyone’s mind. Cultivating a consciousness of gratitude is a spiritual practice – it’s a MUST for anyone who is committed to living a life of love. Plus, when we are aware of what we do have, we are a lot less inclined to obsess about all the things we don’t (and have fewer expectation hangovers!). Enjoying this special Coaches Corner from me where the focus is on gratitude.