If you want a simple, effective way to increase the quality of your life don't miss this episode. I've upgraded my 40 day stop-start-modify plan to support you in implementing new habits to create more calm, health, joy and prosperity in your life.
The essence of this coaching call is what causes inspirational blocks and the unhealthy ways we try to motivate ourselves. Today’s caller, Jo, is asking for guidance about how to tap into her inspiration. The pandemic impacted her nervous system and left her lacking the motivation to live into her purpose.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode416].
Often, what inspires us is the stuff that makes us mad. It doesn’t mean we need to come out with anger at people. We need to move through the anger to find the fire and the passion that lies underneath. Then, we can step into the feminine power of discernment and discover our Warrior Woman. Which is a beautiful place to be. When we do this we allow ourselves to be pulled forward by a calling and a mission, versus looking for something external to motivate us.
Women, in general, are not great with our anger. It leaks out in certain ways but we are not great at tapping into our rage and anger and letting it out in a healthy way. This blocks us from our passion. And if we keep suppressing our emotions, rage, and anger we will feel depressed.
Plus, we tend to motivate ourselves by being hard on ourselves and looking at what we think is wrong and the changes we need to make. We believe if we make ourselves miserable enough then maybe we will be motivated to make a change. That is a strategy that doesn’t work or only works for the short term. It allows our inner critic to run the show and we burn ourselves out.
When we realize we are not doing anything wrong and that we are living our purpose because we are learning, growing, healing, and raising our consciousness, it releases the feeling of failure.
If you resonate with this podcast and Christine’s style of coaching, Elementum Coaching Institute is the coaching certification program for you. Even if you are not a coach, and want a personal transformation program to give you coaching skills you can use with your employees or peers, in relationships, or with children, you are encouraged to apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Enrollment closes September 1, 2023, and the course begins September 14th. This is the final course for 2023‒2024.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you feeling a lack of inspiration?
Do you feel you had a setback during the pandemic and you haven’t been able to come back from it?
Do you want to feel like you’re making an impact, that you matter, and what you’re doing in the world matters?
Are you someone who benefits from connection with other people? Are you an extrovert who isn’t connecting with people enough?
Jo’s Question:
Jo is asking about how to find inspiration and motivation for herself and her business in the here and now.
Jo’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She gave up her teaching job to write a novel and build a coaching business.
She moved in with her parents.
The pandemic impacted her nervous system.
She has difficulty spending a lot of time by herself.
She wants to do something meaningful.
She gets overwhelmed with business tasks.
She is trying to motivate herself by being hard on herself.
She wants to be inspired by life.
She has finished her novel.
She signed a lease on an office.
She is an extrovert.
She lived with depression for a long time.
She longs for freedom, transparency, and truth.
She sees her anger as a negative.
She started her business after she found self-compassion.
She is joining Elementum Coaching.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
When she feels trapped in the moment, consider what choices are available to her.
Put herself out there to get connection and support.
Tap into the fire beneath her anger and be motivated by her deep desire.
Start using her voice again.
Join the upcoming Signature Retreat, read Expectation Hangover, or visit ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
Takeaways:
Consider — Is there a part of you that wants to be free and believes that if you do what you want bad things will happen?
Get to know your anger, feel it, and understand it.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Elisha Tichelle is an alchemist of the nervous system for visionary leaders and heart-centered entrepreneurs. Following a 20-year career as a somatic researcher and professor, Elisha now supports her clients to expand their nervous systems so their work can make a greater impact in the world - without burning out. Elisha’s facilitation guides an expansion of nervous system regulation, moving people out of operating from positions of stress and overwhelm into embodied states of flow, connection, and mastery. Elisha is the ‘behind the scenes’ priestess to some of the world's most successful and well-known coaches. Through her training program ‘Evolution,’ she guides space holders, facilitators, and coaches into integrating nervous system work in their business and life.
This coaching call is about the difference between masculine energy and hypervigilance. Today’s caller, Jo, has been caring for her husband after a debilitating accident. She believes she is functioning only in her masculine energy and would like some balance, but her actions may be coming from a response to trauma she hasn’t fully processed. Christine offers guidance.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode415].
There is an unconscious, and sometimes conscious, expectation that masculine energy is supposed to be strong and be able to hold us. But, what masculine energy truly is, is taking initiative, moving in a linear way, being present, and holding for things. It is making quick decisions about things and being productive in certain ways.
Healthy masculine energy is NOT about being so busy and doing everything for everyone that we are depleted completely — That's being hyper-vigilant. Hypervigilance is a response to trauma that makes us feel out of control. Because no one chooses trauma. It is completely out of our control. When we are hypervigilant, we are looking for a way to feel in control again. We think if we do and control everything, we can prevent expectation hangovers or more trauma.
If you’re trying to shift more into your feminine energy when you’re in hypervigilance, good luck because in order for you to shift into your feminine energy, you have to feel safe and if you are in hypervigilance, you do not feel safe.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Has there been a drastic change in your life you haven’t had time to process because you have had to go right into action?
Do you often think you’re in your masculine when you are truly in hypervigilance?
Are you someone that is so used to doing, you often don’t even know how to be?
When it comes to surrender and accepting things, how are you with it? Can you let go or do you like to fight with reality?
Jo’s Question:
Jo is asking for guidance on how to prolong being in her feminine energy and relinquish her feelings of needing to be in control.
Jo’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Her husband was in a debilitating accident.
She feels she shifted into her masculine after her husband’s accident.
She likes being in her feminine but feels pulled out of it too often.
She wants to relieve her husband’s pain.
She does inner child work and meditation.
She has a tendency to be a people pleaser.
She has been a control freak in the past but wants to let go of it.
She hasn’t done trauma-release work.
Her father was strict and unpredictable.
She does everything for others.
She questions her self-worth.
She wants to cure her husband’s pain.
Her husband has accepted his physical condition.
She is grieving and hasn’t fully processed the incident.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Realize she is being hypervigilant, not in her masculine.
Find a somatic and trauma-release-work therapist.
Have compassion for herself.
Release her anger and trauma.
Recalibrate her nervous system.
Have conversations with her husband about creating polarity in their relationship.
Accept where her husband is in his healing process.
Takeaways:
Are you in your masculine energy or being hypervigilant?
Sponsor:
Milkify.me — is a concierge breast milk freeze-drying service for mothers who are breastfeeding or planning to breastfeed that transforms frozen milk into convenient pouches of powder that last for 3 years. To get $40 off your first order message @Milkify.me on Instagram or at Milkify.me and mention the code Christine.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
In your personal development journey, you may be asking "what's the point?" You are doing all this "work" and you are not seeing the changes in your life that you desire. In this CC I answer this question and give you reassurance to keep going.
This coaching call is about how patience and compassion without clarity can lead to resentment. Today’s caller, Lucy, doesn’t feel like a priority in her partner’s life. She asks for guidance on whether the relationship is right for her or if there are too many red flags. Christine shares some skills that can help Lucy get what she wants from her relationship.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode414].
Consciousness isn’t just about talking about our wounding or holding space for someone when they cry. It’s about taking action that’s in integrity and alignment with who we say we are.
When we have a lot of emotional vulnerability or sexual intimacy and vulnerability with a man, we can mistake it for being in a conscious relationship. If you are in a dynamic where you’re having a lot of emotional intimacy, but you don’t have the consistency or the feeling of safety, it’s not as conscious as you may think. What do you need to do to make a relationship more conscious? Bring accountability, responsibility, and agreements into it.
Consciousness is an aspect of sacred union, and in sacred union, there’s a masculine and feminine. There is the being and the doing. We can’t just swim around in the feminine being of vulnerability, processing, and emotional intimacy without the masculine of doing, showing up, and having structure. We need both, otherwise, our inner child doesn’t feel safe.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a relationship, whether it will be romantic or otherwise, that you’re doubting or you don’t have clarity about?
Are you someone who has trouble asking for what you need so you ask for it in a vague, safe way?
Do you not feel like a priority in a relationship, or as a child?
Are you doubting yourself? Are you feeling some nudges and doubts about something but you’re doubting your doubts?
Lucy’s Question:
Lucy feels stuck when trying to discern the difference between what is a red flag and what is her intuition in a new relationship.
Lucy’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels that this new relationship is her first adult relationship.
She has a hard time trusting herself.
Her mother didn’t trust her.
She and her partner are in the process of defining their relationship.
She wants to know if the relationship is right for her.
She doesn’t feel like a priority to her partner.
She appreciates certainty and consistency.
Her partner has full custody of his two children.
Her partner doesn’t make plans with her but asks for dates with little notice.
As a child, she longed for her mother’s attention.
She is still learning about herself and her patterns in relationship.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Propose a schedule to her partner and re-negotiate if needed.
Get specific about what she needs from the relationship.
Takeaways:
Where do you need to have more masculine energy in your relationships?
Where do you need to make clear agreements so you can feel safe?
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about surrender and keeping hope. Today’s caller, Eva, is ready to give up hope and accept that she may never get pregnant. But her intuition is telling her that one day she will be a mother. She asks Christine for guidance and clarity about how to shift into acceptance and let go of her desire to have a baby.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode413].
Our drive and yearning to have a child can be due to our wanting to make our own childhood different. It is a reason why the desire to have a child can be so strong. There is an attachment to wanting to have a biological child that causes a degree of stress inside our system and it can make it harder for the body to get pregnant.
The body will relax when we surrender. But how do we surrender but not give up hope? Resignation is giving up and feeling that you don’t care about what happens. Surrender is more of a letting-go energy. Just handing it over to a higher power, handing it over to a source, handing it over to God, and keeping that longing and desire in your heart.
Oftentimes, our “soul babies” want a certain kind of clearing of generational patterns before they come in. And, our bodies strive to be healthy before they carry a baby.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you been wanting something for a long time and you keep trying but it’s not happening?
Have you decided to surrender, but still have some hope and it leads to an expectation hangover?
Were you able to fully relax and surrender as a child?
As a coping strategy, are you a planner? Does controlling and planning everything help you to feel safe?
Eva’s Question:
Eva has been trying to have a child and has not yet gotten pregnant. Her intuition tells her she will one day have a child. She is looking for guidance about how to reduce her monthly expectation hangovers.
Eva’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She used fertility drugs to try to get pregnant.
She grieved the idea of being childless.
Her gut tells her that one day she will become pregnant and be a mother.
She doesn’t want to have an expectation hangover every month when she menstruates.
Her planning and control is a trauma response.
She believes she needs to mother herself better.
Her mother was emotionally volatile.
Her mood as a child was based on the mood of her mother.
Her nervous system is dysregulated.
Her inner child wants to be held.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Surrender and let go of the attachment to having a biological child but stay open to the idea.
Rediscover her true essence.
Know that it is not her fault for not getting pregnant.
Give herself the childhood, and love she deserves, but never had.
Begin the Inner Child Workshop.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about embracing our mother energy. Today’s caller, Davina, is a life coach struggling to attract her ideal clients. She was told that she may fear being seen, but it didn’t entirely resonate with her. During the session, she discovers that it is an inner-child wound impacting her efforts.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode412].
When we have blocks, when imposter syndrome comes up, or we are not attracting what we want, we can believe it is a fear of being seen. And while that may be true in many ways — many of us do have a fear of being seen and being vulnerable, but that is not always what it is. There may be something deeper that is more accurate.
There are inner-child, super-subconscious wounds and operating systems we develop when we are young impact our lives in various ways that we are not aware of. Whenever our reaction to something doesn’t match the circumstance in terms of severity, our inner child is triggered.
For anyone, especially coaches, sometimes we think we need to have great answers all the time, but if we can just hold a space of love and compassion for people in our life, that is often more powerful than any piece of advice or aha moment we can create. Often, someone feeling not-judged is the biggest aha moment they can possibly have.
At Elementum Coaching Institute, we train epic coaches. If you resonate with this podcast and Christine’s style of coaching, this is the coaching certification program for you. Even if you are not a coach, and want a personal transformation program to give you coaching skills you can use with your employees or peers, in relationships, or with children you are encouraged to apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Enrollment closes September 1, 2023, and the course begins September 14th.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you believe you have a fear of being seen or is it hard to put yourself out there?
Are you a coach and you are having difficulty attracting the exact kind of clients you want? Do you have a childhood that involves some kind of abandonment or not a feeling really chosen by a parent?
Do you get angry, frustrated, or annoyed when people copy you?
Davina’s Question:
Davina is struggling to attract her ideal clients and is asking for guidance about her messaging efforts.
Davina’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is a life coach.
She is annoyed by people who copy her.
A coach told her she is afraid of being seen.
Her mother abandoned her and started a different family.
She had to share her mother’s attention.
She felt she has always had to do things on her own.
She feels sad and angry.
She grieves the loss of the relationship she had with her mother.
Being vulnerable is uncomfortable for her.
Her father wasn’t emotionally available.
She is vulnerable when she feels safe and supported.
She takes a long time to open up to people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Know that her anger and sadness are valid and that it needs to be expressed.
Work with her inner child about her mother’s leaving.
Take the opportunity to be open and honest.
Give herself as much time as she needs.
Write down how she would coach others in a similar situation.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about honoring yourself and another person by completing an unhealthy dynamic. Jade & Matthew both join this couple’s session to ask Christine for guidance about where to go in their current relationship. If you are going through a relationship breakup or if it is time to end a relationship, this episode is valuable especially if there is wounding playing out in your relationship.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode411].
One of the ways that we suffer most in relationship is thinking that our love will change someone. But, the opportunity to truly heal and step into their greatest potential is up to that person.
Oftentimes, coming together in relationship does help someone step into their fullest potential, but there’s a caveat: they have to do it. They have to want it and it has to happen quickly. If you’re in a relationship where it has been years of the other person going back to their old patterns, then you are in the cycle of them apologizing and feeling awful and you taking them back thinking things will be different. They are going to do their work and then something else happens but you see their little boy or little girl, and you love them, and this time was different and they’re really doing the work, and they’re seeing the counselor, but then they do it again. It’s just a loop. I encourage you to choose you, to love you. They need to do their healing on their own.
Making the choice to end, or complete, an unhealthy dynamic to heal individually is a gift we give to the other person. When we trust love and truth it always gets us to where we want to go.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you an enabler or are you addicted to someone else enabling you?
Do you tend to be a little codependent or a lot codependent in relationships?
Do you know that you love someone so much but no matter how much you love them it’s up to them to change?
Are you feeling that it is time for a conscious uncoupling in your relationship?
Jade & Matthew’s Question:
Jade & Matthew ask for guidance about how best to heal themselves.
Jade & Matthew’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Matthew feels relieved.
They separated after he returned from his travels.
Matthew shared his shadows with Jade.
Matthew became aware that he seeks validation from other women.
Matthew will do inner child work via therapy.
Jade believes it is best for them to not have contact while they are healing.
Jade needs to see Matthew needs to love himself.
Matthew wants Jade to be in his life because he feels a soul-level connection to her.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have no contact with each other for one year so they can heal themselves.
Use the sentence starters Christine gave them to journal about their feelings.
Jade needs time alone and for Matthew to respect that.
Take the opportunity to learn what healthy, mature love is.
Sponsor:
Sensate — is an infrared resonance, calming device that when synchronized with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
I'm answering another question from a listener this week! She asked me to expand upon a phrase I've used in the show: leaky sexual energy. In this episode I'll describe what leaky sexual energy is, where it comes from, how to recognize it, how it impacts
This coaching call is about when our childhood wounding is triggered by a child. Lorena feels she has a parenting blind spot when it comes to her relationship with one of her stepchildren. She would like guidance on how to be a better stepmom and how to respond rather than react when she is triggered.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode410]
There are different blessings that go along with being a stepparent. But, in general, parenting can be hard. You can love a child so much but still get frustrated and triggered and then feel guilty about it. Understanding that we are human and we get triggered goes a long way.
Parenting is a spiritual practice. For these little beings that choose us, either as parents or step-parents, we have a soul contract. And, relationships and parenting are some of the biggest ways we evolve as humans.
With that said, we tend to reject people and behavior that reminds us of our wounded parts. We can have an ick factor towards it or them because we carry internal judgment and have self-protection mechanisms in place. It is much easier to love someone who doesn’t share the same wounding.
When we are triggered, pausing and taking the time to regulate our nervous system allows us to be in the moment and respond to children, not from the viewpoint of our inner child, but as the adults we’ve become.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Did you ever feel rejected or neglected as a child? Did you want more nurturing and love?
Do you have a child or a stepchild that you just don’t connect to and it bothers you, and you feel guilty because you don’t like being around that child as much as you do your other children?
Are you committed to being a better parent both to yourself and your inner child and your child or children?
Lorena’s Question:
Lorena feels she has a blind spot in her relationship with her stepchild and is asking for guidance about building a better relationship.
Lorena’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has been a stepmother since 2016.
Her stepchild struggles with emotional regulation.
She has a baby and two stepchildren.
There may not have been an original mother/child bond in her stepchild’s life.
She doesn’t want to be around her stepchild.
She feels invaded and resents the extra effort it takes to nurture her stepchild.
Her father was an alcoholic and made inappropriate requests of her.
Her stepchildren are there 50% of the time.
Her husband looks to her to be a mature stepparent.
She beats herself up for her feelings toward her stepchild.
She didn’t get loving attention from her mother.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Tell her inner child that her father’s care wasn’t her responsibility.
Accept that her stepchild is a trigger for her.
Try seeing herself in her stepchild.
Pause, take a deep breath, and say — I love you, and I got you — when triggered to regulate her nervous system.
Do not underestimate what a nine-year-old can talk about.
Get in alignment with her husband about her stepparenting.
Sponsor:
Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when synchronized with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s call was originally intended to be a couples session with Jade and Matthew. But, Jade has decided to exclude Matthew from the call. She describes why she made the decision. Some people can work through infidelity and have it strengthen their relationship. Other people need a clean break.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode409]
What can happen when we are working through trust issues and articulating our needs is that when we get to a point where we are triggered, we throw up a barrier rather than a boundary. When we are a person who hasn’t been great at boundaries in life, what can happen when we’re pushed to an edge is we can just throw up a wall.
Anytime we cheat, there’s a part of us that’s scared of intimacy with the person that we’re with. There are a lot of other reasons but it’s like we’re afraid to go deep with the person we’re with. There can be a pattern of not being able to be fully intimate and fully vulnerable in relationships.
Most things that happen to us that aren’t necessarily what we want to happen are on some level due to our soul calling in a situation to help us heal something that isn’t optimal inside of us.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you often not hold boundaries to the extent of when you’re pushed to an edge a wall and barrier comes up?
Have you tried to forgive someone and tried to heal through relationships but you just keep getting hurt?
Do you have a hard time trusting?
Do you beat yourself up when you’ve been hurt because you think you should have seen it coming?
Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She found it difficult to trust Matthew as he traveled.
She felt like he was hiding information from her.
She has decided that she can’t be in the relationship any longer.
She felt energetically that things were off.
She wants a healthy relationship in the future.
She has questioned her truth when it comes to Matthew.
She needs transparency in her relationships.
She has a pattern of not being fully vulnerable and intimate in relationships.
She thought she would feel enough if someone changed for her.
She felt this relationship will help her heal from her previous relationship.
She wishes her mom was emotionally supportive and less reactive.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Examine her trust issues and why she continues to be in relationships with people she doesn’t trust.
Forgive Matthew without continuing the relationship with him.
Create emotional safety for herself.
Don’t waste her time thinking she “should” have known sooner.
Trust herself and give herself time to grieve without beating herself up.
Get clear about her boundaries in a relationship and write them out.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on their full suite of products by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Anger. We all feel it at some point or another. It's a natural human emotion and expression. However the way we deal with our anger often is very unnatural. We suppress it, numb it, try to escape it or let it consume us so much so that it can make us sick and/or ruin our relationships. In this episode I talk about how to release anger in a healthy way and walk you through the process of writing an f*** you letter.
This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s caller, Matthew, has childhood trauma that is affecting his adult behaviors. He wants to continue his relationship with Jade but struggles with self-worth and trust. This is the second of three conversations. In next week’s call, Christine speaks with Matthew and Jade during the couple’s session. Listen to Part One with Jade.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode408]
Most of the time people don’t act out intentionally to hurt other people, they’re acting out because they’re asking for help, even if it doesn’t seem like it. When we have chronic trauma it is very hard for us to be aware of how it is affecting our behavior.
When we look at behavior, especially something like unfaithfulness or cheating, if we just look at the behavior we can get angry. Angry at ourselves and angry at the person. We may call it unforgivable, and maybe it is. But when we look at what is underneath the behavior, what’s really driving the behavior, it can give us a different perspective and move us into compassion and ultimately forgiveness.
Compassion and forgiveness offer hope that a relationship can be healed.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. Apply by July 10th to get the early bird discount.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you struggle with self-worth issues?
Have you ever been unfaithful or have you been in a relationship where someone has betrayed you, lied to you, or been unfaithful to you?
Did you grow up in a home where there was abuse and chaos and you never really felt worthy or loved or safe?
Are you on a personal discovery journey and you’re clear that you’re changing things but the people around you may not believe you and that can be frustrating?
Matthew’s Question:
Matthew struggles with self-worth and trust issues. He would like guidance on how to find internal validation and create a safe space for Jade.
Matthew’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He lied, manipulated, and cheated during the relationship but, that’s not who he wants to be.
He feels Jade is having trouble trusting him again.
He has trouble trusting Jade.
He wants to heal his past traumas.
He wants to feel loved, cared for, trusted, and secure in his relationship.
He feels his needs can be met.
He is on a self-discovery journey.
He has always felt he was insignificant and had to fight for love.
He has witnessed infidelity and abuse in his life.
He is working on forgiving himself.
He seeks external validation, mostly from women.
He is seeking out ways to bring joy into his life.
He is becoming aware of the energy he shares with women.
He has an anxious attachment style in his relationships.
He is in awe of who Jade is and sees potential in their relationship.
He loves Jade but he feels he is under attack.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Find ways to feel expressed, worthy, and validated.
Discover what being a man means to him.
Talk to an outside resource about his childhood wounding.
Breathe deeply to calm himself when he feels defensive.
Have compassion for himself and the things he feels shame about.
Assignment:
Write out the agreements he needs to make in the new version of this relationship.
Write down the needs he would like to have met in a relationship.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Dr. Will Cole, health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow, top functional medicine practitioner, and New York Times bestselling author has dedicated his career to teaching people to apply skepticism to nutritional trends and instead, pay closer attention to their own intuition.
His new book, GUT FEELINGS, demystifies the gut-brain connection and provides a framework to repair the relationship between what you eat and how you feel.
After over a decade as a functional medicine expert, Dr. Cole discerned that shame can cause gut inflammation and sabotage wellness through what he’s named “Shameflammation.” When you send signals to your brain that you are overwhelmed, overworked, or overtired, your body reacts. Shameflammation can be the cause of chronic health conditions such as autoimmune disorders, depression, IBS, and more.
This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today’s caller, Jade, has recently been brought back together with someone she loves but whom she left because he betrayed her. This session is the first of three conversations. In next week’s call, Christine speaks with Jade’s partner.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode407]
When we are betrayed and we are cheated on, of course, we feel anger and hurt, it was an awful thing to have happened, and we get to be mad and angry at the other person. But if we hold on to those things for too long then we’re the ones who continue to hurt ourselves.
For many people, infidelity or any kind of betrayal is a deal breaker and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes there are so many other things leading up to the betrayal or infidelity that, of course, do not excuse it, but also contribute to why there might be an opening for forgiveness and an opportunity to rebuild the relationship from a fresh start. When it comes to infidelity or betrayal, it’s not a black-and-white topic.
Forgiveness is a process; it doesn’t happen overnight and it is not something we can do just with our mind. We need to do it with our hearts and our somatic body. We need to move through those emotions of anger, sadness, hurt, and shame to get to a place of — “How do I really feel about this situation, and is my heart open to repair?”
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or have you been cheated on?
What do you define as betrayal?
Have you gotten clear inside your mind, inside your heart, and with your partner on what is a betrayal and what the agreements are in your relationship?
If you have let someone back into your life after betrayal, have you been able to trust again or have you always been looking over your shoulder?
Have you always lived with a sense of really not getting your needs met?
Jade’s Question:
Jade is having trouble navigating trust in a rekindled relationship that ended through betrayal and infidelity. She would like guidance on how to move past the betrayal to build a new relationship.
Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas:
After one year, her relationship ended with betrayal.
Both she and her partner are doing work to rekindle the relationship.
She is doing inner work to recognize when she is triggered.
She loves her partner and recognizes the humanness in the betrayal.
She fears self-betrayal by letting him back into her life.
She knows letting him back into her life will be challenging.
She doesn’t know if she can ever trust him again.
There was dishonesty in her past relationships.
She felt not enough in her childhood home and didn’t feel safe.
Her mother did not validate or reassure her.
She hasn’t felt safe in her relationships.
She is hyper-vigilant.
She is leaning into the discomfort of the situation.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Put prevention plans and agreements in place to start with a blank slate to create safety for herself in the relationship.
Know that whatever happens, she is going to be okay.
Find a place to process her feelings with someone else besides her partner.
Do not worry about other people’s guilt and shame.
Release her fear and regulate her nervous system.
Assignment:
Write about trust and what it means to her.
Write out the agreements that need to be made to move forward in the relationship.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Jenny Eversole is the founder of Stylespace.com a virtual styling platform to elevate your style with expert stylists. After nearly a decade running her own fashion label, she learned how personal style can make a big difference in one's confidence, happiness and overall success. Jenny founded Style Space for people to discover their best style and to look, feel, and BE their best.
This call is about setting boundaries and taking care of your own needs. Today’s caller, Caitlyn, has an expectation hangover about her engagement planning process. She is excited about her wedding, but her family and friends don’t seem to be. We cover a lot of ground and we go really deep in this episode.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode406]
Being a caretaker can be a survival skill. Survival needs can be the need to feel loved, valued, and like we belong. When one of our patterns is tied to those needs, it can be hard to release. Consciously, we may know it’s not healthy for us to be a caretaker and that we should set boundaries but unconsciously, there may be a part of us that wonders who will love us and how we will fit into your family if we stop caretaking others.
When our bodies are working hard to hold all of our suppressed emotions together it needs another outlet for release. Our third chakra, our energy center, is tied to personal empowerment. If we don’t have boundaries and allow other people to suck our energy, things will shift within the body to compensate. We can manifest a physical ailment when keeping emotional issues bottled up or by not feeling empowered.
Join in for the live group coaching call on June 22, 2003, at 5 pm PST / 8 pm EST on self-love. It’s only $20 and you will get live access or if you can’t make it live, it will be recorded and mailed to you so you can listen at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to save your seat.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there a current expectation hangover upsetting you and reminding you of something that happened in the past?
Do you relate to being a caretaker in your life? Are you afraid to stop taking care of others because you fear losing love or validation?
Is it challenging for you to set boundaries? Do you say yes to things when you really mean no?
Do you over-compromise and sacrifice your own needs because it is easier than upsetting people?
Is there a prolonged physical condition you are dealing with that cannot be resolved?
Caitlyn’s Question:
Caitlyn wants to know why she is having so many expectation hangovers while she is planning her wedding.
Caitlyn’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She wants more support from friends and family about her wedding.
She is trying to get out of the caretaker role in her family.
She has always been a planner.
She feels tired, disappointed, and hurt during the wedding planning process.
She stepped into the caretaker role in her family as a teenager.
She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at thirteen.
She taught people how to treat her.
She is manifesting her physical condition.
She gives away her power by always taking care of others.
She puts herself last.
Emotions were not expressed in her family.
Her sister is also planning a wedding.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Put herself first and not worry about other people’s upset.
Allow herself to feel her emotions.
Connect and talk to her younger self.
Say thank you to her illness for sending her a message.
Start writing from her heart with release writing.
Have self-compassion and know it is okay to be seen.
Talk to her sister about the things that matter to her.
Forgive herself for buying into the understanding that being a caretaker is a way to get love.
Takeaways:
If you are dealing with any type of expectation hangover, go back in time and ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?”
Do the “empty chair” process at home.
Let things go through journaling and release writing.
Set and stand by your boundaries with people and let them be upset.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about leaning into femininity and recognizing self-worth. Today’s caller, Lana, has childhood wounding that makes her wish she looked a different way. She would like guidance on how to be more feminine, have a healthier body image, and stop feeling jealous.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode405]
Many women have mothers who did not have a healthy body image. And, often as children, we take that on. But, there is so much more than how we look. If we focus on how we look and compare ourselves to other people, we miss out on the incredible gifts that we are here to enjoy in this lifetime.
We are constantly being programmed with what is “beautiful.” We all have different ways in which the feminine expresses through us. It is essential for us to change the way society frames beauty for the future, for women, and for little girls. It is changing, but we have a long way to go.
And, jealousy is a waste of energy. It is often a positive projection. When we look at someone who is “attractive,” what we are really seeing is their confidence or the way they feel comfortable in their body. The next time you feel jealous, think about how you would rather be using that valuable, precious energy. Because jealousy kills our self-worth, sense of spirit, femininity, and relationships. It is no one else’s job to make us feel secure in a relationship.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you deal with jealousy?
Do you think that if you looked differently that your life would be better?
Did you grow up with a mother or a parent who didn’t have a good body image and they passed that on to you?
Do you know what being in your feminine and femininity means?
Lana’s Question:
Lana would like tools to boost her body image and overcome jealous feelings in her relationship.
Lana’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She deals with extreme jealousy but trusts her boyfriend.
She has been in her current relationship for five years.
She has low self-confidence.
She doesn’t feel feminine.
She compares herself with other people.
She’s been hurt by relationships from her youth.
Her mother didn’t have a healthy body image.
She is focused on looking a certain way.
She is creative, loving, and has a big heart.
Her soul wants acceptance for who she is.
She puts a lot of energy into thinking she should look different.
She wants to enjoy her life.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Be compassionate with her feelings when she is triggered.
Begin studying what it means to be in her feminine power.
Instead of using her energy on jealousy and comparison, use it to enhance her creativity and joy.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are beautiful, easy to clean and use, and non-toxic. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on their full suite of products by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about embracing our gifts and making a living. Today’s caller, Janelle, has lost the motivation to make a living by expressing her gifts. She would like guidance on how to reignite her drive. Christine offers her practical tips about shifting her limiting beliefs about money, and separating her survival needs from what brings her joy.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode404]
Our gifts do not have to translate into a career. Our gifts are there for us to enjoy them. They don’t necessarily have to be the thing that makes us money. It is completely possible to have a job you like that isn’t your passion. We all have gifts and some of them translate into a lucrative career and sometimes they don’t. Give yourself permission to explore your gifts without the pressure of needing to make money at it. Many people feel like a failure if they can not make a sustainable income doing what they love but as long as they are expressing what they love there is no failure.
It’s important not to marry gifts and purpose with survival.
At some point in our lives, we are asked to look at what we have done to meet our survival needs and consider what we have to do to be more strategic. When we have a “Watch, I’ll show you” energy, it can push us but it doesn’t generate a lot of safety and abundance because we are constantly pulled back by our old beliefs.
A caterpillar works hard to become a butterfly. It’s a metamorphosis that needs to happen. It completely transforms and transmutes things. When we are in the chrysalis moments, we need to ask ourselves what needs to transform.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you doing something you love but not making the kind of money you love?
Do you think you can make money and have enough to live doing what you love?
Were your creativity, expression, and natural gifts encouraged as a child? Or, were you told you could never make a living at it?
Do you have a good relationship with money?
Janelle’s Question:
Janelle has lost her motivation to continue her dancing career and is looking for guidance on how to make a living following her passion.
Janelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She knows her spiritual purpose.
She is at a crossroads.
She no longer feels excited about her career or art form.
She is a professional dancer and actor.
She expected to be more financially secure by now.
The pandemic shifted her momentum.
She is adaptable and independent.
She was told being an artist would be a struggle.
She was driven to succeed to prove to others that she could.
She has completed the personal mastery course.
She feels called back to her passion and desire.
She has the tools but doesn’t know how to use them.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Shift her limiting beliefs about money.
Do the “temper tantrum” technique and give her little girl a voice.
Strategically consider her next steps and where she wants to go.
Takeaways:
Check out these Coaches Corner episodes with Jade Luna & Kate Northrup.
Consider where you are. Is it time to take some risks and share your gifts with the world?
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.