This episode is about being open to opportunities by eliminating the walls we have up. Today’s caller, Rich, feels blocked in building his coaching practice but the session is not so much about building his coaching practice but about him becoming his own best client because his biggest blocks are his own beliefs and unresolved hurts.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode377]

We are told many things in our lives. Some of those things are not always positive. We tend to take on criticism much more than the compliments and acknowledgments we were given. Especially if that criticism came from a parent or any authority figure. Those criticisms from our past repeat like a broken record in our heads and impact our future. So, instead of living the life we want, we keep listening to the old story.

Whose voice is in your head that you have adopted as your own? It is time to give that voice back and not allow it to define you.

How we do anything is how we do everything. Many times we try to change our external circumstances thinking that a new job or new relationship will change the patterns and programming of things we don’t like. But, if how we do anything is how we do everything, then we just apply the same patterning and programming to the next thing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you suffering because you cannot identify your purpose?
• Is there a person in your life who is struggling to find their purpose? Do you push them to find their purpose or try to find it for them?
• Do you feel worthy and deserving inside? And, how does your self-confidence, or lack thereof, impact your results?
• Is someone else’s voice inside your head? Do you need to banish it?

Rich’s Question:

Rich would like to know how to get over his fear and anxiety to follow through with his goal of becoming a coach. He wants to overcome his limiting beliefs from his past, which may be blocking his future success.

Rich’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He was providing his coaching services for free.
• He feels friends and family are expecting more of him.
• He is getting married soon.
• He suffers from social anxiety and has a hard time focusing.
• He meditates and exercises to deal with his anxiety.
• He has a mission to make an emotional impact on people’s lives.
• He was criticized as a child by his stepfather.
• He struggles with self-worth and fears failure.
• He is a sensitive creative.
• He has done work around self-compassion.
• He is not sure of the source of his resistance.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do emotional healing and forgive himself for buying into the misunderstanding that he is not worthy.
• Realize the way he is treating himself is how his stepfather treated him.
• Treat himself like he treats his clients.
• Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover to release his anger.
• Consider what makes him authentic and worthy.
• Design a program for himself and become his best client.

Takeaways:

• Write down your limiting beliefs and figure out who owns the voice.
• Move into compassion for anyone who programmed your thoughts.
• Write a letter to give an unwelcome belief back to the person who gave it to you.
• Be honest about the emotional walls you have put up and be committed to taking them down.
• Set up two chairs and carry out your own therapy session.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This is the final episode of a three-part couples coaching series with Claire and Jimmy together. In today’s call, Christine asks both Claire and Jimmy how they can acknowledge and appreciate each other more while empowering them to take responsibility for their childhood wounds and how they are playing out in their relationship.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode376]

If you are in a relationship and you find yourself continuing to loop on the same argument over and over again, dig a little deeper to discover what is underneath it. Figure out where you may not be taking responsibility for your stuff and whether you are expecting your partner to heal it. Also, ask yourself where you may not be compassionate for their stuff and where you may be missing the ways they show up for you, and how you can appreciate it more.

It is not our job in a relationship to heal our partner’s wounds but it is our responsibility as a loving, conscious partner to understand and empathize with them. It’s not to tolerate toxic behavior but to adjust our behavior and our request to show we are empathetic and understanding of who our partner is.

The process of relationship is to continue to work on ourselves, work out our own triggers, and move toward our partner. Every relationship takes comprise. Love is a verb, not just the words.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship and you keep looping on the same argument over and over again?
• Do you have a sense that the argument, the disagreement, or the trigger you’re having could be linked to a deeper issue?
• Are you willing to compromise in your relationship or do you just want it your way?
• Are you ignoring the ways your partner does love you and does show up for you because it is not exactly the way you want it?

Claire & Jimmy’s Question:

Claire & Jimmy together.

Claire & Jimmy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Claire triggers Jimmy to put his walls up and he shuts down.
• Jimmy’s version of being committed doesn’t match up with Claire’s.
• Claire is yearning to have Jimmy all-in, in the relationship.
• Intimacy is scary for Jimmy.
• They are helping each other heal.
• Claire is scared she can’t get her needs met in their relationship.
• They both realize they need to make some changes.
• Jimmy is sensitive to disappointing people and timid about the level of commitment Claire wants.
• They have a coffee date, meditate together, and relax in the hot tub at night.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Claire can acknowledge all the things Jimmy is doing right.
• Every night, Jimmy can tell Claire why he loves her.
• Claire can give Jimmy time to feel safer in the relationship.
• Show a greater level of empathy and understanding to each other.
• Jimmy can talk to Claire with the kindness and compassion he shows his daughters.
• Claire can have compassion for Jimmy as he is trying to figure things out.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — is good looking, clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. It has a naturally slick ceramic surface and comes in cookware and bakeware sets. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, Post-Traumatic Growth and grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her uncurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too. 

This episode is the second of a three-part couples coaching series. Christine coaches Claire and Jimmy separately, and then together in Part 3. In today’s call, with Jimmy, she explores the things from his childhood that may make commitment a bit hard for him.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode375]

It is okay if we have conflict. It is okay if plans need to be rearranged. It is okay if you unintentionally disappoint someone. There is a difference between promising someone you will be somewhere and not showing up versus having to renegotiate an agreement.

It is reframing conflict into clarification. Because not every situation, conversation, or engagement with someone that we think is going to be stressful is. If we go in thinking something is going to be confrontational, that the other person is going to be upset, or that it is not going to go well, we limit the possibilities. But if we go in seeking clarification, or as a renegotiation of a commitment, then it becomes an entirely different conversation.

When we find a safe space on our own, we don’t necessarily default to an avoidant attachment style, although it can happen. What we default to is that it is safer on our own. Intimacy or really committing to making plans is challenging. If we add in that we don’t want to disappoint anyone as a sort of reason or even a subconscious excuse not to make plans, not to get closer, then we have a great wall of protection built around us. It can prevent us from going to deeper levels of intimacy with others.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you sometimes commitment-phobic?
• Do you love the idea of plans but when it comes to making them, it’s hard, or wish your partner would make plans and you don’t understand why they don’t?
• Do you relate to being a lone wolf and find it hard to be in relationship because you sometimes do better on your own? And, although you want love, commitment, and relationship, at the same time you don’t want to disappoint anyone?
• Do you not do things for fear of disappointing people but then you end up disappointing them anyway?

Jimmy’s Question:

Jimmy wonders if there isn’t more at play when he and Claire struggle with planning things together.

Jimmy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• When he gets pressed or pushed he feels blocked and withdraws.
• He is worried his responsibilities hinder him from showing up responsibly.
• He fears letting Claire down.
• He is taking steps to adjust his work calendar.
• His schedule to see his children is fluid.
• It is important that he shows up responsibly for work.
• His father wasn’t present for him in childhood.
• He wants to show up for his daughters.
• He has a pattern of avoiding conflict.
• He wants harmony in his life.
• At 14, he helped parent his siblings and worked outside of the home.
• He didn’t have anyone looking out for him growing up.
• He enjoys being committed but not committed.
• He likes to be spontaneous.
• He can see why Claire feels the way she does.
• He is scared of intimacy.
• His identity, confidence, and worth are tied to his work.
• He has an opportunity for intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reframe how he thinks about conflict.
• Think about renegotiating plans as clarifying conversations.
• Ask 14-year-old Jimmy what he is scared of.
• Consider what kind of relationship he desires.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friends debuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging across the country.

This episode is the first of a three-part couples coaching series. Christine coaches Claire and Jimmy separately, and then together in Part 3. In today’s call, Claire reveals she would like Jimmy to make plans with her and make her a priority in his life. Christine uncovers some childhood patterns that may be at play in Claire’s current relationship.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode374]

When there is something that is bothering us and we are unable to shift it, we need to dig deeper. It is normal for us to be able to identify what is going on with someone else yet still to be blind to our own blocks. When we finally see it we realize how obvious it was but it is hard to see. We often just want to notice the current problem and fix our relationship, versus going back to see what it reminds us of in our past.

Things in our lives will continue to be frustrating until we unpack the message they are illuminating.

When we take the time to work on ourselves first, often it offers more clarity about issues in our relationships. We can’t work on issues in our relationships without working on ourselves.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there a constant pattern in your relationship you can’t seem to shift?
• Do you and your partner argue about the same issues over and over?
• Do you have an unmet need from a parent that is showing up in your relationship?
• Are you willing to see your partner in a different light? Are you willing to see your partner for who they are, right here, right now?

Claire’s Question:

Claire would like guidance about how she can feel like a priority in her partner’s life.

Claire’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her childhood wound is abandonment.
• She doesn’t feel like a priority in Jimmy’s life.
• When she feels seen by Jimmy she feels empowered in the relationship.
• She has different patterns than Jimmy.
• She has been married before.
• Her father wasn’t present every day in her childhood.
• She is attached to planning and doing things.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Practice connection and intimacy with Jimmy in everyday life.
• Remind her inner child that Jimmy isn’t her Dad and she can get love whenever she wants.
• Let go of planning for a while to accept love in the here and now.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about trusting our intuition and keeping others’ voices out of our heads. Today’s caller, Hannah, has made a clear decision to do something for herself. Yet, doubts are creeping in due to the opinions of others. If you have a gut feeling about something and other people are doubting you or you want to get to the place where you can trust your own inner knowing, this call will be extremely helpful.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode373]

You do not owe anyone an explanation for your decisions. If your decisions directly impact others, then a discussion is necessary. But, when you make personal decisions that only impact you, it is nobody else’s business but yours.

And on the flip side, we need to respect other people’s choices even if we wouldn’t make the same ones.

When people are not respecting our boundaries, it is imperative we create a distance from them. And, just because someone is a family member, doesn’t give them the right to have unlimited opinions about our lives and to know everything about us. Other people’s voices should not be louder than our own intuition.

Join Stefanos live for Breathwork for the Feminine. It is designed for women only. Stefanos leads the breathwork and then he and Christine both do coaching and processing afterward. Join them live in Austin on November 7th, 2022, from 6‒9 CST, or join virtually — Go to Stefanossifandos.com/feminine to register. 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you recently made a decision that others are doubting and you wonder if you should be doubting it yourself?
• Do you have a habit of people-pleasing, being a chameleon, or going against what you want?
• Do you doubt that you have intuition and don’t know how to connect to it?
• Do you need to have stronger boundaries with certain people in your life?

Hannah’s Question:

Hannah is on the brink of a scheduled surgery. She knows this is the right choice for her but would like clarity about the pressure she feels.

Hannah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She’s never wanted children.
• She has a tubal ligation procedure scheduled.
• Her inner voice is telling her she is broken.
• She’s done personal development work for some time.
• She is the only child in her family who isn’t married or doesn’t want children.
• Having the procedure feels self-honoring.
• Others around her question her judgment.
• She struggles when making decisions for herself.
• She feels pressure about not having rights over her body.
• She felt a sense of relief after making a decision.
• This may be the first decision she has made based on what she wants.
• She is a people-pleaser.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Make choices without checking in with others.
• Stop putting her needs aside in favor of the needs of others.
• Practice making quicker decisions and go with her gut.

Takeaways:

• Stay out of other people’s business.
• Keep others out of your business.
• Listen to your gut.
• Don’t let people’s voices be louder than your own voice.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — is good looking, clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. It has a naturally slick ceramic surface and comes in cookware and bakeware sets. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.