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Over It And On With It

Christine Hassler provides you with practical tools and spiritual principles to help you overcome whatever obstacles might be holding you back. Each episode, Christine coaches callers live on the air offering them inspiration and guidance to heal their past, change their present and create what they really want. Topics include: relationships, career, health, transitions, finances, life purpose, spirituality and whatever else callers have questions about. Christine coaches "regular people" on problems – and opportunities - we all face. It's a show that reminds you that you are not alone, while also teaching things you can implement in your own life.
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Over It And On With It
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Now displaying: May, 2017
May 31, 2017

 

This episode is about helping people instead of being a savior. Candace is a health practitioner suffering from work-related anxiety. She is wondering how to decrease the amount of anxiety that comes from feeling responsible for helping people, and she questions whether or not she is good enough to truly help them. We cover why we should not take on the responsibility of helping others, why it’s important to be of service, and not a savior, and what is truly at the root of a desire to help or save others.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode90]

I asked Candace why she worked in a health and service position. She said it makes her feel she has a purpose. Having a purpose is wonderful, but when your purpose is tied to core issues from your past — you are attempting to heal through your work — you will perpetuate an unhealthy attachment to your work, and you may suffer from anxiety or not-enoughness.

Her unresolved hurts around her emotionally unavailable parents are creating a huge attachment to her work, and anytime we have huge attachment, we feel a huge burden of responsibility, which creates self-doubt, because we are taking on way too much responsibility. We become saviors instead of truly being of service.

It’s not our responsibility to make sure people change, and it is not our responsibility to make sure they don’t suffer. I know it hurts to watch other people suffering, but we can not take away other people’s pain.

By holding a space for the suffering, instead of taking it on, we can truly help by way of compassion. The more comfortable we get with our own suffering, the more we can hold a space of love and compassion for others.

If we take on the belief that it is our responsibility to fix someone, then we assume they are broken, and not equipped to heal themselves. One of the biggest gifts we can give to others is to see them as whole, and having all the inner resources they need. People save themselves.

Sign up for my weekly blog and vlog. Last week I posted, How to Make and Nurture Friendships. Friendship is a key ingredient to your well-being so, don’t neglect it Also, subscribe to Christine Hassler on Youtube.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Do you enjoy helping people? Do you find yourself overinvested in making sure they change or heal?

● Does your sense of worthiness or value come from being needed by others or helping others?

● If you are in a helping profession, do you ever feel like a fraud, or like you don’t have what it takes to truly help?

● Do you suffer from anxiety at work, or do you ever feel depleted or drained after being with someone who is struggling or suffering?

Candace’s Question:

Candace wants to free herself from the anxiety she feels from her alternative health work.

Candace’s Key Insights and Ahas:

● Helping people gives her purpose.

● She had to beg for attention as a child.

● She is trying to give others the attention she didn’t get as a child.

● She feels emotionally drained at the end of the day.

● She is continuing to do to herself what her parents did to her.

● She has anger towards her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She should recognize it is not her responsibility for her patients to get better or for her to fix them.

● She should stop projecting her fears onto the people, and give them the dignity of their process.

● She should make a list of her new beliefs about her clients.

● She should make a list of self-care practices she will start, stop, and modify.

● Use Expectation Hangover to work through forgiving her parents.

Action Steps:

 

● Give your younger self the attention and love he or she needs.

● Move into forgiveness of anyone from your past who is reinforcing a negative pattern of taking on responsibility.

● Get crystal clear on what your responsibility is, and what is not your responsibility.

● Up your self-care game. Pick one thing you want to stop doing, one thing you want to start doing, and one thing you want to modify or change. Do it for 40 days.

● Share this episode if you feel someone else could benefit from hearing this information.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover

“How to Not Take on Someone Else’s Pain” Blogpost

Coaches Corner — How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com

May 27, 2017

I get a little more personal on this episode of Coaches Corner and talk about some of the amazing coaches and people that have helped me in profound ways.  And often the profound ways have involved a dose of “tough love” which is not always easy to take in.  I share with you how to receive tough-to-hear feedback in a neutral way so that you can shift old patterns and beliefs.  

 

May 24, 2017

This episode is about reassurance. Laura is a people pleaser. She goes above and beyond for people and doesn’t get it back in return. She then feels disappointed. I work with her on understanding why she people pleases, why it’s selfish to be a people pleaser, and how to shift out of the pattern.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode89]

You may have heard me say this many times before, but people pleasing is selfish. It’s really all about you. You are the one who doesn’t want to upset people, you want to avoid confrontation, and you are the one who is worried about how people perceive you.

Laura knows how to be loving and giving; she just needs to direct it towards herself. Use this call as a catalyst to look at your own patterns without judgment, and without beating yourself up. The key to personal development is to work on yourself, without thinking anything is wrong with you. No one outside of you can give you the acceptance and love you need.

And, to shift out of a pattern, we have to let go of things from our past. We have to come to peace with the fact that some people in our lives are never going to change. Many people don’t have the tools to change, or they don’t want to change. The older they get, the more their patterns are reinforced.

If you feel like the black sheep of the family, or you don’t fit it, it’s ok. You may be the change maker and the lightworker. You may be the one who is willing to break generational patterns. You can love and accept your biological family but find your soul family.

As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Do you relate to being a people pleaser?

● Can you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, but struggle acknowledging yourself for just who you are?

● Do you feel like the black sheep of your family, and sometimes you are afraid to be who you are because you might lose your family’s approval?

Laura’s Question:

Laura feels she goes above and beyond for people, and they don’t return the effort. She wants to know how to break the pattern of being a people pleaser.

Laura’s Key Insights and Ahas:

● People don’t put as much effort into her as she does for them.

● She continues to look for the love and acceptance she wanted from her mother and father in other people.

● She is looking for attention and validation.

● She feels genuine in her job as a social worker.

● Her father never told her he loved her, and she resents him for it.

● She blames herself for what happened to her as a child.

● She is ready to break past patterns.

● She is the lightworker in her family.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She should accept her parents didn’t give her the love and acceptance she wanted, and give herself the love, acceptance, and validation she didn’t get when she was little.

● Everything she wants people to say to her, she should say to herself.

● She should accept her position as the lightworker in her family.

Takeaways:

● When you are doing things for others, check in with yourself to see if you are giving without any expectations or attachment to getting something in return. Ask yourself is this giving really coming from love.

● Reverse the golden rule — Do unto yourself as you do unto others.

● Forgive the past. Let it go. and stop expecting people to change.

● Have gratitude and acceptance if you are the black sheep of the family, and find your soul family.

Sponsor:

ONNIT: Get a 10% discount on your order by using this link.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com

May 20, 2017

I have been hearing a lot of people complaining about being single lately and approaching their relationship status as some kind of disorder that needs to be treated. I observe so many single people, especially the ladies out there, consistently working on themselves to find their “soulmate.”

In today’s Coaches Corner  I encourage you to be grateful for whatever your relationship status is – single, dating, divorced, engaged, married or it’s complicated – and embrace it because there is tremendous growth, love and even FUN that comes with each one. I also share some of the perks I have found from being single.

May 17, 2017

This episode is about getting over feeling lost, and getting yourself unstuck. During the coaching session with Lena, we uncover some past trauma and guilt which is causing her to feel as if she is living in a black hole.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode88]

If you can identify with Lena and are feeling stuck yourself, know that you are headed in the right direction towards getting yourself unstuck. Some people just go through life just going through the motions, and not being inspired. If you are aware of it, you are more likely to discover the trigger, and move past it.

If you are a coach, take note of the question I asked Lena when she said she had been doing some personal growth work. Find out what your client’s awareness level is, by asking them what personal growth work they have been doing. This helps you avoid telling them something they already know.

Also, notice how I reacted when she told me she had cheated, in contrast to my reaction when she divulged the traumatic experience with her father. I acknowledged Lena for her vulnerability, and responded neutrally to the incident, because she already felt shame around it. But, my response to her traumatic experience let her know it was a big deal, and was the cause of her feeling lost.

When something traumatic or scary happens, we go into survival mode and we disconnect. We suppress the emotional response because we didn’t know how to deal with it. I recommended Lena look into Somatic therapy to help her overcome her past trauma.

My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining. Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Do you feel lost, stuck, or just blah?

● Is there a situation from your past you haven’t fully processed? Maybe you hoped    time would heal the wound, but you never really dealt with the issue.

● Are you questioning a relationship you are currently in?

Lena's Question:

Lena wants to know how to get out of her “black hole,” and get unstuck from her current feelings of discomfort.

Lena's Key Insights and Ahas:

● She was scared by the actions of her father, and felt he turned his back on her.

● She feels guilty about the breakup with her ex-boyfriend.

● She suppressed her feelings of trauma, fear, and guilt.

● She has lost herself.

● She doesn’t want to be in her current relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She should work with a Somatic therapist to deal with her trauma.

● She should stop compromising in her current relationship and show up authentically.

Takeaways:

● Is there anything you haven’t forgiven yourself for, or a reason you may be punishing yourself? Where do you think you did something wrong? Why do you think you can’t have what you want?

● Get Expectation Hangover and do the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum techniques to help you get unstuck.

● Google Somatic Therapy to learn more about it. It may be helpful in your getting over a trauma from the past.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com

May 13, 2017

Listen in as Christine answers the most common questions she gets: How do I have more energy? 

Also how do we stop taking on other people’s stuff? And how do we go out and engage in our daily lives without feeling depleted?

Don’t miss this quickie tip!!

May 10, 2017

This episode is about overcoming the fear of success and the fear of failure. During the coaching session with Becca, it is clear she intellectually knows what she needs to do to build her business, but she can’t commit to doing it.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode87]

Everyone defines fear and success differently, but usually our fear of success has to do with being seen more, feeling unsafe, feeling more responsibility for changing, or changing or losing ourselves in some way. Our fear of failure normally has something to do with rejection, loss of money, or status, or security, judgment from others, or our own self-criticism that we endure if we fail.

So, how do we overcome these fears? It's about more than taking action steps towards your goals. Maybe, you have tried to overcome it by just doing whatever it is. But, until you upgrade the beliefs and old triggers, which perpetuate the fear, you will continue to find yourself in your own way.

Many people think money will make them feel better about themselves or make them more confident. But it doesn’t — confidence is an inside job. We can’t create self-worth from money, but we can create net worth from self-worth.

When we have self-worth and do the internal work, we express our gifts and align with our higher purpose. We are then able to attract money to us. It is important for us to have a wealth consciousness.

Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.

My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.  Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● What are your fears around failure or success? Do you know what to do when it comes to your business, but you aren't doing it?

● Is there a part of you that has longed to fit in?

● Do you feel guilty if you have too much good in your life?

Becca's Question:

Becca is about to start a new quest but she finds herself unable to get started.

Becca's Key Insights and Ahas:

● She didn’t like growing up privileged.

● Cooking is her way of connecting to people.

● Guilt and shame were at the core of her eating disorder.

● She enjoyed having a secret, which was her eating disorder.

● She has an unhealthy relationship with money and success.

● Her guilt prevents her from stepping into her passion.

● She is scared not to have connections with people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She needs a new image of what success and wealth look like.

● She should write out her new definition of fitting in, and her definition of success.

● She needs to give herself a feeling of longing and connection.

● She needs to work on feeling grateful.

● She should get a business coach.

Takeaways:

● Write out your new definitions of success and failure. Get clear about how you want to define success.

● Write out your worst-case scenarios around success and failure.

● Identify the payoff of your negative emotions and find a way to get the payoff in a positive way.

● If you are starting a business, invest in a coach to help hold you accountable.

Sponsor:

Audible — Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial with this link. 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com

Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat

Sean Croxton Sessions

Quote of the Day Show with Sean Croxton

May 6, 2017

Listen in as Christine gives you the cure for comparison and jealousy.  This advice is transformational if you implement it (and is way more effective than just attempting to “stop comparing!”). If you use this advice, you will see how comparison can actually be a very wonderful thing. 

May 3, 2017

This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session with Joanne is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode86]

A lot of people believe they can heal the wounds from their own childhood by being a different kind of parent than they had. And while breaking generational patterns is incredibly valuable, it is only 50% of how we heal. We must mother or father ourselves with the same unconditional love and attention we give our children.

Two things often come up as blocks when we attempt to take quiet time for ourselves. One, the guilt or expectation that we should be doing other things that are "more productive." Two, feelings we may not want to deal with can surface when we take quiet, meditative time.

People who have children sometimes say, "My children are my teachers." When you have children it is common for things from your childhood to be triggered. Suppressed or forgotten memories start to come forward. It is important for parents to acknowledge there may be something for them to learn from it.

Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.

My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself?

● How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself?

● How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself?

● When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other 'to-dos' take priority?

Joanne's Question:

Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care.

Joanne's Key Insights and Ahas:

● She’s aware of how important self-care is.

● She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby.

● She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up.

● She wanted love, attention and acceptance from her mother.

● She broke generational patterns.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child.

● She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is.

● She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way.

Takeaways:

● Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out.

● Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents.

● If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook.

● Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Expectation Hangover

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com

Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat

University of Santa Monica

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