Over It And On With It

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

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CC: Conscious Connection with Talia Fox 0

Nov 25, 2023

This is the perfect episode to listen to as the holidays are upon us - my guest, Talia Fox, and I talk about how to have healthier, more conscious relationships with ourselves and others.

Talia Fox is the CEO of KUSI Global, Inc. She holds an M.Ed. in counseling psychology from Howard University and she is a Harvard University Fellow. An inspirational leader in every sense of the word, Talia is often referred to as the Jedi of Inspiration by her clients. With over two decades of experience in transforming thousands of executives from all sectors, she has become a visionary for leadership and legacy building.

Her extensive background in psychology and education has given her the tools she needs to assist leaders in developing successful strategies for complex missions, ranging from defense systems to healthcare initiatives.

As CEO of KUSI Global, Inc., Talia helps organizations like the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Harvard University, Transunion, the National Institutes of Health, Howard University, and the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs maximize human potential by leveraging strategic intelligence and helps individuals and organizations foster connected cultures and promote conscious equity.

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EP 428: Stop Needing So Much Reassurance in Relationships with Michele 0

Nov 22, 2023

This coaching call is about getting out of the loop of needing reassurance. Today’s caller, Michele, does not feel safe in relationships and asks her partner for constant reassurance. If you have jealousy, worry, or anxiety in relationships or situations, you will find value in today’s episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode428].

There are times when we have insecurity or concerns in relationships. During those times, it is reasonable to go to our partner and ask for reassurance. That is within the range of a healthy relationship. But when we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of needing reassurance constantly in order to feel relief and love, it is because we don’t feel safe.

When we really feel love, it is beautiful and amazing and it is also terrifying. We have to acknowledge that it is risky and there will be things about it that will scare us. But when we recognize the risk and fear, if we greet the scared part of us with compassion and love, we can stop the fear from running the show. When we see the loop for what it is and take self-honoring actions, we take ourselves off the hamster wheel and stop abandoning ourselves.

Breaking the loop is a huge act of self-love and self-care. It’s never our partner’s job to heal us, but they can have an active role in understanding our wounding and being compassionate and patient with us as we heal.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a safe situation, relationship, or career but you’re afraid you’re going to lose it?
As a child, were marriage and relationships not modeled to you in a great way?
Do you need constant reassurance or otherwise, you feel unsettled?
Do you judge that part of you that needs constant reassurance?

Michele’s Question:

Michele asks for guidance on how to stop needing reassurance in her new relationship.

Michele’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has a compulsive need for reassurance.
She doesn’t feel safe in relationships.
She fears abandonment.
She was blindsided by her ex’s infidelity.
She’s been jealous in her relationships.
As a child, she didn’t have good models of relationship.
Her brother left home at a young age.
She feels a deep connection with her new partner.
Her partner reassures her often.
She gets frustrated with herself about her need for reassurance.
She fears she will manifest the ending of a relationship.
She believes she should have outgrown her fear by now.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion when the part of her that needs control comes up.
Ask herself if her fear is substantiated.
Recognizing when she is in a loop will help break the cycle.
Draw a diagram of her cycle of fear with exit routes.
Be gentle with the scared parts of herself.
Enjoy her relationship.

Takeaway:

Draw out a diagram of what perpetuates your cycle of fear and give yourself exit routes.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: How to Do An Anger Burn/Release 0

Nov 18, 2023

I talk quite a bit on the show about how important it is to release our anger in a healthy way. In today's episode I walk you through how to do one of my favorite and most empowering exercises - an anger burn!

If you aren't quite ready for an anger burn, then starting by writing f*** you letters is a great way to process anger. You can listen to the episode I did about that here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/over-it-and-on-with-it/id1050321415?i=1000620283017

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EP 427: How to Tone Down Hyper-vigilance with Maria 0

Nov 15, 2023

This coaching call is about giving ourselves the time to be where we are, even if we don’t like it. Today’s caller, Maria, has suffered recent losses. It is causing past grief to surface. She asks Christine for guidance on how to tone down her hyper-vigilance and move through the grief she is experiencing.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode427].

Many of us get our idea of what a mother is based on our mother, the media, or other things that are so far off from what a mother actually is. A mother is not a martyr, not someone who sacrifices everything, has no life, or no sense of herself. It is also not abandoning a child, either physically or emotionally, because she’s so caught up in her own trauma.

A mother is being a loving, nurturing model of what a healthy nervous system looks like, what nurturing looks like, what unconditional love looks like, what acceptance looks like, what boundaries look like, and what soothing looks like.

When we are in a phase in life where we are still working out subconscious patterns and wounding, it is impossible to see red flags. If you are beating yourself up for red flags you didn’t see in situations, especially partnerships, please forgive yourself. You had to be in those relationships to wake up! Remember, we are naturally attracted to our dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to people who remind us of the parents who didn’t give us what we wanted.

Please forgive yourself. You can see the red flags now because you have done work. You couldn’t see them before. Give yourself a break. Self-beat has no place in healing. Give yourself that mothering or parental nurturing love that you so deserve. Sometimes it is not time to do the “work.” The work is nurturing, regulating, and resourcing ourselves.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you recently gone through loss and grief that have triggered other loss or grief?
Are you in a phase of overwhelm by how much you feel you have to process?
Did you not have the childhood or the parent you deeply desired?
Have you ignored red flags in relationships only now, in hindsight, they are clear as day?

Maria’s Question:

Maria has experienced a lot of loss recently and is looking for guidance on how to move through the grief.

Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She feels emotionally malnourished.
Her recent pregnancy and relationship losses are bringing up past grief.
She feels unsafe and hyper-vigilant.
She feels challenged to express herself or to be joyful.
Her mother passed away three years ago.
Her mother was emotionally unavailable and detached.
She feels overwhelmed, and her sense of self is out of balance.
Memories of her childhood feelings are surfacing and mixing with her grief.
She wanted intimacy from her mother and her relationships.
She longs for connection.
She did not have the ability to discern red flags.
She is consciously single now.
She is a doula who has a deep connection to motherhood.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion and awareness for the season of life she is in now.
Know that her soul baby is holding space for her to be ready for a beautiful, healthy relationship.
Give herself the love and the nurturing she wanted from her parents.
Allow herself to be resourced.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: The Enlightened Entrepreneur with Elizabeth Canon 0

Nov 11, 2023

Known as The Enlightened Entrepreneur, Elizabeth Canon champions a new approach to entrepreneurship for women—out of the pressure cooker and onto a path that is more sustainable, life-giving and prosperous.

Many years ago, Elizabeth became an entrepreneur for freedom, but a few years into running her company realized she felt trapped in the business she had created. On the outside, she was successful, but inside she was lacking a sense of deeper satisfaction.

This launched her on a self-directed journey where she invested the equivalent of a Harvard MBA in her own growth and personal discovery. Along the way she learned how to apply what she was finding to her business.

Now, as a Master Coach, Elizabeth helps other women step onto their own paths of enlightened entrepreneurship, so they can grow their businesses without sacrificing what matters most in their lives. Because when you do this, you create a level of success, a business—and a life, that is all your own.

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EP 426: How Your Inner Child Can Stop Being Triggered So Much in Relationships with Oliver 0

Nov 8, 2023

This coaching call is about breaking the childhood patterns that show up in relationships. Today’s caller, Oliver, struggles to embody his power and set boundaries when he is triggered in relationships. He asks for guidance on how to break and grow beyond survival patterns.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode426].

Many of us can relate to being our current age but in certain situations, we act in a way that is sabotaging, embarrassing, or doesn’t get us what we want. Why do we act like this? Because there is often inner child wounding and programming at play.

Survival patterns are tricky to change and they can hang on for a long time because a large portion of them are subconscious. Often, we have to duplicate our parental family of origin situation to wake up and transform our survival patterns. It is a necessary part of evolution. It doesn’t matter how much awareness we have, we have to walk through a situation to heal it.

It is hard work and often thankless work when we are the pattern breakers in our family. If we don’t have role models at home, we have to add in new programming. Watching movies, reading books, writing it out, or spending time with others to gain examples of what healthy relationships look like is important.

There are things we heal, and then there are some things that take a bit more time. The evolution, the moving out of fear, judgment, beliefs, and pain into love, is ongoing. The next time you feel that you have dealt with something before, or have awareness about something, get more curious about it.

The work is never done. We are always learning and growing.

Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email you will be entered in a raffle to win a 30 min. coaching session with Christine.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you notice you have patterns in relationships that you don’t like and want to change?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy relationships modeled for you?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy parents or a healthy parent that raised you?
Are you someone that has done a lot of work and you know a lot of things, but you wish things were changing a little more?

Oliver’s Question:

Oliver struggles with a recurring pattern of sabotaging his relationships.

Oliver’s Key Insights and Ahas:

He is a recently divorced, single parent of two small children.
He is aware his pattern came from his mother.
His ex triggers his pattern and he freezes when confronted.
He gives his power away when confronted.
A portion of his development was stunted.
His mother was diagnosed as borderline and unpredictable.
He has done some inner child work but still has blind spots.
He is a therapist.
His feelings and emotions have been surfacing since his divorce.
He feels he holds power and has clear boundaries in other areas of his life.
His father is a public figure in his home country.
His mother physically beat the children.
He wanted his father to protect him against his mother.
It is difficult for him to show anger.
He can get stuck in self-analysis.
He is a generational pattern breaker.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Drop any expectation that this pattern is simple to change.
Center himself and reassure his inner child that he has matured and can take care of himself now.
Discover and write out what masculinity means to him and what healthy masculinity looks like in a relationship.
Get between his inner child and women with tendencies like his mother and separate himself from his inner child.
Tap into his protective “papa bear” energy and unleash his anger.
Listen to the Coaches Corner: Internal Family Systems podcast with Dr. Richard Schwartz.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services