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Over It And On With It

Christine Hassler provides you with practical tools and spiritual principles to help you overcome whatever obstacles might be holding you back. Each episode, Christine coaches callers live on the air offering them inspiration and guidance to heal their past, change their present and create what they really want. Topics include: relationships, career, health, transitions, finances, life purpose, spirituality and whatever else callers have questions about. Christine coaches "regular people" on problems – and opportunities - we all face. It's a show that reminds you that you are not alone, while also teaching things you can implement in your own life.
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Now displaying: April, 2016
Apr 30, 2016

In this episode Christine explains why people pleasing is unhealthy and waste of your precious time and energy.  Learn how to stop the selfish, yes selfish!, pattern of people pleasing and be self honoring instead!!

Apr 27, 2016

People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people’s needs before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up authentically.

People pleasing can range in severity from caring about what people think to being a doormat. In my view, no degree of people pleasing is a good thing and being a complete doormat is dangerous. Think of a doormat after being used over and over. This is what happens to your spirit and your spark if you allow people to walk all over you. Your light starts to dim. You start to fade and you start to wear down. 

 

The Importance of Connection When Going Through a Loss

We are not meant to grieve alone.  One of the most healthy aspects of grieving is having support. You may find it hard to ask for help but you are giving another person a gift when you are vulnerable with them. Do not suffer in silence and solitude. The things that help the most are often the hardest to do. During difficult times, we need to do the hard things to get to the healing place we long for. 

Today’s caller Shaun called in for some guidance while going through his divorce. He may be putting himself last and has a habit of people pleasing which is making his divorce harder.

Don’t lose sight of yourself during a loss. I encourage you to be honest with yourself about your people pleasing patterns.

Coaches take note - I try to stay as clear and neutral as I possibly can, but during some calls, like this one, I slip from empathy to sympathy. I found myself being protective of Shaun and judgmental of the situation. I then moved back to neutrality which allowed me to guide Shaun appropriately.

I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you going through a loss right now and feel disconnected?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser or a doormat? 
  • Are you concerned about what people think of you and often put others’ needs and opinions in front of your own?
  • Is there someone in your life you need to draw some boundaries with?
  • Do you have a solid support system of people or just one person you can turn to who will listen when you are going through something challenging?

 

Shaun’s Question:

Shaun would like to know how to get un-stuck after being blindsided by a breakup from a 15-year marriage. He wants advice on how to move past the situation.

 

Shaun’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • He has a pattern of taking care of others at his own expense.
  • He may be losing his identity.
  • He doesn’t have a social circle for support.
  • He should reach out to new people and ask for help. 

 

How to get over it and on with it:

  • He should step into his power and his strength and put himself first.
  • He should meet new people and join new groups.
  • He has the opportunity to gain healthy friendships.

 

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Be honest and look at the ways your people pleasing could be depleting you, blocking intimacy and potentially building resentment.
  • Listen to this week’s Coaches Corner for additional tips.
  • Reach out to people, ask for support or just ask them to listen.
  • Write down one thing which will help you the most but may be hard for you to do.

 

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (including my favorite Alpha Brain).

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Christine@christinehassler.com

Jill@christinehassler.com

Apr 23, 2016

In this episode of Coaches Corner, psychotherapist and transformation coach Terri Cole teaches us: why suppressing emotions is bad for us, what “transference” is, and how to express our true emotions (even anger) to people in our personal and professional lives. 

Check out Terri's original podcast, Hello Freedom here: https://terricole.com/podcast/

And take her LOVE survey here: Http://bit.ly/1YiQHHH

Apr 20, 2016

Do you exhibit a type of behavior or personality trait you don’t necessarily love about yourself? It could be moodiness or it could be being extremely judgemental or it could be an emotional state you have a tendency to default to like sadness, worry, anger or fear.

Women often have a difficult time dealing with anger because we have not been encouraged to express it. We may default to sadness which limits us from reaching our passion and our fire. We suppress our emotions and any big emotion we suppress will eventually leak. Anger becomes irritability, sadness becomes depression and shame comes out as insecurity. Suppressed emotions can also lead to physical ailments. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions.

Today’s caller Monica acknowledges her own moodiness and is wondering if it is something she can change or if it’s a fixed personality trait. She suppresses her anger and doesn’t speak her truth.

If there is something about you that does not feel good to you, like moodiness, you can change it. You just need to uncover why it’s there in the first place. Moodiness can be a messenger that you may be suppressing pent up anger and frustration. It is liberating to express your anger and be free of the moodiness.

I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • ● Is there something about you that you would like to change? Is it an inherent part of your personality or do you believe you can change it? Are you willing to do the work to change it?
  • ● Do you experience times when you are irritable or snap at someone? How do you express your anger?
  • ● Do you feel self-expressed? Do you fully feel your feelings?

 

Monica’s Question:

Monica recognizes she is a moody person and would like to know if she is able to shift out of it or if it is part of her personality.

 

Monica’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • ● Her moodiness stems from suppressing her anger 
  • ● When she speaks her truth she feels shut down
  • ● She has trouble expressing herself 
  • ● She doesn’t like conflict
  • ● She becomes the victim, as a coping strategy

 

How to get over it and on with it:

  • ● Realize her irritability and bluntness are actually inner anger leaking out
  • ● She should do the Temper Tantrum technique and 32 days of the Release Writing technique, which are in her copy of Expectation Hangover
  • ● She should step away from the conversation and get her anger out, on her own

 

Tools and Takeaways:

  • ● Identify the ways you may be leaking. Know where you are suppressing and how you may be expressing it in other ways.   
  • ● If you sense you may have anger you have yet to acknowledge, start Release Writing.
  • ● Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover, in particular, the Adult Temper Tantrum and Release Writing techniques.
  • ● Speak your truth and process your raw feelings to eliminate suppression. 

 

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (including my favorite Alpha Brain).

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Christine@christinehassler.com

Jill@christinehassler.com

Apr 16, 2016

Dream University’s CEO, Marcia Wieder is a long established thought leader on

visionary thinking and as Founder of The Meaning Institute, she teaches people to

create and live fulfilling lives.  Listen in as she coaches you through the “CBA’s” of going after your dreams and making them happen!

Apr 13, 2016

We all, especially women, have struggled with body image, at least one time in our lives. The media and society at large do not make having a healthy body image easy. I want to highlight the fact that if we took all the mental energy people spend on thinking about, obsessing over and criticizing their bodies, and shifted it into thinking about how we could serve the world, change the world and solve big problems, imagine how different the world would be.

If you are expending a lot of your own mental energy focusing on how you look rather than on how you feel and what you want to contribute, consider re-directing it. 

In my 20’s I was never diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia but I definitely would say I had body image issues. I possibly had body dysmorphia, which is when your obsession with how you look and what you eat gets in the way of your happiness and your ability to connect. I don’t think I saw myself accurately. I was working as a personal trainer and nutritionist, so I was super obsessed about what I ate and I possibly had exercise bulimia too. If I ate “bad”, I would be driven to tears with guilt. This went on for a few years until some major things shifted.

It finally subsided when I committed to the type of personal and spiritual growth work I teach on this show. I focused more on working out and body image than I did on really diving in and doing the work. I also dealt with feeling out of control in my life. I had left my job and I didn’t know what I wanted to do in my life. I had a huge expectation hangover in terms of where I thought I “should be”. I had so much uncertainty.

That is when I started a meditation practice and that really helps me to feel more settled and more present. The out of control feeling comes from when our mind is just going and going and we are future tripping all the time. That led me to create a much stronger spiritual practice and relationship with God. I was so self-obsessed I felt very, very separate. I didn’t have a strong spiritual connection to begin with but the more I leaned into it, the more I talked to God and read spiritual books, the more the connection deepened. I got a purpose which was bigger than me. I got clear on what I was truly hungry for. I was hungry to serve. I was hungry to learn. I was hungry for spiritual connection. When I started to feed myself with what I was truly hungry for, the obsession with food, diet, exercise and body began to melt away.

Any disorder, addiction or illness is there to get our attention. It is an indicator that there are unresolved issues we are working hard to suppress. It’s a red flag that we are craving something and we are trying to feed ourselves through whatever the addiction and disorders are. These disorders reinforce the pain of separation. When we do things that are dangerous, even hurtful to our well-being, it’s a cry out for God, for remembrance, for the awareness that we are so loved, whole and complete exactly as we are. 

Today’s caller, Anne, has been in and out of therapy for her eating disorder so I took a different approach with her. We worked on healing her bulimia with love. 

I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. I E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you so obsessed with your body that it affects your emotional stability, everyday decisions or relationships?
  • Have you gone through treatment for a disorder but just can’t seem to be free of it?
  • Are you aware of what you need to do to heal but cannot seem to integrate it?

 

Anne’s Question:

Anne has been struggling with bulimia for over 12 years. She has informed herself about how to get better but can’t seem to take the necessary steps to free herself from its grip.

 

Anne’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • Her bulimia is a coping mechanism
  • She felt insecure while growing up
  • She is trying to get to self-acceptance by not accepting the bulimia
  • She doesn’t know how to get by without her bulimia
  • She doesn’t feel lovable

 

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Realize her bulimia has had a higher purpose in helping her to get love
  • She may try to fully accept it and heal it with love
  • Tell her bulimia it has a new job description
  • She needs something to take the place of her disorder

 

Tools and Takeaways:

  • If you realize you have an eating disorder or body image issue, please reach out for support.
  • Don’t judge your issue, be honest towards it and heal it with love.
  • Write a letter of gratitude and appreciation towards what you would like to release.
  • Set up two chairs and talk to your disorder, asking it what it needs and how it serves you.
  • Don’t go into hopeless/helpless state, believing this disorder is yours to carry for the rest of your life.

 

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (including my favorite Alpha Brain).

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Christine@christinehassler.com

Jill@christinehassler.com

Apr 9, 2016

Sometimes the experience of loneliness can feel so painful that connection seems almost impossible.  If that feels true for you, here is a four-step process you can use to support yourself in relieving feeling lonely.

Apr 7, 2016

There is a difference between being alone and feeling the pain of loneliness. We do not have to suffer from the pain of loneliness if we are enjoying a connected relationship with our self and a higher power. We are never really alone, and the illusion of the separation of God, higher power source or universe, is one of the core misunderstandings we are all here to overcome.

If we tell ourselves things like “I’m alone, I hate being by myself, something must be wrong with me, I really need to be with other people”, then, of course we feel the pain of loneliness. It’s very human to want to be connected and to make sure we are getting our soul food by spending time with people we love.

Feeling isolated or disconnected is incredibly hard. But sometimes it is the pain of loneliness that inspires us to do the work to nurture a better relationship with our self, or to create or deepen a spiritual connection.   

This is exactly what is on the soul agenda for today’s caller, Christina. Her question initially is about the assumptions she’s making that are sabotaging her relationship, but her core issue is fear of being alone. She has a track record of being in toxic relationships or relationships she truly doesn’t want to be in just because it was better than being on her own.

Remember you are never truly alone. You are always connected to infinite and unconditional love from God.

I invite all of you to join me September 16-22 for my retreat in magical Bali which  will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is your fear of being alone so considerable that you jump from relationship to relationship?
  • Do you hesitate to do things alone?
  • Are you terrified you will end up old and alone?
  • Do you only feel safe when you are with another person?
  • Are you longing for a deeper connection to yourself and a higher power so you do not have to experience the pain of loneliness or separation?

 

Christina’s Question:

Christina feels she is sabotaging her relationship by assuming this partner will do the same things as her previous partner.

 

Christina’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She panics when she thinks of being alone
  • She is trying to learn how to be in a relationship with herself
  • She grew up with a fear of losing the people she loved
  • She settles in relationships to keep herself from being alone

 

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Redefine what being alone is
  • Create a feeling of safety without having someone else there
  • Have honest communication with her partner about taking a break
  • Bring a spiritual practice into her life
  • Apply her own calming tactics into her own life

 

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Understand your default pattern when you feel lonely. What can you tell yourself instead of going into your default pattern? 
  • Think of someone you speak highly of and then talk about yourself the same way. You deserve to be the recipient of loving, self-talk.
  • Cultivate a spiritual practice.
  • Make connections with soul friends and your soul family.

 

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (including my favorite Alpha Brain).

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Christine@christinehassler.com

Jill@christinehassler.com

Apr 2, 2016

Wouldn’t you love to bring in more of what you want in your life without working so hard at it?

If the answer is yes, then I think you will really love the practice I have for you today that is one of the biggest secrets to my success. In this episode of coaches corner I share a practice that has led to the manifestation of few of the things that have been integral to the growth of my business.

1