Over It And On With It

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CC: Reprogramming and Breaking your Circuits 0

Oct 15, 2022

If you feel like you have done lots of personal development work yet certain patterns or issues keep coming back, then don't miss this episode! Christine explains why you must plant flowers after you weed your consciousness and break circuits that are currently running your mental programming.

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EP 370: How to Access Your Sensuality with Amanda 0

Oct 12, 2022

This episode is about the protective patterns we create when we don’t feel safe. Today’s caller, Amanda, says she wants guidance on how to access her sensuality but the core issue is truly about how she can feel safe and be vulnerable. We can’t feel safe in our sexuality or sensuality unless we feel safe in our vulnerability.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode370]

When women don’t feel safe in their bodies we tend to go into our heads. We talk, talk, talk, and don’t notice what is going on in our bodies. As human beings, we are a combination of doing and being, flowing and going, masculine and feminine, sensual and productive, right and left. So, one of our biggest turn-ons is safety. If we feel safe, we can let go. If we don’t feel safe, forget about it. We need to learn that it is safe to feel and to be emotionally vulnerable.

When we attempt to make changes while in frustration, it is important to shift into vulnerability and full self-expression. We need to accept all aspects of ourselves. Sensuality can feel scary because it feels out of control when we keep our safe place in our heads.

When we don’t feel safe, we have protective patterns that frustrate us. We judge the patterns and try to change them. But, nothing heals judgment. The first step of healing is to love, accept, and thank the pattern for protecting us.

If you don’t feel safe expressing yourself emotionally, you won’t feel safe expressing yourself sensually and sexually. When an expression is muted, all expressions are muted.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you feel blocked from your sensuality? Would you like to be more expressed in your life, especially sexually?
Did you have the space to be expressed as a child? Was vulnerability encouraged in your house or did you have to hide or numb your feelings or deal with them on your own?
Are you in a relationship and feel inhibited with your own partner?
Do people in your life give you feedback that they would like to be closer to you? Do you feel your relationships could be deeper but you are scared to go there?

Amanda’s Question:

Amanda feels shame and guilt when it comes to sensuality and would like guidance on how to embody her sexuality without guilt and to feel good.

Amanda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She will be 40 this year.
She is in a loving, committed relationship.
As a child, she was raised Christian and was taught to believe that “good girls don’t” do certain things.
She wants to let go of things that don’t serve her.
She feels awkward when expressing her sensual self.
Feeling uncomfortable and numb stems from her childhood.
She doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable.
People care about her and want to be honest with her.
She wants to break the pattern.
She commits to being in her body and creating opportunities to be emotionally vulnerable.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Remind herself that it is safe to feel.
Feel her discomfort but also feel she is safe.
Practice vulnerability.
Write three questions to evoke emotional vulnerability.
Recreate an opportunity to be fully expressed.
Forgive herself for judging herself and being hard on herself.

Takeaways:

If you want to be more sensually or sexually expressed, look at how emotionally expressed you are.
Do you make safe spaces for your sensuality?

Sponsors:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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EP 369: How to Deal with Those Things You Really Don’t Like About Your Partner with Daria 0

Oct 5, 2022

This episode is about upper limiting and discerning deal breakers versus growth opportunities in relationships. Everything seems to be finally working out for today’s caller, Daria, but she is having difficulty accepting it and her fiance. She asks for guidance on how to break existing patterns to make sure she doesn’t self-sabotage herself or her relationship.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode369]

It is very common that once we start to get the things we want, we start to wonder if we deserve them and if they are fleeting. We often have unexpected feelings when things start to go well.

When the hormones and infatuation of a new relationship wear off, in the realness of a relationship, there may be things about our partner that we don’t like. In most relationships, there are things about our partners we just don’t like and that we want to change. These things fall into several categories but more definitive would be to think of them as deal breakers or growth opportunities.

There are some things about our partner that we need to decide if it is truly annoying or not. Focusing on what we love about our partners and accepting them for who they are can go a long way. We can choose to focus on the great things about our partners.

When we want to request a change of behavior from our partner, they must feel safe in the relationship.

My Women’s Retreat is this weekend, October 7‒9, 2022 in Austin. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this gentle and nourishing life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you sure about your relationship? You don’t have doubts but there are some things about your partner you wish they would change.
Do you tend to have high standards and wonder if you are settling?
Are you good at communicating what you need in a relationship? Or, maybe you are not as good at it as you think you are?
Are you willing to be the change you want to see in the relationship?

Daria’s Question:

Daria is feeling a sudden change of feelings toward her fiance and would like guidance to ensure she doesn’t self-sabotage.

Daria’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is upper limiting herself.
She discovered her ex-husband deceived her.
Her upbringing drastically changed when her mother got sick.
She loves her fiance.
She feels herself pulling away from her partner.
She wishes he could be more of a grownup with her.
She feels comfortable asking for things from him but feels she has to do it constantly.
She loves his sense of playfulness and is a good friend to people.
She is not sure when she is trying to change her partner or change the things he does.
She is trying to learn how to deal with him and her feelings.
Her relationship feels lopsided.
She wants to make the relationship work.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Read The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks.
Get turned on by the things she loves about her partner.
Realize her fiance feels her come-and-go energy and it can make him feel unsafe.
To break her pattern, consider when and how she can lean into how much she loves him.
Trust life and know that it is safe to be happy.

Takeaways:

Experiment with a person who annoys you. For one week, choose to only recognize the amazing things you like about them.

Sponsors:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: How To Be Loving with Danielle LaPorte 0

Oct 1, 2022

Author, speaker, teacher and force of love Danielle LaPorte joins Christine to dive deep into inner child work, forgiveness, radiance, choosing higher quality thoughts and so much more.

Make sure to get her new book How To Be Loving: As Your Heart is Breaking Open and Our
World is Waking Up which is a nuanced perspective on the life-changing power of
Self Compassion, shadow work and being more receptive
to Higher Guidance. This is a guide on how to use the
genius of your heart to create conditions for healing.

Learn more at https://daniellelaporte.com/

Download this Episode

EP 368: Owning How You May Have Hurt or Traumatized Your Children as the Parent with Carrie 0

Sep 28, 2022

This episode is about being the parent you always wanted and wanted to be. Today’s caller, Carrie, wants to repair a strained relationship with her children. She feels shame about her past behaviors and wants guidance on how to build a connection with them and their children. There is a lot of vulnerability and courage in this honest conversation.

It can be scary to be a generational pattern breaker and it takes a lot of courage to follow through but it can transform our relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode368]

Many parents carry around a silent shame about some of the choices they made as parents. Parenting is hard. It doesn’t come with a manual. Creating a healthy environment for our children is challenging when we don’t have good parenting ourselves. We are still impacted by our trauma and our hurt; it can feel impossible not to pass it on.

The hard part about trauma, or behavior we categorize as hurtful or bad, is that it is not due to anyone setting out to hurt another person. People who have unprocessed trauma and don’t know how to deal with it. People who are hurt and sad all the time haven’t gotten to their anger. People who are angry and explosive haven’t gotten to their hurt and sadness.

What happens with parent-child relationships is the hurt parent wants a two-way street. Meaning, the hurt parent wants the child to make it okay for them as well, but that is not the child’s job. It is the parent’s job to make it okay for the child.

Give your children the opportunity to hear the things they always wanted to hear.

Register for my upcoming Women’s Retreat which will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this gentle and nourishing life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you a parent that has guilt or shame about how you parented or how you treated your child or children?
Do you know that you are passing on generational patterns and trauma? Have you told yourself you would never do it yet you find yourself doing it?
Do you have a strained or strange relationship with one of your children that you want to remedy? You want to have a connection with them but you are not sure how.
Do you trust yourself enough to parent yourself in a way that can help you parent your child better, and your adult children who still need parenting?

Carrie’s Question:

Carrie was a parent who inflicted trauma on her children. She would like guidance on how to repair their relationship.

Carrie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She was a single mother.
Her children were teenagers when she made regrettable decisions.
She acted in ways that made her children feel unsafe.
Inconsistent behaviors were common while she was raising her children.
She is a full-time traveler.
Her children don’t acknowledge her as family.
Her children’s father isn’t accessible.
She feels shame about repeating the actions of her parents.
She fears triggering her daughter when around her grandchildren.
Her daughter doesn’t reach out to her.
She doesn’t want to hear what her daughter may say to her.
She fears confronting her anger.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Trust that it is time to remove her shame.
Step into her mama bear and expect more from herself as a mother.
Have a heart-to-heart conversation, apologize to her daughter, and listen and love her.
Allow herself to feel her sadness.
Do the Anger Release process.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

EP 367: Should I Stay in the Relationship for the Baby? With Cassie 0

Sep 21, 2022

This episode is about navigating a relationship with a new baby coming. Today’s caller, Cassie, is about to have a child but is uncertain about staying with the baby’s father. She would like guidance about how to feel supported emotionally and financially during this trying time.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode367]

It is difficult enough for women who are becoming new mothers but for them to not have support can be really challenging. But, on the other hand, couples who stay together for the children who are not in a healthy relationship don’t have kids that turn out any better than the kids whose parents got divorced. Kids pick up on unhealthy relationships when they are not aligned and may model their future relationships on them.

When a baby comes, it transforms and changes a relationship. The focus of attention is on the baby and not as much on the partners. That is why it is important to have clear agreements in place about parenting responsibilities before a child is born.

I’m excited about my upcoming Women’s Retreat which will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a relationship and you don’t know whether to stay or go?
Do you have children and you are concerned the relationship isn’t a fit and you don’t know if you should stay in it for the children?
Do you feel your partner isn’t holding up their end of the agreement? financially, personal development, or any other way?
Do you have clear agreements with your partner so each of you knows what you can expect and count on from each other to prevent expectation hangovers?

Cassie’s Question:

Cassie is pregnant with her partner of 2-plus years. She is having some difficulty in her relationship and would like guidance on whether or not to leave the relationship.

Cassie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is seven months pregnant.
Her pregnancy has highlighted some of her fears about her relationship.
She is unsure if her intuition is telling her to step away from the relationship.
She is excited about becoming a mother.
She and her partner have different values around money.
She is confused about her next steps.
Her partner wants to be in the relationship.
Her partner recently left his career.
She feels emotionally distressed from their disagreements.
She wants her partner to monetarily provide for the family.
She is not yet sure about what agreements she will need to clarify.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Get clear agreements from her partner about the upcoming parenting responsibilities.
Consider how she can respond to his requests without anger or resentment.
Recognize that she is a co-parent with her partner.
Appeal to her partner’s heart about the parenting and healing opportunity.
Pay attention to the things she appreciates and loves about her partner.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Five Reminders You May Just Need to Hear 0

Sep 17, 2022

Christine shares five reminders that may come at the perfect time for you. If you are disappointed with something in your life, judging yourself, lacking in self-care, don't feel like all the "work" you are doing is paying off, or just need some inspiration today - don't miss this episode!

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EP 366: They Said — Part 3 of a 3-part Couples Coaching Series with Rory & Tyler 0

Sep 14, 2022

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the partners currently experiencing struggles in their relationship. Rory & Tyler have listened to their partner’s individual sessions and spoken with each other about what they heard. Christine discusses strategies and opportunities the couple can use to move their relationship forward.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode366]

Relationships are challenging. It is generally easy in the first year when there is infatuation and hormones but afterward comes the depth, transformation, and healing. In any relationship, struggles and doubts are normal and natural. It is important to uncover where the doubt is coming from. Does it come from red flags or deep intuition?

There is a difference between a relationship that has potential versus a relationship that has the key ingredients to go the difference. Love isn’t always enough for a relationship to go the distance and to be healthy. However, love plus a commitment to do the work independently and together can be the game-changer in a relationship.

Making loving requests is a great way to not build resentment in relationships. Requests from a loving place are much different than demands from a defensive or pissed-off place. People who come from a defensive or pissed-off place have difficulty getting their needs met.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

When you hear your partner give feedback about you, can you hear it or do you get triggered immediately?
Are you playing out little boy or girl behavior in your relationship that is a turn-off for your partner? Are you respecting and tending to the little boy or girl inside your partner?
Are you willing to go the distance in your partnership by doing the work? Is your partner willing? Are you willing to be in a relationship where your partner isn’t doing the work?
Can you make powerful, loving requests of your partner to get your needs met?

Rory & Tyler’s Question:

After their separate coaching sessions, Rory & Tyler come together to work through their issues and discuss ways to move their relationship forward.

Rory & Tyler’s Key Insights and Ahas:

Tyler wants to hold space for Rory to really see her.
Rory wants to be her whole self and allow Tyler to be his whole self in the relationship.
They both would like unclouded, infinite, real love.
Tyler would like words of confirmation from Rory.
Tyler finds it hard to release anger.
Tyler feels triggered when Rory acts a certain way.
Tyler needs to be inspired romantically.
Rory loves Tyler for his support.
Tyler loves Rory for her joviality.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Tyler, do emotional release work.
Rory, explore her sensuality and sexuality.
Get specific with each other about what they want.
Work with a therapist together and separately.
Tyler, when he is triggered to remind himself that Rory is not his mother.
Use a simple codeword to help their partner recognize their triggers.
Rory, inspire Tyler romantically.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: What happens When We Die? with Nanci Danison 0

Sep 10, 2022

After Nanci died on March 14, 1994, she returned to Nanci's life from the most extensive afterlife experience survived and recorded in order to tell anyone who would listen about what happened to her in the afterlife and what she remembers learning there about life, death, and the afterlife. Her afterlife experience gave her knowledge of spiritual tools we souls inside humans can access and she shares that knowledge with us.

Her new book, Create a New Reality—Move Beyond Law of Attraction Theory, introduces you to the incredible spiritual power of manifesting that we souls possess, and leads you step-by-step through how to create more opportunities to better your life, to replace old beliefs that hold you back from creating a happier life, and to heal yourself of physical and emotional wounds.

Learn more at http://nancidanison.com/

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EP 365: She Said with Rory — Part 2 of a 3-part Couples Coaching Series 0

Sep 7, 2022

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the female partner in the relationship. Today’s caller, Rory, finds herself at a crossroads after being in a three-year relationship with Tyler. She would like guidance on whether or not she can get her needs met in this relationship. During this session, Christine questions whether there are enough shared values for both of them to go the distance in a side-by-side partnership.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode365]

The length of a relationship does not determine its success. If a relationship doesn’t last, it is not a failure. Some of the most successful relationships have ended. Relationships are successful when you learn a lot or heal from them. Unfortunately, love isn’t enough in a relationship.

Physically, for men, attraction is very important. They like to feel attracted to their partner consistently over the long term. For a female to feel sexual and safe, she needs to feel like there is a commitment to consciousness, emotional vulnerability, and intimacy.

A couple needs shared values, vision, the right polarity, and an equal amount of willingness and commitment. A couple must want the same things in life to make a relationship work.

I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. There is still time to register!

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in any kind of relationship, be it friendship, romantic, or work where you feel you are giving more than you are getting?
Did you grow up in a family where love was confused with validation? Did you only feel loved and seen when you accomplished something?
Are you a female who has been accused of being too much in your masculine energy?
Do you feel you have done a lot of work but your romantic partner isn’t doing their work? Do you think you will be willing and able to grow together as a couple?

Rory’s Question:

Rory is at a crossroads with her partner and trying to figure out if the relationship has run its course.

Rory’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She believes she operates in the masculine and her partner in the feminine.
She believes things need structure and that a relationship needs work.
She feels she does more than she receives.
As a child, she only felt love when she accomplished something.
Her relationship feels safe to her.
She doesn’t feel taken care of in the relationship.
She knows, logically, that Tyler loves her but her emotional needs aren’t being met.
She has been a victim of sexual assault.
She feels less than when she is being herself.
She feels she is not supported when she makes decisions.
They took a short break from the relationship.
She would like Tyler to dive deep into the work needed in their relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Look into the protective patterns that show up in her relationship.
Be completely herself in the relationship.
Ask for what she needs in a vulnerable way.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — I am a stickler for healthy food. I worked long and hard to make sure I have the least amount of toxins in my house. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. Its naturally slick ceramic surface needs minimum oil or butter for the slide-off-the-pan eggs we all love. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of a 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Getting Pregnant Naturally in My 40s 0

Sep 3, 2022

In this episode I share my fertility and pregnancy journey. My intention is to share information that may be helpful and inspiring. I've received a lot of questions about getting pregnant in my 40s and I've been hesitant to share since fertility is such a tender topic and I have deep compassion for anyone going through fertility or pregnancy challenges. Please know you are not doing anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. I hope this episode is helpful.

Download this Episode

EP 364: He Said with Tyler — Part 1 of a 3-part Couples Coaching Series 0

Aug 31, 2022

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the male partner in the relationship. Today’s caller, Tyler, is in a relationship with an amazing woman. He says they are at a crossroads and would like guidance on whether or not to make her his life partner or if they are better served to let each other go. Christine uncovers a childhood wound that may be keeping him from experiencing true intimacy with his partner.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode364]

In a relationship, over time the attraction changes. It becomes more about intimacy and about exploring sexuality together. The initial infatuation attraction is easy. That is the low-hanging fruit attraction. Next-level relationships take intimacy, sexuality, and affection to another level. In a relationship, it is about exploring and going deeper with each other and not relying on the quick high.

The beginning of a relationship is almost always the easiest. We have hormones attracting us to each other and things are new and shiny. It is when we go deeper that intimacy blocks reveal themselves.

Remember, more often than not, things that come up in our relationships stem from things that we did not get in our childhood.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you someone who loves romance, and the infatuation period in a relationship but after it wears off you find it gets hard?
Do you feel that your needs are not being met or do you have a hard time communicating your needs?
Do you have a mother or father wound and you think it may be impacting how you are showing up in a relationship?
Are you questioning whether the relationship you are in is the one you should be in or whether it has an expiration date and it is time for you to move forward?

Tyler’s Question:

Tyler is in a relationship and is looking for guidance on how to make strides toward making her a life partner or if they are better served to let each other go.

Tyler’s Key Insights and Ahas:

His partner has some core traits he wants in a partner.
He feels they are at a crossroads with some important decisions to make.
Emotionally, he may be half-in and half-out.
He is an overthinker.
He may push her away because he senses her masculinity.
His partner reminds him of his mother.
They have been together for three years.
He feels guilty about not showing up as the man he is capable of being.
He doesn’t lead the relationship the way he feels he should.
He is still trying to decide how to show up in the relationship.
He loves his partner, Rory.
He attracts “masculine” women.
He has a mother wound because he feels resentful for feeling as if he was her caregiver in his childhood.
A part of him may not know how to have intimacy with a woman.
He fears being let down by a woman.
He is tired of it being so hard to feel loved, desired, and cared for.
He is craving deep intimacy with a woman.
He wants to be more expressive in a relationship.
He feels he needs to initiate sexual relations within the relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Do emotional release work and grieve the relationship he never had with his mother, at ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
Don’t make a relationship decision right now.
Be open and appreciate how his partner desires him.
Find passion and purpose in other areas of his life besides romance.
Practice intimacy with his partner.

Sponsor:

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 59: How to Feel More Connected Spiritually and Have Faith with Toni 0

Aug 27, 2022

The human experience is a beautiful thing, even when it’s challenging. It is sacred when someone is vulnerable. Today’s caller, Toni, shares her vulnerability as she asks for guidance. She reveals that many of the decisions of her life come from a place of fear. Toni is confused about what security and love really are.

We talk about having a relationship with a higher power especially after she has gone through times in her life when she didn’t feel there was any kind of God. There IS some kind of higher power. There are so many names for it, so many ways people interpret it, but to me, it is infinite unconditional love. It may be hard to believe in any kind of God, when there is so much suffering in the world.

The best way I can attempt to understand all the horrible things that happen, is that they happen as a result of human choice and free will. While many human choices are still made from a place of pain and fear, we are in a time of awakening. We are in a massive shift in consciousness. What is available to us all, is to make the choice to see the world through spiritual eyes. See ourselves through more spiritual eyes, without judgment; to see through the eyes of infinite and unconditional love. To heal our own pain that is preventing us from feeling connected to a higher power.

We are moving into more acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude. If you are craving a deeper spiritual connection, please don’t wait for God to prove itself to you -- instead, open your heart, and pray to be shown the way. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. You are one. You are love. You are connected.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Do you feel you are operating more out of fear than faith?

● Are you making a lot of decisions with fear or self-doubt?

● Are you a people pleaser, who is afraid of disappointing people?

● Is connecting to a higher power challenging to you? If you do have a connection, would you like to deepen it?

● Are there situations in your life that make you doubt whether a God exists?

Toni's Question: Toni feels all aspects of her life are affected by her making decisions from a place of fear. She would like to find a way to think more productively.

Toni's Key Insights and Aha’s:

● She fears failing and disappointing people.

● Her self-worth is based on her people pleasing.

● She’s confused about what security and love really are.

● She hasn’t felt protected, or connected to her spirituality, since her father passed.

● She feels like she would be clearer, if she had a spiritual connection.

● She has been operating in survival mode.

● She should know she is not broken.

● She can change her relationship with herself, today.

● She can focus on her blessings, not on her fears.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She should realize she can access her spirituality.

● She should start processing her pain, and remove judgment, to arrive at forgiveness and love.

● She should put herself in an environment where she can heal.

● She can start cultivating her relationship with God, by talking to him/her.

Assignments and Takeaways:

● What is in your way of a connection to a higher power?

● What is keeping you in patterns of people pleasing and indecision?

● Do you have old trauma that needs to be processed?

● What beliefs may be keeping you from having beliefs?

● What religious upbringing did you have, which no longer resonates with you?

● You need to find which truth resonates with you.

● Look for a spiritual community of people who are committed to awakening, and who know we are all connected to source. ● Start to develop a relationship with your higher power.

● Pray. Pray for experiences, feelings, and pray to be shown the way.

Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Over It and On With It Initial Podcast

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EP 363: Breaking Up a Friendship with Josie 0

Aug 24, 2022

This episode is about speaking our needs in relationships and clearing out relationships that no longer serve us. Today’s caller, Josie, recently broke up with a long-term friend. She is feeling guilt around her decision. Christine reveals how friendships can be a beautiful teacher for us. We attract and draw in people in all different capacities and often friends that trigger us and reveal our issues. Yet, some friendships have expiration dates just like romantic relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode363]

We don’t always think of friendships as a way to learn about our unresolved issues, particularly with our parents. Yet, we are always seeking to evolve and grow. Our subconscious is always at work trying to meet our needs. When we have unmet needs we look to people who seem familiar to the people who didn’t meet our needs in the first place.

If you have a friendship that is not working and draining you and you keep trying but it feels overwhelming, it is okay to end the friendship. It is better to end it and have a clearing and completion conversation than to make excuses and dread the person’s phone call or see them when you just don’t want to be their friend.

It takes up a lot of energetic space and it is not kind to the other person to pretend to be their friend. Complete any friendships that are not serving you or that you have grown out of. It is OK to move on.

I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat or listen to my Coaches Corner with Jill to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. The early-bird registration promo ends on Sept. 1, 2022.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you recently have a breakup with a friend or are you in a friendship that may need a breakup?
Do you have a friendship where you feel you can’t fully be yourself or maybe the friendship feels one-sided?
Have you ever thought the friends you attract are based on childhood issues?
Do you feel you audition in relationships?

Josie’s Question:

Josie recently had a breakup with a life-long friend and she is doubting her decision.

Josie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She recently broke up with her life-long friend.
She feels guilty about her decision to break up.
But she feels a sense of relief.
She let others drive relationships.
She feels she auditions in her relationships.
She feels she needs to put her needs aside to be noticed.
She feels nervous telling others how she feels.
She fears abandonment in her current relationship.
She feels that if she is her true self she will lose her boyfriend.
In many ways, she parented her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Do work around her father wound.
Speak her needs in relationships.
Let go of any relationships that no longer serve her.

Takeaways:

Move on from friendships that you have grown out of or that no longer serve you.

Sponsor:

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: Reair: EP 63: How to Beat Fear and Self-Sabotage with Jake 0

Aug 20, 2022

Collectively we are all going through a rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies, not only in what it means to be a man or a woman, but what it means to be human. We are just moving into rebalancing this energy so masculine and feminine energies can be in flow together. While women struggle to find their place in the masculine energy, men struggle to fit into more feminine things, such as being vulnerable or pursuing more creative endeavors that may feel less manly. This is not a time to be discouraged. We are all longing for belonging and connection.

This episode is about questioning the old paradigms and rules. Today’s caller, Jake, thinks he is stuck, but from my point of view he is at a crossroads. Will he continue to let old programming and belief systems drive him, or will he make a commitment to move past the fear of old paradigms, and step into his full potential?

During the call, I didn’t want to take Jake down the road of investigating his past, because he had already spent too much time analyzing the past and worrying about the future. Jake said he had an easy-going upbringing without a lot of drama or trauma.

Often, feeling that degree of comfort as a child makes it harder to take risks as an adult, because we don’t have enough experiential evidence to recover from failure, risks, and things that scare us. We have to stop asking ourselves why, why, why. We don’t have to self-analyze ourselves to death. We need to be aware of the patterns and self-limiting beliefs, so we can shift them. We all need to step up into our full potential, and not allow outdated paradigms hold us back. Men, it is ok to be vulnerable, to talk about your doubts, and to admit to confusion about who you are, and how to find your purpose.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you a man, or with a man, who is questioning his career path or purpose?

● Is fear something that is stopping you?

● Do you relate to sabotaging yourself?

Jake 's Question: Jake feels drawn toward another career change. He wants to know how to get out of his own head to move forward.

Jake 's Key Insights and Aha’s:

● He is sabotaging himself.

● He has competing intentions.

● He has a propensity to not follow through.

● He battles with fear and low self-worth.

● He has time management issues.

● He has created motion toward what he wants by putting himself out there.

● He is afraid he won’t live up to his full potential.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● He should invest in a coach.

● He should read The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, and other personal development books.

● He should work on shifting his belief system and get clear about what his vision is.

● Over the next 40 days, he should do 10 things that get him out of his comfort zone.

● He should make a schedule for himself and stick to it.

Assignments and Takeaways:

● Go out and engage in behavior which pulls you out of your comfort zone, to develop trust in yourself.

● Commit to rewiring your brain. Visit NeuroGym to learn more.

● Stop obsessing about what you think is a liability.

● Show up fully for yourself, be your own word. Make commitments and don’t break them. If you do break them, re-negotiate and start again.

Resources: Christine Hassler - Book a session to be on the show! Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com NeuroGym

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EP 362: Is This Person Really the Love of Your Life, or is it an Issue-Based Relationship? With Rachel 0

Aug 17, 2022

This episode is about getting the love we deserve. Today’s caller, Rachel, is in an issue-based relationship with a partner who doesn’t make her a priority. An issue-based relationship is when unresolved issues bring two people together. These relationships tend to be stressful, on-again-off-again, and come with anxiety, but the physical attraction is often very strong. Whether or not you are in a relationship you will get some gems from this episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode362]

Do you want the love of your life to be someone who causes you anxiety, who doesn’t make compromises for you, or who doesn’t make you a priority? Don’t you want better? We all deserve better than that. The problem is we get the love we think we deserve, not the love we actually deserve.

Many of us find ourselves in a position where we know something isn’t good for us. We know we want, and deserve better, but we just can’t let it go. It’s a form of addiction. It’s codependency. It is having our unmet needs tickled just enough that we go back for more. But, it’s not love. It’s not a true connection or partnership.

Something that can trip us up and make us suffer way more than we need to is when we have a rose-colored glasses tint on the way we see things. Because, when we do, we are more in love with an ideal than we are with the reality of things.

When we experience a love that is not based on unresolved issues, it makes us glad we left the relationships that were based on our issues. Love that comes from a healthy place is amazing!

If someone isn’t going out of their way to make you a priority, it is a red flag.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you with someone you call the love of your life but they are more of a teacher or trigger in your life?
Are you aware your unresolved childhood issues and unmet needs could be influencing your relationship choices or the people you are attracted to?
Are you good at speaking up for your needs in relationships? Do you feel you always fight to get your needs met but it never happens?
Do you know you are in a relationship that isn’t good for you but you can’t seem to get out of it?

Rachel’s Question:

Rachel has an on-again-off-again relationship with someone she considers the love of her life and would like guidance on.

Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She looks outside of herself to find fulfillment.
She believes her partner is the love of her life.
Her partner doesn’t meet her needs.
She and her partner have great chemistry.
Her partner reminds her of her father.
She lost her family and fears losing her partner.
Her partner says he can’t handle her emotions.
She is in an intense issue-based relationship.
There are a lot of highs and lows in the relationship.
Her threshold for love is based on her relationship with her father.
She feels she is missing out on having a good life.
She feels anxious and exhausted.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Let the relationship go to break her pattern.
Grieve the relationship with her partner and her father wound.
Work with a coach and get an accountability partner and ask for what she needs.
Pull her inner mother forward.
Remind herself that this is her inner child is trying to heal her father wound.
Be compassionate with herself while she finds authentic self-love.
Go to the ocean and perform an emotional release ritual.
Refrain from calling her current partner the love of her life.

Takeaways:

Awareness is not enough. Start making the changes necessary to transform.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: Internal Family Systems with Dr Richard Schwartz 0

Aug 13, 2022

You are going to learn so much from this episode!! And get to listen to a live demo of Dr Schwartz doing parts work with me. Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There he discovered that family therapy alone did not achieve full symptom relief and in asking patients why, he learned that they were plagued by what they called “parts.” From these explorations with parts work, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model was born in the early 1980s.

IFS is now evidence-based and has become a widely-used form of psychotherapy, particularly with trauma. It provides a non-pathologizing, optimistic, and empowering perspective and a practical and effective set of techniques for working with individuals, couples, families, and more recently, corporations and classrooms.

In 2013 Schwartz left the Chicago area and now lives in Brookline, MA where he is on the faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

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EP 361: Letting Go of Grief and Confusion with Amy 0

Aug 10, 2022

This episode is about releasing grief and confusion and allowing ourselves the time and space to heal. Today’s caller, Amy, is 25-plus years past when she decided to have an abortion and is triggered by everything going on with Roe vs. Wade. We talk about it as an example of how grief never really goes away. She would like guidance about how to move past her shame, guilt, and lingering grief. If you are someone who has chosen to have an abortion or had to, I hope you find comfort in this episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode361]

Sometimes we have to slow down to speed up as we may be triggering our trauma with too much personal development work. Too much good work can trigger trauma and we may be doing too much of a good thing. When we grow up in chaos, our nervous systems become overloaded and personal development work can trigger it.

Trauma is too much, too soon, too fast. When we work on ourselves too much it can trigger our trauma bell. Even though personal development is good, to our nervous system it feels like an overload and too much to process.

One of the biggest tips for healing trauma is when we are in any kind of overload, we take a pause and ask ourselves what we need at the moment. It can take practice. The better we get at it the more we start to be able to get out of the trigger. When we are conditioned at operating with a hyper-aroused nervous system, pausing and pacing ourselves is the key to healing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you have an abortion at some point in your life and still carry around guilt and shame but are ready to let it go?
Do you judge other women who have made a similar choice? Are you willing to let go of the judgment?
Do you suffer from confusion and lack of clarity?
Could you be doing too much personal development work? Is it working against you?

Amy’s Question:

Amy would like some deep healing for her 16-year-old inner child who made a decision that she continues to guilt and shame herself for.

Amy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She completed the Inner Child Workshops 1 and 2.
She had an abortion at 16.
The recent Roe vs. Wade conversations trigger her.
She was brought up in the Catholic religion.
She wants to heal her inner child.
The father of the child didn’t take responsibility.
She feels as if she sinned and that God will punish her.
She has never fully grieved her loss.
She feels she has released the soul of the baby back to the universe.
She has three children.
She would like clarity about her journey.
She is passionate about life and confidence coaching.
She feels unworthy of being a coach.
She has integrity.
She has beautiful things to offer people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Make a date to do the empty chair process with herself and the soul of the baby then invite her 16-year-old self into the joys of motherhood.
Take a pause when she feels overwhelmed or triggered.
Give herself some space and not feel as if she has to process everything at once.
Keep doing the work but not in a way that overwhelms her.

Takeaways:

Slow down to speed up. Are you triggering your trauma with too much personal development work? Do you need to slow down and give yourself some space?

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: What exactly happens on my Signature Retreat? 0

Aug 6, 2022

If you feel like you have a lot of awareness but things in your life are not changing…it may be time for some “experiential” work. In this episode Christine and Jill about what happens at Christine’s Signature Retreat to help you discern if it’s right for you.

More info about the retreat here:

https://christinehassler.com/signatureretreat/

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EP 360: A Midlife Marriage Crisis with Marc 0

Aug 3, 2022

This episode is about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Today’s caller, Marc, feels a shift in his 20-year marriage. He is willing to work on the relationship but his wife is avoiding it. This episode is relatable to many people because we discuss why he doesn’t take a stand for himself and how it takes two people to make a relationship work.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode360]

Many midlife crises happen because people find themselves in a place where they can’t suppress anymore. Often, their kids are older, they are set in their careers, and their life is a bit more predictable, then all of a sudden they find it difficult to suppress what they feel they have missed out on.

When an individual feels they’ve sacrificed a lot of their life in parenthood or the like, a sense of selfishness or entitlement bubbles up and they go in the opposite direction of where they have been. And, a person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end.

Sometimes our less obvious wounds are more impactful. A lot of time the person who holds the more feminine pole in a relationship often wants the masculine pole to lead, to come to us and let us know when things are off.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a relationship and you feel you are pulling more of the weight and are doing more of the work but your partner isn’t?
Are you unclear about where you stand in a relationship? Are you in limbo waiting for someone to tell you if the relationship is moving forward?
Do you avoid standing up for yourself and what you want?
Did you have a parent you couldn’t afford to lose so you tiptoed around them and the wound is impacting your adult relationships?

Marc’s Question:

Marc noticed a shift in his 20-year marriage. He feels as if he is in limbo. He is asking for guidance on what his next steps should be.

Marc’s Key Insights and Ahas:

He has been married for 20 years and has two teenage kids.
He feels a shift in attitude from his wife.
He is going to therapy but his wife isn’t.
He is putting a lot of work into what steps to take next.
He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage.
His wife may be premenopausal.
He and his wife put the kids first over each other.
His father abandoned his family when he was young.
He doesn’t want to continue being in limbo.
He has questions to ask his wife but is afraid of what the answers may be.
His wife hasn’t been there for him during some difficult times.
He recognizes he has some blind spots but thinks he has been a good husband.
He feels unappreciated.
His mother wound is affecting his relationship with his wife.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Realize he is a constant reminder of the things his wife isn’t facing.
He deserves clarity from his wife.
Stand up for himself and the marriage.
Work with his inner child and let him know that he will be okay, no matter what happens.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 45: Stop Living a Checklist Life with Frankie 0

Jul 30, 2022

Control is something we all struggle with. We think we have 100% control over life, but we don’t. We do have choices and dominion but we don’t have total control. Our egos like to have certainty and to have a plan, which is rooted in fear. It is scary not to know what is coming next. If we try to control every aspect of our lives, we often miss out on all the beautiful opportunities the universe has for us.

Sometimes the opportunities come in the form of challenges, which are not to punish or test us but to help us grow. During these times it is important that we do not go into victim mode. It is also important that when we go through uncertainty we don’t try to immediately fill up that space with something new.

Sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty to see what it is there for to teach us. If we don’t deal with our Expectation Hangovers they will keep repeating and the same types of disappointments will keep coming up.

It’s OK if you don’t have it all figured out. A quarter-life crisis is normal. It is the time when many of us step into our personal life journey. Challenges are what build our grit and character.

I invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 3 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you having a quarter-life crisis or an Expectation Hangover? Are things not going according to plan?
Do you relate to living off a checklist? If things don’t get checked off are you hard on yourself?
Is external achievement and validation important to you?
Are there things you say you are surrendered about but you’re not? Are you still trying to make things happen or have you just resigned?

Frankie’s Question:

Frankie would like to know how to move into a place of acceptance about where she is in her life.

Frankie’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

She has a should list and a checklist in her head
She has a deep strength within her
Her identity comes from what she can achieve
She is hard on herself more than she is compassionate
Love for her is connected to validation and praise

How to get over it and on with it:

She should consider who she would be at 49 if her life had no struggles
She can pray without asking for something
Her self-talk needs to move towards love and acceptance
She can delve deeper in her spiritual practice
She should update her story about who she is supposed to be

Assignments and Takeaways:

Listen to my story in my very first Over It and On With It
Process your emotions through release writing and the temper tantrum technique in Expectation Hangover.
Do not pray for things but pray to be shown the way.
Be nice to yourself.
Ditch your checklist.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E –book
Expectation Hangover
20 Something 20 Everything
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine @christinehassler .com
Jill @christinehassler .com

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EP 359: Making a Big Decision About a Big Change with Catherine 0

Jul 27, 2022

This episode is about making a big decision. Today’s caller, Catherine, is considering moving in with her boyfriend but isn’t sure whether or not she is ready. She would like guidance on how to make a big decision. We discuss how she can use the intuitive decision-making process to become clear about what she wants and the learning opportunities of relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode359]

When we feel that we have to make every decision on our own, it can keep us from speaking our needs in relationships. To break the pattern of feeling like you have to do everything on your own requires speaking your needs and asking for help and support. In the masculine-feminine dynamic when we are doing things on our own, not in collaboration, we can lean a bit too much into our masculine energy.

It is important to stretch ourselves, but not stretch ourselves so much that we snap. If we want continued progress in our life we stretch ourselves just enough where we feel the stretch but we don’t snap.

An issue-based relationship is where the chemistry is really hot and heavy early on but what is really attracting the partners is unresolved issues. You may find yourself attracted to someone who is like your mother or father or who triggers your insecurities or biggest wounds. We tend to draw in relationships that have tons of red flags but the passion and chemistry keep us going back for more.

The learning opportunity of issue-based relationships is to heal the wound that attracts us to a person in the first place.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Is there a big decision you are considering making?
Do you want to make a change but you don’t know if it’s too extreme or a great challenge?
Are you someone who likes to have certainty in your life?
In a relationship, have you tried to change the other person rather than taking full responsibility for how you are showing up?

Catherine’s Question:

Catherine would like guidance about her relationship and about whether or not she should move in with her partner.

Catherine’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has been dating her partner for five months.
She is concerned about the stability of the relationship.
Her intuition is nudging her to take an adventure.
She and her partner live hours apart.
The relationship has been a bit rocky.
She changed her expectations of men after research.
She is unsure about how to lean into her femininity.
She is afraid to trust.
There is a lot of change presenting itself to her.
She is learning things during her decision-making process.
She tends to make all-or-nothing decisions.
She is looking to take responsibility for her part in the relationship.
She is ready to receive love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Do the intuitive decision-making process and listen to her body.
Make agreements with her partner about how they will live together.
Clean up her end of the relationship.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 32: Getting Over Moodiness 0

Jul 23, 2022

Do you exhibit a type of behavior or personality trait you don’t necessarily love about yourself? It could be moodiness or it could be being extremely judgmental or it could be an emotional state you have a tendency to default to like sadness, worry, anger or fear. Women often have a difficult time dealing with anger because we have not been encouraged to express it. We may default to sadness which limits us from reaching our passion and our fire. We suppress our emotions and any big emotion we suppress will eventually leak. Anger becomes irritability, sadness becomes depression and shame comes out as insecurity. Suppressed emotions can also lead to physical ailments. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions.

Today’s caller Monica acknowledges her own moodiness and is wondering if it is something she can change or if it’s a fixed personality trait. She suppresses her anger and doesn’t speak her truth. If there is something about you that does not feel good to you, like moodiness, you can change it. You just need to uncover why it’s there in the first place. Moodiness can be a messenger that you may be suppressing pent up anger and frustration. It is liberating to express your anger and be free of the moodiness. I invite all of you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities or to join me in Los Angeles in July for my signature retreat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Is there something about you that you would like to change? Is it an inherent part of your personality or do you believe you can change it? Are you willing to do the work to change it?

● Do you experience times when you are irritable or snap at someone? How do you express your anger?

● Do you feel self-expressed? Do you fully feel your feelings?

Monica’s Question:

Monica recognizes she is a moody person and would like to know if she is able to shift out of it or if it is part of her personality.

Monica’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

● Her moodiness stems from suppressing her anger

● When she speaks her truth she feels shut down

● She has trouble expressing herself

● She doesn’t like conflict

● She becomes the victim, as a coping strategy

How to get over it and on with it:

● Realize her irritability and bluntness are actually inner anger leaking out

● She should do the Temper Tantrum technique and 32 days of the Release Writing technique, which are in her copy of Expectation Hangover

● She should step away from the conversation and get her anger out, on her own

Tools and Takeaways:

● Identify the ways you may be leaking. Know where you are suppressing and how you may be expressing it in other ways.

● If you sense you may have anger you have yet to acknowledge, start Release Writing.

● Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover, in particular, the Adult Temper Tantrum and Release Writing techniques.

● Speak your truth and process your raw feelings to eliminate suppression.

Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

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EP 358: Start Making Yourself a Priority and Stop Using Food to Nurture Yourself with Donna 0

Jul 20, 2022

This episode is about understanding why we do the things we do and how to heal. Today’s caller, Donna, endured traumatic experiences as a child. She eats for comfort because she was not nurtured or prioritized as a child. People don’t start emotionally eating if they grew up in a family where they felt safe to express their emotions. We talk about two great actionable tools you can use if you struggle with emotional or binge eating, or not feeling like you have worth.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode358]

Every little child needs to feel nurtured and soothed when they have feelings. When we have a super-traumatized part of ourselves we need to figure out a way to flood the system with a sensory experience. Some people choose drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, and some choose food. Food offers a flood of sensory experiences so it helps to keep the trauma hidden.

It is amazing how much we judge ourselves for the challenges we have. We often don’t understand why it is not easy to change or do things differently when what we are doing is completely reasonable based on our trauma. It’s not that it is okay to use trauma as a scapegoat for the rest of our lives, however, we must acknowledge our story and understand that, of course, we are dealing with things the way we do.

We must have compassion for ourselves before we can change. No one has ever healed in the energy of judgment. No one has ever healed by beating the crap out of themselves. No one has ever healed believing they are still broken. We want to honor and acknowledge our past and understand that it makes sense that it is difficult or harder for us to change.

The only way to break out of the pattern of not feeling like we are a priority is to find the source, then perform the daily practice of looking in the mirror, being present with ourselves, and saying I love you.

The Inner Child workshop is a tool that helps us reconnect with our little one and facilitates healing. Find the recorded version of the Inner Child workshop here.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you grow up in a household where you could express your feelings or did you have to swallow your feelings?
Do you struggle with binge or emotional eating? Do you use food to comfort or soothe?
Is it hard for you to make yourself a priority? Are you there for everyone else but not there for yourself?
Were you truly mothered?

Donna’s Question:

Donna would like guidance on how to make herself a priority.

Donna’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has difficulty prioritizing herself because she never felt she was a priority.
She uses food to manage her emotions.
Her mother attempted suicide when she was young.
She was physically abused at a daycare facility.
She lost her brother when she was thirteen.
She has very few conscious memories of her youth.
Her memories have manifested as nightmares.
She leaned on her sister to make her feel safe.
She is searching for comfort.
Food has been her mother in many ways.
Her mother passed away last year.
She missed out on nurture.
She is a people-pleaser.
She mothers herself by giving herself pep talks.
She doesn’t nurture herself.
Her mother never told her she loved her.
She has everything she needs within.
She is not broken.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Rephrase how she describes her eating for comfort.
When she becomes aware she is eating for comfort, grab her cuddle bear and imagine herself as a child.
Tell herself every day that she is loved.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services