EP 360: A Midlife Marriage Crisis with Marc

This episode is about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Today’s caller, Marc, feels a shift in his 20-year marriage. He is willing to work on the relationship but his wife is avoiding it. This episode is relatable to many people because we discuss why he doesn’t take a stand for himself and how it takes two people to make a relationship work.

 

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode360]

 

Many midlife crises happen because people find themselves in a place where they can’t suppress anymore. Often, their kids are older, they are set in their careers, and their life is a bit more predictable, then all of a sudden they find it difficult to suppress what they feel they have missed out on.

 

When an individual feels they’ve sacrificed a lot of their life in parenthood or the like, a sense of selfishness or entitlement bubbles up and they go in the opposite direction of where they have been. And, a person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end.

 

Sometimes our less obvious wounds are more impactful. A lot of time the person who holds the more feminine pole in a relationship often wants the masculine pole to lead, to come to us and let us know when things are off.

 

I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship and you feel you are pulling more of the weight and are doing more of the work but your partner isn’t?
• Are you unclear about where you stand in a relationship? Are you in limbo waiting for someone to tell you if the relationship is moving forward?
• Do you avoid standing up for yourself and what you want?
• Did you have a parent you couldn’t afford to lose so you tiptoed around them and the wound is impacting your adult relationships? 

 

Marc’s Question:

Marc noticed a shift in his 20-year marriage. He feels as if he is in limbo. He is asking for guidance on what his next steps should be.

 

Marc’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He has been married for 20 years and has two teenage kids.
• He feels a shift in attitude from his wife.
• He is going to therapy but his wife isn’t.
• He is putting a lot of work into what steps to take next.
• He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage.
• His wife may be premenopausal.
• He and his wife put the kids first over each other.
• His father abandoned his family when he was young.
• He doesn’t want to continue being in limbo.
• He has questions to ask his wife but is afraid of what the answers may be.
• His wife hasn’t been there for him during some difficult times.
• He recognizes he has some blind spots but thinks he has been a good husband.
• He feels unappreciated.
• His mother wound is affecting his relationship with his wife.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Realize he is a constant reminder of the things his wife isn’t facing.
• He deserves clarity from his wife.
• Stand up for himself and the marriage.
• Work with his inner child and let him know that he will be okay, no matter what happens.

 

Resources:

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