Today’s caller, Amanda, wants to know how to stop obsessing about calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. Like many of the sessions, you hear on this podcast, the focus of our conversation takes a different direction. Amanda acknowledges she felt controlled by her parents growing up. And, the biggest thing I taught Amanda is how we often pair certain behaviors with love. For example, we know our parents are supposed to love us, so the way they parent us is what we think is love. In Amanda’s case, it was being strict because she knew her parents loved her. So, she formed a correlation between being strict and controlling, with love. Her attempts to parent herself, care for herself, and love herself the way her parents did, are a big part of her food and calorie counting obsession. She believes that is how she keeps herself safe, much like her parents thought their strict parenting would keep her safe. It ends up as a fear-based version of safety, and it’s exhausting. Another thing at play was Amanda’s history of rebelling. When we have one extreme that feels limiting, we go to the opposite extreme in an attempt to free ourselves. Amanda felt controlled, so to move away from it, she was rebellious and acted out to get free of the feeling of being controlled. Coaches and Health Professionals — are you practicing what you preach? Are you attempting to save yourself through serving others? You can share your story and help others, but make yourself your own best client. We can’t shift ourselves by saving other people. Remember, it’s important for you to show people they do have a wisdom voice inside, and a part of them that is connected to a pure, untainted heart. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you a bit of a control freak in your life? Are there areas you are obsessive or rigid? ● Do you have an inner rebel? Does part of you act out or engage in addictive behavior? ● Are you in a profession where you are not practicing what you are preaching? ● Is your self-talk negative, and you would like to shift it? Amanda's Question: Amanda feels mentally exhausted. She wants to know how to trust herself and change her patterns. Amanda's Key Insights and Ahas: ● Her obsessing is her attempt to care for herself. ● She’s afraid she doesn’t deserve a good relationship. ● She believes she is broken. ● She has constructed her persona, and doesn’t know who she is. ● She doesn’t know how to talk to herself. ● She is trying to use her clients to help herself. ● She should practice what she preaches. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should talk to herself every day from a place of acceptance. ● She should parent herself in a way that is full of unconditional love and support. ● Attend Christine’s Spring Retreat to help process her old belief systems. ● She needs to be able to lose control and to know she will be ok. ● She needs to read Expectation Hangover. ● She needs to treat herself like she treats her clients. Assignments and Takeaways: ● Identify and deconstruct certain behaviors that may be cross-wired with love. ● Consider getting a pet. A pet is a way to learn about unconditional love without getting into codependency. ● If you are in the pattern of control or rebellion, start a spiritual practice. Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover Women’s Spring Retreat - March 2017 Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com
Chris Seiter is a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups. He teaches men and women how to get over a breakup or even how to get back with an ex if the situation calls for it. He has been featured in publications like YourTango, Elite Daily, She Knows, Readers Digest and LifeHack. You can learn more about him at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com and www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com.
Collectively we are all going through a rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies, not only in what it means to be a man or a woman, but what it means to be human. We are just moving into rebalancing this energy so masculine and feminine energies can be in flow together. While women struggle to find their place in the masculine energy, men struggle to fit into more feminine things, such as being vulnerable or pursuing more creative endeavors that may feel less manly. This is not a time to be discouraged. We are all longing for belonging and connection. This episode is about questioning the old paradigms and rules. Today’s caller, Jake, thinks he is stuck, but from my point of view he is at a crossroads. Will he continue to let old programming and belief systems drive him, or will he make a commitment to move past the fear of old paradigms, and step into his full potential? During the call, I didn’t want to take Jake down the road of investigating his past, because he had already spent too much time analyzing the past and worrying about the future. Jake said he had an easy-going upbringing without a lot of drama or trauma. Often, feeling that degree of comfort as a child makes it harder to take risks as an adult, because we don’t have enough experiential evidence to recover from failure, risks, and things that scare us. We have to stop asking ourselves why, why, why. We don’t have to self-analyze ourselves to death. We need to be aware of the patterns and self-limiting beliefs, so we can shift them. We all need to step up into our full potential, and not allow outdated paradigms hold us back. Men, it is ok to be vulnerable, to talk about your doubts, and to admit to confusion about who you are, and how to find your purpose. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you a man, or with a man, who is questioning his career path or purpose? ● Is fear something that is stopping you? ● Do you relate to sabotaging yourself? Jake 's Question: Jake feels drawn toward another career change. He wants to know how to get out of his own head to move forward. Jake 's Key Insights and Aha’s: ● He is sabotaging himself. ● He has competing intentions. ● He has a propensity to not follow through. ● He battles with fear and low self-worth. ● He has time management issues. ● He has created motion toward what he wants by putting himself out there. ● He is afraid he won’t live up to his full potential. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should invest in a coach. ● He should read The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, and other personal development books. ● He should work on shifting his belief system and get clear about what his vision is. ● Over the next 40 days, he should do 10 things that get him out of his comfort zone. ● He should make a schedule for himself and stick to it. Assignments and Takeaways: ● Go out and engage in behavior which pulls you out of your comfort zone, to develop trust in yourself. ● Commit to rewiring your brain. Visit NeuroGym to learn more. ● Stop obsessing about what you think is a liability. ● Show up fully for yourself, be your own word. Make commitments and don’t break them. If you do break them, re-negotiate and start again. Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler - Book a session to be on the show! Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com NeuroGym
“A core principle of my own life, and upon which this company was founded, is that one should leave everything and everyone better than you found them.” Jordan Harbinger has always had an affinity for social influence, interpersonal dynamics, and social engineering, helping private companies test the security of their communications systems and working with law enforcement agencies before he was even old enough to drive. Forbes named him one of the 50 best relationship-builders anywhere and Inc. Magazine calls him “the Charlie Rose of Podcasting.” Jordan has spent several years abroad in Europe and the developing world, including South America, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, and speaks five languages. He has also worked for various governments and NGOs overseas, traveled through war zones, and been kidnapped — twice. The only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation. Here at The Art of Charm, Jordan shares that experience, and the system borne as a result, with students and clients. Find Jordan at: Twitter Facebook YouTube Subscribe to The Art of Charm podcast in iTunes here.
This episode is about fulfillment and what to do when we start to feel restless, bored, or lose our passion for something. Today’s caller, Corey, is feeling unfulfilled regarding his job, but many of you may be feeling unfulfilled in your romantic relationship or friendships. Corey thought the solution to his lack of fulfillment was changing his job, but he didn’t know what to do instead. A lack of fulfillment often comes with a lack of clarity. Corey will gain clarity and feel fully, authentically self-expressed, the more he takes risks and listens to his heart. We think that changing the external situation of finding a new job, or finding someone new to be with, is the answer -- that is not often the solution. It could perpetuate the problem. So, what are you truly longing for? Tap into the longing, and instead of thinking you need to change your external circumstances, think about how you can give yourself what you are longing for, now. How can you take action, and create behaviors that support you? Before you quit your job, or end a relationship, get honest with yourself about what might be there for you to learn, and how you might be creating your own discontent. Often, we feel an inner call to reach out to someone, or to share something, and we ignore it. Please don’t ignore it, because you never know what will happen. The only way you can get a no for sure, is if you never ask or never reach out. The only way you are ever going to fail, is if you never try. Regret is far more painful than risk. So, take that risk. Reach out to that person. Speak up. Do that thing your intuition has been nudging you to do. You never know how it will impact the person on the other end. Don’t allow your self-doubt, or fear of another person’s reaction, to stop you from listening to your heart. Let your intuition be louder than your inner critic. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Is there an area of your life in which you feel unfulfilled? Are you fantasizing about leaving your current job or relationship? ● Do you relate to being a “yes man,” or a “yes woman”? Are you afraid to say no and stand up for yourself? ● Do you long to feel safe, validated, and accepted? Corey's Question: Corey is considering leaving his current job but is trying to figure out what is next for him. Corey's Key Insights and Aha’s: ● He feels burnt out and unfulfilled in his current position. ● He felt he was always loved conditionally. ● He searches for external validation. ● He has no idea what is next for him. ● He comes up with excuses to keep himself safe. ● He doesn’t feel authentically self-expressed. ● He realizes he has built a box around himself. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should take steps to change his behavior and take more risks. ● Transform himself in his current position, so he can move through the reactive energy. ● He should establish a better relationship with himself. ● He should listen to his heart, and act on his intuition. ● He should celebrate who he is, and receive the compliments given to him. ● He should carry a picture of his younger self, and when he is self-defeating he should look at his picture. Assignments and Takeaways: ● If you feel unfulfilled how can you take responsibility, and change on the inside, instead of making an external change? ● What did you crave when you were little that you didn’t get, that you need to give yourself now? ● How can your current soul family support you in making changes? ● Take a deep breath and breathe into the truth of who you are. Then, set the intention to be more authentically self-expressed. ● Speak kindly to yourself. Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler - Book a session to be on the show! Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com
I have heard from so many listeners about how to deal with the Expectation Hangover they are experiencing regarding the presidential election in the states. This is a special edition of Coaches Corner where I share a few thoughts about this time and encourage you to choose love not fear. I also lead a guided meditation. I am reminded (and comforted) by the fact that sometimes a massive expectation hangover is needed to create massive change. This is a time where those of us who continue to choose love instead of fear are needed even more.
When we are so paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes or failing, we don’t develop grit. Grit is what gives us confidence. If we don’t have to figure things out on our own we find ourselves paralyzed when making choices as we get older. When parents place too many expectations on their children, their children may grow into adults that don’t know what they truly want. If you are a millennial, take the pressure off of yourself to make the right choice and allow yourself to make a mistake. Failure is how you learn. If you are the boss, manager or parent of a millennial, stop making all of their decisions for them. This episode will be useful for ANYONE at any age. Today’s caller, Lorena, is having a highly-charged emotional reaction to the circumstances in her life. The pressure of living up to parental expectations is clouding her ability to decide what she truly wants. ● If you are a millennial and you are having difficulty with your parents, remember you are the child. It is not your responsibility to live up to their expectations. ● If you are the parent of a millennial, it’s time to let them go so they can be their own person. Let them make their own mistakes. Stop telling them who they are so they can discover it for themselves. ● If you relate to having a high-standard of achievement, don’t let achievement to become your identity. Don’t let your self-worth be hooked to your achievements. People get tripped up when they start with the end game instead of having a vision of how they would like to feel. Sometimes it is just about taking the first step. Consider where you may be holding yourself prisoner by letting someone else define you? How can you step into freedom by defining who you are and making your own choices? Coaches - Lorena’s belief system was triggering her emotional response. As you can tell by her response, it was greater than what was necessary for what was really going on. Remember, there is what happens, and then what we make it mean. When working with people you want to honor and hold space for their emotions, at the same time ask questions to shift belief systems. Your goal is not to coddle a person but to get them into their insight. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Do you ever feel upset over something you shouldn’t be so emotionally triggered by? ● Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to live up to your own expectations or those of others? ● Have you received a lot of external validation for your achievements, and you constantly crave it? ● Do you feel that you owe someone something, or that you have something to prove? Lorena's Question: Lorena has recently decided to start over and go back to school to give herself the opportunity to do something greater. But, she doesn’t know what she wants to do. Lorena's Key Insights and Aha’s: ● She wants to have an end goal. ● She excelled at academics and was praised for it. ● She feels she doesn’t meet her parent’s expectations. ● She may be too emotionally upset to reach clarity. ● She doesn’t want to end up resenting her parents. ● She appreciates the difference in her life and her parent’s life. ● She should use the gifts her parents have given her. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should realize she is the child and she doesn’t have to live her life according to their expectations. ● She should express her gratitude toward her parents, plus let them know she needs to make her own mistakes. ● She needs to stand in her own choices. ● She needs to let go of her guilt in order to be free to explore. ● She should write a letter to her parents and ask them to support her. ● She should listen to her inner voice. Assignments and Takeaways: ● If you are having a difficult situation with someone, write a letter to them, even if it is emotionally charged. ● If you experience heightened emotions, take a deep breathe and ask yourself “What do I know to be true in this moment?” ● What belief systems are you wearing that just don’t fit anymore, or are they actually someone else’s beliefs? Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler - Book a session to be on the show! Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com 20 Something, 20 Everything, by Christine Hassler
This is an incredibly important conversation to listen to. Alexandra and I talk about what is really underneath our food craving and how we can satisfy ourselves in a healthy and lasting way. As the best-selling author of Women, Food & Desire, co-creator and co-star of the Oscar-nominated documentary Super Size Me, and highly-sought-after wellness expert for thousands, Alexandra Jamieson has made it her mission to empower women to create epic lives--by honoring their cravings and kicking body shame to the curb. She is the creator of The Crave Cast, a #1 rated podcast on iTunes where listeners from around the world are educated and captivated by thought-provoking interviews on wellness, cravings, sexuality, and more. Her work has been praised and adored by Oprah, The Today Show, Dr. Oz, Goop, Martha Stewart Living, the New York Times, CNN, Fox News, Elle, Marie Claire, USA Today, People, and the American Heart Association amongst many others. As a life-long learner, her wellness expertise has grown out of a decade of experience, as well as her education at the Natural Gourmet Institute, the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, and a certification in Applied Positive Psychology.
Are you hard on yourself, especially when it comes to your appearance? Do you do something, and then immediately wish you had done it differently? Many of us allow our inner critics to expend energy on low-frequency, physically exhausting, nasty, self-defeating self-talk. You may not realize it, but your self-talk influences the way other people receive you. If you are happy and filled with self-acceptance, you send out a good vibe. If you are negative or hard on yourself, you can suck the life right out of the room. Today’s caller, Gabby, is struggling with her weight and self-worth. She is clinging to the away-from-motivation of ‘if only I this,’ and ‘if only I that,’ instead of using toward-motivation, to get what she really wants. During the call, Gabby’s energy shifts as soon as we discuss creativity and connection. This toward-motivation practice allows her to focus her energy on what she wants to bring into her life, instead of what she wants to move away from. This practice is sustainable, because she is focusing her energy on a positive outcome instead of a negative one. Obsessing about appearance and weight is a waste of energy. If weight is something you struggle with read my book, Expectation Hangover, and: ● Find a new way to soothe yourself. ● Get a new way to feed your soul. ● Commit and take actions towards your commitments. ● Stop making your weight mean something negative about you. You are enough. You are lovable. You can change and heal anything in your life. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you making your self-worth and acceptance conditional? ● Do you struggle with body image issues? Has losing weight been a constant theme in your life? ● Does fear of rejection haunt you? Does it keep you from taking risks? ● What are the sneaky ways you're being selfish in your life? Gabby's Question: Gabby has felt rejected a lot lately and would like to know how she can not worry so much about what others think. Gabby's Key Insights and Aha’s: ● She feels undesirable and fears she is not good enough. ● She has body image issues. ● Food is her only source of pleasure. ● She is self-obsessed. ● She is jeopardizing her relationships by making everything about her. ● She may be attracting rejection into her life when she does, because of her self-rejection. ● She hasn’t asked God to love and support her in dealing with her issue. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should stop waiting for external validation to find her confidence. ● She should realize she is not alone in how she feels. ● She should create a joy and creativity plan for herself. ● She should be present, curious, and connected in an authentic way. ● She could ask God for assistance in letting go of her obsession with her weight. Assignments and Takeaways: ● If there is something you want to shift in your life, make a list of your ‘toward’ motivations. ● Make a list of what you are committed to, and get an accountability partner. ● Take on a role to shift your confidence, and change the way you see yourself. ● Pray for help with your growth. Ask for help in making the shifts in knowing who you truly are. Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Over It and On With It Initial Podcast Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler