This episode is about taking risks or making changes when you don’t feel safe or secure on some level. Today’s caller, Julie, feels stressed about making money because she is not doing something she is passionate about. Christine offers her guidance on how to shift her perspective into making an intentional transition.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode403]
One of my pet peeves of the personal development industry is the implied pressure to just make changes, take leaps, or have courage. And, while it is important to be able to make changes and to be able to take leaps, when you feel not safe on some level, it is going to be challenging.
It’s always a blend of not staying in something that is familiar and “safe” but not what you want to be doing for so long that you get accustomed to feeling safe but not feeling alive, Not really feeling like you’re doing what you’re passionate about. Because the years will go by and your dream will quickly fade.
However, you don’t want to just drop everything and make a drastic change when you don’t feel safe. When it comes to safety, we are humans who have basic needs. We have the need for love. We have the need for feeling that our physical needs are met also.
There is a part of us that if we’re not doing what we love or what we really desire, it can be difficult to make money at it because if we’re really being called to something else, and we’re not listening to it, often we’ll have a sabotaging part that will come up.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you a people-pleaser and make decisions based on what you think other people want from you versus what you truly want from yourself?
Are you making choices or doing things that are breeding resentment, maybe in your marriage, a friendship, in business, or with your parents?
Do you feel unsafe and unstable in some way and you are doing something just for the money?
Do you want to make a change but you feel like you just can’t because you’re not financially “stable” enough?
Julie’s Question:
Julie is looking for guidance about personal finances.
Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She and her husband feel stressed about money.
She is self-employed in her small business.
She started working with an IFS therapist.
She consumes a lot of information about her small business.
She is a people-pleaser.
She feels pressure from her husband to make more money.
She likes helping people.
She tires of doing what other people think she should do.
She felt love from her parents was conditional.
She judges herself for not doing what she wants to do.
She has a love/hate relationship with money.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Create a self-love-healing plan and an action plan.
Approach her work from a different perspective.
Identify where her triggers originate.
Create safety in her system.
Love herself through it.
Check out the upcoming Women’s Retreat.
Takeaways:
What are the steps, both internally and externally, you need to take to make an intentional transition?
Get your applications in to join Christine at her Signature Retreat.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about feeling safe in our bodies by regulating the nervous system. Today’s caller, Nicole, struggles to change her body weight and feels she lacks motivation and follow-through to do so. She asks for practical tips on how to shift it and create peace and love within herself.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode402]
Nervous system regulation is bringing awareness to our state of being. Meaning, are we in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal? Both states can be a trauma response. Trauma, simply defined, is too much, too fast, too soon, or too little for too long.
Hyperarousal means we are anxious, constantly bracing ourselves, staying busy and distracted to avoid pain, or we are nervous, vigilant, and possibly aggressive. Hypoarousal means we can be depressed, or we may lack motivation. We can even go into apathy or indifference.
Whether it is hyper or hypo, it means we are functioning with an unregulated nervous system. It is hard for people in an unregulated state to be present. A regulated nervous system is when we feel safe inside our body. Yet, it doesn’t mean we’re in a meditative state and doesn’t mean we are a Zen master.
For those who grew up in an unsafe or chaotic house, your baseline is not going to be regulated. You can do all the emotional processing in the world to move the trauma and do inner child work but you have to practice a nervous system reset multiple times a day.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel busy all the time and there don’t seem to be enough hours in a day?
Have you been wanting to release weight but you just can’t seem to let it go?
Do you know the benefits of self-love and self-care but you can’t seem to do them?
Did you grow up in a chaotic household and you long for peace and calm in your life?
Nicole’s Question:
She struggles with prioritizing herself, practicing self-love, and having self-worth issues. She wants to lose weight but doesn’t understand why she cannot stay motivated to do so.
Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She attended the Be the Queen program.
Her father didn’t value overweight people.
Her mother was self-critical.
She tries to eat healthily and has a gym membership.
She loves being outside, dancing, and being with her dog.
She is finishing her Master’s degree.
She finds little time to do the things she loves.
Her nervous system baseline is hyper-aroused.
She longed for peace and calm in her chaotic childhood home.
She focuses on losing weight.
She tells herself she will do the things she loves when she loses weight.
She is a people-pleaser.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Break the pattern of being in a hyper-aroused state.
Recalibrate her nervous system with hourly breaks and resets.
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Create peace and calm in her home and body.
Practice transitions and be conscious about her next move.
Practice saying no to create space for herself.
Takeaways:
Find online content about nervous system regulation.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]
As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.
An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.
Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.
When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there someone that you’ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can’t seem to let them go?
Did you have a parent that wasn’t there for you in the way that you truly desired?
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?
Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn’t get to be a kid?
Matthais’s Question:
He had a painful breakup that he can’t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.
Matthais’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He hasn’t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.
He is having difficulty connecting with new people.
He was very much in love.
The breakup was abrupt.
His ex triggered something deep inside of him.
He has some wounding in his past about his looks.
His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.
He has an avoidant attachment style.
His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.
His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother’s life.
He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.
He hasn’t experienced true intimacy.
He felt his dad didn’t want him and his mother parentified him.
He is attracted to controlling women.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.
When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn’t a healthy love and that real love is safe.
Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.
Feel into self-love.
Takeaways:
Read the book Attached or dive into the Coaches Corner episodes on attachment styles.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Emily is the founder of Ziva and has taught the Ziva Technique to over 40,000 people. Her best-selling book, Stress Less, Accomplish More, debuted at #7 out of all books on Amazon and has been translated into 12 languages. In 2021, she launched zivaKIDS, the first meditation course of its kind for kids ages 4-14.
A formerly stressed Broadway performer who was going gray at 27, Emily discovered a powerful practice that cured her insomnia and improved her health on the first day. The Ziva Technique is a powerful combination of mindfulness, meditation and manifesting designed to help you get better at life, not meditation.
You can join her for a FREE embodiment and manifestation event on May 17th at christinehassler.com/emily
This episode is about pausing and not deciding. Today’s caller, Lydia, has been experiencing massive changes in her life over the past year. She is questioning whether or not to get married. She wants guidance about how she can relieve the pressure of making a choice and how to know what is right for her. She finds that sometimes not making a choice is the best choice.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode400]
There’s nothing wrong with questioning. There is always a purpose in it. When we’re in a place of doubt or questioning, it’s good to explore it. When there’s so much change happening, it can put us in more of a fight-or-flight survival-based response and we come from the emotionally reactive part of our brain. Or it can put our priorities and our values front and center to make us question anything that is not aligned.
When we are experiencing a lot of change or grief, it takes a while to find our footing. In times of transition and change, major decisions can be tricky. The part of us that likes to control and to know things, can have a hard time when we go back and forth about big decisions.
If your life is steady right now; if you’re not going through grief or a big change, but you are finding it difficult to make a choice, you might just be scared of change. You might just need to make a choice. But, if your life has a lot of chaos in it or there are a lot of changes and uncertainty about making another big choice, that’s when you can take time to pause and let what is in alignment with you rise to the surface.
My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat . There is still time to get the early bird discount.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there something you’re trying to decide, or choose about, like a relationship, or whether to leave a job and you just can’t get clarity or, you could talk yourself into either direction?
Are you grieving? Did you just lose someone that was important to you and it’s clouding your ability to choose?
Did you go through a breakup or a job loss where you felt a sense of rejection and your self-confidence took a hit?
Do you like to control? Do you like to have answers and being in that in-between of not making a choice can be a little wobbly for you?
Lydia’s Question:
Many things in her life are changing. She is grieving the loss of her mother and having doubts about getting married. She would like guidance on how to move forward with confidence.
Lydia’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is grieving the loss of her mother.
She is going through a job transition.
She is planning her wedding and a move.
She is questioning her decision to get married.
She is judging her fiance and feels guilty about it.
As an adult, she had to distance herself from her mother.
Her job transition left her feeling rejected.
She feels resistance when she tries to make a choice.
She doesn’t have safety in her nervous system.
She is concerned about disappointing people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Pause, give herself some grace, and wait to make a choice about her relationship.
Allow herself to be in the unknown as much as possible.
Work on establishing safety in her nervous system.
Surrender and take off the pressure to make a choice.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
More info about the retreat here:
This episode is about going back to move forward. Today’s caller, Samm, missed out on some developmental learnings in childhood. She wants to empower others but is still not sure she can fully empower herself. If you feel that you don’t have clarity about something, or feel you can’t take the next step forward, it might be because of past trauma.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode399]
We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. Remember, compassion is different than scapegoating. If we blame everything on our childhood and everything is our parent’s fault, that is being the victim. That is scapegoating. It’s very different from compassion.
Compassion is understanding that we never got to that developmental stage as a child. So, it is harder for us to do it as adults. We need to have patience and compassion with ourselves. We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. It’s necessary for us to go back and give our inner child what they didn’t have and then move forward.
To expect ourselves to feel safe, to put ourselves out there, as a coach for example, when we didn’t have safety as a child is like expecting a one-year-old to do algebra. It's just completely unrealistic. It is not developmentally possible.
Please be kind to yourself. Look at what you did not get in childhood that may have impacted you and not from the perspective of being damaged or broken. We have the parents we have to learn what we need to learn in this lifetime.
Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year in September 2023. Christine co-founded Elementum Coaching to assist coaches and would-be coaches with the skills needed to build their businesses. Attend the free webinar for more information on May 15, 2023. To take advantage of early bird pricing and get more information about the upcoming Coach on Fire workshop go to https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com/coach-on-fire-workshop.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel like you’re unclear about something or do you lack clarity in some way?
Did you have a childhood where you did not feel safe?
Do you often feel disconnected from your own inner child?
Is there something you want to do but you keep telling yourself that you’re just stuck and you can’t move forward?
Samm’s Question:
Samm seeks clarity and would like guidance on how to create a safe place without feeling paralyzed to act on it.
Samm’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is a coach.
She holds herself back when expressing herself.
When she feels like putting her heart into something, she gets paralyzed and scared.
Her parents were addicts. She chose a different path.
She didn’t feel safe as a child.
She doubts she can fully support herself or others.
She has been in survival mode for most of her life.
She has a freeze response as part of her nervous system wiring.
She feels she is not enough.
As a child, she yearned to feel like she was important and that she mattered.
She wanted to be held and know everything would be OK.
She would like to build a group container with her clients.
She wants to help empower others.
She internalizes her sadness and has difficulty getting mad.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion for where she’s come from.
Work with herself with patience and love.
Connect with the motherly part of her.
Allow herself to get angry.
Recognize when she is in a trauma response and make her inner child feel safe.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.