This episode is about loving our inner child and making them feel safe. Today’s caller, Mikaela, has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety stemming from the chaos that surrounded her in her childhood home. She wants to feel safe and be seen. This call is great support for any of you who feel fear even if it isn’t reasonable for a situation. Or, those of you who are confused about how to connect to your inner child.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode290]

For parents or anybody who wants to be a parent, it is very important you continue to parent, or start to parent your inner child when you have children. When someone who had a difficult childhood has a child, they become a great parent to their child. Much better than the parents they had. But it can activate their inner child because their inner child wants to know why they are not receiving the same love and attention from them. Our inner children can act up and act out.

Parenting our inner child does not take anything away from our children. It actually gives to them because our children are unconsciously learning from us all the time. When we are parenting ourselves well, they feel that. And, in return, we are a better parent to them. We are not triggered as much by our children when we are parenting our inner child.

Remember, we do not want to be anxious about our anxiety. We do not want to be scared about our fear. Because when we are anxious about our fear and anxiety it becomes worse.

If you would like to move unconscious stuff and move it into a vibration where you can attract different things into your life, listen to our special breathwork and meditation series. Save $30 on the eight guided sessions when you use the code “breathe” at ChristineHassler.com/breathwork.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you ever have a big fear that comes up but it does not quite match the situation?
• When fear overcomes you, is it hard to calm down and break free from it?
• Did you grow up in a house full of chaos where you didn’t feel safe?
• Did you or do you ever just want to hide and be invisible?

Mikaela’s Question:

Mikaela has feelings of inadequacy and fear. She would like guidance on how to become calm and free herself of those feelings.

Mikaela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• There was a lot of chaos in her childhood home.
• Her father was an abusive alcoholic.
• She tried to make herself invisible.
• She has tremendous fear.
• No one ever recognized how scared she was.
• She wanted someone to comfort her and make her feel safe.
• She feels grief for herself as a child.
• She compares herself to others.
• She feels robbed of her childhood.
• She is self-conscious.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Connect to her inner child to make her feel seen and safe.
• Visualize her adult self removing her inner child from the chaos.
• Acknowledge and honor her grief.
• Forgive herself for any misunderstandings.

Takeaways:

• If you have consistent levels of fear or anxiety that don’t match a situation, it is an alarm bell being activated or triggered. Instead of trying to calm yourself, experiment with following the feeling in a soft, loving way.
• Doing inner child work doesn’t mean we re-experience and relive traumatic events. It means we grieve with the little one who is activated and let them express while being compassionate with them.
• Invite your inner child to live in the present with you, not the past.
• Get access to Inner Child Workshop recordings by emailing Jill@christinehassler.com.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine answers two listener questions. The first is around the fear of abandonment....what causes is, how it shows up in life, and how to heal it. The second question is regarding how to be with friends going through a hard time without being "life coachy" with them.   Also you can take the love block quiz Christine mentioned to find out what fear hold you back here: https://stefanossifandos.com/love-block-quiz/

This episode is about how to shift personality patterns. Today’s caller, Nikhi, is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and how to ask for what she wants. She has completed two Inner Child Workshops and is ready to work through the resistance she feels as she begins to shift her patterns.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode289]

Doing personal growth work, especially inner child work, doesn’t mean that boom, all of a sudden you’re healed. It takes time. The patterns we develop, the coping strategies, the results from our wounding have been there for many years. It takes time for something to move from awareness to integration.

The enduring pattern develops around age three because our need at that age is expression, to be able to express our feelings, to be able to express who we are, and to feel like it’s safe to be ourselves. If we lived in a family where emotional expression wasn’t encouraged, or we were to be seen, not heard, or we were told what to do, we had to figure out what to do just to not piss anybody off, we end up often with something called the enduring pattern. The enduring pattern is when we think we will just hold it all together or hold it all inside because it’s not safe to express or speak our truth.

There are two parts to speaking up for yourself. Part one is speaking your needs and part two, continuing to speak up when you are met with criticism, gas-lighting, or feeling squashed.

Get on the interest list for our next couple’s Relationship Retreat. It is a live, 3-day virtual retreat coming up in June. Christinehassler.com/relationshipsupport 

Listen to past group coaching calls, ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays, and listen to Coaches Corner with Erica Alaura for important energy cleansing work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you get overwhelmed easily but yet have trouble asking for help?
• Does your reaction to something, like your level of a reaction, sometimes not match the reality of the situation?
• Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a fierce inner critic?
• Do you internalize your feelings?
• Is it difficult for you to ask for support?

Nikhi’s Question:

Nikhi is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and ask for what she needs from an empowered place.

Nikhi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels disempowered.
• She doesn’t ask for what she needs and then feels shame about it.
• She feels triggered and angry when her husband reminds her of things.
• She is an empath.
• She didn’t feel seen or heard as a child.
• She internalizes things that happen to her.
• She has completed two Inner Child Workshops.
• She has an anxious attachment style and an enduring personality pattern.
• She gets overwhelmed easily.
• She was not allowed to express anger as a child.
• She struggles with structure.
• Her subtle inner critic comes out as a sinking feeling.
• She wants to find an accountability partner.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Speak up and share her emotions.
• Practice feeling and expressing her feelings.
• Do 10-minutes of Release Writing or record thoughts on her phone daily.
• Write a letter to her inner parent to re-read when she feels resistance.

Takeaways:

• Discipline yourself with love and gentleness.
• Don’t put too much on your plate.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about honoring emotions with compassion and acceptance. Today’s caller, Olivia, is going through a unique situation. She is feeling confused by her emotions and would like guidance on how to feel her feelings without going into “victim” and how to grieve after a loss.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode288]

It is normal for emotions to be confusing. We live in a mental, logical, linear-based world where we want certainty. We want things to make sense. But life isn’t linear, there aren’t five steps to make every sense of everything. Life is messy. It’s complicated. It’s a journey. Especially when it comes to emotions, we don’t want to try to manage them, understand them, or know why. We just need to learn how to feel and move through them. But, often, our mind gets in the way. This is the biggest reason so many people deal with repression, suppression, depression and then have to distract themselves or develop addictions. It’s because we don’t know how to be with our emotions.

Most of the time, when we are crying or feeling we are analyzing it. Maybe not allowing ourselves to be in the emotion and ride the waves. One wave could have twenty different feelings in it. It is about letting yourself go with compassion.

If you want to evolve and be free of some of the stuff that is weighing you down, you have to feel. We only get lost in our feelings when we judge them or when we go into “victim.”

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. ChristineHassler.com/innerchild — March 19–21, 2021. Listen to past group coaching calls at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you often feel confused about your feelings?
• Do you feel guilty about feeling the way you feel?
• Do you put other people’s needs above yours, making their feelings and tending to their feelings and their concerns more of a priority?
• Do you feel overwhelmed with a current emotion? Are you scared if you go into it you will lose yourself?
• Are you going through a loss of any kind? A loss of a person you love, a pet, job, a dream?

Olivia’s Question:

Olivia has had major heartbreak and loss and is confused about how to feel.

Olivia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She ended a long-term relationship and then her ex married quickly after.
• Her ex passed away tragically within a year of their breakup.
• She feels stuck in her emotions.
• She feels confused and guilty about being upset.
• She looks to other people about how to feel.
• She didn’t attend his funeral.
• She is a people pleaser and puts others first.
• She can fall into “victim” and judge herself.
• She buries her anger.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Give herself permission to feel all of her feelings.
• Allow herself to grieve.
• Honor what she is feeling with compassion.
• Realize she may never get an apology.
• Perform a personal memorial service for her ex.
• Dig up her anger to release it with the Anger Release technique.
• Practice the Empty Chair process from Personal Mastery.

Takeaways:

• Practice riding the waves with compassion for yourself and others.
• Allow emotions to be confusing. You don’t need to understand them mentally. The body and heart understand emotions, not your mind.
• Consider joining us for the Inner Child workshop on March 19–21.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

We all know self-love is incredibly important but what does it mean and how do you do it? Listen in for a Coaches Corner where Christine discusses a way to practice and understand self-love. 

This episode is about honoring your needs and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband and herself about her needs.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode287]

Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection from ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem, you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.

Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?

Many of us think people-pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.

It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first by making self-honoring choices. People-pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people-pleasing is draining.

Drop the people-pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices, and get out there and find your tribe!

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
• Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
• Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
• Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?

Judy’s Question:

Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.

Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been continuously moving for a year.
• Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
• Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
• She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
• She always puts other people first.
• She has a hard time saying no.
• She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
• She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
• She should lean more into authenticity and less into people-pleasing.
• She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
• If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
• Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
• Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine answers the question: How do we truly move into acceptance of something turning out differently than we want and truly let go?"  Acceptance is one of the most powerful things we can do for our healing and growth, yet it is often so difficult because what we have to accept is a reality we don't want.  Christine teaches what acceptance actually is and the importance of moving out of regret, shoulda coulda woulda thinking, and how to move through our disappointments rather than get stuck.

This call is about breaking patterns with self-compassion. Today’s caller, Maria, has been unfaithful in her relationships since the age of fifteen. She carries shame and judgment around it. Romantic relationships are so greatly influenced by our childhood wounds. In this call, you will see how Maria’s childhood is impacting how she shows up in relationships today and why she’s cheating.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode286]

Shame and judgment are heavy and toxic. They are the things that keep us from shifting and changing. Yet, they make us want to change even more because the more shame we feel and the more we judge ourselves the more committed we are to changing. We may go to therapy, take courses, or listen to podcasts but it doesn’t change things. Shame and judgment can be the catalyst for something we need to shift but we must move into compassion and acceptance in order to get to the healing that creates the shift.

Sometimes, we have to face our worst fears in order to not have them be the monster in the closet. We have to open the closet door and deal with the monster because we can’t stand lying in my bed and worrying that the monster will get us. We have to get up and deal with it so we can get some sleep.

Loneliness can become dangerous because we crave connection. We all need to feel loved and we will do extreme things to get love. Even repeat patterns that are no longer serving us.

How wounding affects our romantic relationships is the topic of the Virtual Group Coaching Call on March 11, 2021. $20 is all it costs to connect with your inner child and other like-minded people.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you carry a lot of shame about something you’ve done or that you’re doing or a pattern you have?
• Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or cheated on?
• Is there something in your life that you are having a hard time shifting and you know you want to take a big step but you can’t seem to make it happen?
• If you have children, what are you teaching them through your actions? Are you being an example of what you’d want them to be in life and relationships?

Maria’s Question:

Maria wants to know why she continues the pattern of cheating on her partners.

Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has cheated on her partners since she was 15.
• She needs validation from men to feel worthy.
• She feels unlovable.
• Her father died when she was eight.
• She was one of six children.
• Her mother wasn’t loving.
• She felt alone growing up.
• She likes being protected by older men.
• She became addicted to having a boyfriend.
• She would like to shift her pattern now.
• She has two daughters.
• Her ex-husband spoke to her children about her cheating.
• She distracts herself through relationships.
• She is scared of making a shift.
• She started therapy this week.
• She hasn’t fully grieved her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Forgive herself for judging and shaming herself.
• Move into the energy of self-compassion.
• Breakup with her boyfriend and be single for a while.
• Get a coach or therapist to work with her.

Takeaways For You:

• Are you trying to shift yourself through shame and judgment? Can you bring self-compassion in?
• Are you the bartender trying to get sober all the while serving alcohol all day? Are you in an environment that is not conducive to your healing and what can you do to get out of that environment?
• Join our Group Coaching Call on March 11th about how inner child work impacts relationships.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.