This episode is about being the parent you always wanted and wanted to be. Today’s caller, Carrie, wants to repair a strained relationship with her children. She feels shame about her past behaviors and wants guidance on how to build a connection with them and their children. There is a lot of vulnerability and courage in this honest conversation.

It can be scary to be a generational pattern breaker and it takes a lot of courage to follow through but it can transform our relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode368]

Many parents carry around a silent shame about some of the choices they made as parents. Parenting is hard. It doesn’t come with a manual. Creating a healthy environment for our children is challenging when we don’t have good parenting ourselves. We are still impacted by our trauma and our hurt; it can feel impossible not to pass it on.

The hard part about trauma, or behavior we categorize as hurtful or bad, is that it is not due to anyone setting out to hurt another person. People who have unprocessed trauma and don’t know how to deal with it. People who are hurt and sad all the time haven’t gotten to their anger. People who are angry and explosive haven’t gotten to their hurt and sadness.

What happens with parent-child relationships is the hurt parent wants a two-way street. Meaning, the hurt parent wants the child to make it okay for them as well, but that is not the child’s job. It is the parent’s job to make it okay for the child.

Give your children the opportunity to hear the things they always wanted to hear.

Register for my upcoming Women’s Retreat which will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this gentle and nourishing life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a parent that has guilt or shame about how you parented or how you treated your child or children?
• Do you know that you are passing on generational patterns and trauma? Have you told yourself you would never do it yet you find yourself doing it?
• Do you have a strained or strange relationship with one of your children that you want to remedy? You want to have a connection with them but you are not sure how.
• Do you trust yourself enough to parent yourself in a way that can help you parent your child better, and your adult children who still need parenting?

Carrie’s Question:

Carrie was a parent who inflicted trauma on her children. She would like guidance on how to repair their relationship.

Carrie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She was a single mother.
• Her children were teenagers when she made regrettable decisions.
• She acted in ways that made her children feel unsafe.
• Inconsistent behaviors were common while she was raising her children.
• She is a full-time traveler.
• Her children don’t acknowledge her as family.
• Her children’s father isn’t accessible.
• She feels shame about repeating the actions of her parents.
• She fears triggering her daughter when around her grandchildren.
• Her daughter doesn’t reach out to her.
• She doesn’t want to hear what her daughter may say to her.
• She fears confronting her anger.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Trust that it is time to remove her shame.
• Step into her mama bear and expect more from herself as a mother.
• Have a heart-to-heart conversation, apologize to her daughter, and listen and love her.
• Allow herself to feel her sadness.
• Do the Anger Release process.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about navigating a relationship with a new baby coming. Today’s caller, Cassie, is about to have a child but is uncertain about staying with the baby’s father. She would like guidance about how to feel supported emotionally and financially during this trying time.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode367]

It is difficult enough for women who are becoming new mothers but for them to not have support can be really challenging. But, on the other hand, couples who stay together for the children who are not in a healthy relationship don’t have kids that turn out any better than the kids whose parents got divorced. Kids pick up on unhealthy relationships when they are not aligned and may model their future relationships on them.

When a baby comes, it transforms and changes a relationship. The focus of attention is on the baby and not as much on the partners. That is why it is important to have clear agreements in place about parenting responsibilities before a child is born.

I’m excited about my upcoming Women’s Retreat which will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship and you don’t know whether to stay or go?
• Do you have children and you are concerned the relationship isn’t a fit and you don’t know if you should stay in it for the children?
• Do you feel your partner isn’t holding up their end of the agreement? financially, personal development, or any other way?
• Do you have clear agreements with your partner so each of you knows what you can expect and count on from each other to prevent expectation hangovers?

Cassie’s Question:

Cassie is pregnant with her partner of 2-plus years. She is having some difficulty in her relationship and would like guidance on whether or not to leave the relationship.

Cassie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is seven months pregnant.
• Her pregnancy has highlighted some of her fears about her relationship.
• She is unsure if her intuition is telling her to step away from the relationship.
• She is excited about becoming a mother.
• She and her partner have different values around money.
• She is confused about her next steps.
• Her partner wants to be in the relationship.
• Her partner recently left his career.
• She feels emotionally distressed from their disagreements.
• She wants her partner to monetarily provide for the family.
• She is not yet sure about what agreements she will need to clarify.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Get clear agreements from her partner about the upcoming parenting responsibilities.
• Consider how she can respond to his requests without anger or resentment.
• Recognize that she is a co-parent with her partner.
• Appeal to her partner’s heart about the parenting and healing opportunity.
• Pay attention to the things she appreciates and loves about her partner.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine shares five reminders that may come at the perfect time for you. If you are disappointed with something in your life, judging yourself, lacking in self-care,  don't feel like all the "work" you are doing is paying off, or just need some inspiration today - don't miss this episode!

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the partners currently experiencing struggles in their relationship. Rory & Tyler have listened to their partner’s individual sessions and spoken with each other about what they heard. Christine discusses strategies and opportunities the couple can use to move their relationship forward.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode366]

Relationships are challenging. It is generally easy in the first year when there is infatuation and hormones but afterward comes the depth, transformation, and healing. In any relationship, struggles and doubts are normal and natural. It is important to uncover where the doubt is coming from. Does it come from red flags or deep intuition?

There is a difference between a relationship that has potential versus a relationship that has the key ingredients to go the difference. Love isn’t always enough for a relationship to go the distance and to be healthy. However, love plus a commitment to do the work independently and together can be the game-changer in a relationship.

Making loving requests is a great way to not build resentment in relationships. Requests from a loving place are much different than demands from a defensive or pissed-off place. People who come from a defensive or pissed-off place have difficulty getting their needs met.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• When you hear your partner give feedback about you, can you hear it or do you get triggered immediately?
• Are you playing out little boy or girl behavior in your relationship that is a turn-off for your partner? Are you respecting and tending to the little boy or girl inside your partner?
• Are you willing to go the distance in your partnership by doing the work? Is your partner willing? Are you willing to be in a relationship where your partner isn’t doing the work?
• Can you make powerful, loving requests of your partner to get your needs met?

Rory & Tyler’s Question:

After their separate coaching sessions, Rory & Tyler come together to work through their issues and discuss ways to move their relationship forward.

Rory & Tyler’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Tyler wants to hold space for Rory to really see her.
• Rory wants to be her whole self and allow Tyler to be his whole self in the relationship.
• They both would like unclouded, infinite, real love.
• Tyler would like words of confirmation from Rory.
• Tyler finds it hard to release anger.
• Tyler feels triggered when Rory acts a certain way.
• Tyler needs to be inspired romantically.
• Rory loves Tyler for his support.
• Tyler loves Rory for her joviality.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Tyler, do emotional release work.
• Rory, explore her sensuality and sexuality.
• Get specific with each other about what they want.
• Work with a therapist together and separately.
• Tyler, when he is triggered to remind himself that Rory is not his mother.
• Use a simple codeword to help their partner recognize their triggers.
• Rory, inspire Tyler romantically.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the female partner in the relationship. Today’s caller, Rory, finds herself at a crossroads after being in a three-year relationship with Tyler. She would like guidance on whether or not she can get her needs met in this relationship. During this session, Christine questions whether there are enough shared values for both of them to go the distance in a side-by-side partnership.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode365]

The length of a relationship does not determine its success. If a relationship doesn’t last, it is not a failure. Some of the most successful relationships have ended. Relationships are successful when you learn a lot or heal from them. Unfortunately, love isn’t enough in a relationship.

Physically, for men, attraction is very important. They like to feel attracted to their partner consistently over the long term. For a female to feel sexual and safe, she needs to feel like there is a commitment to consciousness, emotional vulnerability, and intimacy.

A couple needs shared values, vision, the right polarity, and an equal amount of willingness and commitment. A couple must want the same things in life to make a relationship work.

I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. There is still time to register!

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in any kind of relationship, be it friendship, romantic, or work where you feel you are giving more than you are getting?
• Did you grow up in a family where love was confused with validation? Did you only feel loved and seen when you accomplished something?
• Are you a female who has been accused of being too much in your masculine energy?
• Do you feel you have done a lot of work but your romantic partner isn’t doing their work? Do you think you will be willing and able to grow together as a couple?

Rory’s Question:

Rory is at a crossroads with her partner and trying to figure out if the relationship has run its course.

Rory’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She believes she operates in the masculine and her partner in the feminine.
• She believes things need structure and that a relationship needs work.
• She feels she does more than she receives.
• As a child, she only felt love when she accomplished something.
• Her relationship feels safe to her.
• She doesn’t feel taken care of in the relationship.
• She knows, logically, that Tyler loves her but her emotional needs aren’t being met.
• She has been a victim of sexual assault.
• She feels less than when she is being herself.
• She feels she is not supported when she makes decisions.
• They took a short break from the relationship.
• She would like Tyler to dive deep into the work needed in their relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Look into the protective patterns that show up in her relationship.
• Be completely herself in the relationship.
• Ask for what she needs in a vulnerable way.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

In this episode I share my fertility and pregnancy journey.  My intention is to share information that may be helpful and inspiring. I've received a lot of questions about getting pregnant in my 40s and I've been hesitant to share since fertility is such a tender topic and I have deep compassion for anyone going through fertility or pregnancy challenges. Please know you are not doing anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. I hope this episode is helpful.