Over It And On With It

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CC: Reair: EP 59: How to Feel More Connected Spiritually and Have Faith with Toni 0

Aug 27, 2022

The human experience is a beautiful thing, even when it’s challenging. It is sacred when someone is vulnerable. Today’s caller, Toni, shares her vulnerability as she asks for guidance. She reveals that many of the decisions of her life come from a place of fear. Toni is confused about what security and love really are.

We talk about having a relationship with a higher power especially after she has gone through times in her life when she didn’t feel there was any kind of God. There IS some kind of higher power. There are so many names for it, so many ways people interpret it, but to me, it is infinite unconditional love. It may be hard to believe in any kind of God, when there is so much suffering in the world.

The best way I can attempt to understand all the horrible things that happen, is that they happen as a result of human choice and free will. While many human choices are still made from a place of pain and fear, we are in a time of awakening. We are in a massive shift in consciousness. What is available to us all, is to make the choice to see the world through spiritual eyes. See ourselves through more spiritual eyes, without judgment; to see through the eyes of infinite and unconditional love. To heal our own pain that is preventing us from feeling connected to a higher power.

We are moving into more acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude. If you are craving a deeper spiritual connection, please don’t wait for God to prove itself to you -- instead, open your heart, and pray to be shown the way. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. You are one. You are love. You are connected.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Do you feel you are operating more out of fear than faith?

● Are you making a lot of decisions with fear or self-doubt?

● Are you a people pleaser, who is afraid of disappointing people?

● Is connecting to a higher power challenging to you? If you do have a connection, would you like to deepen it?

● Are there situations in your life that make you doubt whether a God exists?

Toni's Question: Toni feels all aspects of her life are affected by her making decisions from a place of fear. She would like to find a way to think more productively.

Toni's Key Insights and Aha’s:

● She fears failing and disappointing people.

● Her self-worth is based on her people pleasing.

● She’s confused about what security and love really are.

● She hasn’t felt protected, or connected to her spirituality, since her father passed.

● She feels like she would be clearer, if she had a spiritual connection.

● She has been operating in survival mode.

● She should know she is not broken.

● She can change her relationship with herself, today.

● She can focus on her blessings, not on her fears.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● She should realize she can access her spirituality.

● She should start processing her pain, and remove judgment, to arrive at forgiveness and love.

● She should put herself in an environment where she can heal.

● She can start cultivating her relationship with God, by talking to him/her.

Assignments and Takeaways:

● What is in your way of a connection to a higher power?

● What is keeping you in patterns of people pleasing and indecision?

● Do you have old trauma that needs to be processed?

● What beliefs may be keeping you from having beliefs?

● What religious upbringing did you have, which no longer resonates with you?

● You need to find which truth resonates with you.

● Look for a spiritual community of people who are committed to awakening, and who know we are all connected to source. ● Start to develop a relationship with your higher power.

● Pray. Pray for experiences, feelings, and pray to be shown the way.

Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Over It and On With It Initial Podcast

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EP 363: Breaking Up a Friendship with Josie 0

Aug 24, 2022

This episode is about speaking our needs in relationships and clearing out relationships that no longer serve us. Today’s caller, Josie, recently broke up with a long-term friend. She is feeling guilt around her decision. Christine reveals how friendships can be a beautiful teacher for us. We attract and draw in people in all different capacities and often friends that trigger us and reveal our issues. Yet, some friendships have expiration dates just like romantic relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode363]

We don’t always think of friendships as a way to learn about our unresolved issues, particularly with our parents. Yet, we are always seeking to evolve and grow. Our subconscious is always at work trying to meet our needs. When we have unmet needs we look to people who seem familiar to the people who didn’t meet our needs in the first place.

If you have a friendship that is not working and draining you and you keep trying but it feels overwhelming, it is okay to end the friendship. It is better to end it and have a clearing and completion conversation than to make excuses and dread the person’s phone call or see them when you just don’t want to be their friend.

It takes up a lot of energetic space and it is not kind to the other person to pretend to be their friend. Complete any friendships that are not serving you or that you have grown out of. It is OK to move on.

I’m happy to announce that my next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin from October 7‒9, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat or listen to my Coaches Corner with Jill to get more information about this life-changing opportunity. The early-bird registration promo ends on Sept. 1, 2022.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you recently have a breakup with a friend or are you in a friendship that may need a breakup?
Do you have a friendship where you feel you can’t fully be yourself or maybe the friendship feels one-sided?
Have you ever thought the friends you attract are based on childhood issues?
Do you feel you audition in relationships?

Josie’s Question:

Josie recently had a breakup with a life-long friend and she is doubting her decision.

Josie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She recently broke up with her life-long friend.
She feels guilty about her decision to break up.
But she feels a sense of relief.
She let others drive relationships.
She feels she auditions in her relationships.
She feels she needs to put her needs aside to be noticed.
She feels nervous telling others how she feels.
She fears abandonment in her current relationship.
She feels that if she is her true self she will lose her boyfriend.
In many ways, she parented her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Do work around her father wound.
Speak her needs in relationships.
Let go of any relationships that no longer serve her.

Takeaways:

Move on from friendships that you have grown out of or that no longer serve you.

Sponsor:

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: Reair: EP 63: How to Beat Fear and Self-Sabotage with Jake 0

Aug 20, 2022

Collectively we are all going through a rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies, not only in what it means to be a man or a woman, but what it means to be human. We are just moving into rebalancing this energy so masculine and feminine energies can be in flow together. While women struggle to find their place in the masculine energy, men struggle to fit into more feminine things, such as being vulnerable or pursuing more creative endeavors that may feel less manly. This is not a time to be discouraged. We are all longing for belonging and connection.

This episode is about questioning the old paradigms and rules. Today’s caller, Jake, thinks he is stuck, but from my point of view he is at a crossroads. Will he continue to let old programming and belief systems drive him, or will he make a commitment to move past the fear of old paradigms, and step into his full potential?

During the call, I didn’t want to take Jake down the road of investigating his past, because he had already spent too much time analyzing the past and worrying about the future. Jake said he had an easy-going upbringing without a lot of drama or trauma.

Often, feeling that degree of comfort as a child makes it harder to take risks as an adult, because we don’t have enough experiential evidence to recover from failure, risks, and things that scare us. We have to stop asking ourselves why, why, why. We don’t have to self-analyze ourselves to death. We need to be aware of the patterns and self-limiting beliefs, so we can shift them. We all need to step up into our full potential, and not allow outdated paradigms hold us back. Men, it is ok to be vulnerable, to talk about your doubts, and to admit to confusion about who you are, and how to find your purpose.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you a man, or with a man, who is questioning his career path or purpose?

● Is fear something that is stopping you?

● Do you relate to sabotaging yourself?

Jake 's Question: Jake feels drawn toward another career change. He wants to know how to get out of his own head to move forward.

Jake 's Key Insights and Aha’s:

● He is sabotaging himself.

● He has competing intentions.

● He has a propensity to not follow through.

● He battles with fear and low self-worth.

● He has time management issues.

● He has created motion toward what he wants by putting himself out there.

● He is afraid he won’t live up to his full potential.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● He should invest in a coach.

● He should read The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, and other personal development books.

● He should work on shifting his belief system and get clear about what his vision is.

● Over the next 40 days, he should do 10 things that get him out of his comfort zone.

● He should make a schedule for himself and stick to it.

Assignments and Takeaways:

● Go out and engage in behavior which pulls you out of your comfort zone, to develop trust in yourself.

● Commit to rewiring your brain. Visit NeuroGym to learn more.

● Stop obsessing about what you think is a liability.

● Show up fully for yourself, be your own word. Make commitments and don’t break them. If you do break them, re-negotiate and start again.

Resources: Christine Hassler - Book a session to be on the show! Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com NeuroGym

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EP 362: Is This Person Really the Love of Your Life, or is it an Issue-Based Relationship? With Rachel 0

Aug 17, 2022

This episode is about getting the love we deserve. Today’s caller, Rachel, is in an issue-based relationship with a partner who doesn’t make her a priority. An issue-based relationship is when unresolved issues bring two people together. These relationships tend to be stressful, on-again-off-again, and come with anxiety, but the physical attraction is often very strong. Whether or not you are in a relationship you will get some gems from this episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode362]

Do you want the love of your life to be someone who causes you anxiety, who doesn’t make compromises for you, or who doesn’t make you a priority? Don’t you want better? We all deserve better than that. The problem is we get the love we think we deserve, not the love we actually deserve.

Many of us find ourselves in a position where we know something isn’t good for us. We know we want, and deserve better, but we just can’t let it go. It’s a form of addiction. It’s codependency. It is having our unmet needs tickled just enough that we go back for more. But, it’s not love. It’s not a true connection or partnership.

Something that can trip us up and make us suffer way more than we need to is when we have a rose-colored glasses tint on the way we see things. Because, when we do, we are more in love with an ideal than we are with the reality of things.

When we experience a love that is not based on unresolved issues, it makes us glad we left the relationships that were based on our issues. Love that comes from a healthy place is amazing!

If someone isn’t going out of their way to make you a priority, it is a red flag.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you with someone you call the love of your life but they are more of a teacher or trigger in your life?
Are you aware your unresolved childhood issues and unmet needs could be influencing your relationship choices or the people you are attracted to?
Are you good at speaking up for your needs in relationships? Do you feel you always fight to get your needs met but it never happens?
Do you know you are in a relationship that isn’t good for you but you can’t seem to get out of it?

Rachel’s Question:

Rachel has an on-again-off-again relationship with someone she considers the love of her life and would like guidance on.

Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She looks outside of herself to find fulfillment.
She believes her partner is the love of her life.
Her partner doesn’t meet her needs.
She and her partner have great chemistry.
Her partner reminds her of her father.
She lost her family and fears losing her partner.
Her partner says he can’t handle her emotions.
She is in an intense issue-based relationship.
There are a lot of highs and lows in the relationship.
Her threshold for love is based on her relationship with her father.
She feels she is missing out on having a good life.
She feels anxious and exhausted.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Let the relationship go to break her pattern.
Grieve the relationship with her partner and her father wound.
Work with a coach and get an accountability partner and ask for what she needs.
Pull her inner mother forward.
Remind herself that this is her inner child is trying to heal her father wound.
Be compassionate with herself while she finds authentic self-love.
Go to the ocean and perform an emotional release ritual.
Refrain from calling her current partner the love of her life.

Takeaways:

Awareness is not enough. Start making the changes necessary to transform.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: Internal Family Systems with Dr Richard Schwartz 0

Aug 13, 2022

You are going to learn so much from this episode!! And get to listen to a live demo of Dr Schwartz doing parts work with me. Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There he discovered that family therapy alone did not achieve full symptom relief and in asking patients why, he learned that they were plagued by what they called “parts.” From these explorations with parts work, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model was born in the early 1980s.

IFS is now evidence-based and has become a widely-used form of psychotherapy, particularly with trauma. It provides a non-pathologizing, optimistic, and empowering perspective and a practical and effective set of techniques for working with individuals, couples, families, and more recently, corporations and classrooms.

In 2013 Schwartz left the Chicago area and now lives in Brookline, MA where he is on the faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

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EP 361: Letting Go of Grief and Confusion with Amy 0

Aug 10, 2022

This episode is about releasing grief and confusion and allowing ourselves the time and space to heal. Today’s caller, Amy, is 25-plus years past when she decided to have an abortion and is triggered by everything going on with Roe vs. Wade. We talk about it as an example of how grief never really goes away. She would like guidance about how to move past her shame, guilt, and lingering grief. If you are someone who has chosen to have an abortion or had to, I hope you find comfort in this episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode361]

Sometimes we have to slow down to speed up as we may be triggering our trauma with too much personal development work. Too much good work can trigger trauma and we may be doing too much of a good thing. When we grow up in chaos, our nervous systems become overloaded and personal development work can trigger it.

Trauma is too much, too soon, too fast. When we work on ourselves too much it can trigger our trauma bell. Even though personal development is good, to our nervous system it feels like an overload and too much to process.

One of the biggest tips for healing trauma is when we are in any kind of overload, we take a pause and ask ourselves what we need at the moment. It can take practice. The better we get at it the more we start to be able to get out of the trigger. When we are conditioned at operating with a hyper-aroused nervous system, pausing and pacing ourselves is the key to healing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you have an abortion at some point in your life and still carry around guilt and shame but are ready to let it go?
Do you judge other women who have made a similar choice? Are you willing to let go of the judgment?
Do you suffer from confusion and lack of clarity?
Could you be doing too much personal development work? Is it working against you?

Amy’s Question:

Amy would like some deep healing for her 16-year-old inner child who made a decision that she continues to guilt and shame herself for.

Amy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She completed the Inner Child Workshops 1 and 2.
She had an abortion at 16.
The recent Roe vs. Wade conversations trigger her.
She was brought up in the Catholic religion.
She wants to heal her inner child.
The father of the child didn’t take responsibility.
She feels as if she sinned and that God will punish her.
She has never fully grieved her loss.
She feels she has released the soul of the baby back to the universe.
She has three children.
She would like clarity about her journey.
She is passionate about life and confidence coaching.
She feels unworthy of being a coach.
She has integrity.
She has beautiful things to offer people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Make a date to do the empty chair process with herself and the soul of the baby then invite her 16-year-old self into the joys of motherhood.
Take a pause when she feels overwhelmed or triggered.
Give herself some space and not feel as if she has to process everything at once.
Keep doing the work but not in a way that overwhelms her.

Takeaways:

Slow down to speed up. Are you triggering your trauma with too much personal development work? Do you need to slow down and give yourself some space?

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: What exactly happens on my Signature Retreat? 0

Aug 6, 2022

If you feel like you have a lot of awareness but things in your life are not changing…it may be time for some “experiential” work. In this episode Christine and Jill about what happens at Christine’s Signature Retreat to help you discern if it’s right for you.

More info about the retreat here:

https://christinehassler.com/signatureretreat/

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EP 360: A Midlife Marriage Crisis with Marc 0

Aug 3, 2022

This episode is about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Today’s caller, Marc, feels a shift in his 20-year marriage. He is willing to work on the relationship but his wife is avoiding it. This episode is relatable to many people because we discuss why he doesn’t take a stand for himself and how it takes two people to make a relationship work.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode360]

Many midlife crises happen because people find themselves in a place where they can’t suppress anymore. Often, their kids are older, they are set in their careers, and their life is a bit more predictable, then all of a sudden they find it difficult to suppress what they feel they have missed out on.

When an individual feels they’ve sacrificed a lot of their life in parenthood or the like, a sense of selfishness or entitlement bubbles up and they go in the opposite direction of where they have been. And, a person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end.

Sometimes our less obvious wounds are more impactful. A lot of time the person who holds the more feminine pole in a relationship often wants the masculine pole to lead, to come to us and let us know when things are off.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you in a relationship and you feel you are pulling more of the weight and are doing more of the work but your partner isn’t?
Are you unclear about where you stand in a relationship? Are you in limbo waiting for someone to tell you if the relationship is moving forward?
Do you avoid standing up for yourself and what you want?
Did you have a parent you couldn’t afford to lose so you tiptoed around them and the wound is impacting your adult relationships?

Marc’s Question:

Marc noticed a shift in his 20-year marriage. He feels as if he is in limbo. He is asking for guidance on what his next steps should be.

Marc’s Key Insights and Ahas:

He has been married for 20 years and has two teenage kids.
He feels a shift in attitude from his wife.
He is going to therapy but his wife isn’t.
He is putting a lot of work into what steps to take next.
He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage.
His wife may be premenopausal.
He and his wife put the kids first over each other.
His father abandoned his family when he was young.
He doesn’t want to continue being in limbo.
He has questions to ask his wife but is afraid of what the answers may be.
His wife hasn’t been there for him during some difficult times.
He recognizes he has some blind spots but thinks he has been a good husband.
He feels unappreciated.
His mother wound is affecting his relationship with his wife.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Realize he is a constant reminder of the things his wife isn’t facing.
He deserves clarity from his wife.
Stand up for himself and the marriage.
Work with his inner child and let him know that he will be okay, no matter what happens.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services