Over It And On With It

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

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CC: Make Your Mind a Peak Mind with Dr. Amishi Jha 0

Oct 23, 2021

My guest today talks to us about what attention really is, how to focus it (and stop a wandering mind), and leverage our minds to not only bring us success, but peace. Dr. Amishi Jha is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami. She serves as the Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative, which she co-founded in 2010. She received her Ph.D. from the University of California–Davis and postdoctoral training at the Brain Imaging and Analysis Center at Duke University. Dr. Jha’s work has been featured at NATO, the World Economic Forum, and The Pentagon. She has received coverage in The New York Times, NPR, TIME, Forbes and more. She is the author of the new book Peak Mind which we talk about in this episode.

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EP 319: Healing Jealousy and Not Feeling Good Enough with Boston 0

Oct 20, 2021

This episode is about overcoming not-enoughness and meeting our own needs to be secure in relationships. Today’s caller, Boston, has a protective pattern from his childhood that shows up as jealousy. It is blocking him from feeling secure in his relationship. He is working to shift his jealous feelings and is asking for guidance to understand the origin of his feelings and heal his anxious attachment style.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode319]

We are human. We are going to have patterns and we are going to have programming. There will be feelings that come up. There may be anxiety, OCD, insecurities, jealousy, co-dependence, people-pleasing, etc. It is not who you are. I say it again, it is not who you are.

Just because you have jealousy doesn’t mean you are a jealous person. Just because a pattern comes up for you, jealousy, or anything else you want to shift, it doesn’t mean you are that pattern. It is so important that whenever we are working to shift something, we accept it. The more we judge and shame ourselves, the more it sticks and the harder it is to change. So, if you are trying hard to change things about yourself, do not make yourself miserable. Being aware and accepting your patterns is the path forward.

Often, we make things more complicated than they need to be. Our primary desire is to feel safe, seen, heard, and loved. The more we get it from within ourselves the more we get it from others. The more we can acknowledge the tender parts inside of us the less we need external validation.

If you are a woman looking for a man and put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship, the holidays can be challenging. So, starting late November or early December, join Stefanos and me for our Be the Queen program. This upcoming event is the last event until next year. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen for more information.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you struggle with jealousy in your relationship even if there is no reason for it?
Do you judge yourself for getting jealous?
Did you grow up feeling like you fit into society, your family, or your peer group? Did you look or feel different, like you were not good enough?
How are you at meeting your own needs?

Boston’s Question:

Boston has a pattern of exhibiting jealousy in his relationships. He would like guidance on how to heal his triggers.

Boston’s Key Insights and Ahas:

He recently started his personal development journey.
He puts his jealous behavior on to his partner.
He judges himself for his jealous tendencies.
He is mentally working through his patterns to interrupt them.
He has an anxious attachment style.
He is looking for reassurance in his relationship.
He grew up in an area where people were discriminatory.
He had very little emotional connection with his parents.
His parents argued a lot in his childhood.
He didn’t feel good enough as a child.
He was jealous of other families and the love he thought they shared.
He moved to a new country at a very young age.
He developed tough skin to protect himself.
His partner is patient and understanding.
He has old hurts and insecurity.
His fear of losing his family is preventing him from enjoying it.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Understand his jealousy is trying to protect him.
Be compassionate with himself when he is triggered.
Remind himself he is enough.
Talk to his younger self about what he needs and reassure himself.
Ask his partner to work with him on his inner child work.
Embrace and enjoy the life he has created.

Takeaways:

For a refresher on healing your inner child, listen to the Inner Child Workshop.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: How to Navigate, Resolve and Prevent Conflict with Jayson Gaddis 0

Oct 16, 2021

If you avoid or dread conflict or find you have too much of it in your life, you will find this episode so helpful! Jayson Gaddis is here to talk about his new book Getting To Zero: How to Work through Conflicts in your High-Stake Relationships and teach us SO much about how to have healthier relationships. He is a relationship expert and sought-after coach, as well as the Founder of The Relationship School and host of the successful Relationship School podcast. Jayson leads the most comprehensive relationship training in the world of intimate relationships and partnership, as well as trains and certifies relationship coaches. He has a master’s in psychology and lives with his wife and two children in Boulder, Colorado.

Get the book and free goodies here: https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

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EP 318: Take Off the Pressure Cooker with Elizabeth 0

Oct 13, 2021

This episode is about taking the pressure off of self-imposed timelines. Today’s caller, Elizabeth, has a sense of urgency. She feels she needs to get into a relationship and have children. But, at the same time, she is experiencing rejection, ghosting, and men leaving. She thinks she is doing something wrong.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode318]

For whatever reason, we put ridiculous timelines on ourselves. Who knows where they come from society, parents, or our inner critic. We also put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be or to achieve certain things. And, all the while we’re not really paying attention to what we truly need to be learning. We miss out on the magic that can come from being present and in the moment.

And, enmeshment or co-dependence means that we are a little bit too reliant or dependent on another person to make us feel a certain way. We all want a mother to be the constant source of love and nurturing but we also want a mother to let us go on our way or let us suffer and find our own way.

If we have someone who always rescues us, how do we ever learn to rescue ourselves?

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you unconsciously put pressure on yourself or others and it is sabotaging you from getting the things you truly want?
Did you have too close of a relationship with your mother or a parent?
Do you feel a timeline or sense of urgency to get married, have babies, or accomplish something at a certain time?
Would you say that you were an exceptional partner to yourself?

Elizabeth’s Question:

Elizabeth feels she is the reason her relationships don’t work out.

Elizabeth’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She feels she can’t get relationships right.
She feels she has been called to have children.
She was very close to her mother, maybe too close.
She is trying to source her love through other people to fill the void.
She clings on to men.
She misses being in a close relationship.
She didn’t develop her own sense of self.
She is scared to voice her feelings in relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Prioritize loving herself and individuating.
Find her wise inner mother and untangle her enmeshment with her mother.
Look back at past relationships and consider how she could do things differently.
Write a reassuring letter to her future self that everything is going to be alright and then have her future self write back.
Realize it wasn’t her fault that guys take off but she can take responsibility for her part in the relationship.

Takeaways:

Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Bethany Webster, The Mother Wound.
If you feel pressured to get somewhere, write a letter to your future self and then have your future self write back to you about how everything works out.
If you are in a pattern, ask yourself what wound is it bringing attention to that could be healed.
Join the Be the Queen program.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Owning Your Erotism and Consent with Dr. Betty Martin 0

Oct 9, 2021

Sex and sexuality. These are part of the human experience. Yet for so many, sex and sexualty brings up shame, insecurity and even painful memories. It is possible to enjoy your sexual expression no matter what you have been through while empowering yourself by learning about your preferences and consent.

There is no one better to discuss these topics with me than. Dr. Betty Martin.

She has had her hands on people professionally for over 40 years, first as a Chiropractor and upon retiring from that practice, as a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®.

As part of her work with the School of Consent, Betty travels around the world teaching practitioners how to create empowered agreements in their client sessions, in her highly sought-after training “Like A Pro: The Wheel of Consent for Practitioners.”

Wheel of consent videos:

short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x2jAm3HxHM

long; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auokDp_EA80

Download this Episode

EP 317: Healing the Mother Wound with Abigail 0

Oct 6, 2021

This episode is about doing inner child work to heal the mother wound. Today’s caller, Abigail, feels she is struggling to connect with her feminine energy but we discover that she is being triggered by her circumstances and it is revealing a coping strategy she relied on in her childhood. We discuss ways she can make the most of this healing opportunity.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode317]

You can’t really tap into true masculine and feminine until you do inner child work. Because we can confuse being in our feminine or masculine energy with protective behaviors and coping strategies. It is important for us to find our divine mother and father energy but healing our childhood wounds is the starting point.

When past trauma in her child wounding is triggered, it is an invitation for us to deal with it by speaking to our little one and giving them a voice. It makes it much easier to trust because our inner child isn’t tugging at us telling us they are not okay.

What keeps some people from doing inner child work is that they think they have to relive their trauma or relive memories of their childhoods. It is possible to heal your childhood and connect with your inner child even if you have no memories or traumatic memories.

When we are given pauses in life, or when we feel we are in limbo, they are opportunities for us to focus on our inner work.

Join us for our LIVE Inner Child Workshop on October 8–10th. It will be the last live inner child workshop taught by Christine and Stefanos for a while. Get live coaching or attend the workshop online ChristineHassler.com/InnerChild. If you can’t make it live you can get the recording. If you need help financially go to ChristineHassler.com/Scholarship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Are you struggling with identifying what is masculine and feminine energy? Or, you are not sure how to be in your masculine or feminine?
Have you worked on the mother wound and know intuitively there is still more to do?
Do you identify with being a caretaker? Someone who takes care of other people’s needs as a way to try and get your own needs met?
As a child, were you more in the parent role than you were in the child role? Did a parent count on you for emotional support? Did they confide in you? Were you more of a friend to them and not allowed to truly be a kid?

Abigail’s Question:

Abigail struggles with staying in her feminine energy.

Abigail’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has had a lot of uncertainty in her life.
She has difficulty adjusting and trusting changes.
She holds fear about changes in her life.
She frequently changes her residence.
She left her nursing career to be a doula.
Her parents dealt with uncertainty differently.
She didn’t have a good role model for embracing uncertainty.
She didn’t feel safe as a child.
Caretaking became a coping strategy for her.
She beats herself up emotionally.
She felt responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
She wants to be free to express her needs.
Her mom treated her like a friend and not a child.
She feels worthless if she isn’t caring for others.
Her partner feels safe to her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Check-in with little Abigail to see how she is.
Accept and have compassion for herself.
Give her rage a voice and write an F-U letter to her mother.
This is a healing opportunity for her. She is exactly where she needs to be.
Join the Inner Child Workshop.
Check out the Mother Wound Coaches Corner and the work of Bethany Webster.

Takeaways:

Use the pauses in your life to give your inner child a voice and to heal unhealed wounding.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services