This call is about how fear of commitment may truly be fear of loss. Today’s caller, Rachel, is collecting evidence about why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship because it will be too much work even though she says she would like to have a relationship. We talk about how the losses she experienced as a child may be coloring her perception of what a relationship will be like and how interdependent relationships can help us heal.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode264]

People who felt very alone as children will lead a solitary life and think that it’s what they want because they want to avoid a wound about being lonely as a child. They stay in that energetic and continue living a lonely, solitary life because they don’t know any different. It keeps the old wound from coming up. It may not make a lot of logical sense but if you are someone who lives a solitary or lonely life, and you believe that you are an introvert and you like it better, is it really true? Or, is loneliness a wound from your childhood you are perpetuating in your adulthood?

When we don’t have stability or structure in our life or childhood, things become overwhelming as an adult. It’s because there is still a traumatized child running the show. This is why having a lot going on, for someone who moved around a lot, had a parent that died, or didn’t have someone there to provide structure and stability, is hard. Just a few things can seem overwhelming.

Until we do healing work, our perception is influenced by past wounding because we expect to see what we have seen in the past.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you not getting into a relationship because you don’t want one or because you are scared?
• Do you have a history of loss? Has loss been a major teacher for you?
• Are you afraid that if anyone gets too close, you will lose them?
• Do you spend a lot of time alone and think that you like that better?
• Do you believe your inner child wounding could actually be healed in a relationship? Do you avoid relationships because you’re afraid you’re going to get hurt?

Rachel’s Question:

Rachel has experienced multiple losses and would like guidance on how to approach relationships in her life.

Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She believes a relationship would be a lot of work.
• Her mother passed when she was seven.
• She was separated from her family members when her mother passed.
• She was adopted at 14 by a family friend.
• She may be looking for a caretaker in a relationship.
• She wants a relationship but is not sure it will fit her life.
• She would like a relationship with someone she can count on.
• She is craving a nurturing partner.
• She leads a solitary life and feels safer hiding herself.
• She has a lot of love to give.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Stop letting the loss she experienced define her.
• Open her heart to herself, other people, or an animal.
• Consider if she makes decisions from her heart or fear.
• Watch or read things that model a nurturing love.

Takeaways:

• Know that the thing that has been the primary teacher in your life does not have to be a consistent lesson.
• For any decision you are dealing with, ask yourself if you are making the choice from fear or from your heart.
• Connect to your mothering, nurturing energy, whether you are male or female.
• If you are someone who deals with loneliness, give love to yourself and others.

Sponsor:

Rothy’s — Get your new favorite stylish, versatile, sustainable shoes and bags made from eco-friendly material, including repurposed plastic water bottles and marine plastics from Rothy’s. They are the softest shoes you will ever put on your feet and are machine washable. Check out the newest colors and latest styles from Rothy’s by using this link Rothys.com/over and get free shipping and free returns.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Meera Lee Patel is a self-taught artist and the author of Start Where You Are, Made Out of Stars, and My Friend Fear, and—most recently—Create Your Own Calm. She creates work to inspire and encourage others to connect with themselves, each other, and the world around them.

In this episode we talk about how you can incorporate art and creativity into your wellness routine and meditation practice.

Learn more about Meera here: https://meeralee.com/

This call is about effectively communicating your needs to break unhealthy patterns in relationships. Today’s caller, Julie, is aware of the unhealthy patterns in her relationships but is uncertain why the patterns aren’t shifting. The amazing thing about relationships, romantic or friendship, is that they can provide healing ground for inner child wounding if we feel safe enough to do it.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode263]

We all have masculine and feminine energy within us, no matter how we identify. Often, the way we present in life is not our core essence. Masculine energy likes to feel respected. It’s on the top of the priority list for men. And, for the female-identifying people that doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be respected but for the feminine essence it is a lot more about feeling safe and respect is part of that. It is about feeling safe physically, feeling safe emotionally, and feeling safe sexually.

Masculine and feminine energy is something Stefanos and I teach a lot. It’s another avenue of personal development we can learn about and in relationships, especially intimate relationships, it’s really important to have polarity, otherwise, you either kind of go into roommate mode or you have a lot of arguments.

When healing a romantic relationship there are two key aspects. The inner child piece and the polarity piece. It is hard to get the polarity piece in place when the inner child piece isn’t in place. So how the inner child piece helps with the polarity piece is as children we are more in touch with our core essence, either feminine or masculine, and it’s because of inner child wounding that those masks get put on. The more we give ourselves what we need inside ourselves the more we give the little one inside of us what we didn’t get as children.

Remember inner child work in a relationship is meeting our needs, parenting ourselves in the way that we didn’t get, and then communicating our needs in a non-attacking, non-passive-aggressive, non-manipulative way to our partners.

It’s a lot to be human, be a parent, and be in a relationship, but when we understand our inner child, understand how to parent, and understand polarity it becomes a little less overwhelming and a little easier.

Level 2 of the Virtual Inner Child Workshop will be held on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Level2 to sign up or visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have patterns that keep showing up in your life, or your relationships, and no matter what you do you just can’t seem to shake them?
• Were you raised in a home where you had to parent your parents and you had to be both the mother and the father?
• Do you tend to parent your children in a way that is opposite to how you were parented but when it comes to your own relationship with your inner child you’re still parenting yourself the way you were parented?
• Do you relate to feeling like things are going well but you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop so you can’t really enjoy the good happening in your life?

Julie’s Question:

Julie has grown a lot with personal development work but she can’t seem to shake the patterns of waiting for something to go wrong.

Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She separated herself from an abusive marriage.
• She looks for things to go wrong.
• Her mother is bi-polar.
• She is currently in a romantic relationship.
• Her partner speaks another language.
• She didn’t have a close relationship with her father.
• She adopted a protective strategy.
• She is in Personal Mastery.
• Her mother criticized her.
• She fears being disappointed and hurt.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Use her relationship as a healing container.
• Work with her inner child, little Julie.
• Give love and encouragement in place of self-judgment.
• Step into her feminine.
• Talk with her partner about getting her needs met.
• Be gentle with herself.

Takeaways:

• Ask yourself, ‘what did I need most in childhood that I didn’t get?’ and give it to yourself. Make it a priority to give yourself whatever it is.
• If you want to learn more about the masculine-feminine dynamic, I like the book, Intimate Communion by David Deida. If you want to try it on Audible you can go to Audibletrial.com/overitandonwithit to get a discount.
• If you’re in a relationship, think of how you can meet the needs of your inner child and then communicate those needs to your partner in a non-passive-aggressive, non-attacking, or non-manipulative way.
• Do the inner child work. Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about coming to terms with leaving an abusive past behind. Today’s caller, Julie, grew up in an abusive home and struggles with how much responsibility she has to stay involved in the family dynamic of her family of origin. We discuss body memories and what she is experiencing at a soul level. Until we parent our inner child the way it needs to be parented, that part of us continues to hook into the past to try to get our needs met.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode262]

Whatever your story is, there’s no reason to carry around shame or judgment of it and there is no reason to over-identify with it. If you think because of your past you have to have an awful life, or you will never become what you want to become, or use it as a scapegoat or excuse, you don’t. Your story is part of your life. It is something that has formed you but it doesn’t have to limit you. And, there’s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed about it. Your story is your story, that’s it.

The body is often the language of the subconscious mind. And, with emotions, our body can be stuck in time because it remembers a trauma that happened. Many of our emotions are coming from the subconscious level, especially the programmed emotions. Those are the ones we have been feeling since we were a child, based on things that happened or things we were told. Emotions that we feel over and over again that are pervasive and repetitive are emotional addictions. Oftentimes, right before we break an addiction, cravings for the experience get stronger.

It’s hard to break karma and step into massive soul lessons because we know we are breaking free of something major we have been hanging on to for lifetimes.

Level 2 of the Virtual Inner Child Workshop will be held on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Level2 to sign up or visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you know the difference between your actual feelings or feelings that have just been a programmed response?
• Are you estranged from a family member or do you feel it may be healthy not to be in contact with a certain family member or a friend?
• Do you feel guilty or ashamed by your parents and do things out of obligation?
• Do you want to break free of the wounding of childhood and create a new kind of healthy family moving forward?

Julie’s Question:

Julie would like guidance on how to discern her programmed feelings from her actual feelings.

Julie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She grew up in an abusive home.
• She could never do anything right.
• She will be adopting a baby and doesn’t want to repeat the cycle.
• She feels as if she can’t escape her past.
• She doesn’t speak with her mother.
• She feels debilitated but is ready to purge the feelings.
• She feels ready to be a mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reach out to a somatic therapist who is trauma-informed.
• Look at how far she has come and acknowledge herself for it.
• Forgive herself for the self-imposed blame.
• Emancipate herself from being controlled and betrayed.

Takeaways:

• Do the inner child work. Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Sponsor:

ShipStation — The solution for online businesses and individuals who want to ship things without leaving home. ShipStation software tracks all of your shipments in one easy-to-use interface. Try ShipStation for free for 60-days by using the offer code 'OVERIT'. ShipStation helps your business grow and thrive.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about being able to meet your own needs. Today’s caller, Melissa, had a challenging childhood and is being triggered in her current relationship. She would like guidance on how to communicate her needs to her partner. We work through how her triggers are serving her and the expression of a need versus the expectation of a need to be filled by someone else.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode261]

We often choose spouses and relationship partners who help us heal unmet needs and wounds from our parents.

As humans, on a metaphysical, even spiritual level, we need other people. And, we need people to meet certain needs. And, when we learn how to meet our needs ourselves we get better at communicating healthy needs to others.

We live in an interdependent world, yet we are sovereign beings. This means we must take an inside-out approach. First, we have to be independent in fulfilling our own needs internally and not project them on others. When we understand how to communicate our needs, not from a needy place but a place of bonding in our relationships, we can then connect and express with others toward interdependence.

There is the difference between being needy, or trying to get someone else to fill a need, and clearly expressing our needs to another person in a way that we can teach them how to meet it.

If you missed the Virtual Inner Child Workshop Level 1, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• As a child, did you ever feel abandoned or neglected?
• Do you get triggered in your relationships when you feel someone else is not meeting your needs or showing up the way you like them to?
• Do you have a pattern of reaching out to others to get your needs met?
• Can you say without a shadow of a doubt you know how to meet your own needs?

Melissa’s Question:

Melissa doesn't completely understand her needs and feelings. She wants guidance on how to recognize her boundaries and give herself what she needs when she is triggered.

Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She wants to understand her feelings and needs.
• She projects her abandonment wounds on to her husband.
• She is aware of her abandonment wounding.
• She was left alone while her parents comforted her younger brother.
• She never felt supported by her parents.
• She is triggered by her husband’s attention to his work.
• She attended the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1.
• She reached out to her mother but was disappointed by her response.
• She wants to establish a connection with her mother.
• She feels overburdened with managing her emotions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Do the empty chair process from Expectation Hangover.
• Write her mother a letter she does not intend to send.
• Use her triggers to discover how she can meet her own needs.

Takeaways:

• Think about the things you want from other people and make a list of your unmet needs and see how you may not be doing those things for yourself.
• Learn how to communicate your needs to people in your life.
• Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.

Sponsor:

Jenni Kayne — If you love clothes that are both stylish and super comfortable with a dash of refined simplicity, you will love Jenni Kayne. Make getting dressed the easiest part of your routine with Jenni Kayne’s modern essentials. Use the code ‘OVERIT’ for 20% off at checkout!

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine gives you ten very do-able tips for how to increase your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health during these intense times. When there is so much division and uncertainty in the external world, it is critically important to create calm in your internal world.

To join us for the Inner Child Workshops, go to www.christinehassler.com/innerchildbundle

This call is about maintaining boundaries when dealing with anger or rage. Today’s caller, Dana, is in a difficult situation. Her husband rages out at her and her children, but she loves him and wants the relationship to work. We work through ways she can maintain her boundaries and ways she can show up in the relationship to create a cohesive healing environment.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode260]

First, if you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.

Anyone who has been abused and then becomes abusive has a great deal of shame. One thing we know to be true is that love is incredibly healing. And, often when someone is in an environment where they do not feel judged, their protective behaviors begin to fade. Creating a loving, non-judgmental, feminine space for the person may help them heal.

Remember, feminine energy is not weak or submissive. We don’t just tolerate whatever happens to keep the peace and love everything. Feminine energy is fiercely loving and compassionate. It’s the combination of compassion and nurturing that holds space and is non-judgmental but also the protective mama bear.

If you missed the Inner Child workshop, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, which begins Sept. 25th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild.

This is a trying time emotionally, mentally, and financially, so in October, I am giving away $5,000 in personal development grant money. Ten people will receive $500 to invest in themselves. We are also enrolling angels who would like to make a financial contribution to someone else’s personal development, go to ChristineHassler.com/grant to get more information. I will announce the grant recipients on an Instagram Live.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you living with, or have you ever lived with someone who had rages, or explosive bouts of anger?
• How are you at expressing your anger? Are you honest about it to do it in a healthy way, or do you internalize it, then it leaks out through judgment to criticism or irritability either at yourself or others?
• Do you feel you have worked on yourself but can’t believe you are still dealing with an issue you’ve been working on in therapy for years?
• Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when it comes to expressing your needs? How do you do it?

Dana’s Question:

Dana would like guidance on how to hold boundaries when it comes to dealing with her husband’s anger.

Dana’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her husband rages out.
• She has tried different ways to keep peace in the house.
• She feels overburdened with responsibility.
• She has empathy for her husband.
• Her husband had a traumatic childhood.
• She has done a lot of therapy around her relationship with her mother.
• She loves her husband and wants to make their relationship work.
• She has difficulty holding her boundaries.
• She has a high tolerance for being treated poorly.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Create a feminine, loving, non-judgmental, shame-free space for her husband.
• Make an agreement with her closest friend to assist her in leaving if things get worse.
• Consult with a professional together with her husband.
• Maintain firm boundaries when it comes to rage.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse, get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.
• If you are in any type of relationship and you know you want to stay in it, look at your end of it. How can you show up to create a more cohesive, healing environment for the other person?
• Be aware of your self-abuser, especially if you have had abuse in your life, a lot of times we internalize it. Consider listening to the Inner Child workshop.
• Allow yourself to feel your feelings and allow yourself to communicate with vulnerability.

Sponsor:

Rothy’s — Get your new favorite stylish, comfortable, versatile shoes made from eco-friendly material, including repurposed plastic water bottles and marine plastics from Rothy’s. They are the softest shoes you will ever put on your feet. Check out the newest colors and latest styles from Rothy’s by using this link Rothys.com/over.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.