Welcome to my annual two-part ritual to complete this year and step forward into the next with intention! In this episode, I guide you through a step-by-step process to complete 2023 with awareness and intention and let it go! And stay tuned for next week’s episode where I offer you a process to receive 2024. I record these fresh every year so be sure to tune in even if you are familiar with the process.
Dr. Julia DiGangi is a neuropsychologist. She has nearly two decades of experience studying the connection between our brains and our behavior. Dr. DiGangi has worked with leaders at The White House Press Office, global companies,international NGOs, and the US Special Forces. Her understanding of stress, trauma, and resilience is also informed by her work in international development and humanitarian aid, where she served some of the world's most vulnerable communities. The founder of NeuroHealth Partners, a neuropsychology-based consultancy, DiGangi shows people—at work and athome—how to harness the power of the brain to lead more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives. Connect with Julia DiGangi at drjuliadigangi.com.
This coaching call is about learning to trust others. Today’s caller, Samantha, was bullied as a child and finds it difficult to trust others enough to make new friends. She asks for guidance on expanding her circle of friends and allowing herself to be truly seen by others.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode432].
We can get a thousand compliments, and a thousand great things can happen but we always seem to remember the one yucky thing someone said or did. And, often, it can be much stronger than yucky. It can be downright traumatic. Being bullied, not feeling like you fit in, and not feeling that you can trust people are very traumatic because they push against our need for belonging, which is a safety and survival need.
If you have a hard time trusting people, really the person you don’t trust is yourself.
If you are looking at something in your life that feels like a big problem or block, look to where the beliefs or behaviors have served you. Consider how you can reframe it. Choose wisely or pay attention to your intuition if something comes up. Or, if someone betrays you, stand up for yourself. Stand up to a bully. Get honest with yourself, and stop playing the victim.
The CIT coaching opportunity is to be coached by Elementum Coaching Institute’s coach-in-training program. Commit to six sessions and get a transformational experience for a low price. Apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/CIT.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Would you like to have more people in your life but you just don’t trust people?
Are you expecting people to hurt you and find it hard to trust others?
Was there an early-life event that shaped the way you make friendships and let people in?
Samantha’s Question:
Samantha struggles to trust people and would like guidance on how to be more open to expanding her inner circle.
Samantha’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She was bullied as a young girl.
She doesn’t trust people immediately.
She wants to be open to additional friendships.
People don’t seem safe to her.
She feels people are out to get her.
She feels blocked from making new friends.
She wants to protect herself and be free.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Learn to trust herself.
Reframe what she tells herself.
Challenge her existing beliefs.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Manisha Thakor has worked in financial services for more than thirty years, with an emphasis on women’s economic empowerment and financial wellbeing. A nationally recognized thought-leader in this space, Thakor has been featured in a wide range of publications including the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, NPR, PBS, CNN, Real Simple, and Women’s Health. Prior to writing MoneyZen, Thakor co-authored two personal finance books for women in their twenties and thirties. Today her work focuses on helping people of all ages to balance financial health and emotional wealth. Thakor earned her MBA from Harvard Business School, her BA from Wellesley College and is both a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). She splits her time between Portland, Oregon and rural Maine. Her website is MoneyZen.com. Manisha's Media Reel
This coaching call is about being curious about body parts and sexuality with other children as a child and then feeling shame and guilt about it as an adult. Today’s caller, Michelle, was a curious child who did not have a good representation of what sex was. She asks for guidance on how to forgive herself and release her guilt and shame.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode431].
How do we raise children not to be ashamed of their bodies, to feel comfortable with their sexuality, and to have boundaries? It comes down to present parenting and having an open dialogue about sexuality and boundaries. Oftentimes, when we are raised with the programming that sex is saved until marriage, there’s a curiosity that isn’t quenched.
When parents don’t have conversations about human sexuality, children do not get their questions answered. Children are naturally curious and will find out on their own if a parent does not make them aware that sexual curiosity is a very natural thing that children have.
If this conversation resonates with you it is time to forgive those places inside that hold guilt and shame. It doesn’t do us any good. Healing, learning, and re-parenting our inner child is what helps us grow.
Christine is accepting new private one-on-one coaching clients and small groups of 2‒4 people for coaching sessions. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/VIP.
An additional coaching opportunity is to be coached by Elementum Coaching Institute’s coach-in-training program. Commit to six sessions and get a transformational experience for a low price. Apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/CIT.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you carrying around shame and guilt from your childhood or the past?
Did you sexually explore with other children and have shame about it as an adult?
As a parent, are you thinking about how to address or handle sexuality with your child?
Are you willing to finally forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself to live the life you want?
Michelle’s Question:
Michelle asks for guidance on releasing the shame and guilt she has carried since childhood.
Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:
As a child, she sexually explored with a family member.
She believes it is limiting her sexual pleasure as an adult.
The exploration happened 30 years ago.
She has had a conversation about it with her husband.
She was raised in a religious home.
She has a curious nature.
Her mother spoke about sex in a way that made her uncomfortable.
She doesn’t feel she pressured anyone into sexual exploration.
She was parentified too soon.
She carries the shame deeply in her body.
She punishes herself and makes herself a villain.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Understand she was not a predator.
Forgive herself for a situation she cannot go back and change.
Forgive herself for buying into the misunderstanding that she was responsible at eight to ten years old.
Complete the Inner Child Workshop.
Write down her beliefs and judgments about her situation and forgive herself for each one.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about feeling out of control when being in control is how we have compensated for not getting what we needed as children. Today’s caller, Cato, is pregnant and her lack of control is creating panic. She asks Christine for guidance on how to be okay with the changes in her life and her fear of feeling insignificant.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode430].
As children, we need to belong. We need love. And we need to feel safe. So, whatever we need to do and whoever we need to become to get those things, we do. The need for significance comes from not feeling enough as a child, not feeling significant just for who we are. So as an adult, we are constantly looking for people to see us, love us, and tell us how wonderful we are because that need was not fulfilled in childhood. Either we weren’t told we were good or we only were told we were good when we did something “good.”
Something important for people to talk about is that — Yes, having a baby is blissful and magical AND it can be really hard at times. There are times when the hard times are more than the amazing times and that’s okay. It is an identity death like no other and there’s no way around that.
The more we resist it and try to hang on to who we were or to keep that version of us, the more we are going to bump up against resistance. Because when we get pregnant and when we give birth, the old version of us dies and the maiden becomes the mother. We have to find our new identity at the same time that we are learning to care for another human being. It’s a lot.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you like control? Does it make you feel calm and safe?
Do you consider yourself a capable, on-top-of-it person but something has completely thrown you off your game?
Do you fear not being relevant or not being significant?
Do you know how to receive, or do you believe that you must do to receive and be relevant?
Cato’s Question:
Cato fears that her pregnancy will make her irrelevant and insignificant. She is asking for guidance on how to be okay with herself and what is happening.
Cato’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is excited about her pregnancy.
Her pregnancy is forcing her to slow down.
She signed up for Elementum Coaching Institute.
Her pregnancy is bringing up depression and feelings of a lack of control.
She is experiencing intense emotions and is unsure of herself for the first time.
She realizes she has been using control to create safety.
She fears slowing down and not being relevant or significant.
Her inner child carries sadness and anger toward her father.
She is unsure if she is worthy of raising her child.
She is embodying receptivity.
She feels closer to her womb and her heart.
She has always kept busy to distract herself from her feelings.
When she slows down, she feels restless.
She finds purpose and meaning in her work.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Welcome the new feelings she is having.
Listen to this episode when it airs.
Embody what it feels like to be in her feminine.
Be curious about her restlessness.
Savor her pregnancy.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit. Get a 20% discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Dr. Florence Comite is a clinician-scientist and innovator in the field of precision medicine. She is world-renowned for her expertise in predicting, preventing, and reversing chronic disease and the disorders associated with aging.
She is a true disruptor of the status quo, a “doctorpreneur” with a bold mission--to eliminate chronic disease in the world. She has begun by helping her clients lengthen their healthspans to match their lifespans at the Center, which has not expanded to offices in Palo Alto and Miami Beach.
And now she is applying her research to a virtual medicine app called Groq Health , which is bringing access to the transformative power of personal precision medicine and AI to everyone’s smartphone.
This coaching call is about breaking the cycle of being in unhealthy relationships, specifically with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people. Today’s caller, Behnaz, feels guilty, exhausted, and angry when dealing with her family and longs for deeper connections. She asks Christine for guidance on how to break the cycle and release her anger.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode429].
We all have encountered someone with either narcissism or at least narcissistic tendencies, emotional unavailability, and gaslighting. It can be a frustrating and maddening place to be. It almost makes us feel crazy because we feel we are not being heard, we are not being seen, and it is frustrating.
Why empaths are so attracted to narcissists is because, on a subconscious level, we see that they don't have access to love. We can feel it. We think our love will somehow awaken the love in them but it just doesn’t work that way. We just end up giving away our power, and our heart, and we end up collapsing our boundaries.
It can be hard when we are a loving person, and we have a pattern of engaging with people who are not in touch with the love inside themselves. It’s exhausting.
If you know you have been gaslit before, be aware that you may either shut down completely and not talk at all or go into over-talking and over-explaining. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s just a natural reaction to being gaslit. Part of healing from being gaslit is finding our authentic self-expression, not coming from justification or defending, knowing exactly what we need to say and how much we need to say.
On some level, some of us do sign up to be generational pattern breakers. It’s the only way the consciousness of the planet evolves.
Spring 2024 will bring a new 10-week, Live, Inner Child Program from Christine and Stefanos. More information is coming soon.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
Behnaz’s Question:
Behnaz’s self-esteem is not where she wants it to be and she struggles to find her voice around narcissists. She wants guidance on how to release her anger and break the pattern.
Behnaz’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Adults gaslit her when she was a child.
She holds back her thoughts around narcissists.
She feels she has boundaries.
She has internalized anger she is unable to express.
She is exhausted.
She speaks up for herself but is resentful when nothing changes.
She tries to connect with emotionally unavailable people.
She wanted a deeper connection with her parents.
She yearns to love and connect with people.
Her soul signed up to be a generational pattern breaker.
She feels guilty about cutting off a relationship with her aunt.
She is a joyful person.
She is creating a family of friends.
She feels alone.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Grieve the relationship she didn’t have with her family.
Accept that she chose her family to learn through contrast.
Get in touch with her anger.
Accept that she cannot change anyone.
Know it is OK to step away from unhealthy relationships.
Honor who she is and come into alignment with it.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit. Get a 20% discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This is the perfect episode to listen to as the holidays are upon us - my guest, Talia Fox, and I talk about how to have healthier, more conscious relationships with ourselves and others.
Talia Fox is the CEO of KUSI Global, Inc. She holds an M.Ed. in counseling psychology from Howard University and she is a Harvard University Fellow. An inspirational leader in every sense of the word, Talia is often referred to as the Jedi of Inspiration by her clients. With over two decades of experience in transforming thousands of executives from all sectors, she has become a visionary for leadership and legacy building.
Her extensive background in psychology and education has given her the tools she needs to assist leaders in developing successful strategies for complex missions, ranging from defense systems to healthcare initiatives.
As CEO of KUSI Global, Inc., Talia helps organizations like the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, Harvard University, Transunion, the National Institutes of Health, Howard University, and the U.S. Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs maximize human potential by leveraging strategic intelligence and helps individuals and organizations foster connected cultures and promote conscious equity.
This coaching call is about getting out of the loop of needing reassurance. Today’s caller, Michele, does not feel safe in relationships and asks her partner for constant reassurance. If you have jealousy, worry, or anxiety in relationships or situations, you will find value in today’s episode.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode428].
There are times when we have insecurity or concerns in relationships. During those times, it is reasonable to go to our partner and ask for reassurance. That is within the range of a healthy relationship. But when we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of needing reassurance constantly in order to feel relief and love, it is because we don’t feel safe.
When we really feel love, it is beautiful and amazing and it is also terrifying. We have to acknowledge that it is risky and there will be things about it that will scare us. But when we recognize the risk and fear, if we greet the scared part of us with compassion and love, we can stop the fear from running the show. When we see the loop for what it is and take self-honoring actions, we take ourselves off the hamster wheel and stop abandoning ourselves.
Breaking the loop is a huge act of self-love and self-care. It’s never our partner’s job to heal us, but they can have an active role in understanding our wounding and being compassionate and patient with us as we heal.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a safe situation, relationship, or career but you’re afraid you’re going to lose it?
As a child, were marriage and relationships not modeled to you in a great way?
Do you need constant reassurance or otherwise, you feel unsettled?
Do you judge that part of you that needs constant reassurance?
Michele’s Question:
Michele asks for guidance on how to stop needing reassurance in her new relationship.
Michele’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has a compulsive need for reassurance.
She doesn’t feel safe in relationships.
She fears abandonment.
She was blindsided by her ex’s infidelity.
She’s been jealous in her relationships.
As a child, she didn’t have good models of relationship.
Her brother left home at a young age.
She feels a deep connection with her new partner.
Her partner reassures her often.
She gets frustrated with herself about her need for reassurance.
She fears she will manifest the ending of a relationship.
She believes she should have outgrown her fear by now.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion when the part of her that needs control comes up.
Ask herself if her fear is substantiated.
Recognizing when she is in a loop will help break the cycle.
Draw a diagram of her cycle of fear with exit routes.
Be gentle with the scared parts of herself.
Enjoy her relationship.
Takeaway:
Draw out a diagram of what perpetuates your cycle of fear and give yourself exit routes.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
This coaching call is about giving ourselves the time to be where we are, even if we don’t like it. Today’s caller, Maria, has suffered recent losses. It is causing past grief to surface. She asks Christine for guidance on how to tone down her hyper-vigilance and move through the grief she is experiencing.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode427].
Many of us get our idea of what a mother is based on our mother, the media, or other things that are so far off from what a mother actually is. A mother is not a martyr, not someone who sacrifices everything, has no life, or no sense of herself. It is also not abandoning a child, either physically or emotionally, because she’s so caught up in her own trauma.
A mother is being a loving, nurturing model of what a healthy nervous system looks like, what nurturing looks like, what unconditional love looks like, what acceptance looks like, what boundaries look like, and what soothing looks like.
When we are in a phase in life where we are still working out subconscious patterns and wounding, it is impossible to see red flags. If you are beating yourself up for red flags you didn’t see in situations, especially partnerships, please forgive yourself. You had to be in those relationships to wake up! Remember, we are naturally attracted to our dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to people who remind us of the parents who didn’t give us what we wanted.
Please forgive yourself. You can see the red flags now because you have done work. You couldn’t see them before. Give yourself a break. Self-beat has no place in healing. Give yourself that mothering or parental nurturing love that you so deserve. Sometimes it is not time to do the “work.” The work is nurturing, regulating, and resourcing ourselves.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email, you will be entered into a raffle to win a 30-minute coaching session with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Have you recently gone through loss and grief that have triggered other loss or grief?
Are you in a phase of overwhelm by how much you feel you have to process?
Did you not have the childhood or the parent you deeply desired?
Have you ignored red flags in relationships only now, in hindsight, they are clear as day?
Maria’s Question:
Maria has experienced a lot of loss recently and is looking for guidance on how to move through the grief.
Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels emotionally malnourished.
Her recent pregnancy and relationship losses are bringing up past grief.
She feels unsafe and hyper-vigilant.
She feels challenged to express herself or to be joyful.
Her mother passed away three years ago.
Her mother was emotionally unavailable and detached.
She feels overwhelmed, and her sense of self is out of balance.
Memories of her childhood feelings are surfacing and mixing with her grief.
She wanted intimacy from her mother and her relationships.
She longs for connection.
She did not have the ability to discern red flags.
She is consciously single now.
She is a doula who has a deep connection to motherhood.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion and awareness for the season of life she is in now.
Know that her soul baby is holding space for her to be ready for a beautiful, healthy relationship.
Give herself the love and the nurturing she wanted from her parents.
Allow herself to be resourced.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Known as The Enlightened Entrepreneur, Elizabeth Canon champions a new approach to entrepreneurship for women—out of the pressure cooker and onto a path that is more sustainable, life-giving and prosperous.
Many years ago, Elizabeth became an entrepreneur for freedom, but a few years into running her company realized she felt trapped in the business she had created. On the outside, she was successful, but inside she was lacking a sense of deeper satisfaction.
This launched her on a self-directed journey where she invested the equivalent of a Harvard MBA in her own growth and personal discovery. Along the way she learned how to apply what she was finding to her business.
Now, as a Master Coach, Elizabeth helps other women step onto their own paths of enlightened entrepreneurship, so they can grow their businesses without sacrificing what matters most in their lives. Because when you do this, you create a level of success, a business—and a life, that is all your own.
This coaching call is about breaking the childhood patterns that show up in relationships. Today’s caller, Oliver, struggles to embody his power and set boundaries when he is triggered in relationships. He asks for guidance on how to break and grow beyond survival patterns.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode426].
Many of us can relate to being our current age but in certain situations, we act in a way that is sabotaging, embarrassing, or doesn’t get us what we want. Why do we act like this? Because there is often inner child wounding and programming at play.
Survival patterns are tricky to change and they can hang on for a long time because a large portion of them are subconscious. Often, we have to duplicate our parental family of origin situation to wake up and transform our survival patterns. It is a necessary part of evolution. It doesn’t matter how much awareness we have, we have to walk through a situation to heal it.
It is hard work and often thankless work when we are the pattern breakers in our family. If we don’t have role models at home, we have to add in new programming. Watching movies, reading books, writing it out, or spending time with others to gain examples of what healthy relationships look like is important.
There are things we heal, and then there are some things that take a bit more time. The evolution, the moving out of fear, judgment, beliefs, and pain into love, is ongoing. The next time you feel that you have dealt with something before, or have awareness about something, get more curious about it.
The work is never done. We are always learning and growing.
Christine wants to hear from you! She is considering making some changes to the show, and she wants your feedback. Go to ChristineHassler.com/survey to answer a few questions about the podcast, and if you include your name and email you will be entered in a raffle to win a 30 min. coaching session with Christine.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you notice you have patterns in relationships that you don’t like and want to change?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy relationships modeled for you?
When you were growing up, did you have healthy parents or a healthy parent that raised you?
Are you someone that has done a lot of work and you know a lot of things, but you wish things were changing a little more?
Oliver’s Question:
Oliver struggles with a recurring pattern of sabotaging his relationships.
Oliver’s Key Insights and Ahas:
He is a recently divorced, single parent of two small children.
He is aware his pattern came from his mother.
His ex triggers his pattern and he freezes when confronted.
He gives his power away when confronted.
A portion of his development was stunted.
His mother was diagnosed as borderline and unpredictable.
He has done some inner child work but still has blind spots.
He is a therapist.
His feelings and emotions have been surfacing since his divorce.
He feels he holds power and has clear boundaries in other areas of his life.
His father is a public figure in his home country.
His mother physically beat the children.
He wanted his father to protect him against his mother.
It is difficult for him to show anger.
He can get stuck in self-analysis.
He is a generational pattern breaker.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Drop any expectation that this pattern is simple to change.
Center himself and reassure his inner child that he has matured and can take care of himself now.
Discover and write out what masculinity means to him and what healthy masculinity looks like in a relationship.
Get between his inner child and women with tendencies like his mother and separate himself from his inner child.
Tap into his protective “papa bear” energy and unleash his anger.
Listen to the Coaches Corner: Internal Family Systems podcast with Dr. Richard Schwartz.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. To take advantage of a limited-time offer for listeners of this podcast, go to CarawayHome.com/Overit or use the promo code OVERIT at checkout. Get a discount on a stylish gift for your home or friends and family for the holidays.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
We are all leaders, no matter what our job is. And we all have leadership styles that may or may not be the most aligned or effective.
Dr. Kirstin Ferguson joins to discuss how we can lead others and ourselves from a place of love. She is a prominent leadership expert and a highly experienced business leader in her own right.
Beginning her career as an officer in the Royal Australian Air Force, Kirstin has held roles that have included CEO of an International consulting firm and was appointed acting chair and deputy chair of the Australia Broadcasting Corporation by the Australian Prime Minister. She holds a PhD in Leadership and is an adjunct professor at QUT business school.
This coaching call is about understanding the reason we may be doubting a relationship. Today’s caller, Sammie, has doubts about her relationship and is wondering if she should stay in it. Christine guides her to change her perception and look at the situation differently.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode425].
There are many people who would be better off by leaving relationships or situations, but they decide to stay. They only stick around because the devil they know is often better than the devil they don’t. They feel there is no risk in staying in the relationship because it is familiar.
Then, there are those who probably “should” hang in there a while longer, or stick it out to see what happens, but they run sooner.
We need to work on switching those things around so that when we know something is toxic or not for us, we can make a conscious decision to leave. Or, when we are not totally sure, we see some great things about a relationship, but there is also a part of us that wants to run because the intimacy feels scary. But that is the point in a relationship when it could offer us great learning and healing if we could just stick it out.
Is your pattern to stick it out too long or to run too soon? If you are sticking it out too long, maybe it is time to go. If you are running too soon, maybe it is time to stay. Be honest with yourself when you are looking for a reason to get out of a relationship.
Christine is considering making some changes to the show and she wants your feedback. Go to christinehassler.com/survey to answer questions about the podcast and if you include your name and email you will be entered in a raffle to win a 30 min. coaching session with Christine!
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation, relationship, or friendship, and you are questioning whether you are in it for the “right” reasons?
Are you in a friendship or relationship and think you should end it because you don’t want to lead the person on or you don’t want to hurt feelings?
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style? Are you the person in a relationship that when it gets too intimate or too close, you start to pull back?
Do you have a deep insecurity about something in your life and think you have to settle because of it?
Sammie’s Question:
Sammie questions if her current relationship is right for her based on her boyfriend’s physical disability.
Sammie’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She feels safe in her current relationship and believes it is a healthy one.
She questions how her boyfriend’s spinal cord injury will impact their future together.
She is unsure if the relationship will lead her into a caretaker role.
She does not have prior experience to guide her through her uncertainty.
She is hopeful about the future of the relationship.
She admires the relationship her boyfriend has with his ex.
She joined a support group for people in relationships with people who have spinal cord injuries.
She is asking legitimate questions.
She becomes critical in relationships.
She has never had a relationship with this level of stability.
She doesn’t believe she could have attracted someone so healthy.
She has a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
She is insecure about where she is in her life.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Be 100% honest with her boyfriend.
Practice self-acceptance.
Lean into the invitation to love and intimacy.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Sarah Jenks is an ordained Priestess in the 13 Moon Mystery School. Sarah thought she was destined to have an “in the box” life after going to a top college, working in advertising, and then creating a successful emotional eating company.
One day she walked into her therapist’s office where the remnants of a sacred circle from the night before were strewn on the living room floor. She had a full body “Remembering” of being in ceremony. Since that day she’s been devoted to her own sacred practice and Temple skills and has devoted her life to creating spaces for women to have their own remembering.
Sarah’s work is centered around integrating Sacred Feminine wisdom and ceremony into our everyday lives, so that we can create the most rich, sexy, fun and meaningful existence. She offers mentorship programs and sacred council around the body, marriage, motherhood, and work, and runs an incredible monthly membership community where women and non-binary people come together for moonly ceremonies, astrology oracles, and lessons on the nuts and bolts of what it means to have a Sacred Feminine life.
Links discussed in this episode:
This coaching call is about reframing a situation to help make a change. Today’s caller, Lori, is settling and staying in a situation that isn’t what she wants, deserves, or values, out of fear of making a change. Christine offers guidance about how she can raise the bar, work through old patterns, and have the life she deserves.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode424].
Part of breaking a pattern and stepping into worthiness is not perceiving something as uprooting, or upheaval but as raising the bar of what we will tolerate in life.
As children, we didn’t have the choice to choose for ourselves. So, trauma sits in our nervous system because we were never allowed to feel our feelings in a safe and compassionate way. The trauma is never expressed so it gets locked in and begins to form a pattern. We can’t heal something till it’s in our face and we can give ourselves the love, compassion, patience, and support that we didn’t have as a child.
Breaking a pattern isn’t just about making a change, it is about how we are with ourselves while we are making the change. The best way to learn and change a pattern is when we are smack dab in the middle of it but with a coach, or someone to help us break the pattern.
If you are in a situation where you are settling and you want to make a change and it seems daunting, reframe how you are looking at the situation. If you see the situation as Mt. Everest, it will seem like it is hard to overcome. But, look at the issue as a way to increase your life satisfaction, rather than settling for a life that is based on your patterning. It may be difficult to make the change, but perceptions and beliefs about anything dramatically influence how we experience it.
Are you ready to be coached by Christine? If you are, there are three one-on-one coaching opportunities available now. Go to ChristineHassler.com and click on the coaching tab or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com for more information.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a situation that isn’t ideal, maybe even unhealthy, but the devil you know is worse than the one you don’t?
When it comes to relationships, do you have trouble speaking your voice?
When it comes to making a change do you generally feel that it’s going to be hard and have trouble getting motivated or inspired to make the change?
Do you see yourself as a failure and shame yourself because things haven’t worked out and you compare yourself to other people who you deem or judge as successful?
Lori’s Question:
Lori recently discovered her partner was sending flirty messages to another woman and is unsure what to do about it.
Lori’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She recently bought a house with her partner of two years.
She found flirty text messages on her partner’s phone to another woman.
Her intuition is sending her messages.
She has trouble finding her voice to confront him about the texts.
Her partner was defensive and didn’t really acknowledge her pain.
It drains her to think about dismantling the relationship.
She feels like a failure.
She compares herself to others.
She doesn’t want to be in the relationship any longer.
She fears uprooting her life.
She doesn’t feel safe communicating in her relationship.
She doesn’t have compassion for her inner child when she sees herself as a failure.
She has an abandonment wound.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Know she doesn’t have to do it alone. Speak with a coach or therapist.
Be gentle and compassionate with herself while she goes through the process of changing her patterns.
Recognize she is healing a deep father wound.
Raise the bar on what she is able to accept for herself.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. The new stainless steel cookware set is a must-have. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
My longtime friend and the #1 resource I recommend when it comes to shifting your relationship with money, Kate Northrup, joins me today for an insightful and inspiring conversation about money.
As an entrepreneur, bestselling author, and mother, Kate Northrup has built a multimedia digital platform called The Origin Company that reaches hundreds of thousands globally. She’s committed to supporting ambitious women to light up the world without burning themselves out. Kate teaches data and soul-driven time and energy management practices that result in saving time, making more money, and experiencing less stress. She’s the author of Money: A Love Story and Do Less and the creator of the Do Less Planner System. Kate’s work has been featured by Oprah Daily, The Today Show, Yahoo! Finance, Women’s Health, Glamour, The NY Times, Harvard Business Review, and more. She lives with her husband and their daughters in Miami.
You can access her FREE workshop “Plenty” which will help you Clear Your Money Blocks and Discover True Prosperity While Positively Impacting the World here: Christinehassler.com/relaxedmoney
This coaching call is about old triggers in new situations. Today’s caller, Manpreet, is dating someone new and would like guidance on how to keep old triggers out of her new relationship. She has done healing work and is drawing what she wants into her life, but is frustrated when old patterns reemerge.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode423].
When women suffer abuse at the hands of, for this example, men, we can project on all men that they’re scary. Women can feel scared to trust men because one man or several men hurt them. So, we want to separate the behavior from the gender, from the person, from the way they look, and know that it was someone else’s behavior and not all men behave like that.
Because there has to be a disconnection, or disassociation from our sexuality in order for us to survive abuse, we often open up physically or emotionally to people before we are ready as a way to get power over the situation.
As adults, we have the gift of being able to ask ourselves what we couldn’t do or say when we were little that we can do or say now. We can speak up. We can get out of a situation, we can fight back. We can take our power back.
Also, when we share vulnerability too soon we may get hurt and it might not be received in the way that we want because there hasn’t been enough rapport, trust, or time there. So in new relationships, or friendships especially intimate relationships, a lot can be triggered. That’s why it is so helpful to have a professional or trusted friend to bounce things off of and get some perspective. Then we can come into new relationships with honesty and the knowing that vulnerability comes later. It gives a relationship more of a chance.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
When something new comes into your life, do you sabotage it because old stuff comes up?
Did you grow up not feeling safe, specifically if you are female do you not feel safe around men?
Have you done the vulnerability vomit thing too early in a friendship or romantic relationship and it has backfired?
Do you feel that you can truly ask for what you need and that you are lovable?
Manpreet’s Question:
Manpreet would like to be more in her goddess energy and learn to be more open to receiving more in relationships.
Manpreet’s Key Insights and Ahas:
Men often show physical interest in her immediately.
She has drawn in someone who treats her with respect.
She overshares her insecurities with new people quickly.
The man she is interested in says he will walk away if she continues to worry about where the relationship is headed.
She panics in fear when thinking about whether he will accept her.
She finds it easier to use physical manipulation to get what she wants.
She attended the Be the Queen program.
She feels that masculine, or men have the power and she has no control over situations.
She was abused by male family members.
She projects her abusive uncle’s behavior onto other men.
She can speak up for what she wants now.
Deep down her fear is about whether she is lovable.
She is scared because someone wants to see her for who she really is.
She wonders if she is good enough.
The healing work she is doing is drawing in things she wants for herself.
She wants to have conversations from an empowered place, not a wounded place.
She knows her worth isn’t tied to anyone but herself.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Bring herself into the present moment to separate behaviors from gender.
Ask herself what she couldn’t say, be, or do when she was a little girl that she can be, say, or do now.
Talk with her coach about her feelings and how to process them.
Send voicemails or texts to herself, or a trusted friend first to get some perspective.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Shawn Stevenson is the author of the USA Today National bestseller Eat Smarter and the international bestselling book Sleep Smarter. He’s also creator of The Model Health Show, featured as the number #1 health podcast in the U.S. with millions of listener downloads each month. A graduate of the University of Missouri–St. Louis, Shawn studied business, biology, and nutritional science and became the cofounder of Advanced Integrative Health Alliance. Shawn has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, The New York Times, Muscle & Fitness, ABC News, ESPN, and many other major media outlets.
This coaching call is about making sense of our intuition. Today’s caller, Michaela, wants to drop fully into what she is feeling but is unsure whether her intuition is just a fear-based response to her past. She asks Christine for guidance on how to decipher her feelings and how to trust her intuition.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode422].
We all have the gift of intuition to varying degrees. Some people, who have more gifts, we might refer to as psychics or mediums. But we all have the gift and the ability to connect to our intuition. And often, when we open up our connection to our intuition, it can be confusing. We may get intuitive messages and not know exactly what to do with them.
The beautiful thing about surrender or letting go is that it does allow for what actually needs to come forward to happen. Surrendering and receiving can feel scary because we have to be still. When we’re not in motion, either mentally or physically, and stillness comes, it often can trigger a fear response. Because if you grew up with any kind of abuse or chaos you know that when things got quiet, or still it wasn’t always a good sign; the calm before the storm.
So, we keep ourselves moving to both avoid chaos and to avoid the feelings. Many of us have wounds and trauma that we’ve been carrying around for decades and if we keep ourselves busy and distracted enough then we don’t have to feel the pain. If we do surrender and allow ourselves to receive, then there’s an invitation to feel. And, often it isn’t the party we want to attend.
The beautiful thing about inner child work is that we have all these beautiful parts of us that come alive again and they become a great source of love.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Do you feel like your intuition is telling you something and you’re not exactly sure what it means or what to do with it?
Have you had a life of lots of doing and you feel this huge desire to just be, but at the same time it terrifies you?
Are you someone that is good at receiving or are you better at giving?
Are you willing to carve the time out for yourself and change behaviors to connect more deeply with your inner child so that you can feel safe in your body?
Michaela’s Question:
Michaela is being pulled to listen to her intuition but is confused about whether the message is coming from her intuition or is a fear-based response.
Michaela’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She is an imposter syndrome and transformational coach.
She left the corporate world after 25 years.
She is feeling pulled to stop doing and to listen to her intuition.
She is strongly spiritual.
She has a global network of people as clients.
She invests money in personal development work.
She suffered from imposter syndrome in the past.
Her family pretended everything was okay, no matter what was happening.
She feels coaching is her calling.
She’s been married for 25 years.
She has a hidden life and doesn’t feel safe.
She had traumatic experiences in her childhood.
She sometimes wants to disappear.
She recently uncoupled from an intimate connection.
She is searching for parental safety.
She wants to feel supported and loved.
She finds it difficult to receive.
She doesn’t understand how people love her.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Delve deeply into healing inner child work.
Let go of her distractions to integrate the fragmented pieces of herself.
Trust her intuition and be curious about the messages.
Be curious and allow people’s love for her to model how to love her inner child.
Take action in response to her internal messaging rather than taking action to avoid her feelings.
Sponsor:
Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, and easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a chemical-free slick coating. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase or by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Kimberlee's book and podcast, THE FISCAL FEMINIST, is a financial wake-up call for women in which she shares her personal and professional expertise to help women improve their financial health, money-proof their relationships and learn how to be intentional and strategic with their finances and careers.
Kimberlee has more than 25 years of finance, legal and corporate experience. She is currently a managing director and partner at the private wealth management firm The Bahnsen Group and a certified divorce financial analyst. But Kimberlee hasn't always been so confident with money.
After a long and contentious divorce that completely upended her life, Kimberlee found herself in the trenches where many of her clients and listeners currently are today. She wasn't prepared financially and was afraid for her and her children's future. Her mission is to ensure no other woman has to feel afraid like she did.
While many women feel overwhelmed today in a post-pandemic world, juggling careers, motherhood and a looming recession, Kimberlee believes every woman can improve her financial health no matter her age, economic or marital status.
This coaching call is about overcoming the fear of stepping out of our comfort zones. Today’s caller, Alana, has always played it safe by never stepping out of her comfort zone. She asks Christine for guidance about how to overcome the fear of taking the risks necessary to move into the life she wants.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode421].
It can be scary to move out of what is familiar. Our risk tolerance in our early 20s is much different than when we are older. When we have lived a little more life, we have seen enough to know that regret is far worse than risk. We can’t get time back and regret is very painful to live with.
We can recover from most risks, especially social media posts, going after clients, and putting ourselves “out there.” Some people may judge, or some people may not like it but we can recover from that. To be coming to the end of life and wondering why we didn’t go after what we wanted is far more painful than taking a risk and maybe having a few people say something not so nice. We’re not living our lives if we’re only doing things that we think will not be judged by other people.
When we move into a different career, especially the personal growth industry, there may be people who judge us. Let them. It’s okay. When we start looking at our own stuff, start speaking our truth, and start healing generational trauma, a lot of people judge us because their subconscious doesn’t want to look at their stuff. Instead of them taking personal responsibility and dealing with their stuff they choose to judge others. It is their defense strategy. The biggest thing to remember is not to take it personally. Allow your inner voice and the voices of the people who love and support you to be the voices you pay attention to.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you a coach who wants to start a coaching practice but you’re playing it safe despite your training, skills, and passion?
Have you had challenges in life that reinforce your desire to stay in your safety zone?
Are you willing to start making some bigger changes and start taking some risks?
Do you deal with imposter syndrome and would you like to let it go for good?
Alana’s Question:
Alana fears uncharted territory and would like guidance on how to transition from a structured career path into a less structured entrepreneurial coaching business.
Alana’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She has worked in a structured career.
She is a certified life coach.
She finds it difficult to put herself out there.
She suffers from imposter syndrome.
She fears asking for payment for her services.
She believes she can get clients.
She fears she will change as a person.
Her mother passed away unexpectedly.
She lost a pregnancy.
She is comfortable with playing it safe.
She is hesitant to move forward into unfamiliar territory.
She has relied on external validation.
She wants to move into curiosity.
She is committed to reaching out to clients.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Shift the way she looks at safety.
Reassure herself that safety is internally resourced.
Honor her inner voice.
Remind herself that just because something is unfamiliar doesn’t mean it is unsafe.
Takeaway:
Stop letting the fear of what other people think stop you from going after what you want.
Push out of what is safe. If you only live in what is safe, you will never really live.
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
Ellen enjoys teaching and consulting on relationship topics, writing her blog on motherhood and relationships, is fascinated by nature, spirituality, human development, and studies a range of topics from yoga and meditation to evolutionary sociobiology. Ellen is also on faculty for the Relationship School—a business founded by her husband, Jayson Gaddis, that provides in depth relationship education and coaching training.