Enjoy this information rich episode where Christine speaks with one of the thought-leaders in women's brain health. Learn how you can protect your memory and avoid Alzheimer's disease. Dr. Lisa Mosconi, PhD, is the director of the Women's Brain Initiative and associate director of the Alzheimer's Prevention Clinic at Weill Cornell Medical College, where she serves as an associate professor of neuroscience in neurology and radiology. In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at the NYU Department of Psychiatry and the author of Brain Food and The XX Brain.

This call is about overcoming a desire for control to feel safe. Today’s caller, Jasmine, is wondering why she has a strange relationship with her boyfriend and her sister and why she sabotages her work experience. What it comes down to is an issue with control and fear of intimacy created to protect herself due to her early experiences with an emotionally unavailable parent.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode246]

During a time when we feel out of control or too controlled we develop a compensatory strategy of ‘I have to be in control of everything to protect myself to avoid intimacy.’

Attachment styles are developed based on our early experiences in relationships. In the avoidant attachment style, we avoid or fear emotional intimacy because usually had a parent who was aloof, emotionally removed, unaffectionate, rejecting, or not attuned to our childhood emotional needs.

Maybe the parent provided food and shelter but children need affection and nurturing as well. When a child doesn’t have emotional availability or affection they can develop an avoidant attachment style. In adulthood, this can show up as being extremely independent and self-directed, controlling, and often uncomfortable with intimacy.

Those with an avoidant attachment style often get the rap of being commitment-phobes but it’s more that they have difficulty with commitment. They either rationalize themselves out of deep intimacy or they have certain complaints when in a relationship.

Grounding ourselves in the present moment and breathwork are great for people who have an avoidant attachment style.

Take a deep dive into how to understand your attachment style and heal your inner child in our three-day virtual Inner Child Workshop on June 5th–7th. Stefanos and I will hold space for both the healthy masculine and feminine. If you can’t join us live, it will be recorded. ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to discuss what may be blocking you from joining in.

To learn more about compensatory strategies get a free download from my book, Expectation Hangover at ChristineHassler.com/CS.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a habit of pushing people away?
• Do you give too much advice to certain people?
• Do you remember, as a child, having a lot of affection being hugged and feeling safe and nurtured in your home or do you remember feeling kind of alone?
• Do you often sabotage an opportunity or relationship professional or personal even if it’s something you really want?

Jasmine’s Question:

Jasmine has a difficult time connecting in her relationships and pulls away before she gets what she wants.

Jasmine’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is trying to change the role she plays in her sister’s life.
• She shrugs off affection when her boyfriend reaches out.
• She wants things done a certain way.
• She has adopted a protective pattern of control.
• She has had very little intimacy in her life.
• Her mother was emotionally unavailable.
• As a child, she learned that loving other people meant telling them what to do.
• Her father wasn’t around.
• She doesn’t recognize the progress she has made.
• She may have a deep fear of rejection.
• She has a body memory of being rejected when giving love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Research the avoidant attachment style.
• Check-in with herself, with love, to see how she is doing.
• Be more compassionate with herself.
• Release self-judgment and add unconditional love.
• Ground herself in the present because intimacy happens in the present moment.
• Adopt the mantra of ‘I am safe. That was then. This is now.’ and ‘It is safe to let love in.’

Takeaways:

• Join us for the virtual Inner Child Workshop on June 5th–7th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild.
• To learn more about compensatory strategies get a free download from my book, Expectation Hangover at ChristineHassler.com/CS.
• Be patient with yourself and your growth.
• Practice by naming your feelings and saying to yourself ‘I am safe. That was then. This is now.’
• Listen to my Coaches Corner episode #217 on attachment styles.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

You are in for a treat a very talented and inspirational guest joins Christine on the podcast.  IN-Q is a National Poetry Slam champion, award-winning poet, and multi-platinum songwriter.  He is on Oprah's SuperSoul 100 list of the world's most influential thought leaders. He inspires audiences around the world through his live performances and storytelling workshops.

IN-Q brings his words to paper in his heartfelt and entertaining debut book Inquire Within. His poetry contemplates themes of love, life, presence, forgiveness, and social issues including climate change, gun violence, racism and more.

After hearing IN-Q and reading his poetry, you’ll never look at poetry the same way again. 
 
Learn more and grab a copy here: https://in-q.com/

This is a call about knowing that you matter without constantly proving yourself. Today’s caller, Britney, is putting a lot of pressure on herself. She wants guidance on building her career but until she heals her inner child she will keep running into roadblocks. If you are career-driven you may relate to this.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode245]

What we all need the most is for someone to really see us and understand us.  

If we are addicted to anything, be it success or alcohol, it is an attempt to cure pain or heal a wound. Any addiction is an attempt to numb something. We can be addicted to success or making something out of ourselves but that is not the purpose of our life. The purpose of the human experience is to come to the awareness that we are whole, complete, and loved no matter what we do. And, we are someone no matter what we do. We are one with everyone. That is why we are here.

When we do inner child work and we do the work of the spirit we realize there is nothing external that solves our internal tasks. There is nothing external that completes us. Inner child work can lead us to more aligned and greater success because we’re not hitting as many roadblocks.

I don’t want you to think that accepting ourselves and loving ourselves makes us complacent. Accepting and loving ourselves provides us with inspiration and success because it comes from a more aligned place.

Tap into your inner knowing and intuition with this gift from me. It offers help with intuitive decision making and how to navigate the unknown with 6 Steps to Bypass Your Practical Mind. Text ‘Christine’ to 444999.

Take a deep dive into how to heal your inner child in our 3-day virtual Inner Child workshop on June 5th-7th. Stefanos and I will hold space for both the healthy masculine and feminine. If you can’t join us live it will be recorded. Take advantage of the early bird discount if you sign up by May 25th at ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like you are not living into your purpose or potential or like you should be doing more?
• Did you have parents that were very success-oriented and expected a lot from you?
• As a child, did you have a passion for something artistic or outside of the conventional box or what your parents maybe wanted you to do but you were discouraged from pursuing it because you were told you could never make money at it?
• Do you feel blocked in the area of your life and it seems like no matter what you do you just can’t shift it?

Britney’s Question:

Britney would like to know more about stepping into her purpose.

Britney’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She disassociates and has self-worth issues.
• She feels she is a strong hustler but is tired of it.
• She is having trouble taking her career to the next level.
• She feels she is not where she is supposed to be.
• She pushes away love because she feels she doesn’t deserve it.
• She was told she wouldn’t succeed in the arts.
• She craved support and validation from her parents.
• She feels like she doesn’t matter and has to prove herself.
• Her parents believe the way out of suffering is money and success.
• She is breaking a generational pattern.
• She wants to play more.
• She consistently looks for something external to heal internally.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Learn to release the expectations she puts on herself.
• Perform the Empty Chair Process.
• Look inside herself and not to external sources for healing.

Takeaways:

•  Join us for the virtual Inner Child Workshop on June 5th–7th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Innerchild and get a $100 early bird discount if you register before May 25th.
• Write a letter to that little boy or little girl inside of you about how worthy they are, what you love about them, and start validating yourself, not for what you do but for who you are.
• If you are carrying anger or resentment write a couple a few letters that you never mail.
• Stop hustling and do the internal work. Tap more into your intuition and inner child.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Influential thought-leader, lifelong martial-artist, dedicated Yoga and meditation practitioner, retired Navy SEAL commander, successful serial entrepreneur, best-selling author, selfless mentor and teacher—Mark Divine joins Christine on the podcast today.  

We discuss how to be courageous during this challenging time.  Mark teaches us the 7 Commitments essential to building elite teams (and just being a great leader of yourself!) that are part of his new book, Staring down the Wolf.

Learn more here: staringdownthewolf.com

This is a call about discovering your purpose by healing past wounds. Today’s caller, Mark, is feeling confused about his purpose after his divorce. He is struggling with his identity as he obsesses about his ex. After discussing his childhood, his wounding may have come from a family member long before he got married. Moving forward is clearer when you clean up the past.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode244]

There are so many ways we can be disconnected from our purpose. One of the main ways we become disconnected is when we play the role of peacekeeper. Our unconscious mind starts to become more concerned with being a peacekeeper than fulfilling our soul’s destiny. We believe that being a peacekeeper keeps us safe and gets us validation. But being a peacekeeper or being what other people want us to be, drains a lot of our energy.

And, it’s important when finding our purpose that we deal with our anger, resentment, sadness, and shame because often our purpose is underneath those things. Once we see through the unconscious programming, we understand better who we really are.

When you clean up the past, the future becomes clear. And in the clarity, you know what your next steps are. You know what to do about your job or relationships because old wounding and unconscious programming are no longer blinding you from seeing your path.

All human beings have both feminine and masculine energies they need to nurture. Our masculine energy thrives on the muse-like energy that is feminine. Feminine energy is inspiring, evocative, innovative, encouraging, and temptress.

We are in an unprecedented time of uncertainty and worry and overwhelm are running rampant. Do you have the tools to rise to your full strength, wisdom, and power? Please join me on May 13–16 for the Resilience Summit hosted by Ashley Turner. There are 24 interviews, including mine, about the science, spirituality, and psychology of resilience and best practices to build your inner strength. Visit ChristineHassler.com/ResilienceSummit.

Join Stefanos and me twice per week, as we guide you through breathwork to release stress and fear, meditation to shift your state, and then answer your questions to support you. Visit ChristineHassler.com/freecall.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you ever feel depressed, frustrated, or lack motivation?
• Do you question what your purpose is and often feel like you’re destined to do great things but you just don’t know what they are?
• Growing up, did you feel you had a good balance of masculine and feminine behavior modeled to you?
• Do you have an ex or any person in your life that is not in your life anymore that you just keep obsessing about or can’t quite seem to let them go?

Mark’s Question:

Mark recently got divorced but is still obsessing about his ex and would like guidance on how to move forward and find purpose in his life.

Mark’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He is critical of himself.
• He says he is depressed.
• He is searching for his purpose.
• He married his ‘mom.’
• He has never felt accepted by the women in his life.
• He considers his mother and ex strong women.
• His mother emasculated him when he was younger.
• He spent his life trying to please and appease the feminine.
• His father is his best friend.
• He feels he was destined to lead.
• He had to be the peacekeeper in his family.
• He is afraid of his anger.
• He craves love and acceptance.
• He wants permission to be himself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• He needs to find a healthy release for his anger and resentment.
• He needs to find a healthy model of feminine energy.
• He needs to write letters to his ex and his mother he doesn’t intend to send.
• He needs to tap into his feminine energy and find the muse inside himself.
• He has to stop making getting a woman’s approval his purpose.
• He should read Expectation Hangover and join my Personal Mastery course.

Takeaways:

• Journal about what your parents modeled for you around masculine and feminine energy.
• Are there any F-U letters you need to write to release some anger?
• Go to ChristineHassler.com/AngerRelease to get the Temper Tantrum technique from my book, Expectation Hangover.
• Join my Personal Mastery course and get $200 off; use the promo code ‘HEALTH’ at checkout and take advantage of the 12-month payment plan.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

This is a call about imposter syndrome and feeling worthy. Today’s caller, Odysseus, feels that time is running out for him to have a deep, loving relationship or to have the career he desires. He would like guidance on how to ‘fix’ his pattern of stopping and starting things. We work through his limiting beliefs and discuss ways he can begin accepting himself.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode243]

A lot of times imposter syndrome comes from having competing intentions. We have our grown-up conscious self who wants to go out and help people, be a visionary, and have a big business but then we’ve got this younger part of us, our inner child or adolescent, who feels like they’re going to get rejected and doesn’t feel safe. It holds us back and that’s why we often feel like we’re taking one step forward and one step back.

And, for all of you that use words like quitter, lazy, self-sabotage — all those kinds of things — please don’t call yourself those names anymore. Those patterns are protective patterns that think that they’re doing you good so you need to understand them rather than hate on them and judge them and think to change them.

In many ways, it can be harder for men to connect with their inner child. But both men and women have a little child inside of them and he or she doesn’t want the shutdown, old-school masculine or the overwhelmed, unsupported feminine parent. It wants a loving present parent. So, give yourself that gift.

Secure your spot for our live group coaching call on navigating uncertainty and dealing with expectation hangovers on May 6th and the upcoming call on imposter syndrome. Go to ChristineHassler.com.group for more information or to access the library of past and future group calls. Become part of my community for only $20.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have a habit of what feels like quitting?
• Would you say you are a bit of the black sheep of your family?
• Do you want to do something but you just keep getting in your own way?
• Do you have a fix-it approach to personal development?

Odysseus’s Question:

Odysseus would like guidance about a relationship and his finances and career.

Odysseus’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He feels he quits things too soon and he doesn’t put forth much effort.
• He is a personal growth junkie.
• He has cheated on his ex-girlfriends.
• He battles with his limiting beliefs.
• He has a pattern of low self-worth.
• He doesn’t feel worthy of having a good relationship.
• He didn’t feel wanted by his brothers as a child.
• He was bullied when he was young.
• He has Crohn’s disease.
• He has a distant connection with his father.
• His parents didn’t know how to parent his energy.
• He aspires to be a coach but doubts he will follow through.
• He feels like his time is running out.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• He needs to be kinder and gentler to himself.
• He needs to search inside for who he really is.
• He needs to create another pattern that protects him without limiting himself through reparenting.
• He needs to start listening to his inner child and journal about what he says.
• He needs to move into acceptance of himself and stop the judgments.
• He should read Expectation Hangover and join my Personal Mastery course.

Takeaways:

• Journal with your inner child. Choose different ages and write down both sides of your conversation.
• Look at where imposter syndrome comes up for you and find the competing intention. There is a part of you that wants to move forward and be seen but the scared part of you that wants to protect yourself.
• Celebrate your progress even if it’s just a small step in the direction you want to go.
• Join my Personal Mastery course and get $200 off; use the promo code ‘HEALTH’ at checkout and take advantage of the 12-month payment plan.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

In this special coaches corner, Christine guides you through a beautiful meditation that will bring you both calm and clarity during this time.