Over It And On With It

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CC: How Personal Development and Self Help May NOT Be Helping You 0

Jun 26, 2021

You are probably someone who has done a lot of work on yourself. You've read the "self-help" books, you listen to podcasts like this one, maybe you have a therapist or coach or have attended workshops. You have a LOT of awareness and have grown so much which is AWESOME. And . . . there may be some ways that the industry of personal development is not supporting you and this episode addresses some of those ways.

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EP 302: How to Love All Parts of Yourself with Emily 0

Jun 23, 2021

This episode is about the parts of ourselves we develop to meet our needs and protect ourselves. Today’s caller, Emily, didn’t have her needs met as a child and her protective strategies are still active in her life. We work through the understanding that even things we may not like about ourselves, or get frustrated by, are things that have positive intentions and are trying to help us.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode302]

We all can be hard on ourselves, especially those of us who have a lot of awareness and have been doing personal development and healing work. Sometimes we get frustrated with ourselves and find ourselves doing things we think we should know better than to do. Or, we know the reason we are doing something but we can’t seem to change it and we judge ourselves.

We have different parts of ourselves that develop over time to protect us and meet our needs. It’s important to be compassionate with these parts, welcome them, and seek to understand them, rather than shame them. That’s when we start making progress.

Compassion and acceptance are absolutely necessary if we want change. So often we go after change by being hard on ourselves, by being judgmental, by being critical or too analytical and we don’t love the parts that are hard to change. But, when we love, accept, and seek to understand them we release their influence over us.

I have a great course for those who want to be coaches or those who want to learn more about personal development. Unleashed is a program I did in collaboration with Ever Coach from Mindvalley. I teach you the 4 Levels of Coaching Mastery for Maximum Client Impact. Go to ChristineHassler.com/unleashed for more information.

Consider/Ask Yourself

Are there habits you have or ways you act that frustrate you? You don’t like them, you judge them, and you want to change them.
Did you grow up feeling wanted and really seen?
Does it matter to you to matter in the world? Do you want to be relevant and sometimes question if you are relevant?
Even if you logically know you are worthy, do you sometimes deep down, or maybe not even that deep down question your worth?

Emily’s Question:

Emily is looking for guidance on how to break the habit of feeling unworthy.

Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She keeps a mood log.
She is defensive, even over small things.
She expects people to treat her poorly.
She feels irrelevant and unworthy.
As a child, she didn’t feel wanted or seen by her parents.
She felt she was taking up space with all of her emotions.
Her sensitivities are a gift.
She’s a people pleaser.
It calms her to ask for help and support.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Learn how to nurture and care for her needs.
Promise herself to ask for more of what she needs.
Become aware of when she is defensive and thank it for helping her be seen.

Takeaways:

Be curious about your “parts” and behaviors that have positive intentions.
Consider how you can get the positive intentions in a different way.
Compassion and curiosity are your superpowers.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: How to Get Over Feeling Lonely 0

Jun 19, 2021

Sometimes the experience of loneliness can feel so painful that connection seems almost impossible. If that feels true for you, here is a four-step process you can use to support yourself in relieving feeling lonely.

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EP 301: Release the Responsibility You Feel for Your Family with Julia 0

Jun 16, 2021

This episode is about changing your role in a chaotic family. Today’s caller, Julia, is a highly sensitive person with amazing gifts. She is at a choice point about how she wants to use them. She is looking for permission to pursue her life through authentic expression. Many relate to the feeling of conflict between familial obligations and pursuing your soul’s journey.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode301]

Ultimately, we do not know why our souls choose our families. But, we often come into families and family systems to break generational patterns. And, many of us experience family conflict if we are here to break generational patterns. Part of our soul’s journey is to not repeat the patterns. But, it is tricky because there’s an inner child piece that still wants to be loved and accepted by the family. It can be hard because we love the family and it feels like a betrayal to go and do our own thing.

One of the biggest gifts we can give our families is to embody and demonstrate what healthy looks like or what breaking patterns looks like. Not playing a role in the family can give other members a chance to get out of their roles. From the outside, breaking generational patterns can appear as mean or selfish. But, what we do allows everyone else the freedom to change their roles. We teach the most through our actions.

If you have been wanting to join my Personal Mastery Course but just haven’t done it yet, now is a great time to sign up. On July 8, 2021, there will be a one-day event including personal coaching from me. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to join. The call will be recorded if you cannot make it live and you will have this course for life.

Interested in a Breathwork and Meditation Course, including anger release? Go to ChristineHassler.com/breathwork.

Consider/Ask Yourself

Are you a highly sensitive person or empath? Did you grow up in a house where you didn’t feel understood?
Did you grow up around a lot of chaos?
Is there a lot of family, social, or work drama where you tend to be the anchor? Do you calm everyone down but then feel drained?
Is there something you want to pursue but you feel you would be betraying people if you follow your soul’s calling?

Julia’s Question:

Julia feels she can’t escape her family’s chaos and would like guidance on how to grow in life without allowing her family drama to hold her back.

Julia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is a highly sensitive person who is part of a chaotic family.
Her father was physically abusive.
Her mother suffered from panic attacks.
Her older sister has bipolar disorder.
She feels caught up in her family’s drama.
She is pursuing acting opportunities.
She is in a relationship and considering having a family but doesn’t want to pass on a generational pattern.
She has a desire to be creative.
She feels like a crutch for her sister.
Taking care of her family is not her calling.
She is resilient.
She dishonors herself when she gets caught up in the family drama.
She wants to channel her energy in more productive ways.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Prioritize herself.
Process her feelings.
Pursue her life through creativity.
Tell little Julia her family is not her responsibility.
Set boundaries to protect her energy.

Takeaways:

Do you relate to being a highly sensitive person and the gifts that come with it? Are you allowing your energy to be depleted or do you use your gift in a generative way?
Are you in a situation where you take over responsibility for your family and you are in a conflict between what the inner child and soul want?
Consider the generational patterns you are breaking in your family.
Do not come from guilt and obligation when interacting with your family.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Set Boundaries, Find Peace with Nedra Glover Tawwab 0

Jun 12, 2021

I got so much incredible feedback on the last CC we did on boundaries that I wanted to bring on another amazing, super informative expert. Nedra Glover Tawwab joins me today who is a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, has practiced relationship therapy for twelve years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice Kaleidoscope Counseling. She has been recently featured in TheNew York Times, The Guardian, Psychology Today, Self, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including Don't Keep Your Day Job, Do theThing, and Therapy for Black Girls. Tawwab runs a popular Instagram account where she shares practices, tools, and reflections for mental health and hosts weekly Q&As about boundaries and relationships. She lives in Charlotte,North Carolina, with her family.

Her new book is Set Boundaries, Find Peace.

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EP 300: Let Go of the Relationship that is Based on Your Past So You are Open to the Relationship that is Aligned with Your Future with Linda 0

Jun 9, 2021

This episode is about releasing addictive patterns by remembering the love within us. Today’s caller, Linda, recently ended an on-again-off-again two-year relationship. She questions which wounds are causing her patterns. We discuss her soul’s journey, how she is not broken, and how she can help herself feel safe, seen, and loved.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode300]

It is often unresolved issues from our past hurts, wounds, and things that were hard to go through that impacted our beliefs, attachment style, trauma response, and psyche. However, it is important not to see ourselves as wounded or broken. Personal development is best addressed as a learning opportunity, not from a fix-it mindset.

When we don’t have a great model for love and when we feel worthless, relationships, even unhealthy ones, are going to be addictive. Because, often, we confuse love for something familiar.

Even if you are an addict or have been in the past it doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. Just the fact you’re listening to this show and this kind of information, means you are a seeker. You want out of the addiction, patterns, bad relationships, and the scarcity mentality. It can be frustrating if you feel you have a long way to go but acknowledge the wisdom of your soul for at least getting you to where you are now.

You will get farther if you continue to be proud of yourself for where you are.

Consider/Ask Yourself

Are you still in a relationship or not quite over a relationship you were in and out of, that on some level you know wasn’t good for you but you just can't seem to let go?
Did you have an absentee parent or parents or caregivers who didn’t give you the security and safety every child truly deserves?
Are you learning how to love yourself and think that maybe you have forgotten?
Are you trying to figure out what wound in your life is creating some of the undesirable events?

Linda’s Question:

Linda has been in an on-and-off relationship and would like to know which childhood wound is creating this pattern.

Linda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She recently ended an on-and-off two-year relationship.
She feels she lost herself in the relationship but is attached and addicted to it.
She was critical of herself as a child.
Her parents divorced when she was three and she lived with her grandparents.
She was bullied for many years as a child.
She feels safe hiding and not being seen.
She would like to feel loved.
She goes back to the relationship because of shared interests.
She wants to spend time on her own and remember how to love herself.
She has feelings of abandonment and rejection.
She needs to feel seen and that someone is there for her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

She needs to remember how much she loves herself.
Write a list of all the things that did not work in the relationship and read it when she feels like reaching out to him.
Write a list of the amazing things about herself and read it every day.
Turn up the voice of her inner parent to feel safe, seen, and loved.

Takeaways:

If you are in a relationship you feel attached or addicted to and you continually justify it in your head, take off your rose-colored glasses and ask yourself if you have a high tolerance for putting up with crap.
Focus on falling back in love with yourself.

Sponsor:

STORYWORTH — is an online service that helps your Dad, Grandfather, father-in-law, and every father figure in your life share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give your Dad a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf 0

Jun 5, 2021

Want to learn how to reduce (even eliminate) things like anxiety, depression, obsessive thinking and stress? Then you are going to love my conversation with Dr. Carolline Leaf. She is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist, specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology. Since the early 1980s, she has researched the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health and the formation of memory. She was one of the first in her field to study how the brain can change (neuroplasticity) with directed mind input. During her years in clinical practice and her work with thousands of underprivileged teachers and students in her home country of South Africa and in the USA, she developed her theory of how we think, build memory and learn, creating practical guides and tools that have transformed the lives of hundreds of thousands of individuals with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), learning disabilities (ADD, ADHD), autism, dementias, and mental ill-health issues like anxiety and depression.

You can learn more and get her book at: https://drleaf.com/

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EP 299: Break Free of Your Fear of Rejection with Sylvie 0

Jun 2, 2021

This episode is about radical self-acceptance. Today’s caller, Sylvie, has had therapy, done tons of personal development work, and speaks with her inner child but still feels blocked. We discuss ways she can reframe her perception of what her awareness is bringing up and how she can fully accept and love herself and her human experience.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode299]

When we have something we criticize, don’t like, or want to change and the way we relate to it is with judgment and shame and guilt, it amplifies it because all of our fears are seeking to be loved. We have the need to be seen and to be loved.

When it comes to the parts of ourselves that we judge and shame just pushing through our response to it, our freeze pattern, can re-traumatize us and reinforce wounds. So, instead of pushing through it, bring love to it.

We continue to get “negative” or undesirable experiences, not because we are being tested or the universe wants to punish us, but because our soul is always seeking to evolve. It is looking for a new way to respond to the circumstances. Circumstances don’t just stop when we have an awareness about something. When we have an awareness and we know why we are drawing certain things into our lives, we work through it, and then the same thing comes to us again because we need to practice integrating it.

If you missed our juicy group call on love, sex, and intimacy last week go to Christinehassler.com/group-coaching-replays to download it and check out all previous calls for only $20.

Join us for our Relationship Course on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipcourse. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other’s needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome.

Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, “Your Heart, Your Life,” I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart and use the promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.

Consider/Ask Yourself

Have you done all the work but feel like things just are not changing?
Do you freeze or just feel bolted down when it comes to putting yourself out there and making a request when selling your business?
Did you grow up in a home where you weren’t nurtured and loved, especially when you made mistakes?
Do you have a very critical judgmental voice inside your head? When you fail or make a mistake do you experience shame and guilt?

Sylvie’s Question:

Sylvie fears rejection. She has done personal development work but still feels blocked.

Sylvie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She has been working to heal her traumatic childhood.
She has a critical inner judgment.
She is proud of her personal transformation.
She talks with her inner child.
She feels she is on the cusp of a breakthrough.
She feels she is not reaching her potential.
She is an empath and sees the world differently.
She puts a lot of pressure on herself.
She is starting her personal chef business but is hesitant to talk about it to others.
She didn’t feel safe and nurtured as a child.
She needs to feed herself the love she feeds to others.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Move into acceptance and move out of “fix and heal.”
Ask what her triggers want her to know.
Consider the worst-case scenario and play it out in her mind.
Connect and tap into the big “why” of what she is doing.
Regulate herself when she feels the “freeze.”

Takeaways:

When you are in a trauma response such as worry or freeze think about the worst-case scenario and play it out.
Bring unconditional love and acceptance to your undesirable feelings.
Take an inventory of the personal growth information you are consuming. If something makes you feel shame or somehow inadequate, stop ingesting it.
Listen to Episode 297 where I describe how to regulate the nervous system.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services