This episode is transforming nervous habits and meeting unmet needs. Today’s caller, Morgan, has a big part of herself that she wants to change. Her needs in childhood were unmet by her mother and she created a nervous behavior as a coping strategy. If you bite your nails, pick your skin around your fingers, pull apart split ends, or any other nervous habit you would like to transform, this episode will help.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode336]
Understanding the why behind a behavior doesn’t make it go away. We need to remember that a nervous behavior is a physiological manifestation of an emotion. It is an alarm system that alerts us that a need that wasn’t met in childhood is still not being met. When we have a nervous habit, it is telling us that we are trying to calm or suppress something.
Needs, especially in childhood, are real and important. If certain needs aren’t met at certain stages in life, it hinders who we are as adults. It doesn’t break us but it does impact us. There is a strong developmental need to feel nurtured, nourished, and to feel a calming presence. When we are children our nervous system is developing or imprinting.
Needs that are not met in childhood haunt us as adults. Any primary need we didn’t get met in childhood will continue into adulthood. Over time, we develop coping strategies to try to handle the anxiety around that unmet need. If we don’t get our needs met, our coping strategies come with little alarm systems that alert us that we need attention.
Anything is healable. The first step of any transformation is acceptance.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
Morgan’s Question:
Since childhood, Morgan has had a nervous habit of picking at her skin. She would like guidance on how to manage her anxiety in a healthy way.
Morgan’s Key Insights and Ahas:
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Takeaways:
Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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