Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses, take the Sensitivity Quiz and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSPs in Business Group is designed to support and empower sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs.JulieBjelland.com

This episode is about holding space for our partners. Today’s caller, Brandon, would like guidance on how to be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence. It is a lovely conversation about integration and holding space when you get to a place where you feel wonderful, but your partner isn’t quite there.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode294]

When someone comes to us and vents, there is a desire to want to fix whatever it is. The masculine tends to want to fix. The feminine tends to want to take it on and over-empathize into sympathy or go into a caretaker role. We all have masculine and feminine energetics inside of us.

Underneath any upset is an unmet need. When we can find the need in an argument or a trigger inside ourselves, we can begin to deal with the true trigger. When we are trying to ease the trigger with talk or action, it usually doesn’t work because we are not reaching the unmet need.

Remember, everyone is on their own path. When one person gets to a place of feeling evolved like they’ve “got it” in some ways they want the other person to join them. And, wanting someone you care about to grow and evolve is great. However, judgment can creep in. When we grow and we have awareness we can get on a spiritual or personal growth soapbox. It can be unconscious, or subtle, but the other person can feel judged. The other person can feel pressure.

When you get triggered, ask yourself if your masculine comes out or your feminine. Or, can you be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence, where the masculine part of you welcomes it, holds space, and asks it what it needs and the feminine part has massive compassion and nurtures you?

Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a phase of your relationship where it’s time to integrate some of the things you’ve learned?
• Do you feel like you or your partner may be a little “ahead” in your personal development and integration? Does one partner get frustrated because the other is not as far along?
• Do you feel polarity in your relationship? As in, one of you holds a strong feminine pull and one of you holds a strong masculine pull. Are you possibly in your unhealthy masculine or feminine expressions?

Brandon’s Question:

Brandon would like assistance with integrating some learnings into his relationship.

Brandon’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• He has been married for five years.
• He has a daughter.
• His relationship has been through some “speedbumps.”
• He was abandoned at 13.
• He has done personal development work.
• He feels supported, loved, and compassion from his wife.
• He is learning more about the feminine dynamic.
• He is new to setting boundaries.
• They tried having a polyamorous relationship.
• He feels oneness with God.
• He is growing into feminine, within his masculine role.
• He is in a beautiful place emotionally and spiritually.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Focus on how to make his wife feel safe.
• Be a masculine container without attachment to a shift or change.
• Don’t judge his wife for being at a different vibration.
• Ask his wife what she needs when she vents.
• He needs to be consistent in his actions.
• Do the Sacred Union process together with his wife.

Takeaways:

• Look at the masculine/feminine relationship inside of yourself.
• Pay attention to whether you want to fix others or yourself and see if you can back off the fixing and be in a place of unconditional love and acceptance.
• Join us for our powerful virtual Relationship Retreat, June 11‒13, 2021. 

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show 

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about loving your big feelings and emotions. Today’s caller, Beth, wants to feel comfortable in her skin. In her childhood home, her gift of being an empath became a liability. Whoever is the most open, the most sensitive one in a family often absorbs everyone else's feelings. Beth would like guidance on how to keep her heart open but not feel overwhelmed by her feelings.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode293]

In today's world, it's often hard to keep our hearts open. So many people are numb, or shut down from feeling, or are scared to feel the “negative” feelings like sadness and anger, or have built walls and around their hearts and wear masks every day. When we are empathic and live among people who suppress, we feel it all.

Oftentimes, what makes an empath’s heart hurt is feeling sympathy or sorry. It is feeling someone else's pain and suffering so much so that we feel bad for them. It is a judgment. When we are in sympathy we are judging.

The truth is none of us want to be blissfully ignorant. Ignorance really isn’t bliss. We may think it is and think back to a time when maybe we weren’t so awake and aware and romanticize it, thinking maybe it was better, but it really isn’t. We are here to evolve. We are here to awaken. And although it comes with many challenges, going back into being asleep is not an option.

Feelings are part of our life force and tears are not bad. Celebrate yourself.

Join us for our Love and Relationship Group Coaching Call on April 22 at 5 pm Central. It will be recorded if you can’t make it. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. It’s $20. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a soft-hearted person or do you tend to cry about a lot of things?
• Have you ever been told you're “too sensitive”?
• Do you downplay challenges or trauma from childhood and think your childhood wasn’t that bad?

Beth’s Question:

Beth would like guidance on how to be more self-aware.

Beth’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She’s become more aware from doing personal development work.
• She thinks peace might be unattainable for her.
• She is not comfortable in her skin and feels like a sham.
• She is a single mom.
• She is very emotional and sometimes wishes she was not.
• She carries shame about being soft-hearted.
• She cries easily.
• She was a middle child who felt alone.
• People tell her she is too emotional.
• She has the gift of being an empath.
• She attended the Inner Child Workshop.
• No one encouraged her emotional intelligence.
• She was teased as a kid.
• She had temper tantrums at home.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Stop judging herself for how she feels.
• Welcome her feelings when they arise.
• Do not hold other people’s feelings.
• Do not feel sympathy for others.
• Meditate and ask for spiritual assistance.

Takeaways:

• Release, rather than recycle your feelings.
• Parent your sensitive, beautiful inner child.
• Get the anger out. Download the anger release process at ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
• Join in on this week's Group Coaching Call.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about calming an anxious or hypervigilant mind. Today’s caller, Demi, has a pattern of obsessive-compulsive thinking, anxiety, and a worst-case scenario mindset. She would like guidance on how to calm her mind and be more compassionate with herself. It is a very human trait to worry and have anxiety, especially for people who grew up in a chaotic home.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode292]

One of the ways we can deal with hypervigilance or anxiety is by witnessing it. It is important we do our best not to make it wrong and accept it. The moment we realize it is not us, the moment we recognize it as OCD, our inner critic, or when we can name it, it gives us a sense of control. It makes it feel as if it is not a runaway train. That’s how we begin to calm down.

The pattern of not being able to relax but also feeling like you are not doing enough is caused by the emotion underneath the hypervigilance we don’t want to feel. And, with hypervigilance comes increased sensitivity. Increased sensitivity usually means more connection to intuition, compassion, and empathy.

People who grew up in a chaotic home may have a hard time relaxing because often, that was the calm before the storm. Having an emotional release with no judgment is an important part of working with this.

If you know someone who isn’t able to calm down or “just not think” about something it is important to have sensitivity and compassion for them because it can be maddening for the person dealing with anxiety or OCD to be told to calm down when the pattern is playing out.

Join us for our Love and Relationship Group Coaching Call on April 22 at 5 pm Central. It will be recorded if you can’t make it. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. It’s $20. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things.

Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to get on the early bird list for our upcoming Relationship Retreat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you tend to have an overactive brain?
• Do you struggle with indecision and a pattern of you feel like you can never do enough?
• Do you deal with FOMO or “shoulding” all over yourself?
• Do you have a strong intuition but either don’t listen to it or question yourself?

Demi’s Question:

Demi has struggled with overthinking and FOMO since her teen years and would like guidance on how to calm herself.

Demi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels like she is not doing enough.
• Her mind gets loud, and she overanalyzes everything.
• She suffers from anxiety.
• There was instability in her childhood home.
• Her parents had a chaotic relationship.
• She recently started therapy.
• She has studied Somatic therapy.
• She loves herself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Become aware of her inner critic and accept it with compassion.
• Forgive herself for being hard on herself.
• Practice release writing.
• Realize she is not her thoughts.
• Get out of her mind by shaking her body or breathing to move her energy around.

Takeaways:

• If you have people in your life who tell you to calm down or to not think about something, do your best to have boundaries about it.
• The moment you notice a pattern starting, separate yourself from it. Don’t judge it. Notice it, then love it and accept it.
• Use physical calming techniques to move the energy around in the body.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about letting go of patterns and relationships that no longer serve you. Today’s caller, Barbara, has a pattern of staying in things long after they are dead, long after the signs say something is no longer in alignment with her life, or it is depleting her life in some way. The pattern of trying to breathe new life into something already dead is a waste of a precious life force. If you can relate to holding on to things for too long or staying in relationships after their expiration date has expired, this episode is for you.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode291]

Being able to nurture and be empathetic and feel what others are going through is a gift. Gifts usually come with a learning opportunity. The gift of being incredibly caring and empathic comes with the learning opportunity of boundaries, of not loving or caring for another so much that we lose sight of ourselves.

If you want to step into your gifts as a healer, empath, teacher, or true caregiver without depleting yourself, for your gifts to flourish you have to break the pattern of giving to dead ends. Break the pattern of giving so much you deplete yourself of your energy, self-care, self-worth, and self-love. Break the cycle of giving to dead ends, nourish your gifts, and use them in a way they can be fully received.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a natural nurturer, or caretaker so much so that it often depletes your self-care?
• Is it hard for you to leave situations or relationships or let go of expectations for your life?
• Do you keep trying to make something work when you know deep down it probably will not?
• Do you feel like a doormat and as if your needs come last?
• When you set boundaries to take care of yourself, does it cause you guilt and concern about how the other person is doing more than how you are doing?

Barbara’s Question:

Barbara is questioning staying in her current relationship.

Barbara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her boyfriend is in the hospital after threatening to kill her.
• She doesn’t know the mental status of her boyfriend.
• She doesn’t feel it is in her highest good to stay in her relationship.
• She is in therapy.
• Her boyfriend’s family is giving her the cold shoulder.
• She hasn’t had her needs met in her relationships.
• She is a natural empath.
• She works in a nursing home.
• She has a good friend she can heal with.
• She doesn’t want to get into another relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Take care of herself as she cares for others.
• Step away from this relationship.
• Be aware that her self-worth is not based on how she takes care of others.
• No more sacrificing herself.
• Self-care is her number one priority.
• Join the next Inner Child workshop with her friend.
• Make a list of all of the reasons this relationship is not a fit for her.

Takeaways:

• What are the warning signs you have gotten in your life about a person or situation that wasn’t truly aligned and you ignored them?
• Look at your patterns of people-pleasing and overgiving and know your self-worth and value do not come from helping others.
• If you are in a helping profession, make sure you take quality time to take care of yourself and fill your own cup.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Stef (Christine's husband) is back on the podcast to talk with me about the common challenges we see couples face and how to overcome them.  We will also be hosting a virtual relationship retreat in June, go to www.christinehassler.com/relationshipsupport to get on the early bird list for discounts and details. 

This episode is about loving our inner child and making them feel safe. Today’s caller, Mikaela, has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety stemming from the chaos that surrounded her in her childhood home. She wants to feel safe and be seen. This call is great support for any of you who feel fear even if it isn’t reasonable for a situation. Or, those of you who are confused about how to connect to your inner child.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode290]

For parents or anybody who wants to be a parent, it is very important you continue to parent, or start to parent your inner child when you have children. When someone who had a difficult childhood has a child, they become a great parent to their child. Much better than the parents they had. But it can activate their inner child because their inner child wants to know why they are not receiving the same love and attention from them. Our inner children can act up and act out.

Parenting our inner child does not take anything away from our children. It actually gives to them because our children are unconsciously learning from us all the time. When we are parenting ourselves well, they feel that. And, in return, we are a better parent to them. We are not triggered as much by our children when we are parenting our inner child.

Remember, we do not want to be anxious about our anxiety. We do not want to be scared about our fear. Because when we are anxious about our fear and anxiety it becomes worse.

If you would like to move unconscious stuff and move it into a vibration where you can attract different things into your life, listen to our special breathwork and meditation series. Save $30 on the eight guided sessions when you use the code “breathe” at ChristineHassler.com/breathwork.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you ever have a big fear that comes up but it does not quite match the situation?
• When fear overcomes you, is it hard to calm down and break free from it?
• Did you grow up in a house full of chaos where you didn’t feel safe?
• Did you or do you ever just want to hide and be invisible?

Mikaela’s Question:

Mikaela has feelings of inadequacy and fear. She would like guidance on how to become calm and free herself of those feelings.

Mikaela’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• There was a lot of chaos in her childhood home.
• Her father was an abusive alcoholic.
• She tried to make herself invisible.
• She has tremendous fear.
• No one ever recognized how scared she was.
• She wanted someone to comfort her and make her feel safe.
• She feels grief for herself as a child.
• She compares herself to others.
• She feels robbed of her childhood.
• She is self-conscious.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Connect to her inner child to make her feel seen and safe.
• Visualize her adult self removing her inner child from the chaos.
• Acknowledge and honor her grief.
• Forgive herself for any misunderstandings.

Takeaways:

• If you have consistent levels of fear or anxiety that don’t match a situation, it is an alarm bell being activated or triggered. Instead of trying to calm yourself, experiment with following the feeling in a soft, loving way.
• Doing inner child work doesn’t mean we re-experience and relive traumatic events. It means we grieve with the little one who is activated and let them express while being compassionate with them.
• Invite your inner child to live in the present with you, not the past.
• Get access to Inner Child Workshop recordings by emailing Jill@christinehassler.com.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine answers two listener questions. The first is around the fear of abandonment....what causes is, how it shows up in life, and how to heal it. The second question is regarding how to be with friends going through a hard time without being "life coachy" with them.   Also you can take the love block quiz Christine mentioned to find out what fear hold you back here: https://stefanossifandos.com/love-block-quiz/

This episode is about how to shift personality patterns. Today’s caller, Nikhi, is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and how to ask for what she wants. She has completed two Inner Child Workshops and is ready to work through the resistance she feels as she begins to shift her patterns.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode289]

Doing personal growth work, especially inner child work, doesn’t mean that boom, all of a sudden you’re healed. It takes time. The patterns we develop, the coping strategies, the results from our wounding have been there for many years. It takes time for something to move from awareness to integration.

The enduring pattern develops around age three because our need at that age is expression, to be able to express our feelings, to be able to express who we are, and to feel like it’s safe to be ourselves. If we lived in a family where emotional expression wasn’t encouraged, or we were to be seen, not heard, or we were told what to do, we had to figure out what to do just to not piss anybody off, we end up often with something called the enduring pattern. The enduring pattern is when we think we will just hold it all together or hold it all inside because it’s not safe to express or speak our truth.

There are two parts to speaking up for yourself. Part one is speaking your needs and part two, continuing to speak up when you are met with criticism, gas-lighting, or feeling squashed.

Get on the interest list for our next couple’s Relationship Retreat. It is a live, 3-day virtual retreat coming up in June. Christinehassler.com/relationshipsupport 

Listen to past group coaching calls, ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays, and listen to Coaches Corner with Erica Alaura for important energy cleansing work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you get overwhelmed easily but yet have trouble asking for help?
• Does your reaction to something, like your level of a reaction, sometimes not match the reality of the situation?
• Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a fierce inner critic?
• Do you internalize your feelings?
• Is it difficult for you to ask for support?

Nikhi’s Question:

Nikhi is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and ask for what she needs from an empowered place.

Nikhi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels disempowered.
• She doesn’t ask for what she needs and then feels shame about it.
• She feels triggered and angry when her husband reminds her of things.
• She is an empath.
• She didn’t feel seen or heard as a child.
• She internalizes things that happen to her.
• She has completed two Inner Child Workshops.
• She has an anxious attachment style and an enduring personality pattern.
• She gets overwhelmed easily.
• She was not allowed to express anger as a child.
• She struggles with structure.
• Her subtle inner critic comes out as a sinking feeling.
• She wants to find an accountability partner.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Speak up and share her emotions.
• Practice feeling and expressing her feelings.
• Do 10-minutes of Release Writing or record thoughts on her phone daily.
• Write a letter to her inner parent to re-read when she feels resistance.

Takeaways:

• Discipline yourself with love and gentleness.
• Don’t put too much on your plate.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about honoring emotions with compassion and acceptance. Today’s caller, Olivia, is going through a unique situation. She is feeling confused by her emotions and would like guidance on how to feel her feelings without going into “victim” and how to grieve after a loss.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode288]

It is normal for emotions to be confusing. We live in a mental, logical, linear-based world where we want certainty. We want things to make sense. But life isn’t linear, there aren’t five steps to make every sense of everything. Life is messy. It’s complicated. It’s a journey. Especially when it comes to emotions, we don’t want to try to manage them, understand them, or know why. We just need to learn how to feel and move through them. But, often, our mind gets in the way. This is the biggest reason so many people deal with repression, suppression, depression and then have to distract themselves or develop addictions. It’s because we don’t know how to be with our emotions.

Most of the time, when we are crying or feeling we are analyzing it. Maybe not allowing ourselves to be in the emotion and ride the waves. One wave could have twenty different feelings in it. It is about letting yourself go with compassion.

If you want to evolve and be free of some of the stuff that is weighing you down, you have to feel. We only get lost in our feelings when we judge them or when we go into “victim.”

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. ChristineHassler.com/innerchild — March 19–21, 2021. Listen to past group coaching calls at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you often feel confused about your feelings?
• Do you feel guilty about feeling the way you feel?
• Do you put other people’s needs above yours, making their feelings and tending to their feelings and their concerns more of a priority?
• Do you feel overwhelmed with a current emotion? Are you scared if you go into it you will lose yourself?
• Are you going through a loss of any kind? A loss of a person you love, a pet, job, a dream?

Olivia’s Question:

Olivia has had major heartbreak and loss and is confused about how to feel.

Olivia’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She ended a long-term relationship and then her ex married quickly after.
• Her ex passed away tragically within a year of their breakup.
• She feels stuck in her emotions.
• She feels confused and guilty about being upset.
• She looks to other people about how to feel.
• She didn’t attend his funeral.
• She is a people pleaser and puts others first.
• She can fall into “victim” and judge herself.
• She buries her anger.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Give herself permission to feel all of her feelings.
• Allow herself to grieve.
• Honor what she is feeling with compassion.
• Realize she may never get an apology.
• Perform a personal memorial service for her ex.
• Dig up her anger to release it with the Anger Release technique.
• Practice the Empty Chair process from Personal Mastery.

Takeaways:

• Practice riding the waves with compassion for yourself and others.
• Allow emotions to be confusing. You don’t need to understand them mentally. The body and heart understand emotions, not your mind.
• Consider joining us for the Inner Child workshop on March 19–21.

Sponsor:

THIRDLOVE — What if you could remove the hassle of bra shopping and find the most comfortable, perfect fitting bra or loungewear in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

We all know self-love is incredibly important but what does it mean and how do you do it? Listen in for a Coaches Corner where Christine discusses a way to practice and understand self-love. 

This episode is about honoring your needs and speaking your truth. I coach today’s caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband and herself about her needs.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode287]

Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically or we don’t have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection from ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem, you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community.

Speaking your truth is when you say what’s true for you and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth?

Many of us think people-pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve.

It’s great to make other people happy but it’s more important to please ourselves first by making self-honoring choices. People-pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people-pleasing is draining.

Drop the people-pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices, and get out there and find your tribe!

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
• Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
• Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
• Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?

Judy’s Question:

Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem.

Judy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been continuously moving for a year.
• Her husband tries to support her but he doesn’t really get it.
• Her husband has a stronger personality than she does.
• She’s dependent on her husband and doesn’t go places on her own.
• She always puts other people first.
• She has a hard time saying no.
• She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings.
• She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something.
• She should lean more into authenticity and less into people-pleasing.
• She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people.

Takeaways:

• If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more.
• If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe.
• Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month’s area of focus.
• Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine answers the question: How do we truly move into acceptance of something turning out differently than we want and truly let go?"  Acceptance is one of the most powerful things we can do for our healing and growth, yet it is often so difficult because what we have to accept is a reality we don't want.  Christine teaches what acceptance actually is and the importance of moving out of regret, shoulda coulda woulda thinking, and how to move through our disappointments rather than get stuck.

This call is about breaking patterns with self-compassion. Today’s caller, Maria, has been unfaithful in her relationships since the age of fifteen. She carries shame and judgment around it. Romantic relationships are so greatly influenced by our childhood wounds. In this call, you will see how Maria’s childhood is impacting how she shows up in relationships today and why she’s cheating.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode286]

Shame and judgment are heavy and toxic. They are the things that keep us from shifting and changing. Yet, they make us want to change even more because the more shame we feel and the more we judge ourselves the more committed we are to changing. We may go to therapy, take courses, or listen to podcasts but it doesn’t change things. Shame and judgment can be the catalyst for something we need to shift but we must move into compassion and acceptance in order to get to the healing that creates the shift.

Sometimes, we have to face our worst fears in order to not have them be the monster in the closet. We have to open the closet door and deal with the monster because we can’t stand lying in my bed and worrying that the monster will get us. We have to get up and deal with it so we can get some sleep.

Loneliness can become dangerous because we crave connection. We all need to feel loved and we will do extreme things to get love. Even repeat patterns that are no longer serving us.

How wounding affects our romantic relationships is the topic of the Virtual Group Coaching Call on March 11, 2021. $20 is all it costs to connect with your inner child and other like-minded people.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you carry a lot of shame about something you’ve done or that you’re doing or a pattern you have?
• Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or cheated on?
• Is there something in your life that you are having a hard time shifting and you know you want to take a big step but you can’t seem to make it happen?
• If you have children, what are you teaching them through your actions? Are you being an example of what you’d want them to be in life and relationships?

Maria’s Question:

Maria wants to know why she continues the pattern of cheating on her partners.

Maria’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has cheated on her partners since she was 15.
• She needs validation from men to feel worthy.
• She feels unlovable.
• Her father died when she was eight.
• She was one of six children.
• Her mother wasn’t loving.
• She felt alone growing up.
• She likes being protected by older men.
• She became addicted to having a boyfriend.
• She would like to shift her pattern now.
• She has two daughters.
• Her ex-husband spoke to her children about her cheating.
• She distracts herself through relationships.
• She is scared of making a shift.
• She started therapy this week.
• She hasn’t fully grieved her father.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Forgive herself for judging and shaming herself.
• Move into the energy of self-compassion.
• Breakup with her boyfriend and be single for a while.
• Get a coach or therapist to work with her.

Takeaways For You:

• Are you trying to shift yourself through shame and judgment? Can you bring self-compassion in?
• Are you the bartender trying to get sober all the while serving alcohol all day? Are you in an environment that is not conducive to your healing and what can you do to get out of that environment?
• Join our Group Coaching Call on March 11th about how inner child work impacts relationships.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Listen in as Christine discusses why growth can be so painful, why the pain is not “bad”, ways to decrease the pain, and why the pain is NOT necessary for growth.

Link to blog/podcast she mentions:

https://christinehassler.com/2018/03/do-you-have-enough-

This call is about letting go of worry and anxiety. Today’s caller, Lara, has a lot of worry and anxiety when it comes to her kids. She would like guidance on how to tame it and not have it impact her children. When we let worry get the best of us, not only are we raising cortisol levels in our bodies, which is bad for our health, but we are moving out of our resourced state where we have access to intellect and intuition.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode285]

When we have a lot of worry and anxiety, it doesn’t do us any good. We become good at imagining worst-case scenarios but the heightened sense of anxiety puts us in the amygdala part of our brain — the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. When we are in that part of our brain, we are not thinking clearly; we are not well resourced. When it comes to keeping ourselves safe and protecting ourselves, being prepared allows us to relax because we have a plan in place.

We need to learn to channel the worry into something else — into being productive, being prepared, or deepening our spiritual practice.

There is a certainty we get from physical world reality, control, and from seeing things. And, there is a certainty we get from faith. Unfortunately, for most of us, our certainty muscle is based on control. That muscle is much stronger than our faith muscle. Having faith in the universe, higher power, God, or whatever resonates with you, is key in letting go of anxiety and letting go of attachment. Because if there is not something bigger than you that you trust, you will always be addicted to control. You will feel like you have to have your hands on the steering wheel of life at all times. It will be hard to let go. This is why surrender is important.

Surrender isn’t about giving up. It is about letting go. It’s about relaxing into the knowing that there is a higher power taking care of you and taking care of the people you love.

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. Don’t let money be an issue, we have scholarships! ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com — March 19–21, 2021

We are creating a Relationship Retreat. It will be a 3-day virtual event. Get on the interest list to find out more and receive the early bird discount at ChristineHassler.com/relationshipsupport.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you love people so much you just want to hang on to them tightly and often control what they’re doing?
• Do you worry about the people in your life and you feel better when they’re in your sight? Do you have a hard time letting them go?
• Are you a parent who is struggling with the balance of giving your kids freedom, not wanting to project your anxiety on them, but also worrying if you don’t, something bad is going to happen?
•  As a child did you feel safe? Did you feel like all your needs were met? Did you feel like you had a parent that made you feel calm and resourced or do you have more of an anxious-attachment style?

Lara’s Question:

Lara feels stuck in a cycle of anxiety and does not want it to negatively impact her children.

Lara’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has anxiety.
• She tends to control situations.
• Her children are becoming independent.
• She had chaos in her childhood.
• Her mother was the nervous type.
• She worries and does not trust that things will be OK.
• She has an anxious attachment style with her children.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Trust and have faith that her children are protected.
• Join the Inner Child Workshop.
• Allow her mother’s intuition to guide her actions.
• Greet her anxiety with love and remember it is just her inner child.
• Start a meditation and mindfulness practice.

Takeaways For You:

• Make your inner child feel safe. Let them know you are there for them.
• Trust your intuition.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Luke Storey is a motivational speaker, kundalini yoga and meditation teacher, world-class biohacker, host of The Life Stylist Podcast, and founder of the world’s premier online fashion school for stylists, School of Style which he founded in 2008.

Luke’s spent the past twenty-three years developing and refining the ultimate wellness lifestyle, based on the most transformative principles of primal health and ancient spiritual practices, while at the same time embracing the most cutting-edge natural healing and consciousness expanding technologies. He has tenaciously applied the results of his field research and used them to not only completely transform his own life but also the lives of thousands of fans and followers through his various media channels and speaking engagements.

As a transformational speaker and entrepreneur, Luke continues to share his strategies for healing and happiness through his innovative and highly effective Lifestyle Design teachings, his Youtube channel, and his wildly popular podcast.

You can learn more about Luke here www.lukestorey.com. 

This call is about making self-honoring choices. Today’s caller, Elena, has separated from her husband after being co-dependent for many years. She is uncertain how to move forward because she isn’t clear about who she is. She asks for guidance about what to do next. This is an important call for those who feel they have lost themselves in a relationship or job.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode284]

When you are trying to make an important decision, from getting a divorce to having a child, to moving to a new city or quitting your job, you need to start on the inside first. Look at where you are in the situation. Ask yourself if you want the job? Do you want the marriage to work? Are you scared to speak your feelings? What is underneath the surface feelings?

For most people, limbo feels safe because you don’t have to make a choice. But, what is safe for most of us is what is familiar. Usually what is familiar doesn’t leave any opportunity for change or breakthrough. When you are in limbo, not moving in any direction, there are no possibilities. There is only more of the same.

When we know who we are and we practice honoring choices, not selfish choices, clarity becomes a lot easier. Because we can say, “This is a yes. This is in alignment with my most authentic self. I’m not coming from a place of hurt or from my childhood wounding. I’m not looking for love or validation outside of me.” It becomes much easier to make decisions.

Everyone has the tools to love themselves and figure out who they are. If you are in a human body with a mind, a soul, and a heart you have the tools. You may need someone to help you use the tools but you have the tools.

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. Don’t let money be an issue, we have scholarships! ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com — March 19–21, 2021

We are creating a Relationship Retreat. It will be a 3-day virtual event. Get on the interest list to find out more and receive the early bird discount at ChristineHassler.com/relationshipsupport.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel you have forgotten who you are or lost who you are?
• Do you feel like within a marriage, being a parent, in a job, or friendship you have sacrificed your own identity?
• Are you in limbo about a big decision and terrified to make the change?
• Do you feel lost when it comes to getting support or asking for help?

Elena’s Question:

Elena would like to find herself after losing herself in a co-dependent, long-term relationship.

Elena’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She had been with her husband since the age of 14 until separating three years ago.
• She was co-dependent during her marriage.
• He had an emotional affair with someone else.
• The couple tried therapy.
• She is afraid to make a move.
• She lacks the confidence to make a change.
• She needs to put herself first.
• She grew up with old-school Italian values.
• Her mother divorced her father at her same age.
• Her temper goes quickly from one to 100.
• She likes to make people happy.
• She feels she needs to earn love.
• She doesn't know how to be.
• She is in Personal Mastery.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Create some space to find out who she is.
• Be self-honoring and choose self-love.
• Realize she does not have to please people for them to love her.
• Journal to help process her feelings.
• Focus on the relationship she has with herself.

Takeaways For You:

• Get support. Reach out for help.
• Form clear boundaries about what is not working for you, get clear about who you are and step into self-love.
• Join Personal Mastery.
• Be gentle with yourself. Stop telling yourself all the reasons you cannot do something and collect evidence for how you can.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Sahara Rose is an ancient soul in a modern body. She has been called “a leading voice for the millennial generation into the new paradigm shift” by Deepak Chopra, who wrote the foreword of her books. She is the best-selling author of Eat Feel Fresh, Idiot's Guide to Ayurveda, A Yogic Path, her new book Discover Your Dharma. She also hosts the Highest Self Podcast, the #1 spirituality podcast on iTunes, and founder of Rose Gold Goddesses, the sacred sisterhood collective.

This call is about worst-case scenario thinking. Today’s caller, Kate, is always waiting for the other shoe to drop because of chaos in her childhood. She has never felt safe. If you find yourself at a point where life is smooth and good but you keep waiting for something to happen and then judge yourself for having negative thoughts, this show will offer you solid guidance.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode283]

Often, when people are in personal development, they learn from their suffering. There is an unconscious belief that they learn and grow from challenge or loss. But, while those things can be awakenings to growth, we must choose to learn and grow. We don’t need loss and hardship to motivate us, inspire us to grow, or evolve our souls.

Often, when we are worried the other shoe is going to drop, the fears coming up are our inner child trying to communicate with us. The body and emotions are often the language of the inner child, of our subconscious mind. So, pay attention to those, and instead of trying to get rid of them, ask them what they need.

It is not our thoughts that attract things to us. It is our feelings and our frequency. Gratitude is a great frequency to move us out of anxiety or obsessive thinking. Moving into gratitude and truly feeling it is so much better than distraction.

If you have fears of manifesting your bad thoughts, remember that the percentage of time you spend in the present and in gratitude is probably greater than the percentage of time you spend worrying. Worrying just feels more intense because it is intense and uncomfortable when you do it. Take comfort that it will be okay.

Join Stefanos and me for our 3-day virtual Inner Child Workshop. It’s not about working on yourself. It’s about connecting to your little one and letting go of some things you have been carrying around. We can help you bring your little one into their future, which is your present, and help them feel loved and safe. Don’t let money be an issue, we have scholarships! Christinehassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@christinehassler.com — March 19–21, 2021

Do you want to make coaching your career or enhance your current practice? Join our 6-month coach training program. You will be mentored by me and three other master-level coaches. If you are interested in applying, go to Elementum Coaching Institute to apply before the first class fills up.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you have a childhood where you couldn’t really relax, there was a lot of uncertainty, or everything was going fine and then a shoe dropped and you find yourself constantly waiting for the other one to drop?
• Have you done a lot of work on yourself? Are things going really well but you feel you can’t trust it?
• Do you fear that your fear about things going badly will manifest bad things?
• Do you feel you have a deep connection to your inner child and they feel safe?

Kate’s Question:

Kate would like guidance around why, when things are going well, she fears something is going to go wrong.

Kate’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is at a great place in her life.
• She often expects the worst.
• She fears she is going to sabotage herself.
• She has done personal development work.
• She spends more time in fear than joy.
• Her father was unpredictable and angry.
• Her sister was often sick.
• She didn’t feel safe as a child.
• She wants to be more spontaneous.
• She uses distraction as a coping strategy.
• She believed challenges were a path to growth.
• She does not need to suffer to learn and grow.
• She will pay attention to the voice of her inner child.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Reassure her inner child and put one hand on her belly and one on her heart and say “I am safe” when she has fear about something going wrong.
• Journal about how learning through challenge is over.
• Move into acceptance, soothe her inner child, and make a conscious decision to choose gratitude.

Takeaways For You:

• Sign up for the Inner Child Workshop.
• Practice the 3-step process. Acceptance, reassurance of safety, and gratitude.
• Vow that you can evolve through choice, not challenge.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Hayden Dawes is a licensed social worker whose practice experience includes hospital social work, mental health, and addiction treatment, in addition to people involved in the legal system. Although grounded in relational-experiential approaches to mental health treatment, Hayden has been trained in advanced trauma modalities and remains curious about all forms of mental health treatments. Hayden is currently a Ph.D. student at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill’s School of Social Work.  His research is in examining the psychosocial challenges impacting people of color and LGBTQIA+ individuals. He is also interested in seeking advanced methods to intervene on providers’ implicit and explicit biases. In response to racial injustice within the mental health practitioner community, Hayden wrote an article that was featured on Medium titled “An Invitation to White Therapists” it has since been widely used in direct practice education, consultation, and supervision. Hayden currently resides in Greensboro NC with his partner of 10 years. Hayden is an avid crossfitter, traveler, dance partner, and reality-tv specialist. During the COVID pandemic, Hayden expanded his personal “radical permission”practice to create a #radicalpermission project for the greater community across social media platforms, to encourage people to set intentions with grace.