Over It And On With It

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EP 348: What if What You Think You Are Angry About Is Actually Not What You're Angry About? With Rose 0

May 11, 2022

This emotional episode is about getting to the root of anger to be able to release it. Today’s caller, Rose, has a deep-seated rage she directs toward her sister. But as we work through in the coaching call, she chose her sister, who poses less of a threat, to release her rage upon instead of the real person she is enraged with, her father.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode348]

Whenever our reaction doesn’t match with the circumstance, it means there is something else going on. Oftentimes, we have rage or anger just by being a human being on the planet, and we direct it at certain people or we become obsessive about certain people.

The thing about anger is that it needs an exit route. It is a huge energetic wave and it needs a way to get out. Anger can leak out as irritability, addiction, aggression at other people or just being angry at ourselves. We spend so much energy keeping anger inside that we can get depressed or we might just direct it at someone who is an easy scapegoat but isn’t actually the person we are enraged about.

Go to ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease to get my Anger Release Program.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have a sibling or family member you are mad at and you can’t shake it no matter how much work you do?
Do you struggle with jealousy, envy, or wish you could have had someone else’s life?
Did you have a parent you were loyal to but as an adult, you question why you were so loyal?
Do you have a hard time expressing your rage?

Rose’s Question:

Rose struggles with her anger toward her sister and would like guidance on how to shift her feelings.

Rose’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She formed an unhealthy alliance against her younger sister with her father.
She loves her sister but feels deep rage toward her.
She has done a lot of work around the issue.
She has always felt mad at her sister and has taken her frustrations out on her.
She didn’t feel seen or appreciated as a child.
She feels her sister takes her oxygen when they are in the same room.
She feels her mom blames her for how she treats her sister.
Her father was explosive.
She swallows her rage.
She gets enraged by her sister’s bigness and how strong she is.
Her anger makes her feel darkly powerful, righteous, and justified.
She feels it is not OK to be herself.
She is really mad at her father for making her feel small as a child.
Her father was fragile and was inappropriate toward her.
Her father made her feel ashamed for growing into her womanhood.
Her father took his life.
She realizes she transferred her anger toward her dad onto her sister.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Get the rage and anger out through an Anger Release exercise or by writing F-U letters she doesn’t send.
Fully accept herself for who she is.
Not be afraid of her rage because it is where her passion lives.
Stay focused on who she is mad at to get to grief and then forgiveness.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: Guest on Alyson Charles' Podcast: Untangling from Trauma & Setting Your Inner Child Free with Christine Hassler 0

May 7, 2022

Inner Child

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EP 347: I’m Ready. I’ve Done All This Work. So, Where is My Person? With Asma 0

May 4, 2022

This episode is about patience and becoming a loving partner to ourselves so we are ready to call in our soul match. Today’s caller, Asma, is ready to call in a partner but may have some work to do around building faith and trust based on her inner child’s wounding. Even if you are not looking for your person, you will get value from the conversations about patience, trust, and relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode347]

It’s easy to believe in the magic of the universe when everything is going our way. It’s harder when we are scared or things aren’t going along with our plan. So many of our core trust issues come from our childhood. They come from the survival skills we adopted. That is where trust wounds begin.

Surrender invites the masculine in because it is fiercely brave. It is a deep level of trust in our intuition, a higher power, and in life because we relinquish control. It creates receptivity and an entry point for the masculine. Most healthy masculine men don’t like being told what to do.

Those of us who are more on the spectrum of controlling have less faith and trust. Part of the way we deal with our spiritual crisis and our fear of trust and surrender is to over plan, over control, and be overly self-sufficient.

When it comes to relationships we don’t have as much control because another person is involved. When it comes to love, the other person is on their own timeline, even when we may feel ready. Our soul-match people are harder to find because we are growing with them, not growing from them. Soul match people share our visions and values and match more where we want to go instead of where we have been. It requires a person who has done their work.

To all the single women who want to call in their person, I encourage you to take the Be the Queen course. Be empowered and intentional about calling in the relationship you desire. Experience a complete transformation. Get $200 off at ChristineHassler.com/bethequeen with the promo code “OVERIT”.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you feel like you have done the work but wondering where your prize is?
Are you divorced or broken up and back in the dating scene and find yourself being impatient?
Do you have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people or people who are not ready for a relationship?
Are you patient with yourself or do you have a harsh inner critic?

Asma’s Question:

Asma has wounding from a previous relationship but has done the work. She feels ready to receive her new partner but grows impatient with the lack of candidates.

Asma’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She married young and is now divorced.
She has done a lot of personal development work.
She has created the home life she wants.
She is ready to attract a partner with whom she feels a deep alignment.
She is impatient and hard on herself.
She wants a masculine man.
She would like to develop trust.
She didn’t feel seen or heard by her father but she has abandonment wounding.
Some men she dates are not ready to be in a relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Work on being patient.
Look at how she can become a good partner and lover to herself.
Be upfront at the beginning of a relationship about where she is and where she wants to go.
Be clear about what she wants and where she wants to go.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: Reair: Get Out of Pain (Permanently!) with Nicole Sachs 0

Apr 30, 2022

Nicole Sachs, LCSW is a speaker, writer, podcaster and psychotherapist who has dedicated her work and her practice to the treatment of chronic pain, symptoms, syndromes and conditions. She is the author of the book The Meaning of Truth, and the online course FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN. Her brand, The Cure for Chronic Pain, includes a Website, Podcast and YouTube Channel. Her personal experience as well as work with thousands of people around the world have shaped and evolved Nicole’s theories, which serve to teach those suffering how to heal themselves completely with no medication or surgery.

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EP 346: Moving Through the Triggers That Come Up When You’re Alone with Angel 0

Apr 27, 2022

This episode is breaking familiar generational patterns. Today’s caller, Angel, grew up in a chaotic home. As an adult, he seeks out chaos and uses numbing strategies when he feels triggered. We work through ways he can recognize the triggers and how he can make them an opportunity for healing without self-blame or shame.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode346]

Unraveling and healing from trauma in our childhoods take time. It is hard to deal with our past when we distract ourselves by things happening in the present or with numbing strategies.

Because we are often drawn to what is familiar, not what is healthy, that gets a lot of us stuck. We keep going back to things we know are not healthy, then we get stuck in the cycle of self-blame and shame without being compassionate with ourselves.

A trigger is a gateway to healing, but if we go to a distraction or a quick fix we miss the opportunity for deeper healing. It’s about making the decision at the time of the trigger to go inside and that is when we do the work.

A disorganized attachment style is formed when we have had a chaotic childhood. A disorganized attachment style is like a “come here, now go away” pattern. It is the wanting of attention and affection, wanting to be seen but also wanting to withdraw. When real intimacy and real love get too close, the person with a disorganized attachment style wants to push it away.

If you want to learn more about attachment styles you can download a great group coaching call for only $20 at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have trouble being alone?
Did you grow up in a chaotic environment where you didn’t feel seen and safe? Did you witness violence?
Do you find yourself in a cycle of going into dysfunctional relationships or abusing a substance and you feel shame about it?
Do you have a lot of awareness but feel you are not changing?

Angel’s Question:

Angel seeks chaos and conflict and would like guidance on how to feel a sense of safety and be in his body.

Angel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

His childhood home was chaotic.
He is social around other people.
He finds it difficult to be alone with his thoughts.
He feels empty.
He seeks out chaos in his life.
He uses substances in excess.
His cycle of shame repeats.
He shut down as a child to cope with the domestic violence he witnessed.
He feels not-enough and has a disorganized attachment style.
He has never felt loved or safe.
He is always looking to find what he didn’t get as a child.
He feels he has awareness.
He feels comforted when other people are around.
His intuition tells him he should wait to enter a romantic relationship.
He was in a trauma-bond relationship that blew up.
He finds it hard to forget the trauma he experienced as a child.
He still lives with his mom, and he feels anger toward her when she tries to parent him.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion for himself.
Acknowledge himself and tell himself he is not alone.
Have patience with his process and acknowledge his progress.
Resist the urge to go to the quick fix when he feels triggered.
Leverage triggers when they come up.
Write a letter to his mother he does not intend to give to her.
Make the intention to make relationships with male mentors or build up more healthy male relationships.

Takeaway:

Use the moments when you feel triggered to reach for a distraction or a numbing strategy, to instead leverage the triggering opportunity to use your healing tools.
Find healthy male groups to be a part of such as Mpowered Brotherhood on Instagram.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

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CC: Reair: EP 82: Overcoming Your Inner Critic With Ravi 0

Apr 23, 2022

This episode is about overcoming the pain our inner bullies create. Today’s caller, Ravi, was bullied as a child, and uses his inner critic as a protective measure. He became isolated and disconnected from his intuition, and he cut off listening to his heart because he didn’t want to feel.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode82]

When we cut off our feelings we not only cut off the pain, but we cut off the love and inspiration as well. What happened in the past does not have to create your future. You can get over it and on with it, but you must be consciously committed to letting it go.

To transform, you need love, wisdom, and compassion from your heart, and alchemy. I guided Ravi through a heart meditation, like this one from a Coaches Corner episode. Ravi experienced clarity after the meditation. His heart said it wanted expression through art.

The next step was to transform his trauma and pain, but Ravi said he didn’t want to go there. Remember, the fear of feeling pain is what keeps you from transforming it. It is possible to alchemize passion, or suffering, into something you love. It takes a lot of energy to suppress pain. If you have had trauma, it can be scary to go there on your own. You should find someone to work with, someone who can go there with you to hold a space for you.

The more you listen to your heart, the more it speaks to you!

Join me this September at my retreat in Bali. Visiting a magical place with like-minded people will transform your mind, body, and spirit. It’s a unique experience where you can experience significant healing that will last the rest of your life. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you trying to figure out your issues or challenges in your head?

● Were you bullied, teased or criticized as a child or a teenager, and it still haunts you today?

● Do you have a past trauma you are terrified to address and feel?

● Would you say you live more in your head than in your heart?

Ravi's Question:

Ravi wants to know how to find purpose in his life.

Ravi's Key Insights and Ahas:

● He disconnected from his conscious mind to cope with the trauma.

● He internalizes the external bullying.

● He’s scared of failure and being made fun of.

● He has managed his pain, but has not yet transformed it.

● He is in an avoidance pattern and protective mode.

● He’s been in the midst of self-loathing.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

● He should tap into the passion he experienced to create art.

● He could help other people who have been bullied.

● He needs to listen to his heart.

● He needs to start alchemizing his pain.

● He should practice release writing when he feels sadness.

Assignments:

● Read The Lesson Quest and Your Life’s Purpose in Chapter 9, The Spiritual Level in Expectation Hangover.

● Be honest about what you are attempting to figure out, and alchemize it.

● Listen to my Coaches Corner with Jim Kwik.

● Volunteer and be of service to someone else to help you with your inner critic.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Over It and On With It Listener Survey

Expectation Hangover

Inner Circle Membership Community

Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler

@christinhassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information

Bali Retreat Enrollment Page

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EP 345: How to Get the Men in Your Life to Be Less Rigid with Danielle 0

Apr 20, 2022

This episode is about communicating with someone who has more of a controlling and rigid personality structure. Today’s caller, Danielle, would like to reduce the friction between her and her husband when it comes to their parenting priorities. I coach Danielle on how to work with her husband to be a little less rigid and less controlling when it comes to her sons and when it comes to herself. And, how to get her sons to express themselves emotionally.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode345]

When we are butting heads with someone, trying to get them to see our side of something will never work. Having curiosity and compassion for the other person’s model of the world and the way they see things is the way forward.

A lot of men, boys, and those who identify as masculine have been conditioned to suppress, to be less emotional, and that their value is the security and legacy they can provide or the money they can provide. Oftentimes emotional connection, the ability to be in their heart, the ability to trust, or to have more of a connection with their feminine side is difficult because there has been so much attention on the other.

Remember, when someone says that something made them stronger it generally doesn’t mean they now have the courage to be vulnerable and to seek help, to think deep into their wounds, to dig into their generational patterns to transform their experience.

When children are not raised with the ability to have autonomy, sovereignty, and speak up for themselves, it can go one of two ways. Either they become overly compliant and get pushed around or they become overly aggressive because they are trying to get their power back.

A lot of us can relate to us having differences in the way we see the world and what we think is right. Anytime we can heal a division in our home or within our families, it has a ripple effect elsewhere. So, at a time when it seems there is a lot of division, finger-pointing, and judgment in the world, shifting this in the home helps to collectively shift it.

Are you in a relationship right now and you would like the relationship to be better? Or, your relationship is at a point where it is falling apart and you want to save it? Would you like to know what makes a relationship work? You can at any time by going to christinehassler.com/relationshipcourse. Listeners of this podcast get $50 off with promo code ‘OVERIT’. Learn how to bring the zest back into your relationship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you find there is someone in your life who is controlling and you wish they would be more intuitive and more emotionally available?
Do you find it is hard to set boundaries with someone who is structured and set in their ways?
Is it hard for you to have compassion for your partner or children because you are frustrated by what they are doing?
Are you willing to see the little child inside of the adults you love and have compassion for the way they act the way they do?

Danielle’s Question:

Danielle would like to know how she can enforce boundaries with her children while respecting her husband’s role in the family.

Danielle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She set boundaries to keep burnout at bay.
She and her husband lead a busy lifestyle.
She and her husband are both active military.
Her husband is high-energy and she is more passive.
She values her parenting skills.
She wants her boys to grow up with sovereignty.
Her boys are diagnosed with ADHD/ADD.
Her husband may have wounds around his relationship with his father.
She is triggered by her husband’s actions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Carve some time out with her husband to ask him what he wished would have been different between him and his father.
Realize her husband has a father wound and she may be dealing with a tender little boy inside.
Acknowledge her husband when he does emotional work.
Approach her husband in a way that doesn’t make him feel judged.
Lean into her vulnerability and speak her needs in an empowered way.
Create a fun way to empower her boys to express themselves.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: EP 160: Break Your Addiction to Negative Thinking with Danielle 0

Apr 16, 2022

Do you know the value of positive thinking but just can’t seem to shift out of negative thinking? This coaching session is about expectations and shifting negative patterns. During this call, we examine Danielle’s past to understand what formed her current expectations and get to the root of why she is sabotaging herself in relationships.

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EP 344: Reclaiming Yourself and Your Life After Betrayal with MJ 0

Apr 13, 2022

This episode is about releasing the judgment of our past decisions. Today’s caller, MJ, was betrayed by her ex-husband and when she divorced, became a single mother of two. As she focused on raising her children, she neglected her sensual side and has not been on a date. She would like guidance on how to reclaim her life and get more out of her interpersonal relationships. We talk a lot about betrayal and holding on to judgment of our past selves.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode344]

Hindsight is 20/20. Many people can relate to making a choice in the past they probably wouldn’t make today that they are still beating themselves up for. When we do that to ourselves we are in the past and we completely block all the amazing things that can come into our present and future.

Sometimes we don’t forgive ourselves because we think that holding on to the judgment of ourselves will keep us from making the same mistake.

In order to have a life and a future, we must forgive our past. Not just the people in the past but the former versions of ourselves in the past. As long as we are beating ourselves up for our past decisions we are fractured. We are at odds with a part of ourselves.

Good luck having a rich, full, amazing life, being connected to our sensuality, having friendships, or having the relationship of our dreams if we are at war with a part of ourselves. We have to be at peace with all parts of ourselves.

Have compassion for yourself and know that you did the best you could in your past. We don’t have to stay at war with ourselves. We can invite all parts of ourselves into our hearts and deeply, truly, and fully forgive ourselves.

If you want to do deeper work and you resonate with my coaching, I encourage you to join Personal Mastery. It is the foundational training of my work. I take you through how to transform and heal on the emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual levels. There are so many tips and tools. Personal Mastery is also a community. There are monthly calls and a Facebook group. Get coached by me without being on the show. Go to ChristineHassler.com/mastery. Get $100 off the course by typing in 'OVERIT' as the promo code when ordering.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Was there a choice you made in your past you are still beating yourself up for?
Have you been betrayed by someone or multiple people and you judge yourself for it?
Do you have a difficult time connecting to your sensuality or sexuality?
Have you been focused on raising your kids or your career, or both, and you want to get back out in the dating world but are not sure where to start?

MJ’s Question:

MJ would like guidance on how to break down the emotional wall she put up after a divorce and flourish in her interpersonal relationships.

MJ’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She divorced and became a single mother 10 years ago when her ex betrayed her by having a secret life.
She has neglected her sensuality.
She hasn’t been on a date in seven years.
She has put up an emotional wall when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships.
She felt ashamed of who she chose to marry.
She holds a belief that you cannot completely rely on men.
She was naive when she was younger.
She hasn’t forgiven herself for marrying her first husband.
She believed she needed to be punished.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Forgive herself and reclaim the lost part of herself by releasing the shame and judgment.
Integrate her younger self back into her life.

Takeaway:

Think about past parts of you that you hold judgment toward and forgive yourself to make yourself whole.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Guest on Luke Storey Podcast: Find Your Soul Mission: Is your Passion Your Purpose? 0

Apr 9, 2022

When Luke Storey hosted me on his podcast, we went on a deep dive into everything from revealing personal insecurities to ego pitfalls to relationship attachment style.

This episode has tools to cultivate self-love, set boundaries, and maintain healthier relations with yourself and those you invite into your life.

You can learn more about Luke or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.lukestorey.com/

Inner Child Workshop

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EP 343: Stop Working on Yourself So Hard and Start Having Fun with Vicky 0

Apr 6, 2022

This episode is about giving yourself permission to have fun. Today’s caller, Vicky, hasn’t had fun in over a decade. She wants to but fears others will judge her for it. We work through what created the fear and how she can give herself a permission slip to express herself in joy without worrying about what others will think.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode343]

Often, what we are projecting when we feel people are judging us is that we are judging ourselves. We need to challenge ourselves and say — so what? — if we are judged. What is the worst thing that can happen?

As a child, it can be scary. We can feel ostracized from school, we can feel like we are not getting our parents’ love but as adults, if someone judges us we can let it be OK. It is one of the great things about being an adult. We can handle judgment differently. We choose how we react.

If we do get devastated by someone else’s judgment, it means our inner child is being triggered. If that happens we have to parent our inner child and give them permission to have fun.

If it has been a week since you have had fun, it’s time to have some. We can’t be serious all the time, especially when there is so much stress, uncertainty, and heaviness. Fun, joy, and play are important. No matter how old we get, we cannot forget to play.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you just been working on yourself but haven’t had fun in a long time?
Are you afraid to be expressive or fun because you are concerned you might be judged?
Do you fall into the trap of not wanting to pursue things because you feel you must be perfect before you can do it?
How often do you let your inner child come out and play?

Vicky’s Question:

Vicky has done a ton of personal development work but still doesn’t authentically feel as if she has connected to joy.

Vicky’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She is frustrated that she still doesn’t feel connected.
She hasn’t had a lot of fun since her 20s.
She wants to experience joy.
She feels she has to work hard.
She fantasizes about being goofy.
She is afraid of judgment.
She is a life coach but doesn’t feel she deserves the title.
Her parents fought a lot in front of her.
She felt pressured to keep the peace in her childhood family home.
She doesn’t feel safe or seen.
She didn’t get to have enough fun as a child.
She gets caught up in “should be.”

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Be present, curious, and explorative in the moment.
Ask herself what she could do to make herself feel safe and seen.
Lean into being goofy and having fun.
Choose how she wants to respond when she feels not enough.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair: Healing Grief, Depression and Trauma with Michael Gay 0

Apr 2, 2022

Michael Gay who is a therapist joins Christine to discuss how we deal and heal from trauma. He has his M.A. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a focus in Transpersonal Psychology. Michael has worked in the field of counseling for the last 14 years as a guide, therapist, and trainer. He was a Wilderness Therapy guide for 6 years, leading and facilitating deep transformational work with teens, adults, and families in the mountains and high desert. He has also worked extensively in the field of addiction and recovery. He specializes in work with depression, groups, trauma, PTSD, grief, and families. In addition to his M.A., Michael completed a 3 year training at the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies, and continues to train at the Gestalt Equine Institute.

As a therapist and facilitator, Michael uses experiential and body based methods. Many approaches to therapy and inner work stay at the intellectual and cognitive level, which rarely or slowly affect deep structural change. Engaging in more experiential and embodied work seems to bring the shifts people were unable to find in mainstream therapy.

You can learn more about Michael or reach out to him about working with him at https://www.michaelgaycounseling.com/

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EP 342: We All Need to Be Heard with Jonathan 0

Mar 30, 2022

This episode is about the healing benefits of being heard and being reflective. Today’s caller, Jonathan, didn’t feel seen or heard as a child by his controlling parents. He has competing intentions and would like guidance on how to be more vulnerable and intimate in relationships.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode342]

When in any type of relationship, especially a romantic relationship, if it is hard for you to express yourself or get things out or you feel interrupted or judged, utilize the talking stick (any object). Go to your partner and tell them you wish to communicate something and that you want to use the talking stick. When you are holding the talking stick you are the only one talking. When you feel complete you hand it to your partner. It is a great practice if you have a hard time getting things out. It offers a sense of permission for those who wish to be heard.

Oftentimes, we interrupt each other a lot. There may be one partner who is more assertive and the other partner may retract more. The talking stick is a great remedy for relationships with communication issues.

Another effective communication tool is reflective listening or perception checking. When we slow down communication it builds trust and safety with other people.

When you have the avoidant attachment style one of the best ways to heal it is in relationship, practicing intimacy.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you feel seen and heard as a child?
Did you spend a lot of time alone as a child? Do you still spend a lot of time alone today?
Do you trust love? When things get too intimate, too vulnerable, or too close do you want to bail but you long for love at the same time?

Jonathan’s Question:

Jonathan would like guidance on being intimate in close relationships with others and with himself.

Jonathan’s Key Insights and Ahas:

His dad was controlling.
He didn’t have friends over to play with as a child.
He knew at age seven that he couldn’t trust love.
He keeps intimate relationships at an arm’s length.
He wants to be seen without judgment in relationships.
He spent a lot of time alone in life.
His father offered transactional love.
He attracts women who are not in their healthy feminine who have similar traits to his mother.
He took a self-discovery journey.
He wants to be authentic but doesn’t find others who are authentic.
He has competing intentions.
People talk over him and interrupt him all the time.
He tried structured environments but they were not for him.
He feels unsafe and untethered.
He is enrolled in the Elementum Coaching Institute.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Lean more into his masculine energy.
Find people he can be authentic with and who listen to him.
Anchor himself into who he is, what he believes, and what he desires. Write it out until it becomes clear.
Embody his awareness.
Ground himself.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair EP: 118 Navigating the Mother-Daughter Relationship with Kristin 0

Mar 26, 2022

This episode is about self-honoring choices, ultimatums, and jealousy in mother-daughter relationships. Today’s caller, Kristin, is looking for guidance in how to proceed after her mother gave her an ultimatum. We also look at the compensatory strategies Kristin has adopted in an effort to deal with things from her childhood.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode118]

What is a self-honoring choice? A self-honoring choice is an honest choice rooted in truth that comes from love. Kristin felt she was always in competition with her mother. She became a perfectionist as a compensatory strategy because she felt that she could only receive love if she was perfect. Through her growth work, she is starting to make self-honoring choices for herself.

What are you passionate about? What you are passionate about is often a tie into our spiritual curriculum and our parents are part of that curriculum. Remember, we choose our parents as our teachers. When our parents don’t see us for who we truly are, it can seem cruel. But, part of our soul journey is to heal from past cruelty.

What do you long for from your parents?

Be sure to check out Coaches Corner. Last week I talked about ghosting and flaky behavior, the week before I interviewed Jill about selling skills and I even answer questions. So, if you have a question for me, email assist@ChristineHassler.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Is there someone in your life you are not speaking to or have a strained relationship with?
If you grew up with two parents, was one more challenging for you to get along with or close to?
Do you tend to be attracted, date or marry people you feel you must earn their love?
Do you know what self-honoring choices are? If so, do you make them regularly?

Kristin’s Question:

Kristin would like to know how to approach her mother about a recent ultimatum.

Kristin’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She was in an abusive relationship.
She made a self-honoring choice.
She was always in competition with her mother.
Her mother was passive aggressive.
She yearned for attention from her mother.
Her parents had a horrible relationship.
Her existence triggers her mother.
She chose her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

She should keep working on herself and stay strong to break the pattern of contorting herself to make her mother feel better.

She should realize her mom may not be able to face her issues.

She should continue making self-honoring choices.

Takeaways:

Where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying too much to please people?
And, where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying to be the bigger person vs. speaking your truth?
Why did you pick your parents and what are they here to teach you?
Let go of who you want your parents to be. Accept the fact that if your mother or father truly saw what they needed to see about themselves in order to give you the apology you crave, it might break them.

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

EP 341: How to Communicate When You Feel Scared with Amanda 0

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

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Mar 23, 2022

This episode is about reducing a trauma response when communicating with people who matter to us. Today’s caller, Amanda, feels scared and goes into a trauma response when communicating with her partner. In her past, she felt disempowered in other relationships. She would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when communicating her needs.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode341]

When we have been through a challenging situation or trauma that goes deep into our subconscious mind, body, and nervous system, we feel we have no power or control. That is why it is so traumatic. The more we empower ourselves to have control, speak our needs, and make a request the more we tell our body and nervous system that we are safe.

Anytime we are in a trauma response we are time-traveling. Our physical body is in the present moment but our nervous system is in the past. Our brain has a hard time distinguishing whether we are in a safe place or are we in trauma. Maybe we had no voice, no power, and no dominion over our experience when the trauma occurred. But, the more we can set ourselves up at the beginning, the less likely we are to time-travel into the trauma response.

In a relationship, as much as we are sovereign beings and know that no one can heal us, it is also reasonable and healing in a relationship to know each other's wounds. We can be sensitive to other people’s wounds and do our part to help the other person grow. We are entitled to make requests when we are taking responsibility. We cannot ask someone else to change until we own our end and are doing the work. Only then can we make a request of someone else.

My Personal Mastery course takes you through how to transform and heal on an emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual level. It is also a community with monthly group coaching calls and an interactive Facebook page. ChristineHassler.com/mastery. Get $100 off the course with the promo code OVERIT.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have trouble speaking up for yourself or communicating your needs?
Do you often get angry and lash out because your needs aren’t being met and you are not communicating?
Do you have difficulty calming yourself down when you are in a trauma response?
Do you know what it means to regulate your nervous system when you are in a trauma response?

Amanda’s Question:

Amanda would like guidance on how to feel less afraid when it comes to communicating her needs to her partner.

Amanda’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She gets triggered when communicating with her partner.
She sometimes abruptly leaves confrontation.
When standing her ground, she can feel angry.
She has done EMDR with her therapist.
Her partner has big energy.
She fears communicating her needs.
She felt powerless when her dad remarried.
She wants someone to stand up for her.
She has been in an abusive relationship.
She is committed to being vulnerable.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Move her energy by regulating her nervous system and getting herself into the present moment.
Name her feelings when she wants to communicate.
Remind herself she is a grown woman and her partner is not her stepmother.
Have a conversation with her partner about a flinch response.
Release the rage she feels toward her stepmother and ex through release writing and the temper tantrum technique.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Reair EP 33: The Pitfalls of People Pleasing 0

Mar 19, 2022

People pleasing will not get you the kind of love you long for. Why? Well, when you are putting other people’s needs before your own, you are not being honest. You are not showing up authentically. People pleasing can range in severity from caring about what people think to being a doormat. In my view, no degree of people pleasing is a good thing and being a complete doormat is dangerous. Think of a doormat after being used over and over. This is what happens to your spirit and your spark if you allow people to walk all over you. Your light starts to dim. You start to fade and you start to wear down.

The Importance of Connection When Going Through a Loss

We are not meant to grieve alone. One of the most healthy aspects of grieving is having support. You may find it hard to ask for help but you are giving another person a gift when you are vulnerable with them. Do not suffer in silence and solitude. The things that help the most are often the hardest to do. During difficult times, we need to do the hard things to get to the healing place we long for. Today’s caller Shaun called in for some guidance while going through his divorce. He may be putting himself last and has a habit of people pleasing which is making his divorce harder. Don’t lose sight of yourself during a loss. I encourage you to be honest with yourself about your people pleasing patterns. Coaches take note - I try to stay as clear and neutral as I possibly can, but during some calls, like this one, I slip from empathy to sympathy. I found myself being protective of Shaun and judgmental of the situation. I then moved back to neutrality which allowed me to guide Shaun appropriately.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

● Are you going through a loss right now and feel disconnected?

● Do you relate to being a people pleaser or a doormat?

● Are you concerned about what people think of you and often put others’ needs and opinions in front of your own?

● Is there someone in your life you need to draw some boundaries with?

● Do you have a solid support system of people or just one person you can turn to who will listen when you are going through something challenging?

Shaun’s Question: Shaun would like to know how to get un-stuck after being blindsided by a breakup from a 15-year marriage. He wants advice on how to move past the situation.

Shaun’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

● He has a pattern of taking care of others at his own expense.

● He may be losing his identity.

● He doesn’t have a social circle for support.

● He should reach out to new people and ask for help.

How to get over it and on with it:

● He should step into his power and his strength and put himself first.

● He should meet new people and join new groups.

● He has the opportunity to gain healthy friendships.

Tools and Takeaways:

● Be honest and look at the ways your people pleasing could be depleting you, blocking intimacy and potentially building resentment.

● Listen to this week’s Coaches Corner for additional tips.

● Reach out to people, ask for support or just ask them to listen.

● Write down one thing which will help you the most but may be hard for you to do.

Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

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EP 340: Addressing Relationship Anxiety with Gabby 0

Mar 16, 2022

This episode is about having anxiety about relationships. Today’s caller, Gabby, has a pattern of getting into relationships, but something always happens and they don’t work out. She would like guidance about how to reduce the amount of anxiety she feels about relationships. We work through her childhood wounding and discuss ways for her to meet her own needs and heal her inner child.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode340]

Oftentimes, the relationships we draw in reflect our primary wounding from our primary caregivers and our relationship with ourselves. When the people who are our everything can’t be everything to us in the ways we need it is devastating. It becomes an open wound that we carry around and identify in others. That is why it is so important to do family of origin healing and grieve our parents. It helps to bring our little one into the present day. It helps us to stop picking people who are like them.

We have relationships that trigger our childhood, but they are relationships for healing. They are not the relationships that go the distance. If they do last a long-time, they can be difficult because our wounds are constantly coming up. And, unless you and a partner are willing to work through those together the relationship will be frustrating.

When we heal our childhood wounds we can pick from our present-day self, our adult self, and we can choose someone who is more in alignment with where we want to go.

Know that every relationship challenge moves us closer to a healthy relationship.

Want to learn more about attachment styles? For just $20 you can hear a previous group call where I provide answers to questions at Group Coaching Replays.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have an avoidant attachment style?
Do you have anxiety when it comes to being in a relationship? Is there a part of you who thinks you are too broken or don’t know how to be in a relationship?
Do you have unrealistic expectations of what you think a relationship should or could be?
Do you feel you have done enough inner work to attract a healthy relationship based on your vision or values versus your past wounds?

Gabby’s Question:

Gabby has been going through long-term relationship anxiety and would like guidance on how to reduce it.

Gabby’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She cycles through romantic relationships.
She believes issues in her family are still at play in her relationships.
She feels she is going backward in this area of her life.
She is proud of her independence and her accomplishments.
She values love, family, and kindness.
She has a lot to give and deserves a lot.
She has done personal development work and therapy.
Her relationships have been growth opportunities.
Physical touch and words of affirmation are important to her.
Her father was very loving but also very closed off.
She worries about making the wrong decisions in relationships.
She is exhausted.
Her childhood was filled with confusion.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Have compassion for herself as she moves through this.
Consider how she can meet her own needs.
Hold off on dating until she grieves and heals her father-wound.
Check-in with herself daily with her hand on her heart and belly to see what she needs.
Remember she is not broken.

Takeaways:

Have massive compassion for yourself, your process, and your growth.
Look at where you are still hanging on to something from your past that makes you draw in people or experiences that are similar.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Blast from the Past - My Very First Episode 0

Mar 12, 2022

I thought it would be fun to re-air the VERY first episode I recorded in October of 2022. We have ALL come so far since then. Thank you for being part of this community as we learn and grow together.

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EP 339: Scared to Jump Back Into the Dating Scene with Christine 0

Mar 9, 2022

This episode is about shifting our protective patterns and taking risks. Today’s caller, Christine, lost her husband five years into their marriage. She wants to date again but is blocked by the fear of losing love again. We take a deep dive into the foundation of her fear and how she can choose to love again.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode339]

Love is risky. Loving is easily the riskiest thing we do, whether it is loving our partners, animals, friends, or children. Love is risky because if we lose it is devastating. Our hearts want to close because the risk is difficult but when we close our hearts we miss out on the opportunity to love more. There is no quota on how much we can love in our lifetime. Or, how many loves we can have. Love is infinite. To deprive ourselves of ever-expanding love is riskier than losing again.

Shame grows on the things we keep in the dark but when we speak and bring things into the light it allows us to be held with love and compassion. That is how we soften judgment and allow intimacy in again.

Diving deep is valuable. Anyone who says they are too damaged but is actively working on themselves isn’t damaged. We are only “damaged” if we go into victim and never do anything to pull ourselves out. The only way to get protective parts to shift is to let them know that you are going to work with them to protect yourself in a different way.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you had a loss in your life and you are hesitant to give something another try because you are afraid of another loss?
Do you judge yourself for having baggage, especially if you are single, and feel no one will want you?
Are you scared of losing a person, a dream, or does the fear of loss prevent you from going after your dreams?
Is there a judgment you hold against yourself that is blocking you that you haven’t forgiven yourself for?

Christine’s Question:

Christine would like to start dating and would like guidance on how to move past the resistance she feels towards it.

Christine’s Key Insights and Ahas:

Her husband died seven years ago. He was her only significant romantic relationship.
She is ready to start dating again but finds excuses why not to.
She feels stuck.
She doesn’t think someone will want her because of her baggage.
She is still grieving her husband.
She judges herself for things out of her control.
She has been through a lot at a young age.
Her desire to protect herself from loss is stronger than her desire to let someone new in.
She feels paralyzed by grief and fear.
She is actively working on opening up and loving again.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Get clear about her willingness to take a risk on love.
Forgive herself for her self-judgments.
Honor her past relationship in a way that doesn’t include blame or shame.
Acknowledge her fear, thank it for protecting her, and tell it she will be protecting herself in a different way.
Create a bigger fear.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Why you still feel stuck even though you've "done the work" with Bec Tait 0

Mar 5, 2022

My dear friend, Rebecca Tait, joins me for the second time on the show. Last year she gave us incredible insight about what was ahead for us in 2022. This year she drops some big time wisdom on why we may feel stuck or like things aren't changing even though we are doing the healing "work."

Bec is an intuitive coach who provides guidance to people who feel stuck or uncertain in various aspects of their life.

Learn more here: https://www.justaskbec.com/

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EP 338: How to Increase Your Self-worth with Samantha 0

Mar 2, 2022

This episode is about how to heal self-worth issues. Today’s caller, Samantha, was dismissed by her father and never feels worthy of anything in her life. She asks for guidance on how to heal, and to connect more deeply with her children. We discuss how she can release her self-judgment, replace it with compassion, and make it an opportunity to heal her inner child.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode338]

For the most part, anything that happens before the age of 12, makes us into the adults we are. If we don’t feel wanted by our parents, the people who are supposed to want us and love us, it creates a big core wound. When we have low self-worth we think we are a burden and we deprive people in our lives of showing up and giving to us.

If we commit to personal development, we have to let go of self-judgment. We will not transform and heal if we judge ourselves. Love and judgment can not be in the same place. We can love the part of ourselves that judges us because we know it is just trying to protect us, but if we are frustrated with ourselves, transformation won’t happen.

When judgment and frustration come up, know that it is our inner child calling out to us to meet their needs.

Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 2, 2022. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching tools and skills but also doing your own inner work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you struggle with self-worth?
Did you have a dismissive parent and felt you were in their way?
Do you have a lot of awareness but things are not changing?
As a parent, do you have trouble connecting to your children or your inner child?

Samantha’s Question:

Samantha has a core wound of not feeling worthy. She would like guidance on how to shift it and connect more intimately with her children.

Samantha’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She received answers from the people closest to her she didn’t expect to hear.
She has never felt worthy of anything.
She has done personal development work from a young age.
Her father was angry and dismissed her.
She wants to be unapologetically herself.
She is frustrated to have awareness but is unable to shift.
She judges herself for how she feels.
She feels like a robot and sensitive, yet she compartmentalizes her feelings.
She feels she puts a target on her back for someone to attack her negatively.
She suppresses her feelings.
She is being her dad to herself.
She finds it hard to connect with her daughter.
She didn’t feel protected by her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Replace her judgment and frustration with compassion.
Connect with her inner child and ask her what she needs.
Make a self-honoring choice to not see her father anymore.
Use her judgments as opportunities to parent her inner child.

Takeaways:

The last live inner child workshop is an evergreen program. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild to get the entire workshop. It is just like attending the live event and you can go through it at your own pace.
If you have a self-worth issue, ask people for what you need and let them show up for you.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Download this Episode

CC: Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman 0

Feb 26, 2022

Whitney Goodman is the radically honest psychotherapist behind the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit and owner of the Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami. She helps individuals and couples heal past wounds and create the life they’ve always wanted. In TOXIC POSITIVITY, Whitney offers a powerful guide to owning our emotions—even the difficult ones—in order to show up authentically in the world.

Learn more about Whitney and her book here: https://sitwithwhit.com/

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EP 337: Grief as an Expression of Love with Hannah 0

Feb 23, 2022

This episode is about letting go. Today’s caller, Hannah, went into shock after the loss of her mother and is feeling panic and anxiety. We talk through how she has never really allowed herself to grieve. Letting go is one of those things that sound good, right? But when it comes to doing, it can be difficult, especially when it comes to letting go of a dream, person, relationship, or chapter of our lives.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode337]

It is a big deal to lose anyone we love, especially when we lose a parent before we thought we would. Many of us know that once our parents age into their 80s and 90s, and their health starts to deteriorate, it can be an easier transition for us because we see them suffering and we want them to be in a better place. But when we lose someone suddenly, it can be shocking.

There are a lot of traumatic emotions around an unexpected death. It is physiological energy that needs an outlet. Often, the energy manifests itself as panic and anxiety. Panic and sadness serve a purpose and many times extreme emotions are a cry for help. The person who needs to answer the cry out is us. It is an alert that we need to learn to parent ourselves.

Grief sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes we feel we need to go through it quickly or do it in a certain order, or we worry we could get stuck in it. But, grief is more than sadness. It is about honoring the love, reminiscing, and appreciating how much we loved the person or thing we grieve.

If you haven't already done my Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual, and Release 2021 Ritual. They are available as Coaches corner episodes.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you have a loss of some kind that you haven’t fully processed or grieved?
Do you know what healthy grieving looks like?
Do you find yourself dealing with panic and anxiety and would like to shift it?
If you did have a loss, are you holding some anger toward God or the universe and are having a hard time reconnecting to your spirituality?

Hannah’s Question:

Hannah has been dealing with panic and anxiety since her mother’s death last year. She would like guidance on how to handle what may be a traumatic experience in the future.

Hannah’s Key Insights and Ahas:

Her mother died due to COVID-19.
She has developed PTSD over her mother’s death.
Her husband is deploying to the military this year.
She feels as if she is on auto-pilot.
She felt solely responsible for the planning of her mother’s funeral.
She is afraid to grieve because she doesn’t know how it will affect her.
She is going to therapy.
She experienced family trauma during her youth. She felt sad but people didn’t notice.
She and her mother shared a mutual passion for spirituality.
She feels anger toward the universe for taking her mother from her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Read The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise.
Allow herself to fully experience grief by considering it as honoring how much she loved her mother.
Trust herself to feel to heal.
Share her vulnerability with her husband.
Express her anger with God and lean into her spirituality.
When she is triggered, regulate her nervous system by using techniques to bring her into the present.

Takeaways:

Are there any areas in your life where you have moved through a loss or transition and you didn’t allow yourself to grieve?
Let your emotions out when you feel angry toward God or the universe.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services