I get a little more personal on this episode of Coaches Corner and talk about some of the amazing coaches and people that have helped me in profound ways. And often the profound ways have involved a dose of “tough love” which is not always easy to take in. I share with you how to receive tough-to-hear feedback in a neutral way so that you can shift old patterns and beliefs.
This episode is about reassurance. Laura is a people pleaser. She goes above and beyond for people and doesn’t get it back in return. She then feels disappointed. I work with her on understanding why she people pleases, why it’s selfish to be a people pleaser, and how to shift out of the pattern.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode89]
You may have heard me say this many times before, but people pleasing is selfish. It’s really all about you. You are the one who doesn’t want to upset people, you want to avoid confrontation, and you are the one who is worried about how people perceive you.
Laura knows how to be loving and giving; she just needs to direct it towards herself. Use this call as a catalyst to look at your own patterns without judgment, and without beating yourself up. The key to personal development is to work on yourself, without thinking anything is wrong with you. No one outside of you can give you the acceptance and love you need.
And, to shift out of a pattern, we have to let go of things from our past. We have to come to peace with the fact that some people in our lives are never going to change. Many people don’t have the tools to change, or they don’t want to change. The older they get, the more their patterns are reinforced.
If you feel like the black sheep of the family, or you don’t fit it, it’s ok. You may be the change maker and the lightworker. You may be the one who is willing to break generational patterns. You can love and accept your biological family but find your soul family.
As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
● Can you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, but struggle acknowledging yourself for just who you are?
● Do you feel like the black sheep of your family, and sometimes you are afraid to be who you are because you might lose your family’s approval?
Laura’s Question:
Laura feels she goes above and beyond for people, and they don’t return the effort. She wants to know how to break the pattern of being a people pleaser.
Laura’s Key Insights and Ahas:
● People don’t put as much effort into her as she does for them.
● She continues to look for the love and acceptance she wanted from her mother and father in other people.
● She is looking for attention and validation.
● She feels genuine in her job as a social worker.
● Her father never told her he loved her, and she resents him for it.
● She blames herself for what happened to her as a child.
● She is ready to break past patterns.
● She is the lightworker in her family.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She should accept her parents didn’t give her the love and acceptance she wanted, and give herself the love, acceptance, and validation she didn’t get when she was little.
● Everything she wants people to say to her, she should say to herself.
● She should accept her position as the lightworker in her family.
Takeaways:
● When you are doing things for others, check in with yourself to see if you are giving without any expectations or attachment to getting something in return. Ask yourself is this giving really coming from love.
● Reverse the golden rule — Do unto yourself as you do unto others.
● Forgive the past. Let it go. and stop expecting people to change.
● Have gratitude and acceptance if you are the black sheep of the family, and find your soul family.
Sponsor:
ONNIT: Get a 10% discount on your order by using this link.
Resources:
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
I have been hearing a lot of people complaining about being single lately and approaching their relationship status as some kind of disorder that needs to be treated. I observe so many single people, especially the ladies out there, consistently working on themselves to find their “soulmate.”
In today’s Coaches Corner I encourage you to be grateful for whatever your relationship status is – single, dating, divorced, engaged, married or it’s complicated – and embrace it because there is tremendous growth, love and even FUN that comes with each one. I also share some of the perks I have found from being single.
This episode is about getting over feeling lost, and getting yourself unstuck. During the coaching session with Lena, we uncover some past trauma and guilt which is causing her to feel as if she is living in a black hole.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode88]
If you can identify with Lena and are feeling stuck yourself, know that you are headed in the right direction towards getting yourself unstuck. Some people just go through life just going through the motions, and not being inspired. If you are aware of it, you are more likely to discover the trigger, and move past it.
If you are a coach, take note of the question I asked Lena when she said she had been doing some personal growth work. Find out what your client’s awareness level is, by asking them what personal growth work they have been doing. This helps you avoid telling them something they already know.
Also, notice how I reacted when she told me she had cheated, in contrast to my reaction when she divulged the traumatic experience with her father. I acknowledged Lena for her vulnerability, and responded neutrally to the incident, because she already felt shame around it. But, my response to her traumatic experience let her know it was a big deal, and was the cause of her feeling lost.
When something traumatic or scary happens, we go into survival mode and we disconnect. We suppress the emotional response because we didn’t know how to deal with it. I recommended Lena look into Somatic therapy to help her overcome her past trauma.
My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining. Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● Do you feel lost, stuck, or just blah?
● Is there a situation from your past you haven’t fully processed? Maybe you hoped time would heal the wound, but you never really dealt with the issue.
● Are you questioning a relationship you are currently in?
Lena's Question:
Lena wants to know how to get out of her “black hole,” and get unstuck from her current feelings of discomfort.
Lena's Key Insights and Ahas:
● She was scared by the actions of her father, and felt he turned his back on her.
● She feels guilty about the breakup with her ex-boyfriend.
● She suppressed her feelings of trauma, fear, and guilt.
● She has lost herself.
● She doesn’t want to be in her current relationship.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She should work with a Somatic therapist to deal with her trauma.
● She should stop compromising in her current relationship and show up authentically.
Takeaways:
● Is there anything you haven’t forgiven yourself for, or a reason you may be punishing yourself? Where do you think you did something wrong? Why do you think you can’t have what you want?
● Get Expectation Hangover and do the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum techniques to help you get unstuck.
● Google Somatic Therapy to learn more about it. It may be helpful in your getting over a trauma from the past.
Resources:
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
Listen in as Christine answers the most common questions she gets: How do I have more energy?
Also how do we stop taking on other people’s stuff? And how do we go out and engage in our daily lives without feeling depleted?
Don’t miss this quickie tip!!
This episode is about overcoming the fear of success and the fear of failure. During the coaching session with Becca, it is clear she intellectually knows what she needs to do to build her business, but she can’t commit to doing it.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode87]
Everyone defines fear and success differently, but usually our fear of success has to do with being seen more, feeling unsafe, feeling more responsibility for changing, or changing or losing ourselves in some way. Our fear of failure normally has something to do with rejection, loss of money, or status, or security, judgment from others, or our own self-criticism that we endure if we fail.
So, how do we overcome these fears? It's about more than taking action steps towards your goals. Maybe, you have tried to overcome it by just doing whatever it is. But, until you upgrade the beliefs and old triggers, which perpetuate the fear, you will continue to find yourself in your own way.
Many people think money will make them feel better about themselves or make them more confident. But it doesn’t — confidence is an inside job. We can’t create self-worth from money, but we can create net worth from self-worth.
When we have self-worth and do the internal work, we express our gifts and align with our higher purpose. We are then able to attract money to us. It is important for us to have a wealth consciousness.
Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.
My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining. Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● What are your fears around failure or success? Do you know what to do when it comes to your business, but you aren't doing it?
● Is there a part of you that has longed to fit in?
● Do you feel guilty if you have too much good in your life?
Becca's Question:
Becca is about to start a new quest but she finds herself unable to get started.
Becca's Key Insights and Ahas:
● She didn’t like growing up privileged.
● Cooking is her way of connecting to people.
● Guilt and shame were at the core of her eating disorder.
● She enjoyed having a secret, which was her eating disorder.
● She has an unhealthy relationship with money and success.
● Her guilt prevents her from stepping into her passion.
● She is scared not to have connections with people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She needs a new image of what success and wealth look like.
● She should write out her new definition of fitting in, and her definition of success.
● She needs to give herself a feeling of longing and connection.
● She needs to work on feeling grateful.
● She should get a business coach.
Takeaways:
● Write out your new definitions of success and failure. Get clear about how you want to define success.
● Write out your worst-case scenarios around success and failure.
● Identify the payoff of your negative emotions and find a way to get the payoff in a positive way.
● If you are starting a business, invest in a coach to help hold you accountable.
Sponsor:
Audible — Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial with this link.
Resources:
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinehassler on Instagram
Listen in as Christine gives you the cure for comparison and jealousy. This advice is transformational if you implement it (and is way more effective than just attempting to “stop comparing!”). If you use this advice, you will see how comparison can actually be a very wonderful thing.
This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session with Joanne is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode86]
A lot of people believe they can heal the wounds from their own childhood by being a different kind of parent than they had. And while breaking generational patterns is incredibly valuable, it is only 50% of how we heal. We must mother or father ourselves with the same unconditional love and attention we give our children.
Two things often come up as blocks when we attempt to take quiet time for ourselves. One, the guilt or expectation that we should be doing other things that are "more productive." Two, feelings we may not want to deal with can surface when we take quiet, meditative time.
People who have children sometimes say, "My children are my teachers." When you have children it is common for things from your childhood to be triggered. Suppressed or forgotten memories start to come forward. It is important for parents to acknowledge there may be something for them to learn from it.
Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.
My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself?
● How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself?
● How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself?
● When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other 'to-dos' take priority?
Joanne's Question:
Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care.
Joanne's Key Insights and Ahas:
● She’s aware of how important self-care is.
● She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby.
● She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up.
● She wanted love, attention and acceptance from her mother.
● She broke generational patterns.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child.
● She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is.
● She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way.
Takeaways:
● Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out.
● Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents.
● If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook.
● Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t.
Resources:
Inner Circle Membership Community
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine responds to questions from listeners. The first topic is around how to set healthy boundaries and break toxic patterns with family members. The second question is regarding whether avoiding disappointment is possible. Listen in as Christine talks about dealing with “Expectation Hangovers” and how to purse goals without setting yourself up for a let down.
Links:
Join Christine and Aubrey Marcus for a retreat open to men and women: LOVE, PRACTICE MAKES THE MASTER. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-practice-makes-the-master-tickets-33443861490
Dealing with disappointment? Want to learn how to transform what Christine calls an “Expectation Hangover” into a massive opportunity for growth? Be sure to get her latest book here:https://www.amazon.com/Expectation-Hangover-Overcoming-Disappointment-Work/dp/1608682412
This episode is about taking steps towards your dream. Today’s caller, Daniel, is passionate, and his enthusiasm is contagious when he talks about his music. When he deviates from his dream to take jobs just to pay the bills, he gets depressed. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode85] I like to say, dreams are actually our inner psychic knowing what is to come to us. Things we feel called to, from our heart. How do we know what is coming from our hearts and what is coming from our ego? Get clear about it by reading my What’s the Difference Between Sacrifice and Compromise? Vlog post. Our head has wants; our heart has desires. When we are not listening to our heart or we are not pursuing the things we love, a part of us may start engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. It's important to not have the soul sucked out of us. Feed your soul and do things to fulfill your creativity and your passion. Don't let anything suck the soul out of you! Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. If you don’t know Aubrey, go back and listen to the Coaches Corner, Go For Your Win. He is a seeker who appreciates consciousness above all else. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● What are your dreams? Are you giving yourself permission to pursue them? ● Have other people’s doubts or comments about your dreams prevented you from listening to your own inner guidance? ● Do you have a limiting belief that you are too old, too unqualified, or too poor to go after what you want? ● If you are in pursuit of a dream, are you actively and consistently taking steps toward it? Daniel's Question: Daniel wants to know which action steps he should take to pursue his dreams. Daniel's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He feels pressure to get a regular job. ● He is a perfectionist. ● He doesn’t know if he is practical or irrational. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should go for it 100%; get his work out there, and identify people to emulate. ● He should put together a demo reel. ● He should hustle for a year before making a decision about additional schooling. ● He should compose his personal mantra. Action Steps: ● What is your dream? ● Are you going after your dream? If not, why not? What is your excuse? ● What is one action step you can take to move toward it? ● Post your action step as a comment to the show notes so that I may root you on! Resources: Christine Hassler What’s the Difference Between Sacrifice and Compromise vlog post Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat Upwork Elance
Listen to this reassuring message from Christine that will remind you of the truth of who you are.
This episode is about not feeling good enough. Today’s caller, Jen, knows it is not good to believe she is not good enough, but she feels her problem is insurmountable. The essence of who Jen is isn’t broken, it’s just a pattern she’s comfortable in. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode84] Jen is experiencing a limiting belief. It shows up in a variety of ways, like her feeling not deserving, feeling broken, or not being lovable. It can lead to insecurity, people pleasing, body image issues, eating disorders, and accepting dysfunctional relationships. During the call, I allow Jen to go on for a while because I am waiting for her to ask for help. For those of you who are being coached or in therapy — If you are more committed to keeping your story than to truly letting go of it, you are uncoachable. We all get attached to our limiting beliefs, because they are familiar, comfortable, and often get us the attention we are seeking and the validation or sympathy for how hard life is. There is merit to discussing our past, and healing memories. But, we must do it with vulnerability, compassion, and forgiveness so we can let it go, to get over it and on with what we want to create. Awareness without action is merely psychological entertainment. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend. If you don’t know Aubrey go back and listen to the Coaches Corner, Go For Your Win. He is a seeker who appreciates consciousness above all else. The focus of the retreat is becoming masterful at love. Sign up for this incredible retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining my Inner Circle membership community. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Do you struggle with not feeling good enough? Do you doubt you are worthy or capable of having the things you truly want? ● When you get close to the things you want, do you often sabotage it or doubt you can keep it? ● Do you make your ‘enoughness’ conditional? Jen's Question: Jen wants to know how to move past her past traumas, and change her narrative. Jen's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She is holding on to an old pattern because it’s comfortable. ● She believes her failed relationships and loss of friends is her fault. ● She withdraws and isolates herself. ● She gets her value from external validation. ● She is not seeing her life accurately. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She needs to commit to shifting and interrupting her ingrained patterns. ● She can stop her thoughts of not being good enough, and create a new neural net. ● She should take a lesson from the children she works with. ● She should get a photo of her younger self and talk to it. ● She should create of voice memo of positive sayings to herself. Assignments: ● How attached are you to your story? Stop telling your sob story. ● Practice release writing to release emotions. ● Stop your thoughts and redirect them with the help of the ‘Whoaing’ technique in Expectation Hangover. ● Get a picture of your little one and use it as a way to generate love and self-acceptance. Sponsor: Audible — Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat
Jennifer is a therapist who is feeling physically depleted after working with clients. Christine gives her best tips for protecting her energy and serving people in a way that is energizing, not depleting. James is 54 years old and has worked at the same office job for three decades. He is interested in shifting to becoming self-employed but is disappointed he has not been able to get his new career off the ground. Listen in as Christine addresses both these topics. Links mentioned: Love: Practice Makes the Master! Join Christine and Aubrey Marcus for an empowering and transformational retreat in Austin. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-practice-makes-the-master-tickets-33443861490 EP 83: Letting Go of Parental “Mistakes” with Cathy. Make sure to listen to this episode to hear Christine talk about the difference between sympathy and compassion.h christinehassler.com/2017/04/episode83/
This episode is about breaking the cycle of generational patterns. Today’s caller, Cathy, experienced corporal punishment as a child, and finds herself doing the same thing to her daughter. As you listen to the call, I hope you are able to separate her character from her behavior. Her behavior is a reaction to her past. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode83] I’ve said many times, parenting does not come with an instruction manual. Often, we play out behaviors we learned from our parents. It requires a conscious awareness to know what behaviors we want to leave in the past, and which we pass on to our children. We need to have deep compassion for our parents and then forgive them, to stop repeating generational patterns. Stopping the cycle entails awareness, healing of our past hurts, and then the reparenting of ourselves to become the loving parent we never had. Abuse continues because the victim never heals. The victim either becomes the abuser or internalizes the abuse. Often, people do not share about past abuse, because there is so much shame. This is not just true for abuse, it is for any generational pattern. Coaches Tip — When clients share things that are hard to hear, don't go into judgment or sympathy. If you catch yourself doing so, say, "I forgive myself for judging or feeling sorry for this person," then shift back into compassion. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend. If you don’t know Aubrey, he is the CEO & Founder of the human optimization company, ONNIT. The focus of the retreat will be about Mastering Love, for men and women. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining my Inner Circle membership community. Keep These Distinctions in Mind: ● Acceptance versus judgment. ● Compassion versus sympathy. Cathy's Question: Cathy wants to understand how she may have adversely affected her daughter's self-esteem. Cathy's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She feels she made mistakes with her first daughter. ● She finds herself going back to the parenting tactics of her parents. ● She didn't like being a girl growing up. ● Her daughter is mirroring her. ● She has unresolved issues from her childhood. ● Her mother didn't defend her. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should talk to her younger self through a photo, and tell herself she did not deserve the punishment she received. ● She should work with a counselor or a coach who has experience with childhood traumas. ● Research parenting and discipline tools. ● When she gets triggered, she should practice giving herself a time out. Assignments: ● Get a picture of little you and commit to sending love to the little boy or girl inside of you. ● If you are aware of your need for healing, get professional to walk you through it. ● If you find yourself triggered by something, give yourself a time out. ● Use the scientist technique of Expectation Hangover and become an observer in your life. ● Consider what patterns you want to pass along to your children, and which ones you want to break the cycle of. ● Read Family Secrets by John Bradshaw and Conscious Parenting by Shefali Tsabary.
Ready to end the vicious battle with food and stop hating your body? Then you’ll love this talk Christine has with Samantha Skelly, founder of “Hungry for Happiness” Samantha also mentioned her program that will take you on a healing journey to end your battle with food and find self acceptance. You can learn more about her course and community here: http://hungryforhappiness.com/ChristineHassler
This episode is about overcoming the pain our inner bullies create. Today’s caller, Ravi, was bullied as a child, and uses his inner critic as a protective measure. He became isolated and disconnected from his intuition, and he cut off listening to his heart because he didn’t want to feel. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode82] When we cut off our feelings we not only cut off the pain, but we cut off the love and inspiration as well. What happened in the past does not have to create your future. You can get over it and on with it, but you must be consciously committed to letting it go. To transform, you need love, wisdom, and compassion from your heart, and alchemy. I guided Ravi through a heart meditation, like this one from a Coaches Corner episode. Ravi experienced clarity after the meditation. His heart said it wanted expression through art. The next step was to transform his trauma and pain, but Ravi said he didn’t want to go there. Remember, the fear of feeling pain is what keeps you from transforming it. It is possible to alchemize passion, or suffering, into something you love. It takes a lot of energy to suppress pain. If you have had trauma, it can be scary to go there on your own. You should find someone to work with, someone who can go there with you to hold a space for you. The more you listen to your heart, the more it speaks to you! Join me this September at my retreat in Bali. Visiting a magical place with like-minded people will transform your mind, body, and spirit. It’s a unique experience where you can experience significant healing that will last the rest of your life. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you trying to figure out your issues or challenges in your head? ● Were you bullied, teased or criticized as a child or a teenager, and it still haunts you today? ● Do you have a past trauma you are terrified to address and feel? ● Would you say you live more in your head than in your heart? Ravi's Question: Ravi wants to know how to find purpose in his life. Ravi's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He disconnected from his conscious mind to cope with the trauma. ● He internalizes the external bullying. ● He’s scared of failure and being made fun of. ● He has managed his pain, but has not yet transformed it. ● He is in an avoidance pattern and protective mode. ● He’s been in the midst of self-loathing. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should tap into the passion he experienced to create art. ● He could help other people who have been bullied. ● He needs to listen to his heart. ● He needs to start alchemizing his pain. ● He should practice release writing when he feels sadness. Assignments: ● Read The Lesson Quest and Your Life’s Purpose in Chapter 9, The Spiritual Level in Expectation Hangover. ● Be honest about what you are attempting to figure out, and alchemize it. ● Listen to my Coaches Corner with Jim Kwik. ● Volunteer and be of service to someone else to help you with your inner critic. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Over It and On With It Listener Survey Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page
This episode ROCKS!! Listen to Jim share some brain-changing tips that will change your life. Get ready to take some notes and have your mind blown in the best possible way as Jim shares tips for learning, improving memory, rewiring your brain, and altering your self-talk. Learn more about Jim and get some free goodies here: https://kwiklearning.com/ And check out his Kwik brain podcast here: https://kwikbrain.com/podcast
This episode is about issue-based relationships. Today’s caller, Rachel, has been in a relationship for 6 years, and for most of that time she has been uneasy and lonely. She says she doesn’t know if she should leave the relationship. But as you will hear in the call, Rachel knew the answer to her question before she even asked it. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode81] More often than not, the issue that comes up in our romantic relationships has to do with our parents. Whatever we craved but didn’t get from our mother or father, is what we tend to look for in a mate. And, until you heal your core issues, you will continue to seek out approval or attention from your parents, in your romantic relationships. During the call, it was clear to me Rachel was in an issue-based relationship. Issue-based relationships have a lot of chemistry, and the couple is super-attracted to each other. The physical part of the relationship, especially the making up, hooks you in. One of the reasons you are attracted to the other person is because your issues dovetail. The beautiful thing about issue-based relationships is they are learning opportunities. They bring unresolved issues to the surface, which makes them easier to identify and heal. It is time to be honest with yourself about the kind of person you are attracted to. Are you playing out unresolved issues from your past in your current relationships? I recommended Rachel join my Inner Circle Community to give her a support system, and a place where she can openly share. It is truly a place where you can invest in yourself. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Whose love, attention, or approval did you crave the most as a child? How has that played out in your relationships? ● Are you in a relationship you are questioning? ● Do you know you should be single, but you are frightened by the thought of it? ● Is your connection with a higher power something you would like to deepen? Rachel's Question: Rachel wants to know if she should stick with a relationship she feels uneasy and lonely in. Rachel's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She’s not sure what she loves about her partner. ● As a child, she craved her father’s approval. ● She entered into the relationship without knowing who he was, because she wanted to be chosen. ● She feels like she is falling apart. ● She’s unfamiliar with being by herself. ● She needed permission to trust her intuition. ● She feels it’s time to fly. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should take a break from the relationship, and work on herself. ● She should ask for help from her higher power. ● She should take a year off from dating. ● She should move out on her own. ● She needs to get some outside support. Assignments: ● Think about whose love, attention, approval, and affection you craved the most, your mom or dad’s? How are you still searching for it in other people? ● Start journaling. A good sentence starter is … Dear Mom, I wish you … or Dear Dad, I wish you … ● Get individual therapy or coaching. ● Ask for help. ● Make yourself your number one priority. ● Join my Inner Circle Community for support from those who WANT to support you. Sponsor: Freshbooks: Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Over It and On With It Listener Survey Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page The Work by Byron Katie
Your wish is my command :) Many of you asked for a guided meditation to support you in listening to the wisdom of your heart so here it is. Enjoy. Big love from my heart, Christine
This episode is about freeing yourself from pain and anxiety. Today’s caller, Nicole, is struggling to find her true intuition. She feels it may be lost to her, or clouded over by her deep-seated anxiety. She has used her anxiety for many years to protect herself, but she now realizes it is time to get over it and on with it. We made a beautiful discovery together I hope helps you connect some of the puzzle pieces in your own life. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode80] The wonderful thing about pain and anxiety is that we have the power to free ourselves from it. Many of the overwhelming feelings we are having now are rooted somewhere in our past. Something devastating caused our young minds to create a program to follow, so we didn’t have to feel that way ever again. As we grow, the ability to address our fears, and overcome our ‘victim story’ becomes available to us. We are able to comfort our younger selves by self-parenting and through work that is healing. We also have the ability to acknowledge our need for protection, thank it for its service to us, and move our energy to where we need it now. We can then replace our impulsive responses with our inner voice, which is guided by our intuition. When we find our higher purpose, we find another more self-honoring, self-supportive way to get it. Retreat Information — Enrollment is now open for the upcoming Bali Retreat in September. Step into your dreams. Don’t let excuses stop you. Contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Do you suffer from anxiety? Is there something you would like to be free of? ● Whenever you try anything new, does it come with a lot of fear? ● Do you prefer control over uncertainty? ● Did something happen in your past that might still be impacting you, but you are not sure what to do about it? Nicole's Question: Nicole has anxiety-driven panic attacks, and lacks self-confidence. She longs to have a deeper life and become connected to the world. Nicole's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She uses her anxiety as a source of protection. ● She needs to feel she is in control of a situation. ● As a child, she felt vulnerable. ● Her intuition will be clearer when anxiety subsides. ● She needs to respond rather than react. ● It’s OK for her to make mistakes. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should tell her younger self, “things will be alright.” ● Say, “I accept,” and then, “I am choosing to.” ● Interrupt the patterns of anxiety. ● Turn up the volume of her calm inner voice. ● Understand the difference between resignation and acceptance. Assignments: ● Think about the “big deals,” or significant events in your life. What belief systems were formed then, that might be impacting you today? ● Tell yourself the things you needed to hear during your “big deals.” ● Understand that it was not your fault. ● How does your protective mechanism serve you? Give it a new job description. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page
Listen in as Christine answers two listener questions. The first is about how to handle very different decisions making strategies in a marriage. The second is about opening your heart and being more vulnerable in dating after you have been hurt in the past.
This episode is about self-sabotage. Today’s caller, Drew, is an inspiring entrepreneur who has overcome odds such as being homeless and obesity but he is still getting in his own way. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode79] I acknowledge Drew for being honest, real and raw during our call. He is a seeker who is committed to his growth. He truly believes he is worthy and is committed to shifting. Often, we doubt ourselves because we haven’t made the changes we want, or haven’t achieved as much as we would like. The discomfort that comes from the feeling of not living into our potential, and the seeker who emerges from within us, are feedback to let us know we are well on our way. We do not optimize ourselves overnight. Part of living into our potential is feeling and dealing with the pain of not being there yet. It’s how we polish the diamond of our spirit. The problem is we label it as suffering because it’s uncomfortable. What if feeling a desire to transform is a symptom of being a seeker? It’s important to keep going. You will eventually feel a shift. You will start feeling less pain and more purpose. Your focus will shift from yourself to your mission and vision. You will heal core wounds and let go of limiting beliefs. This will attract different things into your life. What you do is not as important as how you do it. Allow your choices and subsequent actions to come from a place of self-love, acceptance, and service. A podcast I did with my friend Aubrey on his podcast is a great supplemental resource to this session with Drew. We talked a lot about self-love, judgment, and the inner critic. The Aubrey Marcus Podcast #89 — Self-Love and Psychedelic Medicine. Retreat Information — Bali is a place of healing. I have been visiting for 10 years, so my retreats offer an authentic Balinese experience, in addition to the retreat work. Enrollment is now open for the upcoming Bali Retreat in September. Step into your dreams. Don’t let excuses stop you. Contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Learn ways to trust yourself in my Inner Circle private membership community. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Have you overcome huge obstacles, but still don’t feel over the hump, or are still facing large obstacles? ● Do you feel like you have something to prove, and is it often the fuel that drives you? ● Are your self-worth and self-love conditional? ● Do you have an expectation to be strong and confident, but feel rejected on the inside? Drew's Question: Drew would like to know how to stop self-sabotaging himself and how to find the strength to pursue and achieve his goals. Drew's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He knows he is not broken. ● He feels he needs to prove himself. ● He sees himself through a lens of judgment. ● He puts conditions on his self-worth. ● He has a huge, low ego. ● He has felt invisible and rejected most of his life. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He needs to create a daily practice around own his worth. ● He needs to become a better friend to himself. ● He should remove the conditions he puts on love, acceptance, and worthiness. ● He needs to stop trying to prove himself. ● He should use the Release Writing exercise in Expectation Hangover before meditating. ● When he feels himself drifting into self-sabotage he should remind himself of his why, his worth, and his true value, and feel love. Assignments: ● Examine what is driving your behavior. ● Write out your conditions of worthiness. ● Write out new rules, or the truth about your worthiness. ● Try a heart meditation. Allow love to fill your entire physical being. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page The Aubrey Marcus Podcast #89
This is a MUST LISTEN!! So real, raw and FULL of wisdom. Christine speaks with Ali Golden, the author of “A Good Soldier.” When Ally Golden heads off to college, she breathes a sigh of relief; she is ready to discover herself, independent of her mother. However, this newfound freedom and several failed attempts at intimacy soon leave Golden feeling adrift. But even as she withdraws from the world, Golden feels an all-powerful emotional connection to the woman who raised her. Moving into adulthood, Golden tries to envision a future in which she can begin her own family—as the mental decline of her mother reaches its lowest point. Will Golden be able to heal her relationship with her mother before it’s too late? Golden’s raw honesty and stunning emotional insights will comfort anyone who has been on the chaotic and unpredictable journey with a mentally ill friend or family member. Check out A Good Soldier on Amazon in trade paperback or ebook
This episode is about being conflicted when making a choice. Today’s caller, Anna, wants to leave her marriage but is unsure as to whether or not it is “the right thing to do.” [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode78] There is no right or wrong when it comes to ending anything. Giving up or getting out of something just because it’s hard or takes work is quitting, but opting out of something because it doesn’t align with your core values is a self-honoring choice. So, how do you know if you are quitting or giving up too early, versus when something has reached its expiration date? I believe any relationship takes work, and can be transformed, but sometimes it doesn’t serve either partner to stay together just because they made a commitment, if there is a drastic difference in values and vision. And, having guilt is useless. We feel guilty when we judge ourselves for doing something “bad or wrong,” and we think to suffer through the feeling of guilt somehow makes it better. If you are not married yet, my advice is to wait to marry until you are in a place where you are not looking for someone to fill a void or to meet a need, but rather someone to share your life with. Trusting ourselves is important. If you want to live in integrity, you have to have self-trust. You can learn ways to trust yourself in my Inner Circle private membership community. Retreat Information — Bali is a place of healing. I have been visiting for 10 years, so my retreats offer an authentic Balinese experience, in addition to the retreat work. Enrollment is now open for the next Bali Retreat in September. If you have objections, but you really want to do it. Don’t let excuses stop you. Contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you in a situation that has reached its expiration date? ● Are you paying more attention to the opinions of others, rather than your own voice? ● Have you left a situation, but feel tremendous guilt about it? ● Do you tend to jump from relationship to relationship, believing that it will be different? Anna's Question: Anna wants to be sure she is not making a decision to leave her marriage from a place of fear. Anna's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She doesn’t need someone to make her feel safe anymore. ● She doesn’t want her marriage to work out. ● She doesn’t know how to deal with the guilt of leaving. ● She needs to take ownership of her feelings. ● She felt she couldn’t trust her own voice. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should acknowledge and appreciate everything her husband has done for her. ● She should use listen to her inner voice and find her own truth. ● She needs to forgive herself for buying into the misunderstanding that she was a bad person. ● She should be clear about why she is leaving, and honor it by being a partner to herself. Takeaways: ● If you are trying to stick it out in a situation out of pride, fear, or worry about what others will think, be honest with yourself, and make a self-honoring choice. ● Reach out to people who support you and can give you spiritual altitude. ● Make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner, and become all of those things. ● Find yourself during my retreat in Bali. Sponsor: Freshbooks: Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Marie Forleo’s B-School
Listen in as Christine answers listener questions. The first if from Jessica who is new on the personal growth path and having difficulty dealing with all the awareness and changes that are coming up. She has found herself in a funk and wants to know how to get out of it. The second one is from Lara who is asking about the difference between spiritual bypass and actually doing the work. And finally Christine takes on a question from Kelly who wants to leave her “safe” job and go for her dreams but is scared of leaving the security of a salary and benefits. And remember: FreshBooks is offering a 30 day, unrestricted free trial to my listeners. To claim it, just go to FreshBooks.com / CHRISTINE and enter OVER IT AND ON WITH IT in the “How Did You Hear About Us?” section.